Being the black sheep of the family means that you are different from the rest of your relatives, and often feel misunderstood, rejected, or ignored by them. You may have different values, beliefs, interests, or goals than your family members, and their acceptance of your life and personality might be reluctant. Being the black sheep can be a painful and lonely experience, but it can also be a source of strength and independence.
My parents & brother are subverse racists. I am not. I enjoy working with different cultures & learning about other people's beliefs, etc. whereas my family makes racist comments even about my friends or colleagues - thankfully when they're not around.
My parents & brother have personality issues. Mum & brother in particular are embittered people who get offended over nothing. It's actually sort of pathetic how easily they get offended over things that others - myself included - wouldn't care for.
My mother & brother have no ambition whatsoever. My mother never graduated college, my brother is satisified with being a security guard of all things when he happens to have degrees & could easily do as a friend did & start his own security company at least (that friend makes about 1 million dollars a year in contracts, etc.).
My father does & I have quite a lot myself, I started my first business when I was a kid.
As a friend once said quite accurately - as I am often at conflict with my family members (less dad but he's developing dementia so he's easily influenced by mum & brother nowadays) - my family are not rational people. And you can not reason or in ways correct irrational people when they truly believe that they are in the right & others wrong.
I mean a common argument is that I should be thankful for all my family has done for me. In reality they've not really done much except try to control me which has cost me some very good career & job opportunities over the years. I mean what sort of twits blame family for moving across an entire country for "marine biology" when the university that we ended up attending didn't & never did offer marine biology... and apparently the move was my fault despite the fact at time I was only about 15-16.
I think I'm very different from the rest of my family. They're all very social and I'm not, I like to be on my own. I mean, I do get lonely sometimes but I'd rather have one or two true friends than a million friends that I can't count on. I've heard it a dozen times how my cousins would complain because their so called friends spread gossip about them, or talked about them behind their backs. Honestly I don't have energy to spend on shallow friendships. So I don't care how much my cousins make fun of me. I'd rather keep just a few good friends and live peacefully.
I was the ultimate one in mine being quite out there with my tastes. Some of it I think was based on how much I traveled to new countries though growing up. I started to assimilate a wild mix of cultural ideas along the way.
Also being the firstborn child looking out for my little sister a lot after my parents divorced, I think I had to be extremely independent and self-sufficient, and the boy who refused aid whenever I got injured: "I don't need your help! I can do this myself!" That independence had a tendency to take on some rebellious and experimental streaks without parents to guide me much.
I was rather lonely growing up but I learned to find people who shared at least a subset of my wild variety of interests here and there, and by university and beyond, really found some great friends. Now I no longer feel so weird and out there these days; it was all ultimately about finding the right group of people with my wife at the top there.
Actually even after graduating university, I traveled to various parts of the world a lot for my work but also sought out such work. I think being the ultimate black sheep of my family, I didn't associate my family as "home" or even Japan entirely as "home" (as I spent so many years in other countries).
So I had a lot of adventures in what I now reflect on as a journey to discover my real "home", and I found that in a group of really good and like-minded people and above all else, my wife. She is the ultimate image of "home" to me now that I lacked growing up.
My parents were separated as well when I was 11. And I'm also a firstborn child. And I also have that attitude of never wanting help... I can do it myself 😂 Only thing is... I still live with my mom, and I'm not independent as of yet, so you win there. But we're alike in a fair bit of ways.
I'm still the ultimate image of stubborn independence. My wife posted this meme of me to our mutual friends and they all agreed that it fit my personality:
A main way I tend to think -- even though my more rational side can see the flaws in it (but I'm not always rational) -- is that I consider it a major weakness to depend on anyone but myself.
I think that's mainly the result of not being able to depend on my parents much after the divorce with my father preoccupied marrying into a giant step family and my single mother always preoccupied dating all sorts of men.
