What happens to guys who never ask women out?

[Terrell456]

I had an uncle who recently passed away from cancer. He was 70. In his entire life, he never asked a woman out, he never approached them. Like me, he was extremely shy. Besides his mother, he never experienced female companionship and he never had sex. I believe I got lucky when I met my girlfriend because I believe I would've ended up like him due to the fact that I had no experience with women at all. Is what happens to guys who never ask women out?

[aficionado]

I'm EXACTLY like your uncle here, because I have never asked a woman out until now (and I doubt if I ever will). I have a morbid fear of rejection. And being a a more emotional and sensitive man than most others, I consider rejection as a personal insult and humiliation. Besides, I'm quite insecure about my looks too.

Girls have asked me out in the past and I have been in a couple of relationships too. As for 'what happens' to me, I don't know. And frankly I don't bother. I'll take life as it comes. I'm not desperate for love or sex. If it happens, its a bonus.

[Terrell456]

You've experienced intimacy with a woman though.

[moviedude714]

usually never having a relationship and dying a virgin, thats usually the cold harsh truth

[Vennie]

It would depend on how shy he is. If he's shy but can at least flirt and smile, then we might start a conversation and it goes on from there.
However, if he's like your uncle to the point of not even smiling nor looking at the woman, then nothing happens.

[Vennie]

What your uncle had can be a case of a severe social anxiety disorder. That goes beyond just being shy. I know normal shy people that are in relationships. Unless you're so shy to the point of being a hermit, then that's the only way to actually end up alone for years.

[Terrell456]

My smile is ugly so I don't smile very often.

[eaglette]

I know guys like that. They will never directly ask a woman out. But they do have to be able to flirt and show interest so the girl can then make the move realizing he's shy

[Terrell456]

It's hard asking women out.

[eaglette]

I realize this. But the sexiestt thing to a woman is confidence.

[Terrell456]

I forced myself to ask my current girlfriend out. It was hard, but worth it because I was stunned when she said yes.

[Worldsugliestman]

Confidence is a joke and it does not exists.

[crazyemster]

I'm sorry about your uncle :(. Hopefully that doesn't happen though, because girls can make the first move too. I've made the first move more than once.

[Terrell456]

I know he's not suffering anymore. Thank you.

[Worldsugliestman]

Girls only approach good looking guys. Us ugly guys get toss like yesterdays trash.

[JackKerouac77]

My Dad had a cousin who was like this.

Honestly, it's just kind of hard to imagine.

Thank God I've already had two girlfriends so I at least have experience, but man... it's kind of like a psychological trap you get yourself in. Terrible.

Sorry to hear about your uncle, hope he was a good dude.

Stay based, my friend.

[Terrell456]

He was a very nice man. Sad, that he never experienced love.

[JackKerouac77]

I sure hope he experienced love, but yes, not romantic love.

[IHateBeingaMan]

"Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease or women." - David Deida

David Deida said that quote in "The Way of the Superior Man", unfortuneately he is right, i hate the cards i was dealt with for being born a guy because i never had a rite of passage ritual on how to be an Alpha Male or a so-called real Masculine Man!, being assertive, taking the lead, being the initiator never came natural for me, for guys it's literally a matter of knowing how to get a girlfriend, for girls they don't need to literally know how to get a boyfriend

[SecretSomeone]

I don't know what is the big deal of asking a girl out or being friends with her, it is only hard when you talk for the first time but then it all flows, as for guys who never ask women out they either end up single or marry in the cultural way, here in Egypt your parents will introduce a girl to you and if you like her you'll go and ask her from her parents or you can just have a gf and introduce her to your parents

[Terrell456]

Sounds like a good deal.

[TheWorldIsUrs]

If I get to know those shy guys who're afraid to ask women out & I think they're cool guys who've a lot to offer but are always too hard on themselves; then I usually get annoyed & I force them to go ask girls out. Literally they've no say in it at all.

[Harsh_5299]

Well, i'll be the devil's advocate here and support optimism in this case...

You won't have to waste half of your life, energy and time trying to please someone or gain their approval

No one will stop you or try to change you into changing your goals

You can now afford bigger risks to succeed in life

Men who are abstinent and unmarried have a higher life expectancy than any other type of human and have higher iq levels

You can take care of your elderly parents

Have pets/ adopt kids or have surrogate ones if you like kids

Enjoy a long, healthy , peaceful and hassle free life... this is what happens to guys who never ask women out... there's nothing wrong dying a virgin if you have a more happy life than 90% of others lol

[Tokana]

This question will probably send shockwaves to 50% of male GaGers who are afraid to approach women. lol

[Terrell456]

His situation made me interact with women more. Now I have a wonderful girlfriend.

[kamaehameha1234]

asexual? or gay? or extremely reserved (hermit level)? or straight didn't give a fuck
shy people usually figure out a way to ask women on dates.

