Girls, if an unattractive girl asked me out, does that mean I'm unattractive?

[Anonymous]

<i>Disclaimer: I'm going to be pretty crass with this question. I certainly don't mean to offend anyone, I just want to understand a certain dynamic.</i>

I got asked out recently by a girl at my college. She isn't a very attractive girl, and I've been made fun of by friends after this happened because of her looks. I didn't really understand why there was such a furor over it. When I asked a close friend, he said that it was a big deal because girls only ask out guys if they think the guy is on their level. In other words, if an unattractive girl asked me out, that means I'm unattractive.

I don't buy into this, but I do worry that there's some truth to it. She clearly thought I would say yes, so it stands to reason that she would think we were on the same level. Is this what happened?

[missjayne]

That's bull. She asked you out cause she had the guts to do it! The answer will always be no if you don't ask. I like her already, she doesn't let society stop her from doing what she wants regardless of what everyone thinks of her. She lives her life which makes her pretty awesome despite the fact that people can't see the beauty in her personality. Sorry for the tangent. Some of us aren't afraid to approach even when we know we are out of someone's league. Sounds like you and your buds had a good laugh at her expense though. But I don't think it means you are unattractive it just means she is brave. I told a guy once I liked him even though he was way out of my league. Then again, I'm not really the type to care what people think of me.

[Asker]

"Sounds like you and your buds had a good laugh at her expense though."

No, not even close. My buds had a good laugh at *my* expense. I don't mock girls. I know what it's like to ask out and get rejected by someone who laughs to her girlfriends about it.

[ashleymaries1990]

Honestly... At least for me, girls ask out guys who they find attractive. There are so called girls who are a "5" asking "8's" out because they find them attractive and/or like their personality. She probably thinks she has a CHANCE with you. Girls may not be as shallow as men.. (some) so they are asking you out based on because they see a potential and a possible relationship.

Please, do not listen to your dumb guy friends. If you like this girl for who she is.. PLEASE for the love of GOD DATE HER! So many nice girls not getting chances cause of guys being shallow or to wimpy and caring what their friends think. If you want her go for her!

[Asker]

Yeah, but I've been rejected, too. I've been the nice guy who didn't get a chance. I was in love with this girl last year and she rejected me and started talking to her friends about me. It happens. I thought she was amazing, she thought I was nothing. Guys actually get rejected a lot more than girls ever do, so I understand what she's going through.

[ConfusedShyGirl]

They are speaking complete bullshit. She finds you attractive, which is why she approached you. Stop over thinking the situation because you are just driving yourself crazy. Your friends are immature and uneducated ( which is understandable because they are only in college ) don't let them put you off. Maybe this girl approached you because you seem nice and don't go around making their friends feel ugly. Also think did you actually find this girl unattractive or did you just fear your friends would make fun of you because they did. Don't let it get to you cause come on you must pretty good looking if you had a cool enough girl to be the one to approach you because a lot of girls won't even do that :)

[Asker]

Uh... I'm not overthinking anything. Asking a simple question doesn't equate to overthinking.

I thought the girl was okay looking, but not really my type. I was more shocked by her asking me out than anything, because guys just don't ever get asked out. Afterwards, I thought nothing of it. It was my friends who started in giving me hell about her looks.

[ConfusedShyGirl]

Woah I was just trying to be nice saying don't let your friends get into your head
and make you over thinking it because it's not a big deal, but fair enough if it matters that much to you weather I think you over thinking it it's just an observation and opinion.

[Asker]

Your comment was rude and presumptuous. That's why I reacted as such.

[ConfusedShyGirl]

How was I rude because I honestly don't feel like I was rude and definitely didn't intend to be rude. To be honest I thought I was the complete opposite.

[StewieRH]

I don't think so. That girl could have just been confident or really liked you so she thought she would at least try ask you out?

Beauty is subjective anyway, some guys may find her attractive.

I've had guys I find unattractive like me before, does this mean I'm unattractive? Not necessarily.

I have also had cute guys take an interest in me and I find my boyfriend to be cute but does this mean I'm cute? Again, not necessarily, just a matter of opinion.