So I think after I came to learn that I can't depend on my parents for anything, I just started to believe that I can only depend on myself and no one else at the end of the world. Also looking out for my little sis, I developed a very strong protective instinct over people. Like my sister counts on me and I can't count on my parents so I have to be very independent and I have to be able to do everything for myself or else I won't just let myself down but her down too.
It's admittedly a bit of a psychological struggle for me, warming up to the idea of allowing people to help me when I need help (even my wife). I am slowly opening up over the years.
[*] [...] and no one else at the end of the [day].
Yet that manifested itself quite oddly in terms of my behavior, sense of fashion, all sorts of things. I was the ultimate weirdo of my family for a good while. 😁
Trust me man... I'm the same. I deny help from everyone. Help in starting my business, help financially, help understanding a concept... you name it. My friend and brother even told me... "you need to learn to accept others help." I don't know man... it just feels so dissatisfying getting help from others for some reason.
I think for me there's always a fear like, what if they get sick, what if they die? If I depend on them too much, I might be left completely helpless. So it might be like a survival instinct we developed.
I've heard that a lot of people in our shoes tend to develop fear of abandonment. I looked into it and don't think I suffer from it at all, but perhaps mainly because I overcame it by just refusing to ever count on anyone else to be there for me.
I was almost stuck with my mother as well. I managed to get a scholarship to uni which required going out of state, then nice job offer which required me to travel to Los Angeles initially, and just sort of followed those opportunities. But I wasn't a very adventurous type initially and could have seen myself stuck with the mother for a very long time.
The one thing I do eagerly seek out is directions. I ask for directions all the time since I'm literally the type who gets lost in even small airports. "Uhh, where do I go again?" 😅 That was a big difficulty for me originally when I moved out and was on my own is that I was constantly getting lost and not knowing where to go, how do I pay for my bills, how do I do my taxes, how do I rent an apartment, etc. So I just ended up asking people all the time for directions.
Another thing we have in common. Whenever I go anywhere I'm so lost, so I always just ask anyone around me to see if they know. But I still see that as self reliant.
Are you ENFP as well? I heard that's common for ENFPs (bottom point). I still think MBTI is kind of a pseudoscience but it does seem to be alarmingly true of me in its descriptions of ENFPs, especially with respect to our weaknesses.
Logician seems cool! Maybe it's the introverted side that tends to get us lost a bit combined with the independence. Even though ENFPs are technically extroverts, I've heard they're the most introverted of the extroverts.
Pretty girls used to distract me all the time when I was in school. Like some pretty girl would wave "hi" to me and I would try to wave hi back and walk into a low fence and faceplant. Actually got my worst injuries from skateboarding whenever I saw a pretty girl watching. I'd try to showboat and be distracted both at the same time. 😅
Wow, extreme! I'm extroverted in the sense that I get very energized being around people but I am constantly lost in deep thought when I'm not talking to anyone, so unaware of my surroundings.
I do get energized around others as well and have no issues socializing. But it's so draining and I prefer my own space for the most part. I do like socializing once in a while though. But I prefer my space and being in my own thoughts which is where I live most of the time. Even my best friend will tell me all the time. "You have so much in your head man. It's all gold. That's why I love your advice. You seem to know the answer to everything for life." 🤣
Not being arrogant, but my friend has told me that a few times.
My inner thoughts tend to haunt me. 😅 I start to entertain really weird thoughts as well as conflicting thoughts and start second-guessing myself as to what I even believe is more likely to be right. That might even be a big part of the extroverted side for me is that I need to be around people to share my thoughts and see them challenged (I actually like people who disagree with me a lot, as long as they do it courteously). That's an ability I deeply admire in true introverts is that they seem to find clarity spending a lot of time alone by themselves, whereas I lose clarity.
I can't help it but it does get me guessing a lot and not knowing what the correct answer is, especially when I try to reflect upon my subconscious motivations behind everything. I'm always trying to tap into my subconscious reasonings for my snap-decisions, my preferences, etc, and all I can ever do is guess repeatedly and see what sticks. Talking to a variety of people usually helps me to find explanations that seem to explain more.