[Terrell456]

To be honest, I have no clue. He mentioned he liked women. But his sexuality was a secret he took to his grave.

[kamaehameha1234]

sooo why are you concerned? shouldn't you be asking close family members or his acquaintances? Why ask us? How the hell would we know?

[steven5678]

I think that is rare because I think most of the time a woman eventually asks them out.

[Terrell456]

Few of my friends have been asked out. But it's rare.

[steven5678]

I am saying most guys even shy guys that never ask women out will eventually get asked out in their mid to late twenties when women have had been hurt enough by cocky guys and they realize they made a mistake by choosing cocky guys.

[Anonymous]

i guess yes... women are more shy than guys (ok there are some exceptions though) and they usually wait for the guy to make a move.. if he never does then even if she likes him too nothing will happen...:)

[Klaatu51]

we grow wings on our back and horns on our heads once we turn 30 and never do it. LOL

and you don't have to be shy. i'm not shy but i don't ask any women out because i don't want to. i only pay prostitutes for sex

[KwazyBruhhh]

You pay prostitutes for sex, why?

[Klaatu51]

@kwazybruhhh why should bother finding a gf?

[KwazyBruhhh]

Point taken.

[Anonymous]

I've had 7 girlfriends and 3 weeks ago was the first time ever I'd said to a girl, "Do you fancy meeting up for a drink". I can't explain it either.

[Anonymous]

Thank God I find a girl friend. She made the first move, I am not proud of not been able to do It at the time.

[ÉlanVital]

Im sorry to hear that your uncle never experienced one of life's great gifts. Well at least he lived a somewhat long life.

[itsme_goodsamaritan]

If u want something you either have to seek it, or wait for something to come along and not miss it. Option A is easier.

[Eternallylucky]

Well hopefully not like Elliot Rodger. But mainly reclusive and afraid of people for life.

[Terrell456]

I hope not. That dude was a nut job.

[Anonymous]

I don't ask anyone out. I'm not attractive enough to garner female attention either. That being said, yes, I fully expect that I will die alone.

[Worldsugliestman]

I know how you feel.

[cavmanier]

From my experiences a lot of times they will ask us out too.

[Anonymous]

I know a guy who is 39 years old, who hasn't ever asked women out. I think he has SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder), and probably will never get any help for it.

[skinnyblack28]

get drunk, meet a girl, one night stand, relationship

[Terrell456]

Not everyone drinks though.

[Anonymous]

I'm half way there I'm to ugly for dating hell, I'm to ugly for female friends. I'll end up dying a virgin.

[bubble_tea]

I don't wanna sound rude.. but did you ever contemplate that he may have been gay?

[Terrell456]

I find that very rude. You wouldn't want anybody asking you that about a deceased relative, do you?

[bubble_tea]

why not? maybe I missed a few clues.

if you wanted to hear 'they die from bitterness'.. well, we all die eventually.. 70 is a hell of an age for a bitter man

[bubble_tea]

*to reach

[Terrell456]

I'm sorry. I just took his death really hard. I shouldn't take it out on you.

[bubble_tea]

It's ok. I actually meant it well.. as in... maybe he wasn't as lonely as you thought he was.

[Wyxaq]

If he were a "gay", then he would ask men out, but he is obviously not gay... he is just too shy to ask girls out.

[Terrell456]

He doesn't have to worry about it anymore. He is deceased.

[bubble_tea]

@Wyxaq you have no idea what you're talking about. gay people back then kept it a secret from everyone including the family! I have a gay friend in his 50s. his parents died not knowing he was gay! they probably told themselves that he was too shy to ask a girl out too instead of accepting that he might be gay and secretly have a boyfriend they weren't aware of...

asker, I'm really sorry about your loss.. I was just trying to cheer you a little up.. with a raffish idea. i meant no harm.

[Wyxaq]

@bubble_tea I really hate to burst your bubble but he was obviously not gay, cause he had no "secret boyfriend".. why are you so bigot, accusing people of being "gay"? There are lots of shy, bashful and timid people, unable to form emotional bond with opposite gender, but that doesn't make them "gay".

[Wyxaq]

Asker, I'm so sorry about your loss :(

[bubble_tea]

@Wyxaq BOTH things are possible, I don't deny he could have been just too shy to ask girls out, just saying there could be another reason too. there's a difference! you're the bigot who won't allow another possibility, even if it would mean that he wasn't as lonely as everyone thought and maybe even happy!

[Wyxaq]

@bubble_tea Introverted loners are usually not gay... I know lots of such guys. Real gay people are often very social and communicative & talkative people.

[bubble_tea]

@Wyxaq I'm glad that you know all the gay people in the world young and old that you came this insightful conclusion. @kamaehameha1234 gave more examples than just accepting he's an introverted loner.. you gonna jump at him too?

