What stops a guy from asking a girl out?

[Anonymous]

I am just trying to figure out why this guy didn't ever ask me out or attempt to just get together. I am pretty sure he liked me, or at least was attracted because I got some little hints, yet he never acted and went with another loud, flirtatious girl that obviously liked him. It kind of made me sick how obvious her interest was in him. What I don't understand is that sometimes it looked like he was annoyed by her really clingy ways, yet then he went with her. I am just trying to figure out what I did wrong? Do guys always go for the really loud clingy girls? It hurts, because I am nice looking and a nice person yet no one ever asks me out. What am I doing wrong? I may not be the loudest girl, but I am once someone gets to know me. I did show my other side, yet he still didn't ask me? Any comments would be great. I just want some insight behind what I am doing wrong!:(

[quantumdefender]

some women have it in their heads that playing "hard to get" of being coy, is a good thing to win a man. that advice has always been so wrong.

the man clearly might have been into you, but you likely gave no VISIBLE sign that you liked or wanted him.

most men like the least amount of resistance. if you have 2 women, one "reserved" another throwing herself out there...most guys are gonna accept the the one who knows what she wants and goes for it.

my advise...either step up...or stand down...

remember "neutral" is not a direction!

[NMMan]

It's nothing that you're doing wrong - I would bet my last dollar on the fact that he probably figured there was less risk involved with asking the other girl out, since she clearly demonstrated her interest in him. He thought, "Wow, here's a girl that's obviously interested, no chance for rejection, score!". Keep being who you are, and you will meet a guy who's socially savvy enough to pick up on the subtle hints of interest that you employ - and more important, who will capitalize on them by asking you for a date. Good luck!

[Asker]

Thank you for your answer. I just hope you are right, and that someone will actually pick up on my hints instead of going for the other girl. :(

[Anonymous]

omg you sound exactly like me and I feel like this always happens to me!

[Asker]

Yes, it is sad. :(

[dfg456]

The other loud girl was an easier choice. Less Anxiety associated with asking her out makes it seem easier to get her when looking at things in the short term. If he did have feelings for you, he'll realize it later on and regret it, but otherwise there won't be much thought of you in his mind.

[Asker]

That is so sad.:( So every time a guy is interested in me they aren't going to try to get to know me and just go for the easier girl? Why wouldn't they want to at least try? Am I not flirty enough? I can never be that girl, but is there anything I should do differently?? Because the way I am doing things now is obviously not working:(

[dfg456]

I guess you have to make yourself more approachable and make your interest more obvious to the guy, which doesn't mean you have to make the first move. Just be around him more, if you know more info about him, try to always be around him and try to make eye contact with him as well sometimes.

Sooner he'll notice and wonder, "why is this girl always around and looking at me". Hopefully he can connect the pieces after that.

[dfg456]

That is pretty much a guide for shy girls trying to get a guy to notice them.

Anyway, approaching a girl isn't that easy for us because sometimes we over think and hesitate. By the time were done thinking and made our plan up, time is against us and we have to move on with our week, then we just put the situation behind us and move on. This is a sad but true reality that some of us have to face, so have some Patience if you have doubts about some guy.

[Asker]

I really tried to show my interest, at least the best I could. I did give eye contact and smiled, but I guess it wasn't "obvious" enough. It is so frustrating being like this, that is why I have never had a boyfriend before.

[dfg456]

Well you can go even further and try to ease drop on the guy's conversations if you can to see where else you can conveniently show up just to be around him. Don't let this turn into stalking though, just make it look like your busy doing something.

Hmmm I remember some girl doing the exact same situation described above to me last week.

[Asker]

What, a girl listening in on your conversation is what happened to you last week? I don't know, that would seem kind of like a stalker, lol, I don't know if I could do that.

[dfg456]

This leads to something else, A guy whose has good perception will usually know when a shy girl is attracted to him, I can think of a few off my head that I know like/liked me but I never approached because I wasn't interested or had contradicting thoughts.

I was close to asking out a shy girl a while ago because a perfect opportunity (I mean perfect like out of a movie) was presented but I didn't take it. I guess we need 2 or 3 perfect opportunities before we actually make our move.

[dfg456]

Well the girl that "Stalked" me, actually made me realize how much she was interested in me, I was going to ask her out but she disappeared like a ghost to me 3 weeks later... Was pretty depressed that she didn't have that much patience.

It's not really stalking if your interested in going to the place that he will be at for another reason besides seeing him, say he works in a clothing store and there is a big sale, that's a reason to go there to shop but you also get to see him :\

[Asker]

When you say contradictory thoughts, do you mean, "does she like me, she shows the signs, but nah why would a girl like that like me" kind of thoughts?

[Asker]

Yeah, okay, I understand the "stalking" thing. That is probably what I would do, lol, but I wouldn't go up to him. I would probably, lets say, go to the library where I can see him or something. And HOPE he notices me too. lol. So sad . . .

[dfg456]

More like, is she worth my time :\, that's kind of rude but true(Is she looking for long term or just a short flick). Also how will she affect my image, this is why some guys go for more social girls because it will boost their social life. Anyway a guy needs the courage first to talk to the girl before things can happen.

Also another big question, does this girl already have a boyfriend and just playing with me? That one always bugs me.

[dfg456]

Being Shy is like a social sickness, it really hurts yourself and sometimes others around you that feel the adverse affects from you. At the same time it can be a curse and a gift in itself when you actually find a guy that works out for you, opening up to each other. A relationship between two shy people is unique in a way, your partner knows who you really are while everyone else is left in the shadows guessing.

[charly619]

Well the guy was sure the other girl like him. So he went the easiest way, try to give more hints next time . good luck!

[Asker]

I don't know how to give more obvious hints, I am not extremely flirty, at least not overboard like this girl. I don't want to be a "flirty" girl. Are guys scared of me, and if they are, why?

[charly619]

No,see its hard for a guy to know if a girl like you. I was into this girl we talk online and in class I thought she like me but in the end she liked someone else. And now I am scared to show feelings for someone. Its hard to deffiriantiate between a friend and a girl who like you.

[Asker]

I know it may be difficult to ask a girl out and be turned down, but just remember, there may be a girl (like me) that secretly really likes you, but you will never know unless you ask. At least you had the guts. . . whereas I didn't

[doctorwhofan23]

I just get too shy around girls and I can't talk to them.