Let's talk, cuddle, and hold hands?

Question

Fellas, help me out.

What is cuddling and holding hands to a guy? Does it really mean anything to you or is it just a way to flirt and work your way into a girls heart? What about staying up and talking all night? Same thing? Say if you tried to hook up with a girl and she didn't let you go further than making out would you stay up talking to her because you don't wanna be an ass (or think it'll eventually get you ass)? Or is there a sincere connection?

jdcpa · Accepted Answer

Like anonymous said:

Before sex, it's just a friendship. Only after sex does a guy feel he's in some sort of relationship. That's just the way it is. Maybe if girls made all the effort, did all the work and paid for dates, it would be a different story. But in every guy's mind, until sex has been hadith, there's no reason for him to believe he's not just being played or used.

More importantly, sex is important to guys. So until that moment takes place, there's no reason for a guy to think:

- she understands me

- she cares about what's important to me

- she wants to make me happy

Until that point, it's mostly all about her. That's not to say guys don't enjoy emotion or love, or that women don't enjoy sex. It's not to say that guys don't like being affectionate or that women don't like being sexual.

But imagine dating a guy, and for the firsts 2-3 months, the only thing you two do together is go back to his place, have sex, and then leave until he's in the mood to have sex again. And imagine that if you wanted anything more, he would scold you for it. "Excuse me? Ugh! You're just like every other girl! You just want to get into my shirt (where his heart is). You're disgusting! Totally disrespectful!" Basically, it would be his excuse to try and make dating between you mostly about what he wants, while ignoring what's important to you as a girl.

So after that rather long pre-lude, let's look at the situation again.

Why would a guy do this?

1. To get into your pants? Well, that's eventually what he wants to do. It's not the ONLY thing he wants you for. But it's definitely something he wants to do with "you". Otherwise, he would be dating someone ugly or a man. But is he doing that at that moment in the hopes of getting in your pants? Unlikely. I think every guy knows that when he's rubbing a girl's emotions, sex will actually have to wait. So what's more likely the case?

2. He doesn't want to be an ass? Well, what exactly does that mean? There's nothing in the definition of being an "ass" that relates to not staying up and holding hands. I think what he doesn't want to be, is inconsiderate and selfish (towards what you want and what's important to you as a girl). He respects you. And in the male definition of respect, it's less about what you don't do, and more about what you DO. So if he knows that holding hands is important to you, then he's going to sit there and hold hands with you and cuddle. If him rubbing jelly over his head was important to you, believe me, he would whip out a jar of Smuckers and spend an hour in the shower afterwards.

Take it a step further? Even if he could care less about that stuff, if it's important to you and he likes you, then he will not only do it when you want to, but he'll actually initiate it, and start to like it and want to do it himself. Because it's important to you, it will start being important to him too (rather than him trying to change you so you don't want it less).

Italo_DiscoFever · Accepted Answer

act of holding of hands is an instrument of communication.

It communicates an acceptance, comfort level and is a form of secretly saying without words, that you like that person. Regardless of the type of relationship, to the one whose hand you are holding.

But if you are dancing, then it is done to give direction as to what you want your partner to do next, so it is telling them to do something. The way in which the holding of the hand forwarns of some kind of change, and this can be evident in just walking as well, you can steer them away from a puddle or a piece of fresh chewing gum on the walk in front of you. Or if you are hiking, it is a helping hand, pulling them up the gentle slope, looking for that level piece of land to sit and gaze at the vista not normally espied from the road.

There are times when it is inappropriate, like when you are on a merry-go-round and on the horse behind them instead of beside them! Or when you are running down a steep hill at twice the speed they are, not cool to fall down and make them get hurt too.

So for every situation there can be a meaning for holding of hands, but in general, I would resort to my first answer

Good Luck.

- Harvey D

Anonymous · Answer

To me, cuddling and hands holding do have significance. (This can't be true for everyone) but especially cuddling, I feel very close and loved by said person. I'd say I'm in a pretty steady relationship (7 going on 8 months) and we spend a lot of time together and when we are alone we usually cuddle and talk or play jokes on each other or laugh about pointless things. But its fun. To some guys it can be an excellent way to "get with" a girl. Cuddling leads to kissing and kissing leads to...well you know. Staying up all night, for me at least, is because I sincerely enjoy talking to my partner, I don't always do it but When I do that is the main reason. For other guys, I guess it could be said they would stay up to not feel like an ass. Holding hands to me, now cut me some slack I'm a bit corny, I feel is a way to guide her to safety. And or lead in some way, but interlocking fingers definitely has an intimate comfortable connection with your partner. Every time me and my partner hold hand we interlock our fingers. Most of the time guys will not hold hand a certain way to try to get with a girl. They will go for more...touchy feely things, also things like talking about how sexy you are, or complimenting you in some way such as you body or what not. Honestly its not hard to tell if a guy wants you for that one reason. But if he wants you for emotional intimacy, they he will show it in how he acts around you, by getting you random gifts every now and then, by not rushing you to do anything, and being completely himself and comfortable around you (Even if he is very 'nerdy' so to speak, he will say things like that to you. If he does and knows it won't bother you, he really likes you) SOOO to sum it up, to some guys there is a sincere connection in all of those things, to others its just a way to 'get with' you. Just keep your eyes and heart open.

Anonymous · Answer

it means he is interested in you. sincere connection doesn't happen until you get to fully know someone both emotionally and sexually. you girls need to start understanding that yes when a guy shows you affection he is trying to get into your pants, that's just how it goes. that's how most relationships start, being physically attracted to one another. quit having that mindset that every guy you meet is going to be the "one" that you will date, love forever, marry and have kids with. he probably is staying up talking to you etc because he is interested and likes you. for guys sex and seeing what the girl is like comes first. after wards if we like you and think you are worth keeping, then we will pursue a serious relationship.