I've led him on, and now I don't know what to do?

[helpha]

I sent a ':)' to him on Facebook (hes a total stranger but I liked his face and I was bored!) And then we got to talking. he's really cool as a person and fun to talk to and he has a very nice face but I looked at his other pictures, and though it might seem really mean, he's kinda scrawny/skinny.

Im looking for a good guy, and I have high standards in guys I look for.

But now he texts me all the time, likes talking to me, and flirts with me over text and I don't know what to do. Ignoring him would be too mean.

What can I do? I'd love to have him as a friend but there's no way to tell him that I just want to be his friend after leading him on.

Updates

+1 y

Right now me and him are simply texting..

What can I say to him?

Should I wait for him to ask me to hang out and then tell him "Just as friends because I'm not looking for a relationship."


What can I say taht would be as nice as possible?

I wouldn't mind hanging out with him, I just don't want that from him anymore. D: But he is an awesome enough person to be a really cool friend to hang out with.


Help me with what to say please!

[ElijahCynicism]

Uh...

I can't possibly justify this. You're sick. What the hell. You've met a cool and fun person who's very nice - which is what you want, you later admit. And then you say he doesn't fit your high standards. He then fulfils another list of above-and-beyond criteria, that you clearly like, but you're still adamant that he doesn't meet your standards.

What ARE your standards? Muscles? Is that your ONLY standard?

I know that I always preach this bullsh*t, of like, it's alright to be and not be attracted to certain people, and nobody can help it, and the love of the body is no more or less important than the love of the soul or mind, but - just, will you, f***ing, please, seriously... COME ON. You even like his face! His face! He only has ONE flaw, that's his BUILD.

What is WRONG with you.

Anyway, sorry. Uh... No, if you wanna do it, just stop the flirting. Don't show signs of interest. Keep talking to him, like a friend. Eventually his infatuation will pass, and he'll forget all about it. If he makes a move, kindly reject him, and say you adore him, but you don't feel attracted to him. That's hard to swallow but it's honest and won't make him go crazy, and he'll know you want to be friends. That's good.

And you HAVEN'T been leading him on. You thought you were interested, showed signs of interest, and then for some reason lost interest. There's nothing wrong with that (apart from my *exasperation* at WHY), that's perfectly fine and fair. Don't worry about it. That's a normal part of human interaction.

[ElijahCynicism]

If he asks to hang out with you, saying that would be fine, yeah, but be less obvious. Like, say something like 'Just as friends, right?' and if he says 'Well...' explain you don't want to be in a relationship with him. If he says 'Yeah, just as friends', then it's all fine. Don't flirt with him that night, whatever. You'll become friends.

[JoeValentine]

can he bulk up? or is that just the end of it lol... maybe a gym would be better to select your lover from? ;)

seriously - I'm not sure anyone was born buff. you can lead him toward that... unless there's a whole bunch of things & you're just giving one. then... other boys (if you legitimately like them) ((or you can make them up)) is preferable to cold shoulder... maybe you can like-up some buff guys *nudge nudge =) (joke)* --

cold shoulder, offhand (i'm in a hurry) can be like "i just suck" --

preference is more like "they have something I don't -- it's mysterious why she doesn't like me -- it's just chemistry with someone else" -- *lot easier to take* <-- note this girls!

i could be wrong, but just sudden coldness is too much of a mental clown to make heads or tails of -- just sort of heckles you. at least if you start liking buff guys' pictures, he can maybe be like "she's into stupid bodybuiliders" or something dumb like that. it's easier I wonder. just like if I suddenly preferred super pretty girls that never really thought for themselves or had to. etc

gotta go =)

sorry if any of this sounds mean. just yeah, 'men are trainable' - we're like primitives & you're like an advanced civilization... men might think their ways are always better... rarely is that true - praise buffness he can attain, & pretend like you haven't noticed he is scrawny. you'd be amazed, I bet.

- me

[Amb-iguous]

After reading your more recent post about your ex, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess your just not really ready to move on so your poking holes in this. Most would not base such a decision off a persons frame.

Either way whatever the reason, this is not a big problem. You can just peter it out or you can tell him straight, he's a total stranger so it won't really affect your life hugely either way.

[PoeticNinja]

Damn, missy. Well, it's not a big mess you can't fix.

Keep short and sweet. Apologize for leading him on. - Or be blunt about it.

[TheUglyOne]

hehe that's my kinda thinkin!

[HandsomeRaj]

I agree with PoeticNinja & TheUglyOne, instead of lecturing you on morality, selfishness, sensitivity etc let's accept that such errors do happen especially when one is in a depressed or lonely state. But involving another person is yes kind of wrong but not unacceptable when done in error.

Pls let him know straight up that you'd like to be friends and nothing more. Also we don't know what you've said to him over text or FB that YOU consider 'leading on' if the things you've said are not really the 'leading on' kind of thing then you can always ask HIM in a cool way as to what his intentions are and then you can tell him that you want to be friends and not looking for relationships or hookups.

Don't be apologetic please else you may only screw up the situation. Be confident and sure about what you say / write.

[Anonymous]

Take some responsibility for your behavior. You lead him on, you have to let him know straight up that he's just a friend to you.

However, besides the invite which included the smiley, you probably haven't done much to raise his hopes more than 'potentially interested'. I say continue being friends with him, I mean really focus to communicate in a non-flirting, normal way. No unnecessary convos, no late night chats, no checking up daily, ease back and he should get the hint.

I say this because it'd seem a bit too rash to let him know "whoa whoa, not interested buddy, I just want to be friends". He asks you to hang out, you tell him what you were thinking of saying, but probably should drop a line about how much fun hanging with friends is.

But please, don't lead guys on so much. You can check them out, but as soon as you're not interested, continue on.

[TheUglyOne]

Just tell him you don't like him that way. If he can't take it that's really his problem, not yours. Apologize for leading him on (and please don't make it a habit leading men on hahaha), but you were only interested in him as a friend.

[corbmonster]

As much as it hurts to be told to just be friends: The longer you hold it off, the more it will hurt later. I'd suggest you be honest and tell him you aren't interested in him anymore.

[Blobb]

just slowly friend zone him :)

[helpha]

Please tell me how!

[Blobb]

start ignoring flirtation progressively. Or if that's all you guys have, tone it down, and talk of other stuff. Then slowly move off of it entirely. Then if he keeps coming on to you, simply say "I'm sorry I really just see you as a friend". And voila!