If a girl asked you (guys) to grab a drink, would you think this was a date or just a friend thing?

[roxygirlskier]

If you met a girl at work and you were new to the area and some girl asked if you wanted to grab a drink because she wants to talk to you about cool places to tour in the city... would you think this was a date or just a friendly invitation?

I really like this guy, but I'm worried about how he'll perceive how I asked him out. I know he's new around here and I do want him to feel welcome. Our fb messages started getting really long so I was just finally like hey let's grab a drink instead.

Do you think he'll think that's a date? Or just a friend thing? Should I be worried? He hasn't read the message yet. I guess if he says no he says no. I'll be really happy (and SO nervous) if he says yes!

It's a date

It's just a friendly thing

Depends/Other (Explain!)

[thisGUYknows]

going out for a drink is nothing intimate. if the guy was single, he'd go regardless. if a guy was in a relationship or married, he would probably mention it in a nonchalant way. then there's two possible outcomes. he'd either say something like him and his lady have something planned as a nice way of saying "no". the other option is that his lady doesn't mind because she trusts him and he's new to the area. at that point he should keep it friendly but not overly friendly. he'll give u signs when he gets uncomfortable. if things get freaky and u find out he has a girl, then its his fault and not his

[roxygirlskier]

thanks! Hopefully he writes me back soon!! I gave him my number.

[mike5150]

C. I would believe that she is definitely interested but likely just wants to spend time getting to know me first.

[roxygirlskier]

hahahaha well that's exactly what I want to do! :) Hopefully that isn't enough to freak him out!

[mike5150]

I don't know why it would freak him out, most guys would love if a girl asked them for a drink.

[roxygirlskier]

Oh that's good! :) He seems really nice and I do want to get to know him better. I guess I still live in that mindset where it's weird if girls ask guys out, idk. I don't want to give him the idea I'm super into him... that would freak him out. We haven't talked THAT much, but when we have it has all been really nice.

[mike5150]

There are very few guys that still have that mindset that girls should never ask a guy out now days. In fact 2 of my 3 past relationships were do to the girl asking me out. Just make sure that he knows you are interested in a relationship more than just being friends.

[roxygirlskier]

Hmmm...yeah, I don't know how to indicate that haha. I'm REALLY shy. I had to work up to this whole asking him to grab a drink thing haha. I just don't want to make him feel awkward if I'm like... hitting on him haha. Is there any way to indicate that w/o doing the whole touchy flirty thing? lol

[mike5150]

Lol well just be yourself and see if he enjoys spending time with you then go from there. Oh trust me I am as well I know lol. Like I said just be yourself, and make sure he enjoys spending time with you. Umm I am not really sure, maybe ask if he would like to do something else some other time when you two are done and see if he likes the idea.

[roxygirlskier]

Yikes, I hope it'll be obvious if he's having a good time! He still hasn't replied to me, but he hasn't opened my message either. Keeping my fingers crossed!

[mike5150]

I have been on a date where I could tell the girl wasn't having a good time. Just make sure that you have something to talk about, and make sure he seems interested in speaking with you. If he is quiet and looking around the room or at other people than that's a bad sign. Hopefully he will read it and let you know soon :)

[roxygirlskier]

Yeah! I think that my message may have been forgotten in his inbox! Idk. I wrote him last Thursday or Friady or something. Seems long! Oh well.

[mike5150]

Oh that is quite a while. Umm maybe speak with him the next time you see him and ask if he has any plans?

[roxygirlskier]

hahaha well I stopped working where he works! Hence why I started messaging him...I think he'll figure it out eventually... maybe I'll give it til Monday before I write him again?

[mike5150]

Yeah, maybe ask him how his weekend was?

[roxygirlskier]

Yeah... maybe... this is just awkward lol. I wrote him on Jan 26. I think he was on vacation last Friday through this Tuesday and worked both Wed and Thurs. So idk. oohhh welll... maybe it's just not meant to happen. His bday is coming up. I don't want to go out for his bday! Awkward first way to interact!

[mike5150]

You don't have to on his birthday lol, just ask him how he has been and ask if he would like to grab a drink some time?

[roxygirlskier]

Lol yeah, I did it at the end of the same message that he hasn't opened. Oops. I guess I'll keep waiting lol.

[mike5150]

Lol, how long will you wait till you send him another message?

[roxygirlskier]

Until my instincts tell me not to...haha. I actually don't feel that anxious because I know he's so infrequently on fb... so this is kinda normal for him I think.

[mike5150]

Ahh alright I see.

[roxygirlskier]

hahaha but if he doesn't reply in a few weeks I found the perfect follow up statement!

[mike5150]

Whats the follow up statement?

[roxygirlskier]

Suggestions for big time restaurants in the area.. he said he's starting to look for those and when I wrote him back I could only think of one!

[mike5150]

Your going to ask him to join you at a restaurant?

[roxygirlskier]

No, in his last message he said he'd been to a lot of the big touristy places, but was now looking to explore the big name restaurants in the area. I could just send him some of the big name restaurants... just to be like hey, I just remembered some cool restaurants to check out that I couldn't think of last time I wrote you... something like that. Then he has a new message in his inbox and something to reply to. Eh?

