She played me. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Hi Guys/Girls. OK First off I am a guy and this problem has been bugging me and didn't know who else to turn to.

I was interested in this girl. We had been friends for a long LONG time and were pretty close. Time passed we got closer she got more and more flirty. As in more touchy feely...discussing feelings kinda thing. I thought to myself hey this is a really sweet girl and I would really lik to take things further.

However recently out of nowhere her attitude changed. We were hanging out in a big group and she would ignore me. Its like I was invisible. She would interact and chat with everyone but when I would be around she would be frowny or just walk away.

I got bothered by this and even asked her if there was a problem between us to which she said "No, I don't know what you're talking about".

Thinking it was just my imagination I let it go. However it continued, it continued to the point that not ONLY would she ignore me but rather she would take cheap shots at me in public. Discussing my taste in women, etc etc. I don't know where all this hatred was coming off but it really pissed me off. I messaged her saying "Listen I don't know what's up with you but your attitude towards me sucks so either cut it out or don't talk to me".

Eventually she calmed down but it was only when it became evident she started getting chummy with this new guy. I mean hand holding, touching, openly flirting, etc etc. At that point I said f*** this and moved on. This happened last night when we all went out for dinner and she was sitting next to him getting all comfy, which is fine but yeah again she was interacting with everyone except me which is fine because I have kind of stopped caring.

Can anyone PLEASE explain what the f*** is up with this chick I would highly appreciate it. I thought it must be something I did but after talking to her she denies it. what's up with that?

Updates

+1 y

SO Guys I'm deciding to let it go. It took a lot of pain and mental anguish and me blaming myself in order to figure out what went wrong with the girl in question. Eventually I realized that I have done enough apologising and if there is more to our story then maybe we'll meet and speak again. Either way I can't change my nice guy attitude because that is how I was brought up and I can't become a YES-Man for this girl who doesn't even respect me enough to speak to me properly or even communicate

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for all the support guys/gals. Really appreciate it :-) xxx

[pips1]

I did something similar to a guy I was reading the signs as he liked me and then he hit on my bros girlfriend and slept with a girl I hated, so I got really upset with him and went from all touchy feelings to avoiding him as he had hurt me and I didn't know how else to act. It was kind of a reaction to being knocked back and being hurt and I still liked the guy, but it went from all touchy and chummy to death stares and snappy comments and also people would say this guy did this and that. So when I saw him I was still angry and it was a reaction and then when he asked me I was of course not, as I didn't want to say hey yes your the guy who hurt me I just played it off as if nothing happened. I think that maybe the case with her I don't know as I don't know her or you and the circumstances, but I don't think she played you at all. I mean I maybe should have said something to him, but I was hurt that we had been close and I thought it was more and that he could be so cold so to speak and I found talking to other people easier so I wrote him off as a player and I didn't want to know. Until one day he was acting different so I tried being nice, but it wasn't the same after. Trust had gone etc and her digging the other guy was to A. Make you jealous or B she just found her comfort zone with this other guy and was again comfortable talking with other people. Well that's how it was for me.

[Asker]

See that's the thing...as I said we were getting more chatty abd familiar. I wanted to know her better. How is that upaetting? Either way I had the best intentions so no regrets.

[pips1]

well do you mean upsetting? well I was hurt as no one likes rejected and he rejected me and it is when someone knocks you back like that.

[pips1]

like being rejected

[Anonymous]

Well, she didn't seem very nice to do what she did which was not right (in the end). I personally believe there are better people out there for you to enjoy your time with because she doesn't seem like a beneficial person to be around.

The touchy feely aspect of the relationship was odd. Maybe she wanted to be friends with benefits? (I'm just guessing). Sometimes, I believe, that people who get touchy feely with someone they are close to means something of, "oh I like you, but, I don't want to date you". It's really hard to understand. My ex boyfriend did this and it didn't turn out well.

Cheap shots in public looks desperate on her part. It looks immature.

To get to your answer, I don't think you did anything that you would hurt her, you didn't play her. She would possibly be trying to make you jealous by being all cuddly with a new guy and not talking to you because she possibly thinks she's "too good" for you. Anyway, she's not worth spending time over because she didn't seem very nice to you and you deserve better.

