I pushed him away...how do I get him back?!?

[EllieMay2010]

Here is my dilemma - My Boyfriend and I had been together for over 2 years - we are the couple that everyone envied and made people sick with how in love we were. We have already discussed what we want our wedding to be like, what we'll name our kids and where we want to live when we settle down...basically, we had it all and wanted a future together...

A few months ago, I got into a funk. I started questioning my life and what I wanted...in short, I walked all over my Boyfriend and treated him pretty poorly...I never cheated or anything like that, but I hurt him and put him through hell. He stood by me and waited for things to get better...After about 2 months of this, he left me. He couldn't take it anymore, he said I didn't appreciate him and he didn't believe that we were meant to be given the way I treated him. He believes he is not the guy for me and I will see that eventually... BUT the opposite is true! I have gone absolutely crazy trying to get him back for the past 4 weeks and he won't budge...

We've texted a lot over the past 4 weeks. He says he isn't emotionally ready to talk on the phone, and says he needs "time and space" before we can meet. He keeps asking me to just be patient and give him time. I want to know if I should wait or just move on? One day he says we'll be together again and called me his "love", the next he says he doesn't think we are meant to be right now. Is he playing games or is he testing me?!? I'm so confused! Help!

[Anonymous]

Well like you said you have put him through A LOT of emotional distress. And he has stuck by you. Yes he sounds like a wonderful man and didn't deserve what you did. But it sounds like ( I hope) you have seen the light and are now ready to be with him. Men take this sort of thing differently than women do. His ego is hurt, if not totally broken. He has told you to give him some time. If you can, put him on the "back burner" and DO NOT contact him. Let him sort it out in his head. The ball is in his court now. He knows you want him back. So the best thing you can do is respect his wished and back off for a little while, at least a month of no contact. If by then you still want him and you haven't heard anything from him then call him. Just be friendly and DONT talk about the relationship. Just be real friendly and say, Hey, I'm just calling to say Hello and see how things are going. I wish you luck.

[Allyfour]

You're in a hard place, especially after the way you treated him. I wouldn't give up hope especially if he is asking you to be patient. Perhaps you can pull back communication a little bit. Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder. I would definitely say to keep in touch, maybe just not everyday, maybe once a week.

If you don’t try, you’ll never know if it would have worked between you guys. I’d hate to live with regrets. Although, if you find yourself 6 months down the line in this same position with him, it will likely be time to give up on him but at least you’d know you tried your best to make it up to him and get him back.

Good luck, I really do hope it works out for you.

[nom1394]

i think you should wait. you made him wait long enough for you and he's obviously still hurting

but he believes you can still be together. he must truly love you if he hasn't and has no intentions of moving on. he might just be trying to give you time to make sure this is what you want and distance himself before he gets hurt again. perfectly natural. if you really want him back and you truly love him then it can do no harm to just wait and see what happens. in the mean while don't stress and try to concentrate on getting yourself in a better mental place so that when he is ready for a relationship you are too :) good luck

[Brando]

It sounds like he's confused with feeling angry and hurt by you, and wanting to be with you. But I also wouldn't assume that he's going to come back if I were you. It's best to not give your hopes up and take things as they come between the two of you. He asked for time and space, so it might be best if you gave it to him so that he can sort through what he's feeling.

[Gregs]

it hard to say, all depends on the kind of guy he is. After a break up its easy to forget why you didn't get along together and only remember the good things so you need to keep your mind on this and avoid getting carried away by emotions

[freebird87]

He loved you so much and you broke his heart and humilliated him. He's unsure wether your worth going through the pain again because he thinks that if you truly loved him , you would never had let him go. If you really want him back then I suggest you try more than just plain texting him , he's got major trudt issues with you now so you really ned to prove to him that your in it for the long run. This is going to be really hard to do but make sure you really want him back first and aren't just lonely. And if you do get back together don't run into the whole marriage, baby name talk too early again , that just creats unnecessery pressure, just take everyday as it comes. Good luck. :)

[Anonymous]

I've been going through the same thing. But, I stopped texting him as soon as we broke up. I've posted questions and chatted with some people on this site (they really helped). The advice is the same: leave him alone, let him figure things out, and figure out things for myself. You have to be important too. It's hard to stop contact, I know. But only time will tell. The best advice I got about my situation was that it takes two to be in a relationship. If my ex was the best guy for me he wouldn't have broken up with me no matter how hard I pushed him away. He would have been strong enough for me. Now that's not saying that my ex or yours are gone for good. But you can't rush these things. It took you 2 months to figure things out. Give him at least 2 months to figure his own stuff out. I hope that helped a little.

[GIntrovert]

This has happen to me. He's angry with you.. but still loves you.. conflicting feelings can lead him to be hot and cold with you. He wants to get back together, but then remembers you treating him like crap, and backs away.. I chose to leave in the end, I don't know what he will do or what you should do..

I hope I gave you an idea on what he is possibly thinking..

[natashaa]

give him room trust me if you don't you will drive him away that's excatly what I did its the best way just leave him be but don't completley cut off text him thoughrout the week and tell him you made a stupid mistake and werent thinking but you will be here when he feels as though he's ready to talk and say you don't want to throw awayy 2 years just like that

[Rubybubzz]

honestly I can only tell you what id do,just keep on trying for a little bit and if he's still not sure ask him straight up if you should wait for him or move on because even though you made a mistake (which people do) you deserve to be happy,

good Luckkkkkkk ,

Hope you get him back:)!

[citygurl]

okay well if he says he needs time and space give it to him cause then you will seem clingy to him.. when he's ready he WILL call you, but in the meantime don't just sit and obsess about him go out and have fun, explore your options ! you only live once and you don't even know if he even wants to get back together with you (no offense hun) but everything happens for a reason :)

[martyfellow]

Be prepared for an unhappy outcome. He will probably NEVER trust you again, I wouldn't to be honest with you, not without you groveling for a LONG time! Sure he may want to get back together, but he can't trust you...

[Reeses-pieces777]

I would definitely act within a month if I want to keep him. Also try not to be too desperate but take it slow, take steps to win his heart back and make a good impression. taking him out for a meal is a good idea and talking to him and stuff.

[iXenomorph]

Give him some room! The more you contact him when he's asked for space, the more frustrated he'll become.

[Seaspray]

Guys don't juggle with silly comments for you to move away and let him go.

He told you to give him time and space, do it. It's all he needs.

[georgiesgirl]

Don't give up. Try to stop calling and texting him. Give the space and time he needs. You will know when or if its time to move on. in the meantime, work on yourself. Join a group or volunteer. Do things you enjoy. Its what we do with the space and time that will give you both a clearer perspective. I know your scared and afraid he will walk away, take this opportunity to allow him and yourself to grow. Good Luck. I wish you well.

[m3TALchick]

I would completely stop texting him if I were you. Wait for him to talk to you first.

[jayjaysampson]

In some aspect's it's true. Ino others it's not true. I would suggest taking him out for a meal and showing him a good time to be honest.

[Vieanna]

Just tell him.