What to do about this situation with a good friend of mine (potential flirting or nah)?

[Anonymous]

Me and this guy have known each other a good while. We lost contact for a time. I got into a BAD relationship and my then-partner would not allow me around friends. So I stopped talking to or hanging out with that friend to satisfy him (SUCH a mistake). Me and that former partner have been separated awhile now and I have since reconnected with that friend of mine.

The first time we reconnected, it was by chance. We seen each other out. He immediately knew me. I was surprised he remembered me, but he did. He came up for a big hug and commented that it had been a long time.

We now see one another a few times a week. He is always wanting to hug me a lot when we meet. He is very friendly in general (all around nice guy), but the hugs seem to last longer with me. Things have been sticking out lately - people in our "group" have been questioning me a lot and asking what "we" are. I say friends. Even a random waitress taking care of our group at an outing asked if he was my boyfriend.

Last night, we met up in the usual group. I was getting grilled pretty good by a couple of the newbies to the group. The one in particular INSISTED they totally felt/seen the sparks when me and this friend looked at each other and they commented how much he looked over at me. Then another chimed in and said we would be super cute together. I was a little embarrassed and didn't know how to react. I was going to slip off without saying bye to my friend because I was afraid one of them had said something to him about that. I got up when I thought he wasn't looking and snuck off to my car. He FOLLOWED me to my car. He didn't want me to leave without saying bye. He hugged me extremely close and held me. He commented how well I had gotten along with the new people in the group (making it clear he had been watching what I did). He pulled me in again for another embrace as soon as we pulled apart from the first one and said he hoped I had enjoyed the evening then said he'd see me the next night.

Updates

1 y

So based on that, does it sound flirty or friendly? I was not expecting him to follow me to my car. I guess he noticed I was gone and went to find me to say bye. That was one of the tightest hugs yet. I mean he wrapped me up and held me very close to him for way longer than a usual friend embrace. Then he pulled me back again as soon as we pulled apart. He does watch me a lot when we are having our hang outs. He smiles a lot when he watches me interacting

Updates

1 y

So as a new update from tonight's hangout - we stepped outside away from the group to talk and say our goodbyes more. He called me his "dear" as he went in for the first hug. He said "my dear" then opened his arms and gave me the same very long, tight hug as he did last night. He held me close and kind of swayed with me a little. As he held me, he thanked me for coming out tonight. We made plans for tomorrow and he went in for yet another tight hug then softly said he was looking forward to it.

[Anonymous]

Well do you like him more than a friend? If you do, go for it and ask him about how he feels too. He sounds AMAZING. Like holy shit thats the way I could only dream of guy liking me. But if you're not into it. Send him my way. 😂 But I would love to be updated on the journey with him.

[Asker]

He is a really great guy. I was just wanting to know if I was reading it right or if he was just being friendly. Friendly vs flirty can be a really blurry line

[Asker]

I updated about tonight's meet up!

[Asker]

Now I really need help lol A random new girl showed up to our group outing tonight. I have never seen her around and have never heard her mentioned. She referred to him as her buddy when questioned by others. This guy is known to be 100% single. He did greet her by name as he does people in our group. She told him he looked amazing and he said she looked good too (I felt that was likely a simple polite response since she had said that). When it was time to leave, he did go over and hug her. She was still sitting when he hugged her and it kind of seemed relatively casual/friendly. They talked a little and she showed him some pics (she's into photography). She also said he smelled really good and asked what it was. He broke away soon after that and came to say bye to me. As soon as he came over to me, he used the "my dear" line he's took to using and opened his arms to me. He did hug me tight as usual and gave the usual double hug he's been doing. He kept eye contact with me as well. He said he was really excited for this weekend (we're going to a cool event for 2 days). He said he'd see me this weekend and to be safe going home. It was odd that girl was there when I had never seen her around before. She showed up pretty late into the outing as well. I was wondering if I should worry. Like are THEY actually flirting? Is he into HER and not me? Does he actually like me beyond friendship? Friday and Saturday the hugs we shared really were intimate AF. Like he really hugged me tight and long. And he softly commented as we embraced (I guess he's doing that to try to "whisper in my ear?). I don't know but now I'm even more confused lmao

[Asker]

Also, I wanted to note that he doesn't text me. Like we don't text ever really. I had texted him once when we reconnected initially and he responded. That was that. No other texts. I did try to text over the course of this situation but only like once or twice. He never answered. Yet he acts as I've described in person. He is not very into technology. He will use his phone for texting and such, but he really doesn't like the idea of all that stuff (he found it amazing I don't use social media and loved it). So I understand he may just not be a big texter. But it also kind of worries me. Especially the couple times I texted and never received a response. Yet he acts normal in person and is always affectionate as I described. It is rather confusing to be honest. Even if he does hate technology, couldn't he text me even SOMETIMES to check in between hang outs?

