I kinda have this problem. There are actually quite a few guys that do make the moves on me, but unfortunately I'm just not interested in them. There is one guy that I'm actually interested in, but he doesn't seem to be into me. I want to ask him out, but I'm scared of rejection too. I understand what you mean guys. There are so many things that go through my mind...
1. What if I'm not pretty enough?
2. What if he doesn't like girls to make the first move?
3. What if I'm not his type?
4. If he was interested, he would have at least come over and talk to me... :(
I can definitely see how that is confusing. I don't even know why girls do that. But you probably dodged a bullet with that girl. She's probably bipolar. lol
Because the fact is, if you get attached to a girl you're pursuing, you have your feelings, but if they don't return them you take a major hit because you were starting to get attached ("nice guy"). But if you cut your feelings and just play the game you'll be confident because you don't care what they think, and when you get a girl you won't have feelings for them, so you just get sex ("asshole").
Everyone loses and that's the game of love.
8
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
In my case, it's not that I'm afraid to approach or make a move, but that I'm not attractive. To date, I know of one girl that has ever been attracted to me at all. I have lots of female friends and I've done plenty of asking out, and the only girl I've dated was the one that asked ME. I'm more than willing to make a move, and I don't fear women, try to manipulate them, or try to use them for sex. I'm just not attractive, so there's no point.
Here's a fun paradox:
Guy approaches a girl and asks for a number/date: too forward/creepy
Guy tries to get to know a girl before asking for a date: friend
Hot guy approaches a girl and asks for a number/sex: confident/sexy
It really does come down to looks and approach more than anything else. It might not keep a girl around, but you can't get in the door without it.
It's usually not about looks. And if so, sorry. Do you want to be with someone who is willing to sacrifice happiness for a visual? Yeah, I'm into attractive men as well and yet, oh wonder, the ones who got me really interested where introverts, not stunningly handsome men. I'd say average looking. Perhaps my weiring has been messed with. Someone call a technician, please! ;)
Dude, look at some of the monkeys that young pretty girls are dating. Believe me looks have nothing to do with it. Learn to be a jerk and you will get more girls than you know what to do with.
I really hate to say it but the reason so many guys are the cocky a**holes are because that's the most effective way for a guy to get some ass. Or sadly to even land the girl that they like these days. We've been saying this forever but the truth really is, good guys are a dying breed. Check out sites like doubleyourdating.com that's the new breed of guys that you're going to get surrounded by. Obnoxious jackasses that follow a multi step formula to getting a chick in bed. The worst part of all is the system actually works, seriously chicks really fall for this system. My suggestion would be to try initiating the conversation or a date with a guy, sometimes if you want a quality guy you are going to have to put in the work. What do you have to lose? Except a lifetime of failed relationships with one f*cking meat head after another.
I'm a very introverted guy and have some self-consciousness issues, so I tend to be quite hesitant with being open with my feelings towards a girl. I don't necessarily need them to make the first move, but would like some sort of hint that they're actually interested (which I'm sure I'm hypocritical about since they probably want the same of me and I'm often too shy to make such hints). I can't speak for every guy, but this is something I've actually been trying to get better about (though, since I have decided to do this, I haven't really found any girls I wanted to pursue...ironic, yes?).
Generally, the guys who are less likely to ask women out are fairly shy, and from your description, sound like the type of men you're attracted to emotionally. I, myself, am one of those kinds of guys. We have been hurt by women many times in the past and as a result, have lost a great deal of trust towards them. Dave Chappelle hit the nail right on his head I one of his stand-up routines when he said, "Chivalry is dead, and women killed it."
9
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Well, most girls do a horrible, horrible, horrible job of making a guy feel comfortable, making him feel that they want him. They look at a guy who's nervous and rather than give him a shot they just screw with his head and laugh about it. That's the biggest problem.