[Asker]

"I've had guys I find unattractive like me before, does this mean I'm unattractive? Not necessarily."

I guess that's a fair point. Maybe that's why girls get so annoying when unattractive guys ask them out?

[StewieRH]

Depends on the girl. Personally whether or not I find a guy attractive, I don't mind if they ask me out once, but if I say no and then they keep on, that's when I find it annoying.

[Asker]

There are girls who do seem annoyed when certain guys ask them out, and now that I think about it, it probably is because they can't believe that guy thought he had a chance with her. It seems like an insult based on the relative difference in their looks.

[StewieRH]

I suppose that could be a possibility.

[TrainwreckAdvice]

No way buddy, she probably spent the whole day psyching herself up the courage to approach you. It means she likes you and wants to get to know you better. If a really big and scary looking guy asked me out would that make me a big and scary chick? I disagree with your people. I feel flattered when approached, never has it made me feel poorly about self image. Your friends probably just wanted to give you hell for fun. At least you got asked out..

[Asker]

I never really conflated her looks with anything, it's just that my friends seemed so certain that girls are only interested in guys who are on their 'level.'

[WpCurious]

Maybe she just has great self-confidence and doesn't find herself to be inferior to anybody. Just because she is not attractive to you and your friends does not mean other people have not complimented her on her looks before. Maybe she thought you were a nicer person and not so superficial, that she might stand a chance.

[Anonymous]

No not at all! It just means she was into you she might not know your "out of her league" she just has high standards. Even ugly people have high standards sometimes. Millions of unattractive girls are in love with drop dead gorgeous celebrities does that mean those celebrities are unattractive? Just be flattered and let her down easy.

[Asker]

But in a way she had to have believed there was a very good chance I would go crazy for her. We all have high standards, but most of us aren't silly enough to believe that our celebrity crushes would flip for us if we asked them out. If I didn't work out 6 days a week and keep fit, I wouldn't have the confidence to ask anyone out.

[Opinion Owner]

She might just have really high self confidence and not view herself as you view her. It might be hard to believe but she sees herself in a different light. Don't think to much about just be flattered and move on.

[Asker]

Well, like I told another commenter, she's overweight and I'm very fit. If a fat guy asked out a really fit girl, would you think it was totally within the realm of reality for him to do so, or would you think it was maybe a bit presumptuous of him to think that a girl who keeps totally fit would want a guy who is 80 lbs overweight? I think most girls would think the guy was delusional and kind of laugh about it, even though they might not condemn him outright.

[Opinion Owner]

I personally would not feel that way because I try to put myself in someone else's shoes. Maybe she doesn't see herself as overweight maybe she feels like she deserves the best. Which she might think that your the best looking most for guy and she wants to be with someone like you even though she might not quite meet the same standards. If she is aware that she is overweight or not the most gorgeous girl in the world the. Maybe she just thinks that you are the kind of person that would look past her appearance and get to know her before you judge so harshly. I'm not saying what you did was wrong or mean but I'm just saying that just because she is unattractive and was interested in you does not mean you are unattractive. I have the ugliest guy in school and hottest attracted to me. Now what does that say about me am I ugly or pretty? I could be either and they both still might like me it's not about you it's about he girl and her level of confidence and her standards.

[Asker]

Well, it's weird for me as a guy because I don't get asked out on a regular basis, meaning ever. It's odd as a guy when you don't get asked out and then a less-than-attractive girl asks you out.

[Opinion Owner]

Yah I guess

[habbahabba]

no? never think that ok maybe she never gets attention from boys and maybe y looked at her one time which prob was max attention she ever got and now thinks u love her or something. away how about u just post a pic of ur face and well rate u

[Asker]

Uh, no. I don't need you or anyone else on this site mocking me for my looks, either. I may not be attracted to a particular girl, but I never put them down for their looks.

[habbahabba]

yeah i was obv joking and i wasn't saying that? and omg why is every1 speaking so formal here i just really cba to

[Asker]

Okay, if that was humor... yeah. I guess that's what I get for asking a serious question on a site like this.

