I'm Hoofdpijn, and I'll be asking you some questions today.
I'm recently single and just getting to the point where I'm ready to start seriously dating again. The problem is, I'm incredibly picky on a lot of criteria, and of the 200 or so new people I've met in the last 6 months, maybe 3-5 of them were women I'd be interested in being with on a long term basis. Many of them were in relationships. All of them are expressing some interest on some level, but nothing solid has developed and I don't know that it will, so I am not going to waste my time waiting around for them. I like being in relationships and having someone intimately close to me to share things with, and I go after what I want.
I'm looking at ways to expand my dating pool. I am adding 'approaching random women that I find attractive, if I catch them checking me out or otherwise indicating their interest' to the list.
I've done this about 10 times, and gotten mostly positive and interesting reactions, but I'm not practiced enough to get real results, I think. One girl made me lunch about an hour after meeting me, but it turns out she had a boyfriend and wasn't my type, anyway.
Right now, though, I'm kind of wanting to size up the competition.
I mostly approach girls 'cold' if they express interest in me at 3 places -- the farmer's market, the bookstore, and on the train. I stepped foot briefly into a club with some friends about 3 weeks ago, and left within about 2 minutes. It's a horrifying environment that kind of disgusts me.
I know that in large cities, a lot of women get approached by men these days, especially if they're physically attractive.
However, I'm curious about the quality of these men in comparison to myself. I generally consider myself pretty attractive compared to most men I see. I am...
180lbs, fairly muscular so that ends up looking pretty slender
Well dressed and well groomed
Probably 7/10 or so in facial attractiveness
Good eye contact, moderately deep voice
A bit of acne, because f*** you genetics
Fairly young (25 years old)
Thick stubble, shaved clean under chin/neck area
If a guy like that approached you and in a friendly fashion asked you if you were single, exchanged names, and bluntly asked a few very broad life compatibility questions (religion, education levels, etc) asked you if there was anything you wanted to know about him, and then if everything lined up okay, asked you out to coffee, how much more likely would you be to go for it than with the average guy who approaches you? Also keep in mind that this is only going to happen if you, say, check the guy out, make eye contact, smile at him, or something along those lines.
Most Helpful Opinions
Physically speaking, heck yes, not an issue. But your approach might just scare me a bit. I don't get approached much (don't get out much either so its obvious why) but I prefer more casual approaches. Comment on the surroundings, if you meet this girl shopping, talk about something you see her picking out. Then go from there. You want to build a connection. If a guy can make me laugh and smile shortly after meeting him, I'm 10x more interested. I don't want to feel like he's interviewing every girl that catches his eye, I want to feel like I'm the only girl that caught his eye. And if you can manage that, then you can ask your blunt questions.
I've had a few note-worthy approaches. Like the guy that asked me if I was up at the top of the ski-hill to star-graze because I was sitting on a bench waiting on my sisters. Or the guy asked me if I'd be willing to teach him how to dance (it was a dance).
Make her laugh and smile? EASY. I'll just try to be serious, they'll laugh me right out of there. Happens every time.
It does seem that 'coming across too strong' is a pretty consistent response. Okay. I can tone it down a bit.
There's no rush to get to know somebody within the first meeting. But seriously, smiles and laughter are so important. If its easy to be around you, you're ahead of the game.