Rejection has it's limits. There's only so much a man can take. If a man is capable of being turned down numerous times, and still having enthusiasm to move on to the next rejection, then more power to him. But there are not many men like that. We only make make a move when there are clear signals that we will not be turned down or when there's enough alcohol in our bloodstream.
I already answered this question many times in other questions, check here for a couple of possible background influences on why men are complete p****** link
To add to it, there's a lot of unconscious "programming" that happens everyday growing up that makes men shoot themselves down before they try. Only some few people break through those societal pressures and live unihibited to go for what they want and do what they want.
and also, the guys on here that say they would like chicks to approach them are the guys who also expect to follow the girl around like a puppy and please her. A confident guy likes the shy feminine traits of a girl which those outgoing forward girls completely contradict.
this crap started in the earlly 90s with all the Politically Correct crap. Its gotten worse...
I have to listen to men my own age whine like little sisies about how dad or mom yelled at them when they were little. Gez, get over it already.
yeah, some (most) young men are insecure, and so afraid of a "no" they sit there ad watch life go by. This goes for ANYthing, not just dating... go out there, and FAIL a hundred times, and then you will start to succeed...
a lot of women seem to me like they fall for the "act" of a loud, cocky A-hole...
"confident" and "cocky" are two separate things, but a lot of women can't tell the difference, I don't think...
The 1790s that is. Women rightly wanted to change their status and balance of power with men. Places where they are still little more than reproductive service robots now rightly seem arcane.
Trouble for some women is, they have acquired from some guy's pov too much equality and in some areas superiority (family law etc) which causes men not to act in some of the "traditional ways" that women enjoyed.
First, if you don't like that men aren't asking you out maybe you need to take some initiative yourself.
Second, you should make yourself more approachable. You'll scare off a lot of guys by having a 'bitch face' and acting unattainable. The only guys you'll get attention from are the douchebags.
Because we grew up under the zero tolerance policies of the baby boomers with big mouths and a short fuse. When it comes to relationships they also kept tight lips, which got a lot of teens pregnant I might add. Truth is men growing up in the Y generation don't have the same confident role models to tell them to man up and talk to her already. Men today like myself have more insecurities that follow from not knowing if we measure up to the standard of G.I. Joe the plumber and Fabio prince of questionable straightness.
Well but you have high standards too. Like you always expect girls look like Megan Fox, Angelina Jolie, Scarlet Johanson and etc. You most ot the times say that some of us looks cute and that personality has matter but if you really involved only by most beautiful and common girls. This is not personally to you but I decided to ask you because of your answer.
What do you think you know of me? What do you know of my burdens? I don't have high standards. Sure I answered that damn what if question about my ideal girl but that's pointless fun. The only standard that I have is that my girlfriend works as hard as I already do to be healthy and look attractive. It's a two way street. And those dolls, you give them too much dignity by calling them women.
Yes, you are correct, most guys do do not like to be asked out. That messes with general roles and can feel like mom telling them what they should do. Frankly, no matter what, I will immediately loose any interest in someone if they try to ask me out.
For sure, over confident cocky assholes suck, but a little bit of cocky confidence shows that a man knows what he wants, not just taking what he can get. Perhaps you may want to ask yourself are you being to quit to judge the guys that ask you out.
Yes men are afraid of rejection and in this new dating world (the only one I know). Woman have more options. This means that men have more competition and rejection means that some other guy is better than you. Really this is all bullsh*t because instead of letting a girl reject you or more often not guys choose to reject themselves over and over again every time they think about talking to someone they are interested in or asking a acquaintance on a date.
The cocky guys are cocky because they realized that even you who hates them will entertain them because they are the only guy that will approach you so they get it in there head that woman love them and there the sh*t.
That's my personal thoughts hopefully on topic. Now time for bed :D
Gender differences are disappearing and the idea of men being the ones to initiate everything is dying out.
