The love of my life died suddenly 6 months ago. His brother has all of his ashes at his house, I don't go over there. Is it improper to ask to share?

Question

I ran out of room on my question 🤬. Is it improper if I ask him to share his brothers ashes with me?
I could put some in a necklace and have part of him with me. I miss him 💔 so much. It would comfort me.
His brother isn't very nice though so I am afraid to ask.
What are your thoughts? Thank you!

RavVid · Accepted Answer

Something along this line occurred in my recent experience. One of the descendants collected the ashes and decided to split the ashes up into equal shares. The rest of the descendants were appalled. I was not related but I was shaking my head at what I felt to be distasteful.

Now don't take that as criticism please. It is really a fine and noble sentiment you have and I would hope his immediate family takes your love in the way it should be taken. Would there be a personal item that he habitually wore. Maybe a ring or something else? You should certainly ask for that and the family ought to honor that gladly.

There are some practicalities with ashes also. I have known of ashes being returned in a rubber balloon. The ashes above were in a shaker and the family was warned to stand upwind when scattering. I think larger bones do not necessarily become ashes - by no means sure of that.

I keep the ashes of a beloved dog and I like remembering him and his quirks. I think approach the family for a personal memento of your love and when you get buy into that raise the ashes. Best to arrange a funeral director to do it because likely the brother wouldn't like to do it.

I sincerely feel for your grief. It is hard to find your love only to lose him. There is no good thing I can say but you have my thoughts.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

Not wrong to ask at all I’m sorry for your loss

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Did the love of your life have a good relationship with his brother? If he did, you could tell him it would have been his desired wish that he be near you in death, just as he was in life.

Hopefully that will break down the barriers his brother clearly has put up.

b_lova · Answer

Ask his brother for a teaspon of his ashes so you can put in a neckless. I don't know how long your relationship was but obviously you cared deeply for him and hopefully his brother sees that.

Hopefully his brother is human enough to see you are grieving and want to process your grief in your own way just like he is.

exitseven · Answer

IT is a reasonable request. Get a small container and ask him if you could have something to remember him by.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Any relatives between you that are on speaking terms with both of you? Maybe his mom would be okay to let you have some of them and would have no problem either asking or, since it's her son, just taking the little bit you want.

In_Trance · Answer

There's nothing in proper about that. I hope it works out for you

Anonymous · Answer

How long were you with him for? I personally wouldn’t give any of the ashes to anyone. Especially if they weren’t together for long.

Surely · Answer

I feel that your request is reasonable. But you won’t know till you ask!

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Yes. Funeral homes have specific jewelry for that.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Don't ask. He's family and you're not.

The love of my life died suddenly 6 months ago. His brother has all of his ashes at his house, I don't go over there. Is it improper to ask to share?

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