[kamaehameha1234]

I'm going to intrude. @Wyxaq what's so wrong with being gay? @bubble_tea only presented a possibility. It's impossible to determine whether @bubble_tea 's uncle was gay or straight with the very limited description of him.
Also your bigoted generalization about "introverted loners" and gays are very inaccurate. I know introverted gays, so there you go. None of us are insulting bubble_tea's uncle.

[Wyxaq]

@kamaehameha1234 it's not bubble_tea's uncle, it's Terrell456's uncle.
By the way, I said that "most of the gay people are not introverted", but I didn't say "all of them".

[Wyxaq]

@Terrell456 I can agree with some of kamaehameha1234's ideas, he might have been asexual or extremely reserved... but it's all in genetics, if you are not gay, then your uncle was probably straight - just like you. On the other hand, I disagree with phrase: "shy people usually figure out a way to ask women on dates" - that's not true, most of the shy people are unable to overcome their fear, so they need a girl willing to take the initiative... or else - they will remain alone, for the rest of their life.

[bubble_tea]

@Wyxaq 'most but not all' huh? please explain why you insisted TWICE in this thread that 'he was obviously not gay'.

@kamaehameha1234 thanks for your comment :)

[bubble_tea]

@Wyxaq yes, and if his uncle was gay, it would mean the asker is gay too... very logical you are

[Wyxaq]

@@bubble_tea Genes are hereditary if you didn't know, that's why it's obviously that he was not gay... so - yes, it's logical ;)

[kamaehameha1234]

@Wyxaq REALLY? Gay-ness is hereditary? BULLSHIT
Provide me with scientific literature backing this then I'll believe you. So my gay friend must have also had gay family members. If someone in my family is gay then I must also be gay? Highly illogical. Go shove your bigotry elsewhere

[kamaehameha1234]

@Wyxaq "most of the shy people are unable to overcome their fear" you just insulted a shit ton of people. Also did you know that people can change? Please stop with your generalizations.

[Wyxaq]

@kamaehameha1234 It's not a generalisation, it's a personality type, I know lots of shy people, none of them ever approached any girl without help from some friends (or they were lucky enough to find a girl who likes to make the first move).

[Wyxaq]

@kamaehameha1234 On the other hand, you constantly generalize shy and introverted people, proclaiming them "gay"... so please, stop insulting people.
Yes, gay-ness is hereditary, it's a genetic disorder, or some sort of hormonal disbalance, but one day in the future, science will be able to treat this disorder, just like they did on mice, as you can see here: scienceblogs.com/.../

[kamaehameha1234]

@Wyxaq uhmmm... when did I proclaim introverts are gays? Did you know introverts can be gay or straight or of some other orientation? I am not making any generalizations, just playing with possibilities. Yes his uncle may be classified as an "introvert" according to some personality type, but that doesn't mean you can generalize behavior. Once an introvert garners courage to ask a girl out, is he/she no longer an introvert?

[kamaehameha1234]

Also, here's the problem with this conversation. You guys are treating gay-ness as an evil. Since you love to categorize people, you should note that "gay-ness" is a sexual orientation type. WOW. If his uncle turned out to be gay, cool. If not, that's cool too. We aren't "accusing" him of doing anything wrong. We are merely presenting possibilities. If you were offended by that, then that's unfortunate. Also, like @Asker said, his uncle never revealed anything about his sexual orientation, so we won't know anything certain. If anything, Asker knows better. We don't have enough information to understand determine uncle's motives for staying single.

[kamaehameha1234]

On a separate note: interesting paper.

[Wyxaq]

@kamaehameha1234 Okay, let's say that all options are possible, but I'm just saying that it is less likely that he was gay... considering that Asker said "I find that very rude" (when bubble_tea insinuated that possibility in her answer).
Mildly shy people possibly could gather up some courage to ask girl out, but true introverts... I don't think so (from my experience with them).
Anyway, you are right, we don't have enough information to determine all of the factors in this case.

[Terrell456]

He was not gay. So if a man never interacts with women he's gay? Ignorance!

[Anonymous]

Yes, in a nutshell, that is the most likely fate.

[CommieKiller]

Yep, and no one gives a fuck about them.

[steven5678]

That is messed up.

[Terrell456]

Kind of harsh don't you think?

[JackKerouac77]

Just a little.

[Ihav2fart]

They stay single, and live a long lonely life.

[SkaterDude]

some get lucky and be approached by a women

[ihatethiswebsite]

They are almost guaranteed to be single for life

[YoungManInfamus2]

that's what's going to happen to me

[Worldsugliestman]

Join the club.

[BeInnovative]

They ask out men

[bubble_tea]

lol !

[Anonymous]

very likely could end up alone

[Anonymous]

They end up on here.

[Terrell456]

I'm on here and I'm in a relationship.

[TheWorldIsUrs]

I'm honestly jealous that I didn't think of this awesome comment first...

EL. OH. EL.