Should you confront people in your life who are jerks even if you're told "that's just the way they are"?

[Anonymous]

I heard this question on the radio this morning. A caller said her mother-in-law gifted her a years worth of a cleaning service, which she was thrilled about at first thinking what a generous gift and such a surprise until her mother-in-law came over for a visit and commented that "finally! her daughter in laws house was now livable again [thanks to the cleaning service]." The woman was furious and told her husband about it, and he agreed that it was rude of his mother to say to his wife, but didn't bring it up with her, because "that's just the way she is."

We all have these people in our lives that say or do things constantly that are rude, mean, hurtful, and maybe even racist/sexist/phobic, etc, but are constantly told, "it's just the way they are, you can't change them." Should you ignore these types of behaviors or confront them head on?

[Anonymous]

I think people too often over think idle comments. Though, I also find people who are a bit passive agressive position innocent comments with a purpose to reflect an opinion they know is unwelcomed but they feel passionate about holding.

On the balance, I see the comments in both contexts, as an innocent expression and as a chiding towards something I know others may think of me. I will presume the first (innocent) and I will take the second as my own self consious seeing the point their making, meaning I wouldn't take the comment personally if there wasn't something in it, even if it wasn't maybe what they felt. That is to say, if someone say bought me an airfreshener for my car, and then commented 'wow this smells lovely NOW'. I would think first they where commenting about me deploying their gift and be thankful they noticed, and then consdier if my car had really needed a fresher smell and note to myself to keep my car cleaner.

If someone did that as a pattern, I wouldn't confront them, but I would enquire about the pattern of stuff and ask what was going on and why. You can't confront a jerk, because a jerk doesn''t know or see it as being a jerk. In the rare case their not a jerk but have some beef, its not about confronting so much as revealing your seeing the pattern and asking them to explain.

If they continue to be a jerk, and especially double down after trying to talk about them being a jerk. I'd just escape their circle of influence. If their circle of influence was unescaapable, for example their my parents, then I'd just vow and leanr how I never want to be like them but also realise the inveitability is I was already like them and just didn't see my own jerkyness.

[ProbablyClueless]

Obviously you want to pick your battles, because sometimes the hassle just isn't worth it. But I think it's often a certain benefit in roasting people for being jerks.

[Anonymous]

Well I tried to reason with one today but there is no reason with some people. They go through something devastating or tragic and can't seem to move past it and treat you and others like shit because of what they went through which is just not right if the person did nothing wrong.

[Asker]

So you think it's just not worth it to confront them? I mean hard to handle when its someone like on the radio, that's in your life all the time.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I think it's pointless.

[Anonymous]

I did and it just made things worse! I just keep quite now

[DrPepper12]

If the message is not going to get through Don't bother. It's a waste of your precious energy and time. Let karma deal with her.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Ditch jerks, don't allow them in your life, barring that, confront them.