Should I yell at my parents?

[Anonymous]

So, I'm 18, and I had planned on going to a university. However, my parents begged me to stay home and go to a community college because it's cheaper. I'm just so sick of them butting into my freaking business. Yesterday, before my mom left for her business trip, my dad came to me and told me that he wants me to stay home all day and doesn't want me out of the house. I literally snapped because they do this all the time. I told him I'm an adult and I can legally do whatever the fuck I want. He's telling me I can't go out past 6 pm. Then he starts trying to manipulate me with some shit he saw on Facebook. Itold him whatever. He can't do anything when I go to university next year.

So, today, my mom leaves for her business trip, and I'm at home. It's 4 pm, so I leave to go get food. He texts me, and I tell him where I'm at.

Then he starts spreading lies to my mom about how he doesn't know where I am. He starts calling my aunt, and my mom threatens to fly back and take away my car and all this bullshit.

Now my whole family is texting me. I get on the phone with my dad, and I explode. I tell IM moving the fuck out, and I don't want to - him again. I definitely overreacted, but I'm sick of my parents trying to manipulate me and treat me like I'm a child.

[Curmudgeon]

Well, they may have a point: College has been WAY overpriced and oversold as of late.

But your father is utterly unrealistic about not going out after 6pm. When I was your age, I was out after 6pm all the time for night classes, or to work the late shift, etc. and it wasn't like I was partying at all!

And I totally understand your desire to "spread your (proverbial) wings and fly", but before you leave the nest, some questions to ask yourself:

1. What is the university to which you want to go? And what do you intend to study? If you are "undeclared / undecided" at your age, I understand, but start thinking about it. If it isn't "STEM" arguably you are better off at the Junior College for lower division. And this is NOT to say that subjects like History or Literature cannot be not great (assuming the university has not politically destroyed them and it is real history and real literature), but just understand that you will have to go all the way to becoming a professor.

2. Who is paying the bills? The sad truth is that your parents may be financially *strapped*. There is a fascinating phenomenon called "Suburban Poverty", that is, income seems high enough, but "the overhead" is even higher than that.

3. Do you want to start Uni because your friends are going there? Do you plan the same course of study as them? if it is just you, well, don't think you are necessarily missing out because:

4. Many universities, the University of California system comes to mind, treat their undergraduate students, especially the "lower division" ones (like you will be) as "cannon fodder", as they focus upon their grad students and you will not get any personal attention whatsoever, and you might get the latter in a junior college for the lower division, and THEN you can transfer to Bigger Name University.

[Asker]

I stayed home because I didn’t want to be in any debt but if they’re going to annoy me every 30 seconds I want out!! I’m thinking about joining the Air Force and have them pay for my college

[Curmudgeon]

I totally understand that. So spend as much of your time as you can at the Campus, the Library, and/or your job. And your parents can't bitch about that, as after all, you are doing productive things. If they do bitch, point out, calmly and rationally, that your studies and your job (s) require this. Just use your home as a place to sleep and eat breakfast and hardly anything else.

If you can make the case for attending Bigger Name University, because your planned course of study would just ideally fit that, make that case. if your parents are rational, this will make sense to them.

As for the Air Force or other armed services, well, if your parents are not reasonable, your D. I. or the commanding officers and NCOs will be even less so. There is a lot of petty "chickenshit" you will have to go through as an enlistee, and if you need antidepressant medications to get by now, you may not even qualify. I do not mean to rain on your parade, and in the past I would heartily encourage directionless kids to do some military service, but it really is NOT for lots of people. Especially given the current political climate.

[Asker]

My parents won’t let me get a job. They want to control everything I do. I don’t know what to do now. I’m lost😔

[Curmudgeon]

Damn, I am sorry. Well, if they are that irrational, @Unit1 may have good advice here, and the USAF might be an option after all. Might as well have less chickenshit in your life, right?

[Unit1]

I hate to say this but I've known girls, who also had strict parents like that. Some girls had to run off and rent a dormitory with the others while going to strip clubs to make some money like that (others have sold their naked bodies in erotic massage parlors but strictly no sex). I hate to suggest this but like I said freedom has a price. Most importantly don't tell anyone where you live. If your parents find out, you'll get sabotaged yet again.

How did I do it? It all began with seasonal slave labor in farm fields. I got spinal disc hernia a few years later. My parents don't know. I got the surgery and I paid 2000 EUR for it.

That requires years of not spending money on hobbies or dating or social events.

[Unit1]

You know what I did when my parents believed my life is their toy?

I made my money, kept my money in my bank and then I moved out (where they know I live). Then I moved again (couldn't stay in that apartment for long). Then I kept making my money instead of paying for Judo classes or spending money on dating women or investing my money to make more money. I kept my money in my bank and grew it month after month, so that I can afford another relocation. Then I moved again but I did not tell them I was moving. They don't know where I live and I don't answer to them.

Freedom has a price. While many have paid with their lives to get it I have paid many years.

Most importantly don't tell them your plans. They will sabotage your plan to obtain your personal freedom to ensure they get to keep abuse you.

Many parents need to be shown Bras d'honneur in the form of cutting them out. While my parents have shown me the fig sign many times, I simply did what I did.