In some aspects yes. In others not even a little. When it comes to romance and affection. Very much so. Also when it comes to dealing with idiots. Both my parents are very quick to stop tolerating idiots. I tend to give idiots 2 to 3 chances before I stop tolerating it. Reflected on here as well. If someone says something stupid I correct them. If they continue being dumb I correct them again. If they do it 3rd time I generally stop tolerating it. Also a black sheep when it comes to where I live and how I live my life. My parents paid for their house to built they also pay for any changes they want done to it. I built the houses my children, wife and I live in. I also do all the additions or remodels myself. When it comes to work, finances, intelligence, etc not even remotely. I come from a family of doctors, scientists, engineers, architects, lawyers etc. My approach to money is what my parents taught me. Intelligence I might be a bit smarter than my father though his mental math is slightly better than mine. Oh big thing I am a black sheep in is size. I tower over everyone. My mom and dad are both short (5'2-5'5) my brother is also short (5'4-5'6) I am 6'+
I am most definitely the black sheep of my family. From a family of 3 brothers and 2 sisters with me 10 years younger than my youngest brother. I've caused a lot of issues for all of them with me being me. You have a white christian family lifelong Florida residents and along comes little baby sister who first became pregnant with a black baby girl then 8 years later married a black man not even from the US and made 3 more baby boys with him. For a long time there was lots of tension within our family walls over my decisions in life. Almost 3 years where my dad wouldn't even talk to me. I am happy to say now my life, family have been accepted and once again we have a whole family.
For my father who was the worst it took 2 years. My mother was babysitting my then 2 yr old daughter (which dad would have nothing to do with) when she walked up and crawled on her grampa's lap, went to sleep in his arms and he fell in love with her. That was the end of the family tension with them becoming very close from then on. She is now a freshman at Florida State majoring in Medical Biology and pre med. Dad and Lexi text back and forth almost every day.
If there is one I'd be it. I'm the only single one in my family so it does leave me the odd man out since the rest of my family are in couple mode. But they don't deliberately exclude me from anything. We're just on different wavelengths. But as they all become empty nesters that's starting change.
Yes I’m the black sheep 🐑 I don’t necessarily see it in a negative light, I am just my own person and I like being myself. I carried myself with grace and confidence. You just gotta own your individuality even if others don’t understand and accept it.
Sometimes it seems so... Everybody else is more talented in job. I have Problems. My Family is there for me. Always but I wish I could Support them and not that they have to Support me...
Yes, sort of, always felt my parents got on better with my brother. My brother had already told me he is the good kid and I am the bad. Welp, what can you do.
when I was growing up in the late sixty's early seventy's I had long hair, smoked cigarette's and rode a motorcycle. I was the outcast and I didn't care. I lived my life as I wanted. Today I drive a pickup, quit smoking years ago and wear my hair short. Life changed and I changed with it. I'm still somewhat of an outcast but continue to live as I want to.
Yup! I'm definitely the black sheep. I seem to be pretty unique in my life. If does feel lonely a lot of the times. I'm not religious. I care for the environment, I'm vegan. I hate wasting , try to be selfless , I try to be nice to everyone. People seem the opposite, selfish and non empathetic.
for me I am. I'm the introvert and the quiet one. My dad is black my mom is white. Usually dont go to my dads Caribana things they are called. I'm 31 millenarian but have the lifestyle of a zoomer grew up with technology. Play a lot of video games DND that my dad does not understand and says he wishes I did other stuff lol personally dont care what my dad says or what he thinks
Since I was old enough, I had always refused to be "sheep". I'm indeed significantly different from "my" folks - but if anything, THEY are grey, where I am colourful (NOT rainbow-ish, but refined) :D
My whole fam are black sheep lol. Me and My fam are black but my older sister who was disowned was what you would call the black sheep. my mom and dad don't like talking about her.
I have a tie with a bunch of orange sheep and then one black sheep right below the knot. It's a good attention grabber but I'm not really. At one time maybe but not now.
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