Boyfriend says I have a big ego and shouldn't look for his attention. Tell me what to do to get his affection.

[lolalavon]

me and my boyfriend have a very loving relationship we really care for each other and love each other but i get almost no attintion from him. he used to be so lovie dovie with me but no matter how sexy i look or act i get no responce. i bake for him talk dirty and buy him expensive toys but never any responce. he says i just have a big ego but i'm affraid he no longer finds me attractive. please some one tell me what to do to get his affection !

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

The first thing that strikes me is that you are buying material things, and conducting tasks that labor-intensive as a way to GAIN what you should already have, if this is indeed a loving relationship.

While doing those things are great, and there is no reason you should feel bad for doing them, they shouldn't be the basis of the relationship.

Additionally, if your boyfriend is so self-absorbed that he can not simply say thank you and show his appreciation for you, then he is not worth all you are giving him.

A relationship is based on mutual respect. To me, if he is simply accepting your efforts, and not acknowledging them, that is gigantic sign that he is not as involved in the relationship as you are.

In terms of showing affection, that is a personal thing, and some people show affection in different ways, and in different frequency.

However, if you are not feeling appreciated or cared for, and he has no intention of honoring your needs, then this is not a healthy, respect-filled relationship.

Now, having said all the above, one thing I want to make clear. You are 16, and he is close in age I presume. To be perfectly frank with you, there is no reason that people in your age range should be entering into committed relationships, such as the one you are participating in. Mainly, because neither person knows how to react properly, or how to acknowledge acts of affection, care or love.

It's not that you aren't mature, or that he isn't. It's because there is a fair amount of life experience that creates success in a loving relationship, such as the one you are trying to accomplish with this guy.

Neither of you will gain that life experience while being "committed" to one another, and neither will grow to be able to become the person you can be.

Life experience occurs over time, and can not be created by entering into a relationship and then by forced action, "making" it a committed one. You can't create love, it is discovered mutually, and then built upon. Gifts don't build it, and no external tools like culinary treats do it either. Those things compliment it, because when you are in a loving relationship of that kind, those external tools have attached meaning, which in turn makes them meaningful.

He doesn't react the way you are wanting, because there is no implied meaning to the things you are doing, and therefore he does not find the need to express affection.

I'm sorry to say, but you will likely not find love in this relationship, and instead will find that he has now come to expect these things from you, so that if you stop doing them, he will become less interested in you, until he decides he wants to move on.

Leaving devastated, broke, and distrusting of guys, when in actuality, you created the situation you then find yourself in.

Good luck!

[She-wolf]

Its not unreasonable to want affection and attention from your boyfriend. If he isn't giving you it, then he's lost interest in you. Its nothing to do witht you, he's being a douche.