Hope this helped :)

[Asker]

Thank you it REALLY did...I feel much better now :-) It just sucks you know that you try to do something nice and it gets thrown back at your face

[Opinion Owner]

I'm glad I helped :)

[unheardlyrics]

she didn't play you! did you ever think that maybe you just made her nervous? Trust me, sometimes when a girl likes a guy she gets nervous around him. it's what we do when we really care! it's the whole idea of "not completely letting you know she likes you" it's what happens in the beginning of a relationship sometimes. did you ever think that her "flirting" with this other guy just might be because she's nervous and she doesn't want you to know about how much she might like you? I think you need to sit down with her and you guys just need to talk about what you both want. NOT through text message (that was totally unnecessary for you to send that to her by the way. if it were me and I had received it I would've thought you were being a complete jerk because that's how you sounded) just talk to her about how you really want to know what's going on in your relationship and where you both want to be. Maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way, only you know what you saw and what she said to you and it's your choice on what step to take with her.

[Asker]

I don't understand how her getting cuddly with someone else is a sign she likes me...

[martyfellow]

She maybe thought you were't moving fast enough, weren't picking up on her being flirty right away and asking her out immediately and often..something like that. She feels you neglected her.

She's of course embarrassed that you 'neglected' her, so she won't admit her feelings, but she will try to 'get even' by making fun of you, especially about your taste in women..since you apparently didn't find her that appealing! At least, she felt that way.

And she's taunting you by ignoring you and openly flirting with the other guy right in front of you. Again, she's trying to 'get back' at you for what you did NOT do, I suspect.

[Asker]

Bro I spoke to her, we talked, I sent her flowers...I showed interest...

[martyfellow]

Yes, I know, but it sounds like you didn't show her enough interest, quickly enough. She clearly feels she needs to 'get even', and if you never had words, I can only think she thought you were not properly paying attention..she woudn't admit that to you, and that fits with her denying there was a problem.

She'd be embarrassed to say she was mad because you didn't find her attractive enough!

[Asker]

So you're saying she's being mean to me because I am not a mind reader? :-(

[martyfellow]

Yes, women are often like that! They hate you for not taking hints, even when the hints were mostly only in her mind..!

[SoCk3t_PoCk3tZ]

OH MY GOSH. So that's why the guy I liked had been acting like that... Lol, that's pretty funny

[Bunny212]

I hate passive aggressive women that sh*t never addresses/ solves the problem

[martyfellow]

Sounds like the best answer, right?

[Sib999]

From the sound of it you didn't even date or do anything besides talking in the first place, so I think it's a bit too much to say that she "played" you.

Sounds to me that after getting to know you for a while, she either didn't like something or she heard some nasty rumor (talking about "taste" in women implies she thinks or knows something she doesn't like.).

Then she met someone else.

Yeah, she should have been more straightforward if she was upset with you, but the way you confronted seems a bit on the rude side, so that's probably why she slipped away like that.

[Asker]

I didn't confront anyone...I figured she's going through something and I gave her space cause I thought of her as a friend. Then it got really toxic so we talked calmly like adults. Only for her to act weird again. I'm not upset about not dating her. I'm upset about losing a friend and someone I really cared about.

[Sib999]

Well your textual message is "Listen I don't know what's up with you but your attitude towards me sucks so either cut it out or don't talk to me". You didn't say anything about calmly speaking.

Then you complain she was flirting with another guy. That sounded like you were interested in dating her. The same applies for claiming she "played" you.

We're here to give our opinions and try to help shed some light on people's questions, but we can only do so much if they're not well worded.

[Asker]

That text message was sent AFTER she resumed her weirdness. Please bear in mind she and I did sit down and talk to which she said we're both fine. She broke our truce. That's irritating.

[Stacyzee]

Don't blame yourself for someones trashy behavior.

If its apparent to yourself that you did nothing wrong, then you did nothing wrong!

She isn't being straight forward with you, and was pretty much just trying to

"play games" with your mind.

Move on and focus on girls worth your time.

It would be no surprise that when you completely ignore her, she comes back to you

flirty with open arms.

IGNORE THIS!

It's part of the game.

She loves toying with you, and messing with your mind.

Sometimes there are cruel people out there,

and there really is no way to make sense of their behavior.

[Asker]

Get this I bought her flowers as a peace offering yesterday and she rejected them. Bear in mind I disnt f***ing do anything to her

[Asker]

Thankyouuu

[Stacyzee]

Np, glad I could help. You deserve far better.

[kia58]

I think her only goal was this very question. She started having feelings for you and it could have scared her. She was trying to confuse you and get you to chase her around asking why. To basically get you to feel guilty without knowing why.

She may be a drama queen too and is trying to provoke you to lash out, for her own twisted idea of "passion".

It's possible that you didn't do anything wrong except move too slow. In that case, she probably really liked you and concluded you didn't feel the same way. So she started messing with you.

The guy she is dryhumping right now could also be a tool to provoke you.

Whatever the truth is, I suggest you just forget it completely.

Even if getting this girl is possible, she will probably drive you insane during ad after the relationship.