As far as the type of guy, if you study people, you will see that there IS a link between the selfish nature of jerks/assholes and the boldness it takes to approach a woman. Generally they seem to go hand-in-hand, with few exceptions. I advise studying that psychological aspect if you truly want the answers you seek.
What? No way. We don't see girls as being all that much different from us. Approaching a guy and asking him out isn't desperate. In fact it makes it easier to respect you. Earns you bonus points in our book. Don't trust the advice you hear from Cosmopolitan. =)
This is like the third question I'v answered about this, but I'm extremely shy. I just assume that if a girl is really interested in me, she would do something about it. If I text a girl that I like and she doesn't really carry it on, I let her choose whether or not she wants to talk anymore. Just my personality.
It boils down to rejection.The same reason girls don't bother to ask a guy out or the same reason a girl may be shy around their interest. No one wants to be rejected.Girls asking guys out does not equate to desperation,sex etc. It does equate to boldness and being awesome! I've spoken to guys who loved the idea of a girl asking them out!
No. I always ask the girl but she's always attracted to that older, asshole who's a few inches taller then me. I feel like girls these days aren't into nice friendly guys so approaching them is just a waste of time.
I wouldn't say afraid in my case, I don't ask out or talk too every single cute girl I run into,so I test them, I'll talk to a girl once,next day I won't say anything,but observe how she reacts,next day I'll talk to her and keep going on like that for a bit. If they act like they don't give a damn,then I don't give a damn :). If they play hard to get or act aloof then I move on, I have enough crap going on in my life,last thing I need is a insecure little girl to add to it.
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I kinda have this problem. There are actually quite a few guys that do make the moves on me, but unfortunately I'm just not interested in them. There is one guy that I'm actually interested in, but he doesn't seem to be into me. I want to ask him out, but I'm scared of rejection too. I understand what you mean guys. There are so many things that go through my mind...
1. What if I'm not pretty enough?
2. What if he doesn't like girls to make the first move?
3. What if I'm not his type?
4. If he was interested, he would have at least come over and talk to me... :(
Ugh... annoying.
I had a girl chase me and one day I tried talking to her only to get rejected. Left me confused, hurt and not trusting girls much anymore.
I can definitely see how that is confusing. I don't even know why girls do that. But you probably dodged a bullet with that girl. She's probably bipolar. lol
Because the fact is, if you get attached to a girl you're pursuing, you have your feelings, but if they don't return them you take a major hit because you were starting to get attached ("nice guy"). But if you cut your feelings and just play the game you'll be confident because you don't care what they think, and when you get a girl you won't have feelings for them, so you just get sex ("asshole").
Everyone loses and that's the game of love.
In my case, it's not that I'm afraid to approach or make a move, but that I'm not attractive. To date, I know of one girl that has ever been attracted to me at all. I have lots of female friends and I've done plenty of asking out, and the only girl I've dated was the one that asked ME. I'm more than willing to make a move, and I don't fear women, try to manipulate them, or try to use them for sex. I'm just not attractive, so there's no point.
Here's a fun paradox:
Guy approaches a girl and asks for a number/date: too forward/creepy
Guy tries to get to know a girl before asking for a date: friend
Hot guy approaches a girl and asks for a number/sex: confident/sexy
It really does come down to looks and approach more than anything else. It might not keep a girl around, but you can't get in the door without it.
It's usually not about looks. And if so, sorry. Do you want to be with someone who is willing to sacrifice happiness for a visual? Yeah, I'm into attractive men as well and yet, oh wonder, the ones who got me really interested where introverts, not stunningly handsome men. I'd say average looking. Perhaps my weiring has been messed with. Someone call a technician, please! ;)
Dude, look at some of the monkeys that young pretty girls are dating. Believe me looks have nothing to do with it. Learn to be a jerk and you will get more girls than you know what to do with.