And after tonight, with that whole new girl showing up thing, it makes me really wonder. Like does he actually text HER? Did he directly invite her to come join all of us? Why has she never been around before. We have hung out and seen each other A LOT since we reconnected and I've literally never seen her or heard her mentioned by him or anyone else in the group... yet the "regulars" in the group all know me and know my name. They will greet me warmly with smiles and casually chat with me.

This new girl did go and casually talk to a couple people from our group but I don't know if they really knew her at all.

So I am like... beyond confused at this point. It feels like he may like me as more than a friend... yet now this other girl has me wondering. And of course, why doesn't he text me? Is there a good way to like... test this more and try to see where I stand for sure? What is a good way to test a guy's feelings towards you without directly asking about it?

[Opinion Owner]

@Asker Honestly at this point its clear you really like him. You feel threatened by this new girl. You have very good signs that he may like you a lot. When ever I’ve “tested” guys, it was when we’ve barely had any interaction. Youve had plenty with him. I say its time you're straightforward with him and ask how he really feels about you. Because the longer you dont say anything, the chances of that other girl swooping in and snatching him up increases. She seems more forward than you so if she DOES like him, she might make the move.

[Asker]

I don't think she is a threat. Turns out she was there strictly for something involving her photography stuff. She is a friend, but I don't think she's around much. I haven't seen her around since. I actually looked her up on Instagram because she has her work there and I kind of wanted to see it. She does a nice job. I think she has a strong chance at making something of it if she really wants to pursue it. Pretty sure she still has a boyfriend as well (no, not this guy). There were A LOT of pics of her with her guy and they seemed very happy in the pics. They make a really cute couple. According to the one caption, they've also been together a good while. So she is apparently in a long-term relationship. Pics were dating all the way back to last year with her boyfriend... so I take it they're still together, otherwise I'm sure she would have deleted all their pics together (because who seriously keeps pics of their ex on their social media?). So yeah. I think she is a harmless buddy who may casually drift in and out of hang outs with us.

[Asker]

The guy in question is still being close to me. Still gives me a lot of attention, still gives me multiple very tight/close hugs each time we meet. He also recently sought me out in a crowd. We were at a festival and there were A LOT of people. I didn't even see him, yet he found me and came right up behind me then immediately wanted a hug. He also made specific comments to me. He saw that I was interacting with someone outside of our group and was watching us heavily. He kept his eye on me the entire time I was with this newcomer. Me and that person ended up hanging out together for the rest the night and laughed and talked a ton together. We got along well and when we left, they thanked me for hanging out and said I was awesome. I said hopefully we'd be able to meet again sometime and they agreed. He was noticing everything and he called me on it later after the "newbie" left. He came over and wanted to talk privately as usual. He smiled and said he noticed I made a new friend. I said yeah and he said that he seen that I made friends everywhere I went because I was amazing.

When we parted ways today, he gave me 3 hugs and actually said much love. That was a new one. He had never said anything like that before, but I did say love to him as well. We confirmed the next meeting and that was that. I found it interesting that he threw in the much love comment. Usually it stays at a simple be careful going home. He never mentions love in any way. He seemed to kind of think about it before he said it.

Now that it's turning colder out, he is always asking if I'm cold or if I brought a jacket with me just in case.

I still kind of wonder if he's truly interested in more than friends. I do plan on stepping up the flirting to see how he reacts to it. I'm planning for the next meet up.

[glennos89]

He is obviously attracted to you without a doubt

[Asker]

Thank you for your response. If you have a moment, could you please read my updates on this question as well as the comments I left to the other person who answered this? I now need a lot more input and am more confused than I was previously. Thanks!