[Dulcedulcexoxo]

Lol, so every time someone gets asked out by an unattractive person that means they are somehow unattractive? Lets put it this way , girl only go out their way to ask out guys they find attractive.

[Asker]

I don't know because I never get asked out! LOL guys don't get asked out, so it's all new to us.

[EllaC]

Not necessarily... I've only ever asked out guys I found attractive and never thought about them being on my level lol. That is ridiculous. Your friends are jerks

[Asker]

Ok, but girls certainly do rate guys by our level. I've been turned down by girls, and I've even heard through other girls that I must be crazy thinking I could get a certain girl because I wasn't on her level. So that does happen, whether girls want to admit it or not.

[EllaC]

It happens, but it depends on the girl. My current guy annoyed me for months and he wasn't my type at all, before I found we actually belong together and now he's the most beautiful person I know. Give it a shot and let them get to know you, because with the right people, personality does count mostly.

[Asker]

I agree that personality is most important. But in this case, the girl who asked me out is overweight, whereas I am committed to being fit. I spend at least an hour in the gym 6 days a week, even when I have time for little else. I tested at 7% body fat the last time I did the dunk tank, so you'd think she'd realize that she isn't on my level, at least bodywise. Fat and fit people usually don't make a very good match for many reasons.

[EllaC]

Just say you don't like her and stop thinking about this ridiculous stuff. Levels... seriously...

[Asker]

You can deny it if you so choose, but it exists. It's accepted reality for guys and girls in the dating realm.

[EllaC]

It exists in the modern society, amongst brainwashed people who are getting more shallow by the day. Sad, really.

[new_me]

Well it doesn't mean you're unattractive at all. Don't worry

[SheSugarcoat]

Please, get over yourself. It simply means that she is confident girl. Luckly you rejected her. She does not need such small minded partner.

[Asker]

No need to take it personally. Everyone gets rejected in life. There are girls who've blown me off because they thought I was beneath them.

[SheSugarcoat]

Not taking personally. Im just saying that you are insecure... The fact that she asked you out has absolutely nothing to do with your level of attractiveness. Your thinking makes me think that you are quite insecure about your looks. Lame.

[Asker]

What's lame is you taking this personally, which makes me believe you're insecure about being a less attractive girl. It's a two-way street.

[SheSugarcoat]

Wrong. Im just calling you out in your shallowness. I dont get why you asked in this website in the first place if you dont want to read a blunt opinion. Take care.

[Asker]

Yeah, "blunt" doesn't equal "insightful." Do your thing, just don't expect everyone to toss bouquets and garlands at your feet for it.

[PinkBunnyBunBun]

she sounds like she could be a third wave feminist, who want men to be sexually attracted to them regardless of how actually attractive they are.

[Asker]

It does kinda seem like that. It's not like I'm some grand prize, but I am fit and work out while she doesn't. Most fat guys wouldn't approach a fit girl, so I don't know why a fat girl would approach a fit guy.

[Belliebella]

I used to think this with guys.. anyway, it really depends on the person, some women think you are on their level, others Just have high confidence, in addition she might think she looks good

[Anonymous]

Not necessarily. Just means she likes you and wants to take a chance. Your friends are really immature. Just politely decline if you aren't interested.

[breakingsketches14]

nope not always true
maybe u r the popular guy in ur college so she is one one of the girls who like u!!! did u say yes?

[Asker]

No, I did not say yes because I wasn't really attracted to her. She wasn't my type physically.

[bvvvt]

can i see what she looks like? or a celebrity look alike?

[Asker]

There's no one I can think of who looks exactly like her, but the closest would be an overweight Christina Ricci.

[bvvvt]

she's fat? mmm I don't know (x

[Anonymous]

First off you need some new friends, and second she was just confident. Some girls dont believe in 'staying on their level' or maybe she just liked you for more than you can see, for more than just looks. Do you have a picture of you two?

[Asker]

Again, no, I'm not posting pics of myself or anyone else. I don't need to subject myself to that level of scrutiny. I never said that I was god's gift to women, and I never asked anyone on GAG to confirm it.