Should I say something to my ex best friend about her losing her partner to suicide?

[Smashingdoozy]

An ex best friend of mine recently lost her partner of 12 years to suicide (It seems as though they may have broken up not long before this happening). We haven't been friends since high school due to various reasons and I don't intend to be friends with her again.

Obviously I feel for her and it's a horrible thing to go through, I lost a friend recently to suicide and it sucks so much to go though. I just don't think me expressing my condolences to her will really benefit anyone. What do you think?

[mstbooblover]

Honestly I don't know what would be the best to do, but keep in mind that a suicide leaves no one near and around the victim unharmed in one or another way. For often obscure reasons there's nearly always a feeling of guilt, for not having guest, or helped, or done something to prevent that person to commit suicide.

I know a few people having lost that way a beloved one, among them parents having lost a son, and a man his girlfriend. Such events remain a burden for whole their life. Just do as your instinct tells you. A word of confort can't harm anyone.

[Anonymous]

It would probably be best to examine your motivations and try to work out why you think whatever it is that you think about these things.

It may or may not help you to reach a conclusion but even if it doesn't you might learn something about yourself or how you see the world and your place in it.

[Reem12345reem]

i prefer not , if u start speaking to her again , you'll most likely to speak with her again , it's a cycle , so stay away from toxic people , but if ur good at letting people go and u have strong boundaries then i guess it's not big of deal , just let her stay away after that and block her

[Curiosity2006]

You kinda better to. It's obvious you're willing to let bygones be bygones, given that you're into comforting her!

In such desperate times people need condolences.

[exitseven]

I have lost people that were close to me and it was really comforting when somebody unexpected would show up out of the blue to let me know that they were thinking of me.

I had a big blowout with somebody I have known all my life and we did not speak for years. When his mother died I attended the funeral and we sort of patched things up. It is nice that you want to do this.

[Smashingdoozy]

My issue is I don't want to patch things up

[exitseven]

Okay, maybe you just show up to show that you are the better person.

[MementoMori777]

I think if you are feeling sympathy for someone, you should embrace it and show it, your empathy shows you are a good person and I don't think you should avoid expressing it if your heart desires it, mostly if it's for someone you fell off with, who knows, maybe your sympathy might save that person's life without you even realizing it.

[loveslongnails]

If you haven't been friends or spoken to her in quite a while, I think you're correct that words or flowers won't matter. Are there any children? Yes or no, if there's a fund set up or something similar, a small donation might be helpful, and there'd be no need to attach a note. Your name on the donation list will be enough to let her know you thought about her.

[TonyMetal___86]

I cannot tell you what to do because it's a mixed complicated story and maybe as you said, you're condolences might not be that important but in the end all i can tell you is to do what you're feeling about that makes you feel comfortable...

I wonder why they are committing suicide, i mean 2 people that you knew have done it, it seems that there's a high rate of suicide there sadly...

Have you ever thought about suicide doozee girl? (I hope not)...

[nawtee_me]

If there are no plans to reconcile then I would not. Doing so would give the chance for bonding over what the two of you have gone through. While you understand and feel sorry for her having to go through that, I believe you are right in that expressing that to her would not help either of you.

[Staximus]

Did she commit some kind of grievous offense like insult or assault you or your family, steal from you, or screw your boyfriend? If not, say something.

[AydenHazor]

If you think it would be beneficial to you and/or her, express your condolences, but, as it sounds, it won't be, there's no need to muddy the waters by doing so.

[RealMarek]

It might help her to receive a note expressing sympathy.

[msc545]

Go ahead and do it but do it in writing. Not on the phone or in person. I think that would be too awkward and might Make things worse.

[Billlewis]

How long has it been since it happened?

[Smashingdoozy]

5 days

[Billlewis]

Maybe you could give her a call and briefly share your emotions with her. Maybe, this is a tough one.

[Anonymous]

No. She won't gear you

[Alex8736]

Only if she reaches out to you

[EaterPeter]

Kindness know no boundaries

[EaterPeter]

Knows *

[EaterPeter]

Little bit if diplomacy goes long way

[EaterPeter]

Of *

[EaterPeter]

Thanks for like!

[DJB72]

Why wouldn't you?

[Smashingdoozy]

Because we haven't been friends for 9 years and left the friendship on quite bad terms

[DJB72]

Any death is traumatic. Suicide is a special pain. However you left the friendship she deserves support. You're not promising to be a bff, just expressing support at perhaps the most tragic circumstances anyone can encounter.

[Curiosity2006]

👍👍👍

[Anonymous]

This would be a good time to reach out.