How sure am I that it's not just infatuation?

[Anonymous]

Should I clear my mind before the year ends?
Here's a guy who told me anyone who would be with me will be privileged
I think this was too much coming from someone who might not be interested... he visits me but one time we went for a walk and he held my hands, fixed my collar, looked into my eyes and wouldn't want me to over walk because I had just been discharged from the hospital. This person texts less or quite often texts more after I have initiated, he mentioned I could call him in the night and I would have no competition. Once I asked if work was treating him fine and he mentioned he's not used to complaining but likes to hear mine...
We met early April this year and if I can recall most times I smiled this year was when we were having a chat although I could barely doing that when he visited because I was nervous. I'm confused as I like this guy and wouldn't want to make a mistake. I barely ever like anyone and I want to know if it's not just infatuation

[Anonymous]

What does he actually know about you? Men have been programmed to place almost all females on a pedestal. He's probably just following standard protocol without even realising. What have you illustrated to show your worth? what have you done for him to deserve anything? have you improved his life in any way? supported him? encouraged him? Most men have set the bar so low for females that merely smiling will get you a marriage proposal.

If you've done absolutely nothing to help him ascend in his life and he treats you as if you have, then he's either infatuated or just following standard programming of a recursive simp loop:

[Asker]

Well I'm around to encourage him, keeps up with his work

[WindAtMyBack]

Love is infatuation that has been given a chance to grow. If you don't give it a chance, it will never grow.

Maybe you could think of infatuation as a strong initial attraction, without really knowing the person at a more personal, deeper, intimate level. When you spend more time with them, and get to know them better, both the good and bad about them, and still feel the same, then you know it's more than infatuation.

I just checked. There is a long list of songs with the words "Take a chance on love". That's exactly what you have to do - you have to take a chance.

[Asker]

Thanks dear

[Asker]

I'm grateful

[WindAtMyBack]

You're welcome. Take a chance and go for it. :)

[Asker]

For now, I can only text him and even with a different number, is that okay?

[WindAtMyBack]

It's better than nothing. Eventually you need to get together in person. Does he know how you feel? With the things you mentioned, he seems interested and probably thinks/knows you feel the same. But you need to keep it alive, especially if it's long distance.

So yea, text him. But don't let it become too dry. Try to keep some spark in it. He needs some indication that you have more than friendship in mind. Move it forward, and at some point heat it up.

[Asker]

There are times I feel like he's just teasing me

[WindAtMyBack]

What you said doesn't sound like teasing to me.
You are just expressing more doubts. You have to ignore your doubts and take a chance.

Are you afraid?

[Asker]

Yup I am

[Asker]

So one time, we were texting and I mentioned let me vibe you and he asked me to go ahead

[WindAtMyBack]

Lol, I don't know what you mean by "vibe you".

Are you more afraid of failure or more afraid of success?

[Asker]

Afraid of failure

So vibing someone is flirting with someone in a more direct way (more like letting your feelings out jovially) such that if it's goes bad it's just taken as a joke

[WindAtMyBack]

OK. Well, keep up the vibe :)

@afraid of failure.
That's pretty normal. Everyone goes through that. You just have to push past it.

I asked about fear of success because sometimes success can be overwhelming if the feelings are very strong. It can also lead to things outside the comfort zone because people don't know how to move forward.

[Asker]

Somehow I'm scared of he also having the same feelings

[Asker]

And afraid of it messing what could have been a great friendship

[WindAtMyBack]

Yes there is that. Sometimes it can hurt friendships but I don't think that's common.

You still need to take a chance. You are creating a long list of reasons not to.

Communicate with him. Ask him plainly if you are just a friend to him or if you mean more than that. Keep it simple. Don't add a bunch of unnecessary words. And don't hint. Guys hate that. Ask him plainly - one adult to another.

[Asker]

Asking him directly? Woww

[OlderAndWiser]

You've GOTTA take a chance if you wanna find romance! but

"I like this guy and wouldn't want to make a mistake." If you want to avoid any possiblity of making a mstake, do not pursue a relationship with this guy or anyone else for the rest of your life. That is the only way to guarantee that you never make a mistake with a relationship.

[Asker]

Oh my

[Asker]

Do you think I should text?

[OlderAndWiser]

How far away does he live? How often can you see him in person?

[Asker]

About two hours drive

[OlderAndWiser]

Can you drive to visit him next weekend?

[Asker]

Nope

[OlderAndWiser]

Do you not have any way to go to him, or is that just a bad weekend for you?

[Asker]

I'm currently not in that region

[Asker]

Actually I don't stay alone so my parents wouldn't allow me to move alone

[Asker]

The best move I can make is to call if not then texting

[OlderAndWiser]

I have the sense that both of you are shy. The ideal thing would be to simply spend some time together and DO some things that indicate your feelings, rather than having that discussion. E. g., if you go to dinner, you sit side by side instead of across from each other, and you let your leg touch his leg. You engage in more eye contact. You stand closer to him than you would if he was just a platonc friend. You give him a hug, both arms around his waist, then you pull your head back but keep your arms around his waist) and you look him in the eyes, and tilt your head.

You can declare your feelings wth your actions just as you can with words, and that may be more comfortable for you. But that requires that you be present together.

Why not just call him, tell him that you are hoping to see him again soon, and ask if he has any visits to your area planned for the near future?

[Asker]

Do you mind if I text you?

[OlderAndWiser]

Feel free to DM me. I am online but also doing some chores around the house so be patent if I don't respond immediately.

[Asker]

Alright

[Anonymous]

Spend that much time with dog you will start liking dog too.

[Asker]

So you mean it's because of the time I spend with him?

[Opinion Owner]

Absolutely...
Do masturbate twice all this nonsense will fly away I bet

[Asker]

Oh nope

[Opinion Owner]

Than f off 😘

[Asker]

🤩🤩🤩

[Opinion Owner]

😘😘😘