How would you feel if you were the product of an affair?

Question

It's been a couple years since I found out how my parents really met.

My mother was married to someone else. I'll refer to him as Simon. She cheated on Simon and got pregnant by her lover. It led to a divorce (simultaneously the lover had a long-term girlfriend and she broke up with him when she found out about the affair too) and my mom ended up marrying her lover. That affair baby is me. Her lover is my dad; I look exactly like a female version of him.

Needless to say, this really messed up my views about my parents and relationships overall. My life and whatever values I was taught feels like a lie. Basically my parents met through cheating on their partners. Both destroyed someone else. How would you feel if you found out you were born from an affair?

nawtee_me · Accepted Answer

You can see the glass as half empty or half full. While hurting others by cheating is never a good thing to do it did produce parents that love one another and love you. If you had been born from the ones they were first with might mean you would be fatherless since they may not have stayed together.
I can only say that both of your parents are your real parents and they love you and each other. That is something in this day and time. But you are right in that their values may not be what you want to follow along with….

Drew-1990 · Accepted Answer

I understand you feeling upset at your parents learning that because that does sound horrible. I think it's good that you learned as an adult though and not a child because that probably would have effected how you came to be. I think you need to forgive them since it was so long ago but that doesn't mean you have to approve of it. I get thinking about the people they cheated on but you can't fix that and hopefully they have moved on from that themselves.

petitedollbabee · Accepted Answer

Not much different. I can’t change what my parents did. If they wanted to have a child from cheating on their spouse, then that’s on them - I’m not responsible for that, and that doesn’t make my life any less liveable.

Dinklex3 · Accepted Answer

Indifferent. I don’t really care for my parents private lives. Nobody is perfect. I look at them as who they are as parents, not partners.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

I wouldn't care :D even if I was a product of married couple it didn't make my life better... if they love you and care for you, you are a lucky one...

Twalli · Answer

There's a distant relative of mine who is only one because one of his ancestors is a traveling salesman who cheated on his wife. I come from his marriage and that guy comes from the affair. This is several generations removed, but it's still kind of cool that he wanted to connect with the legally recognized family rather than the one resulting from the affair.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

It’s upsetting. But you are your own person and are not responsible for your parents actions. Growing up, being introspective and recognizing your parents faults is a good thing. You can choose to be a better person.

KrisKris81 · Answer

I would say to look at it from the perspective of why they stayed together. A lot of people in a similar situation would have grown up on the street or with only one, struggling, parent. They were wrong for cheating, but they seem to have been right in parenting and in the grand scheme of things, the parenting part was/is the more important part.

Anonymous · Answer

Although immoral start, sounds like they had a long term relationship with in which to raise you. And you know who you're parents are regardless of whether you approve or not. And you're judging the past so you may be missing nuance.

Regardless, some people are born out of much less. Don't know their parents and perhaps shuffled in to an uncaring government system.

However, doesn't take away from any of your feelings but it is worth pointing out.

Unit1 · Answer

That's an interesting story. If i was you, i would not feel anything about it. You can't chose your parents but you can chose your own actions.

Anonymous · Answer

Hard to say since I had two loving parents who valued fidelity. I think it would have messed me up. It probably would have have given me a skewed view of loyalty. That's why, (no offense) I would never be in a relationship with a woman who had you beginning. If you managed to come out well adjusted it by sheer luck. But I wouldn't take the gamble on it.

laly520 · Answer

u can't choose ur parents but u could choose how u wanna be

coachTanthony · Answer

I would thank my lucky starts I made it to earth. 1 in a 300 billion shot of becoming a human.

Rangers · Answer

I'd feel bad that I'd be a bastard child at that point

exitseven · Answer

It is what it is. In a way we are all products of affairs

Anonymous · Answer

Like a " Love Child"

Kelly6 · Answer

I don’t see anything wrong to worry about.

jimmy2 · Answer

Ohy God my Grand daughter is one

How would you feel if you were the product of an affair?

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