What makes a guy hold back on asking a girl out?

[Anonymous]

I have a guy friend who I know likes me, and I like him back. A few months ago I confessed my feelings to him over the phone and he was so shocked and told me he didn’t like me back. He told me he went on a few dates with another girl and that things were going well. He just told me he wanted to stay friends with me, so I took his word for it and tried to move on. Me assuming that he was still with that girl I asked him about her but he was being secretive about it. I didn’t continue on asking about her but I really did think that he was seeing someone or in a relationship. Then eventually I realized he started to become more open and comfortable with me. I asked him to hang out the other day and he invited some friends so we could all chill together. During this hangout I realized he was very playful and touchy feely with me. He was also trying to warm me up by giving me his jacket and hat. Then I met his friend’s girlfriend (let’s call her A) and she (A) told me that my friend (J) told her and her boyfriend (P) that he (J) was into me and that he’s (J) single. Honestly at this point I’m not sure what’s holding him back from asking me out. He probably assumes I don’t like him anymore since I made it seem that way making him think that he’s not single.

[Floppy2112]

Usually, it's fear of rejection. In this case it may be fear of commitment. If it's obvious you like him I don't know what's holding him back unless he's just interested in sex and not a girlfriend. He may not want to be tied down. So he'll take some sex, but nothing more. Or maybe, and this may sound cruel, but he may really not like you that much. If that's the case, I am sorry and you ought to move on.

[Asker]

From what I recall I think he has some relationship trauma to work on bc there have been a few times he’s brought up his ex to me and I can tell he feels bitter towards her. He doesn’t really talk about sex with me. He mentioned it once saying that he likes it but not the hit and run kind. So you might be right: either he’s a commitment phone or he just doesn’t like me as much.

[Floppy2112]

It's not a knock on you. Some people just aren't meant to be together in any way. There is always somebody who likes you more and others who don't like you at all. This is all very normal.

[boombastik]

I'm lost on your reason you think he doesn't like you anymore. Anyways, it sounds like you kicked the door wide open by telling him how you felt. You did all the work for him and he's either gay, doesn't like you, or scared of women because I don't know any guy that is going to diss a girl that he likes when she's took the fear of rejection away and the whole guessing game of whether she likes you or not.

[NathanDavis]

It's best if you asking him out, to go somewhere, one on one, just you and him.

without other friends or friends of some friends, telling you things about the two of you.

[Asker]

Right! But what if he tries pushing me away by saying that he doesn’t like me again? It’s quite risky just to feel embarrassed again.

[NathanDavis]

well, you're asking him to hang out... as friends, first

is not like you're askiing him to date you exclusively, or to be your boyfriend

it is about going step by step, something gradual, then you can see better what kind of possibility there is for you two.

[Asker]

Ok I see what you mean. Just taking it slow and see where things go. Thanks man!

[Anon1233]

He probably doesn't like you tbh. Guys are not as complicated as girls, if you tell him you like him and he doesn't say the same then he doesn't like you. You invited him over and he brought a bunch of friends. If he liked you he would have wanted to be alone with you. Maybe he just wanted to seem cool to his friends I don't know.

[FilmGuy93]

It sounds like he just freaked out and doesn't know how to move forward after mistakenly friend zoning you...

[exitseven]

I don't know. Sometimes the right time to ask just never seems to come.

[chukio]

Some guys are just not ready or they believe they have other priorities.

[george201]

Afraid of reaction.. I have the same peoblem i am afraid of telling her my feelings , i don't want to be embarrased if she refused

[Anonymous]

Another reminder of how it has always filled me with resentment on how asking someone out always has to be on the guys shoulders

[ayomanwya]

Because some guys might not know how and they don’t want to get rejected

[lorenzomichael]

He has no game straight up.

[nocturnalbreed]

You should ask him this question?

[Shy_Steve]

Just approach him and ask him out.

[GreenGold1992]

fear of rejection or doubtful compatibility

[whatdoyouwantt]

Ask him if its tru

[shorty6049]

For me personally, 100% fear of rejection.

[Anonymous]

He might not like her or something about her

[Mac-One]

fear of rejection

[Waldoe]

Fear of rejection

[msc545]

Fear of rejection.

[InferiorElegy]

A lot of things.

[musamali]

Rejection and shame