Yelling yields nothing but damages your vocal cords and its asking for even more abuse.

[rosemilk]

i can agree with the community college being cheaper. but everything else i don't agree with. why is your dad telling you to stay home all day? for what? sounds very controlling. it sounds like you have your own car (not sure if you paid for it), and you needed food, no one should be asking where you went at 4pm. and parents wonder why kids go no contact with them when they move out... i'm surprised both of your parents are like this. that's a double whammy. usually only moms are like this.

about the moving out thing tho, that's extremely hard right now. and very expensive. i don't know how any 18 year old would be able to do it. it's very unlikely you will be having a good time as everything is just too much these days. and then add going to college on top of that. so you have to have a job, multiple room mates, and trying to pay for university on top of all of that. just take some time to think about it

[Dinklex3]

I agree about the community college thing just to get your gen ed and prerequisites out the way.
Have a conversation with them and express your concerns.

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, that sounds super frustrating. I'd be pissed too if my parents were trying to control me like that. But yelling and getting more angry probably isn't the best idea here. Why don't you try talking to them calmly when you've all cooled down a bit? Tell them firmly but respectfully that you're an adult now and need to start making your own decisions. Could say something like "I appreciate you want what's best for me, but it's my life and I need to learn on my own." Running off probably won't help - better to work it out through communication. Maybe see if they'll compromise, like let you go out some but also stay involved. Blowing up more will just stress everyone. Keep your cool, stand your ground politely, and see if you can find a middle ground. Don't let them manipulate you, but don't manipulate back either ya know? Stay respectful. Hope you can work it out!

[Staximus]

Just talk to them like a rational person. There's often a point where the kid becomes an adult and the parents still haven't accepted it and still think they can control them, and then everybody gets pissed. If your dad is being stupid telling your mom he doesn't know where you are, just tell your mom where you're going first and then go there. They will get used to it and you'll be moving out sooner or later. Just try to relax and not get too pissed off. If you can't afford to move out you're going to have to follow their rules, but there's a point where they have to stop being control freaks and let you live your life like going out with your friends, not just staying home all day, etc. unless you are some out of control crazy person or something.

[Asker]

I’ve tried and I’ve tried. I’m very introverted and they just like to push my buttons. I’ve been suicidal since I was 10 years old because of them I’ve given them the benefit of the doubt. I take 6 medications because of them. I feel like my mental health is worsening every time I stay home. I hate them and I want them to leave me alone

[Staximus]

I'm no doctor but 6 medications seems a little excessive

[Staximus]

No 10 year old should be suicidal so you need to fix whatever caused that first so you can live a normal happy life now that you're an adult

[Anonymous]

I don't know exactly how loans are there where you are.

But you could at least ask plenty of questions and just get them to speak to see what is actually going on in their heads.

Do they have any firm steps they recommend? If just a general idea of tring to avoid something and do the other, then take it into consideration but ask who's more knowledgable than them and combine both and use that to your best :)

I quite hate my parents too. But I utilize their knowledge and experience.

[jimmy2]

Ahhh it's the I know better than you attitude
Honey you have a lot to understand
Your parents want the best of you but with that 18 year old attitude lol
College I did mine older. But I still 64 still trying to pay my loans off
Community college much cheaper not train's you in a job
Find a job keep it until a better job comes around
Keep doing that till you find a high paying job
I was making 5000 a month caught COVID make 2200 on Social Security and part time retired
O say that to say you can make a million or you can make Little like me.
I am much happier now the 5K
We make much we spend much
We make less we can spend anything

[HollyK21]

You’re close to being out of the house, I’d just hold off until then.

[HollyK21]

Oh and by hold off til then, I don’t mean like wait to yell at them lol I mean hang in there til then..

[Asker]

I’m trying so hard but I hate them

[HollyK21]

I hear you, but going off on them right now wouldn’t accomplish anything, it may even worsen the situation and I don’t think it’s worth it when you’re so close to being out. I also believe some time away would help establish your independence as an adult, which I don’t think will happen while you’re under their roof and dependent on them.

[spartan55]

Wow dude, I feel bad for how your family is treating you. You handled it poorly, but at your age, I would have done the same.

[ThrillSeeker01]

I understand how you feel. At 18-year-old enough to make your own decisions. Your family is being like way too controlling

[Luckycharms12]

Get over yourself they given you everything not possible go to college you want that's life can't always get what you want. Have make best of it

[Jmmmfi4]

YEAH ID SAY THEY NEED TO STOP TREATING YOU LIKE A CHILD

[OlderAndWiser]

How old are you, and who pays your bills?

[OlderAndWiser]

I am trying to get you to make an assessment. What are your options? What power do you have? If you want to be treated like an adult, make an asssessment like an adult would make, and don't act like an insolent chiold threatening to hold your breath until you turn blue! And, yes, your father is being unreasonable, but that is his right in his house.

[Asker]

I don’t act like a child. They forced me to quit my job they’re forcing me to go to a community college I don’t have any free will

[OlderAndWiser]

Now you sound like a troll.

First question: how old are you, really?

[exitseven]

Who is paying your tuition?

[KrakenAttackin]

You sound like a fucking brat.

[Anonymous]

😂😂