[Asker]

He is a tool tbh. Its weird how she changed colors like that. Who the hell punishes someone for being nice to them?

[Bunny212]

LOL she DID NOT play you. You two were never dating or official

Grow up and learn to face rejection, life will be a whole lot easier

Just move on with your life

Clearly she only flirted with you because she had no love interest with someone else at the time

This is small matters compared to what I have been through and I am a girl

[Asker]

Ummm...no offense but other people are allowed to share their problems. Also who asked you for your life history? Please be rude somewhere elsr

[Bunny212]

I did not give you MY life story. I am overall a pretty blunt person. This site IS about sharing dating and relationship problems. Look at it this way, some answers you favor others you don't. It is a public forum I can comment wherever I am please. Like I said she did not play you, her inconsistency is your blessing in disguise. Have a nice day. I am done here ;-)

[why-makoto-kun]

I'm sorry. :( It sounds like she strung along an admirer (you) to boost her ego, and discarded the flirtationship in a cruel, passive aggressive manner when she was bored with him and a new guy came along.I do not understand girls like that. Better luck next time, that really sucks. Hopefully you can weed out girls like that in the future when selecting a dating partner

[Asker]

Thankyou! I highly appreciate it :-)

[why-makoto-kun]

<3

[why-makoto-kun]

Yep, you're not her yes-man/doormat! Move on :)

[emmabee11]

What happened was she was interested in another guy, knowing he might not pan out like she hoped you were also her potential interest but unfortunately you lost out to him because she managed to make him interested in her too, it's just the dating game man that's how it goes we always have a couple of people who are potential mates you just wasn't fast enough to make a proper move on her but that other guy was, next time ask out a girl your really interested in before someone else does.

[AMOONA007]

it's clear that she love to be chasing by you get you feeling jaloucy make you regret for intimidating her by her message if f you continued I think it will be a toxic relation she is like challenge you for dare her and play hard .acting like mystery girl to attract you more

[Girl39]

It's possible she developed (or more accurately, realized her) feelings for you quite suddenly and wasn't prepared for it / kinda froze. If this is the case her behavior 's very immature, but it's not deliberate - she's out of her depth. The fact that she couldn't tell you why she's shutting you out suggests this. She may be comfortable being close friends with guys, to the point of flirting / fun, but frightened of an emotional commitment.

If not this, then what @martyfellow said...

[Anonymous]

Move on and let go before you start having deeper feelings for her because she likes playing games

she knows you like her and she likes the attentions she's getting . She is not worth wasting your time on besides your still young don't get all messed up because next time you meet the rite gal you won't trust her and then screw it up . Sometimes when you lose you win so don't feel bad its not personal its just where she is at this time of her life.

[PINKTSUANMI]

true sometimes you gotta lose to when they come like buses every 15 minutes move on

[Anonymous]

Just forget her.She is being immature and acting like an idiot.Even if you DID do something wrong to her,its best to communicate and talk it out as opposed to just ignoring you.At least you would know what you did to make her so bitter.Anyway,thank your lucky stars you didn't become more involved with her.

[Asker]

Thanks and ivtotally agree

[xjesspandax]

To me, it sounds like she heard something bad about you "Discussing my taste in women" and got the wrong impression. Therefore decided to move on before getting hurt.

The new guy is simply her moving on.

[Amanda2]

Somethings things like that happens in life. Always best to know now than later down when deep motions get involve. Don't worry life is beautiful, plenty of fish in the sea you will find yourself someone who appreciates you

[Anonymous]

I would just get over her and find another girl that's worthy of my time. I don't think you did anything wrong.

[Asker]

Thankyouu

[Regulargirl05]

Sounds to me like she could be jealous. She wants you, she doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you. I'd move one - she's too hard work. Imagine dating her! And I'm a girl saying that!

[Asker]

Thankyou, I really appreciate it. I never realized being decent and caring would result in so much castration.

[30Ryan]

she did not play you

Were you together and she cheated on you? No

How old are you 12?

[Asker]

What are you? from a broken home?

[30Ryan]

Na but you will get over it

[Anonymous]

shake it off and improve your life so she'll miss what she had.

[Asker]

Thanks that is the plan :-)

[Anonymous]

I'm going through the same situation! I think she did probably like you until that new guy came along, just ignore her. She can deny everything all she wants but she's trying to avoid you.

[PINKTSUANMI]

did you do something to hurt her?

[Asker]

No! I've been nothing but nice. I even sent her flowers. Whenever I saw her I would say something nice like "Hey you look great today"

[Anonymous]

she did not play you

[Asker]

Uh yeah she did. I was there see?

[Anonymous]

she didn't play you