I really hate to say it but the reason so many guys are the cocky a**holes are because that's the most effective way for a guy to get some ass. Or sadly to even land the girl that they like these days. We've been saying this forever but the truth really is, good guys are a dying breed. Check out sites like doubleyourdating.com that's the new breed of guys that you're going to get surrounded by. Obnoxious jackasses that follow a multi step formula to getting a chick in bed. The worst part of all is the system actually works, seriously chicks really fall for this system. My suggestion would be to try initiating the conversation or a date with a guy, sometimes if you want a quality guy you are going to have to put in the work. What do you have to lose? Except a lifetime of failed relationships with one f*cking meat head after another.
I'm a very introverted guy and have some self-consciousness issues, so I tend to be quite hesitant with being open with my feelings towards a girl. I don't necessarily need them to make the first move, but would like some sort of hint that they're actually interested (which I'm sure I'm hypocritical about since they probably want the same of me and I'm often too shy to make such hints). I can't speak for every guy, but this is something I've actually been trying to get better about (though, since I have decided to do this, I haven't really found any girls I wanted to pursue...ironic, yes?).
Generally, the guys who are less likely to ask women out are fairly shy, and from your description, sound like the type of men you're attracted to emotionally. I, myself, am one of those kinds of guys. We have been hurt by women many times in the past and as a result, have lost a great deal of trust towards them. Dave Chappelle hit the nail right on his head I one of his stand-up routines when he said, "Chivalry is dead, and women killed it."
Well, most girls do a horrible, horrible, horrible job of making a guy feel comfortable, making him feel that they want him. They look at a guy who's nervous and rather than give him a shot they just screw with his head and laugh about it. That's the biggest problem.
Rejection has it's limits. There's only so much a man can take. If a man is capable of being turned down numerous times, and still having enthusiasm to move on to the next rejection, then more power to him. But there are not many men like that. We only make make a move when there are clear signals that we will not be turned down or when there's enough alcohol in our bloodstream.
excellent point littletad
I already answered this question many times in other questions, check here for a couple of possible background influences on why men are complete p****** link
To add to it, there's a lot of unconscious "programming" that happens everyday growing up that makes men shoot themselves down before they try. Only some few people break through those societal pressures and live unihibited to go for what they want and do what they want.
and also, the guys on here that say they would like chicks to approach them are the guys who also expect to follow the girl around like a puppy and please her. A confident guy likes the shy feminine traits of a girl which those outgoing forward girls completely contradict.
big deal, so what?
this crap started in the earlly 90s with all the Politically Correct crap. Its gotten worse...
I have to listen to men my own age whine like little sisies about how dad or mom yelled at them when they were little. Gez, get over it already.
yeah, some (most) young men are insecure, and so afraid of a "no" they sit there ad watch life go by. This goes for ANYthing, not just dating... go out there, and FAIL a hundred times, and then you will start to succeed...
a lot of women seem to me like they fall for the "act" of a loud, cocky A-hole...
"confident" and "cocky" are two separate things, but a lot of women can't tell the difference, I don't think...
> started in the 90s
The 1790s that is. Women rightly wanted to change their status and balance of power with men. Places where they are still little more than reproductive service robots now rightly seem arcane.
Trouble for some women is, they have acquired from some guy's pov too much equality and in some areas superiority (family law etc) which causes men not to act in some of the "traditional ways" that women enjoyed.
Be careful what you ask for, you might get it!
First, if you don't like that men aren't asking you out maybe you need to take some initiative yourself.
Second, you should make yourself more approachable. You'll scare off a lot of guys by having a 'bitch face' and acting unattainable. The only guys you'll get attention from are the douchebags.
Bitch face and acting unattainable? what do you mean? lol you don't know me.
Don't get defensive. Lots of women, maybe even yourself, put on this aura of unapproachability and then wonder why decent guys don't ask them out.
I know all about this because my girlfriend does it.
