Girl tells me to call her anytime, but now she avoids me... sort of. Help!

[DrJones]

I've read lots of very similar stories from other guys, so here's mine:

I'm attracted to someone who I've known for a while, but we've never been close. Recently we hung out a few times - just the two of us - and it was fun. We got to know each other some, though nothing physical happened.

She acted interested in me and told me I'm awesome, we should see each other more often, and I should call her any time. So, I invited her out for a few more casual date-type things (get a drink at nearby bar, eat ice cream in the park, etc.) Each time, she said "I have to [insert other plans here] but that sounds fantastic." I'd say something like "OK, maybe later," and then she wouldn't respond.

Then I ran into her by accident at a bar and again at a concert. Both times, I went to talk to her and her friends, she spent a lot of time on her phone and hardly said anything to me, I backed off and went back to where my friends were, and she left without saying goodbye. (I could tell she had been telling her friends about me, though, because they knew a lot about me.) Then the other day she sent me a text out of the blue telling me she heard my band online and thinks we're pretty good. I sent her a thank-you text, and that's the last we've heard from each other.

I'm pretty sure she's into me and is not "playing" me, she's just not sure what to do with me. I suspect she just started seeing someone else and doesn't want to tell me, but I don't really know that. Maybe she wants to be friends, but nothing more than that? Or she's just nervous because she has strong feelings for me and that scares her? I know she can be a very moody person, so maybe this is just how she behaves? (She's a college senior, to answer any age/experience questions.)

I'm OK with any of these possibilities, but the suspense is making me slightly crazy. If she's dating someone or just not that into me, I'll be disappointed but I'll get over it. If it's nerves or moodiness, I can accept that and deal with it.

I'd like to show her clearly that I'm interested, but in a way that's not needy or demanding. Or, is it better to just leave her alone and move on? Ladies and gentlemen... what should I do?

Updates

+1 y

Basically gave up on her and didn't call/email/text/etc for a week or so. Yesterday she texted me back asking, "When are we going out to [bar I had suggested earlier]?" I told her I'd have time for that tomorrow and she never replied. Huh?

[oslowilde]

I have had a similar exp recently. A girl I knew from the past saw me and asked me to come see her more often. I did and every time we have spoken we clicked really well. I asked her out and she said yes but then nothing. She told me she was sick and couldn't make it. I thought no big deal we will reschedule. Again she was sick and used this as an excuse but what is the real kicker is that the 4 guys she dated before were all serious drug heads that treated her badly and here I am this nice guy, with a good job and I take better care of myself than her formers but she doesn't even want to speak to me unless I see her in person and then she is running up to me and trying to explain why she doesn't bother talking to me.

The last time we spoke on the phone I felt so dejected that I couldn't hardly say anything. This is a girl who always comes to me if we are in the same area and ignores everyone else and yet she is always seeking to keep me out unless we are together in person. Her friends who I know tell me that she hasn't said anything but I feel like they are lying to me. I texted her recently and she never answered so I don't really know what is going on.

In the end I know I am better off because she and I are really on different levels but for some reason I have a hard time letting her go.

My advice is to walk away know. Don't show anymore interest. If you see her and she says hello say hello back but walk away or speak to someone else as if she doesn't matter because now she doesn't.

To you she is nothing. Even if she wants to be friends she should at least express it rather than hiding away like a scared child. Its childish, stupid and in the end only ends up hurting you. Especially if you are like me and have too big of a heart.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

I vote for moving on.

Even if it's nervousness, she's really gone out of her way to make herself unavailable, and it seems that the more attention you give her, the more scarce she makes herself.

With that in mind, I think giving her less attention will make her seriously think about it. And if she wants to pursue you, you'll know.

If she doesn't, oh well. Like you said, you'll get over it.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

Just forget her. It's not a good situation for you, she's not interested. Move on.

[pinkhorse]

nah, this girl just wants to be friends. just because she's spoken to her friends about you doesn't mean it's in a "i want this guy" kinda way. just move on.