Would you ever criticize a friend even if it means it will jeopardize the friendship?

Question

your friend complains constantly to you about his financial problems. but you secretly know that he is a huge over spender which is why he has no savings and is always upset about having not enough money. he spends 4000 on rent per month, goes grocery shopping 7 days a week, wasted 20k sending his wife to a school which she ended up quitting after a month.

If you tell him that he is an over spender, he will get angry with you for making him feel bad about himself and he hold a grudge against you

Or... just listen to him vent but offer him no criticism or advice so that you can preserve the friendship

RachyRach · Accepted Answer

If you can't be honest with your friend who you want to help without ghme getting offended, maybe they're not meant to be your friend

queenofcardio · Accepted Answer

It's hard being friends with people like that. I'll be honest about how I feel if they truly wanna know.

Cutegirl06 · Answer

Consructive criticism good. It's not really what you say, but how you say it.

slatyb · Answer

There's no point in telling someone something they already know. But you don't have to listen to his constant whining. You could just tell him "You know the source of your problem but you don't change and keep whining about it. Either change your habits or stop whining to me."

This reminds me of a scene in "Clerks" where one guy is constantly complaining that he isn't doing anything with his life. The other finally says (more or less) "Either do something or stop complaining. I'm a slacker and but I'm happy being a slacker."

Johnnyjay · Answer

I was in this exact situation with a friend. It started getting nasty because of how he was treating me but it ended up getting into a situation like this. He constantly complained about his situation but did nothing about it and it was obvious how he was making it worse. Wasting money on things only to turn around and sell it for 20 cents on the dollar.

What I found, at least in his case, is he had no intention of fixing it. He just wanted to complain. He didn't hear what I was actually saying and just turned the finger back at me. I became the nagging, mean friend, for pointing out his obvious flaws.

My advice is to just hint that there may be ways he could stop overspending and then drop it from there. It isn't your job to help him. HE needs to want to do it himself.

gasman70 · Answer

you wouldn't have to put your friendship in unrepairable danger if you approach what you need to say in the right way. You frame it in a positive light, you start with a positive thing about the person, then you don't become critical about what you need to say, you frame it as an improvement arc, here's something that i see that could make you better, not that, this is something that makes you bad. Then you end with something that you compliment them about, something real. That's how you do it

Anonymous · Answer

Well, first off, he's not wrong and you're not right. There is no right on wrong in this. Only viewpoints, choices and outcomes. I'm the antithesis of your friend. And though i feel i've done it right, i have also lived long enough to watch inflation eat away at what i've built. I get to watch others recieve free the same healthcare i pay for because they decided not to work, not to save and not to invest.

I'm probably getting a little bit off topic. All i'm saying is we all make choices in life and we all have to live with the outcomes. And unfortunately life does not come with a crystal ball.

If i were in you shoes i would just listen to your friend. I would interject your advice whereever possible without getting too preachy. And if it got to exasperating then i would distance myself from your friend. Because YOUR peace matters to. And some things people can only learn on their own.

rose_noire · Answer

Yes, if it matters.

If it's small, I let it go. Not everything needs to be said.

But if my friend is about to hurt themselves, hurt someone else, or become someone they won't respect later, I will say it, kindly and privately. Even if it costs the friendship.

Real friendship isn't about always agreeing. It's about wanting what's good for the other person, even when it's uncomfortable.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes.

If you care about the friend, it is more important to criticize them so they can actually correct the thing that will destroy them rather than not saying anything and allowing them to destroy themselves while you are still "friends".

It is definitely not easy and they might think you're an enemy, but if they do think you're an enemy and ignore your words, they will destroy themselves and prove you right and, if they are rational, they will have no choice but to remember that you actually told them what they needed to hear.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

My credit card limit is high enough to buy a mini van and make a down payment on a trailer. I could borrow tens of thousands if I needed to, but I have never borrowed money from my credit card before because I believe it is bad for your reputation. My credit limit is higher than my friend who makes 300,000 a year because I always pay my bills on time.

Finchie40 · Answer

Sometimes truth hurts whether your friend wants to agree with you or not , so yes I would say something to them if they are constantly complaining about something that they choose not to fix themselves , and I clearly know what they are doing wrong. If they want to befriend me for telling the truth , then they were never really a friend to begin with.

MrChinaski · Answer

Yes. If what you say genuinely comes from a place of love and support, for their sake not yours, then say it. Friendships are meant to be more than chewing gum.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

There is a - relatively low - limit of displayed stupidity, that I can tolerate.

aceleon · Answer

everyday i criticize my friend being his abusive father's lapdog.

NathanDavis · Answer

done it many times... but the friendship wasn't really at risk they did it sometimes, as well

exitseven · Answer

My best friend sometimes would not treat girls very good. He would get mad if I called him out on it.

Anonymous · Answer

Just listen to him vent. Only offer advice if you think he’s really likely to listen to it. Also, if he can afford to spend 20k on his spouse’s schooling, he’s not that bad off.

Anonymous · Answer

If he didn’t put it in the form of a question, I will keep it to myself. If he asks, I will give the harsh truth.

Staximus · Answer

Tell him to stop complaining because he’s the one who keeps doing stupid shit and not learning from his mistakes

blackeagle007 · Answer

I find it better to keep my mouth shut. Safest thing

November4th · Answer

Don't criticize, but I’d explain to them what they are doing wrong.

jahaims · Answer

If giving constructive criticism to a friend jeopardizes the friendship you were never friends

Laulenke · Answer

I guess I would look at him and say “Im at a lose for ideas I’m not sure how to help”

robocop666 · Answer

My friend just told people to their face what he thought of them and did not care if he lost friends.

Birdieluxe01 · Answer

Yes, I would tell them the truth otherwise that makes me not a good friend

rgb008 · Answer

Yeah I enjoy doing that

_Jenny_ · Answer

Nope

Would you ever criticize a friend even if it means it will jeopardize the friendship?

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