Because we grew up under the zero tolerance policies of the baby boomers with big mouths and a short fuse. When it comes to relationships they also kept tight lips, which got a lot of teens pregnant I might add. Truth is men growing up in the Y generation don't have the same confident role models to tell them to man up and talk to her already. Men today like myself have more insecurities that follow from not knowing if we measure up to the standard of G.I. Joe the plumber and Fabio prince of questionable straightness.
Well but you have high standards too. Like you always expect girls look like Megan Fox, Angelina Jolie, Scarlet Johanson and etc. You most ot the times say that some of us looks cute and that personality has matter but if you really involved only by most beautiful and common girls. This is not personally to you but I decided to ask you because of your answer.
What do you think you know of me? What do you know of my burdens? I don't have high standards. Sure I answered that damn what if question about my ideal girl but that's pointless fun. The only standard that I have is that my girlfriend works as hard as I already do to be healthy and look attractive. It's a two way street. And those dolls, you give them too much dignity by calling them women.
in regards to your update:
Yes, you are correct, most guys do do not like to be asked out. That messes with general roles and can feel like mom telling them what they should do. Frankly, no matter what, I will immediately loose any interest in someone if they try to ask me out.
For sure, over confident cocky assholes suck, but a little bit of cocky confidence shows that a man knows what he wants, not just taking what he can get. Perhaps you may want to ask yourself are you being to quit to judge the guys that ask you out.
you have such deep insight
Hey aren't you that dude who shot all those people in Arizona Saturday?
Yes men are afraid of rejection and in this new dating world (the only one I know). Woman have more options. This means that men have more competition and rejection means that some other guy is better than you. Really this is all bullsh*t because instead of letting a girl reject you or more often not guys choose to reject themselves over and over again every time they think about talking to someone they are interested in or asking a acquaintance on a date.
The cocky guys are cocky because they realized that even you who hates them will entertain them because they are the only guy that will approach you so they get it in there head that woman love them and there the sh*t.
That's my personal thoughts hopefully on topic. Now time for bed :D
Gender differences are disappearing and the idea of men being the ones to initiate everything is dying out.
As far as the type of guy, if you study people, you will see that there IS a link between the selfish nature of jerks/assholes and the boldness it takes to approach a woman. Generally they seem to go hand-in-hand, with few exceptions. I advise studying that psychological aspect if you truly want the answers you seek.
What? No way. We don't see girls as being all that much different from us. Approaching a guy and asking him out isn't desperate. In fact it makes it easier to respect you. Earns you bonus points in our book. Don't trust the advice you hear from Cosmopolitan. =)
This is like the third question I'v answered about this, but I'm extremely shy. I just assume that if a girl is really interested in me, she would do something about it. If I text a girl that I like and she doesn't really carry it on, I let her choose whether or not she wants to talk anymore. Just my personality.
1) The most obvios is the fear of rejection.
2) Not knowing whether you like to her or not. Girls play too many games with strangers at first glance.
3) A waste of time and money, it has happen to me countless times. Yes I get her number but 4 weeks later she dumps me.
4) The fear of thinking you are not good enough. You are too ugly, boring, short, fat, what have you.
It boils down to rejection.The same reason girls don't bother to ask a guy out or the same reason a girl may be shy around their interest. No one wants to be rejected.Girls asking guys out does not equate to desperation,sex etc. It does equate to boldness and being awesome! I've spoken to guys who loved the idea of a girl asking them out!
No. I always ask the girl but she's always attracted to that older, asshole who's a few inches taller then me. I feel like girls these days aren't into nice friendly guys so approaching them is just a waste of time.
I wouldn't say afraid in my case, I don't ask out or talk too every single cute girl I run into,so I test them, I'll talk to a girl once,next day I won't say anything,but observe how she reacts,next day I'll talk to her and keep going on like that for a bit. If they act like they don't give a damn,then I don't give a damn :). If they play hard to get or act aloof then I move on, I have enough crap going on in my life,last thing I need is a insecure little girl to add to it.
i like your plan :)