Is anyone familiar with how child support works?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend’s ex wife is constantly asking him for money. She would first use the kids as an excuse. She also will just come up with a sob story sometimes. It’s clear she’s not using the money for the kids. They divorced because she got strung out on drugs, and cheated on my boyfriend. (She is apparently clean now.) The kids don’t even live with her full time. They live with my boyfriend’s parents full time, and they only see her on the weekends. As well as some holidays. The only reason why they don’t live with my boyfriend, is because he is active duty military. Once his contact ends in 3 years, the kids will live with us full time. My boyfriend is very kind with a big heart. I hate to see him get taken advantage of. I can clearly see his ex wife is manipulating him. This is the only thing that causes him and I to argue. I told him he doesn’t owe her anything. Only the children, and being a great father to them. Whenever he doesn’t respond to her, or doesn’t send her money. She starts to threaten she will go after him legally, to collect child support and take the children away. This is causing drama between my boyfriend and I. Can she collect child support, when the kids don’t even live with her full time?

[rosemilk]

did they go to court for child support/custody? they are only allowed to take the agreed upon amount. any more or less than that would go against the agreement. if anything, the grandparents should be receiving that money.

[Asker]

Not that I am aware of. I just know they have been divorced for 5 years. The kids have lived with my boyfriend’s parents since the divorce. Only because he is active duty military, and she is incapable of caring for them alone. I agree that if it comes down to child support, the money should go to his parents. He does however already give his parents money for the children. As well as pays their tuition to go into a nice private school. The mother has never put money towards any of this.

[boggboss]

Pretty sure she is nit entitled to any child support as she is not the primary guardian I'm aslo pretty sure she can't take the kids away for that exact reason but better then gag ask a family court lawyer this stuff u will get the actual lawfully answers

[Asker]

Yes it’s ridiculous, she can’t even afford the children on her own. She was just begging my boyfriend for $20, for gas. She’s pathetic, and I have no sympathy for her. This is her first time ever getting a job, since they divorced. They’ve been divorced for five years now. She is almost 40 years old, and I am 23. I on the other hand have had countless jobs. I’ve even worked 3 jobs all while in school. Luckily now my boyfriend has alleviated that stress from me, by giving me the freedom to not work. However, I’m sick of this b*tch thinking she can just ask him for money. Or anytime she reaches out to him, he’s supposed to just respond at the snap of her fingers.

[Asker]

I told my boyfriend he needs to get an attorney involved, because I’m sick of it.

[Avicenna]

It depends on what the court ordered when you got divorced (that would be in the divorce papers). In all likelihood, she is completely blowing smoke.

[Avicenna]

And since he's on active duty, she'd be contacting his command if she actually had the right to anything from him. She can initiate legal action to get full custody (she may have joint custody), but she'd probably need a really good reason to get it (and merely being sober isn't enough). Keep a record of her threats and demands as well as any non-compliance with the divorce order.

Your boyfriend is entitled to free legal advice at his base, by the way.

[Avicenna]

I'm sorry- I meant "they got divorced"

[Asker]

He said in the divorce papers, it says he would have to pay her $1,700 a month. However, the court doesn’t know the kids live with my boyfriend’s parents full time. They think they have joint custody. If he told the the truth, would that change anything?

[Avicenna]

Well, that is a big problem. Is he up to date in paying her that?

[Asker]

Thank you for telling me that, I didn’t know he could get free legal advise at his base. I will definitely bring that up, when he returns home. No, he currently is not ordered to pay child support. I believe it just states in the divorce papers, if she put him on child support that’s what he would owe. However, that was only because the court thinks they have joint custody. They are unaware that the children have been living with his parents full time.

[Asker]

I told him to not respond to her at all, unless it’s in regards to the kids. They are now having a big argument again and she’s threatening again. He sent her money this morning, to try to “cool” her down. He needs to take her to court and be done with this. I’m getting to the point where I’m fed up.

[Avicenna]

OK, one thing to be careful of here is that if he is supposed to be paying child support and isn't, he may want to consult a civilian attorney instead. I would be leery of telling a military attorney I'm not current on child support payments if that is the case.

The court might not know where the kids are living, but it expects its orders to be followed. If either parent wants a modification of that court order, they need to petition the court for a change. My concern here is that the court thinks he should be paying her for child support and he isn't. Child support obligations generally do not automatically go away without a court order just because one parent sends the kids to live with the other parent's family, and if he isn't current on child support payments, his command will have a big problem with him.

[Avicenna]

The court also ordered joint custody. Legally, that as well as any child support obligations remain in force until the court orders otherwise. It sounds like nothing has changed legally, so the ex may be able to get money from him. He needs legal advice right now.

[Asker]

I don’t think he’s supposed to be giving her child support. I believe they agreed to not tell the court the kids live with his parents, and she initially agreed to not file to put him on child support and now is threatening to. However, I really don’t know. She always would ask him for money after their divorce, and my boyfriend would give it to her. However, I am his first serious relationship since her. I told him to stop sending her money, because I could see she was manipulating and taken advantage of him. I don’t care what he was sending her prior to me. However, I’m not okay with my man sending money to another woman. The kids are acceptable, but there’s no reason for her to be getting money that she’s not even spending on the kids. He told me to stay out of it a few times. It’s all starting to annoy me, and this is why I typically don’t date men with kids. He also told me he didn’t want me to work, when we first got together. However, now that he’s stressed about money. He gets an attitude when I ask for certain things, which I don’t even ask for much. I would see him giving her money so easily and it would piss me off. I got him to stop sending her money entirely, and now she’s threatening all this stuff. Maybe there is more to it that I don’t know. I’m just trying to figure out now if any of it is worth my time, or how to handle this from my position.

[Avicenna]

OK, if he doesn’t owe child support, he needs to consult with the legal office on base because there may be some angle to this that could be problematic for him, especially with nothing in writing between him and the ex.

[Staximus]

He should take her to court so the court can tell her to go piss up a flagpole

[Asker]

I told him the same thing, but he just gets angry and tells me to stay out of it.