[mike5150]

I guess that's pretty good. How long does it usually take him to reply?

[roxygirlskier]

usually a week to a week and a half. We're at 2 weeks... so that's not crazy too long yet. He still hasn't opened it either. Sometimes he reads it and then replies later

[mike5150]

I see, well he may also be busy as well

[roxygirlskier]

haha yeah it is a little awkward though!

[mike5150]

Yeah but sometimes that's the way it is

[roxygirlskier]

yea? so I haven't messed it up yet? haha

[mike5150]

You haven't heard from him at all since you sent the message?

[roxygirlskier]

nope... he hasn't posted on fb either... I don't think he's even been online since.

[mike5150]

He is probably just busy then. Give him some more time.

[roxygirlskier]

hahaha is a month too long?

[mike5150]

To me it would be lol. A lot can happen in a month. But I am kind of impatient lol

[roxygirlskier]

hahahaha same! hey guess what!? I might see him next week! He starts his shift when I get off. They asked me to train the new person. It could happen!

[mike5150]

Nice, be sure to speak to him.

[roxygirlskier]

yeah, hopefully I get a chance! Or at least he sees me, right?

[mike5150]

Hopefully, just make sure he notices your there.

[roxygirlskier]

Maybe I'll bring baked goods too :) haha. I might wear this one cute scrub top I have that is more form fitting... it has girly butterflies, but w/e. It's cute! Hopefully that doesn't make me look young, immature, whatever... idk. It's more that I like the shape on me haha

[mike5150]

Baked goods lol? Good idea he might like it. Lol

[roxygirlskier]

hahaha I like to bake and going there is a good excuse to do it

[mike5150]

Lol good idea

[roxygirlskier]

So form fitting girly scrub top or boxy scrub top that everyone wears? Mold in or mold out!? haha.

[mike5150]

The form fitting one would be better. I am not sure what you mean by mold in lol?

[roxygirlskier]

oh mold in with everyone else at work and look the same or mold out and just be dressed like me. I WILL stand out, but my job has no dress code. It's business casual or w/e scrubs I want.

[mike5150]

Mold out, it's better to stand out than to try and fit in.

[roxygirlskier]

alright... I can do this! 2 days! :)

[mike5150]

Lol let me know how it goes haha

[roxygirlskier]

I will! What if he ignores me? Or if I freak out and don't say hi?

[mike5150]

If he ignores you than you can assume he doesn't want to speak with you. You have to say hi lol.You must lol

[roxygirlskier]

hahahaha oh man. the pressure is on! getting ready now!

[mike5150]

Good luck and don;t forget to let me know how it goes :P

[roxygirlskier]

It was bad. I think he hates me. I think that's the end. I walked in and he looked up at me. He didn't smile or say hi. He's really shy though and so am I. Immediately people started talking to me and I think he looked at his computer. They were all raging about how awesome my baked goods were lol. He turned and looked at me and I kinda smiled/talked to other people, but he didn't say anything. Later on I was walking down the hall and he looked, but then he turned around to the computer again :(

[roxygirlskier]

He was clearly listening in on my conversations though and looked up when I was talking to other people, but he didn't really look at me or say hi. He looked REALLY surprised when I came in though. I think he was definitely checking me out when I walked down the hallway, but then he turned around super fast when I got closer. I had just talked to people so I was all smiley and happy. We didn't really make amazing eye contact like we had in the past. Idk! I never got a chance to pull him aside.

[mike5150]

I am sorry it didn't go like you wanted it to. But if he was checking you out than that is a really good sign. It sounds like he may just be very shy and not able to take the initiative to speak first.

[roxygirlskier]

I think I over-reacted. He looked right up when I walked in. When I stood up to talk to one of the docs he looked up and turned towards me like he was waiting for me to talk to him. Later, when I was walking down the hallway and totally smiling because I was just talking to some people he saw me, looked at me and then quickly turned around and did something on the computer. Idk! Honestly, it would have been awkward to pull either person aside. He sure keyed in on people talking about my desserts! :)

[mike5150]

That sounds good, will you be going back there anytime soon?

[roxygirlskier]

I kind of don't think so... I just trained my replacement. My bro thinks he opened my messages, read it and then hit the mark as unread button... or maybe he REALLY isn't on fb that much. It was Jan 26 though! Insane.

[mike5150]

That's almost a full month now. I would think he would of checked by now.

[roxygirlskier]

Hm. So what do I do? Give up? Go out on a whim and suggest those restaurants? Keep waiting? Write him and say hey how's it going? write him and say hey did you get my message?

[mike5150]

Don't give up and don't wait. You need to make some form of contact with him. Ask him if he received your message or suggest those restaurants to him and see if it will get him to talk to you.

[roxygirlskier]

Yeah, I was trying to weigh on the side of "playing it cool" and not being annoying... but it has been almost a month. I know he's busy and doesn't like fb, but cmon. It's not that hard.

[mike5150]

Yeah, I am sure he could have logged on at least once in that time and notice. I think you need to just make it known at this point that you want to get to know him. If all fails it's not like you will be seeing him much now.

[roxygirlskier]

yeah, I had no idea if you read a message and then hit unread again it would leave it alone like that. I could do that much more often lol. I guess I'll think of something to say soon. A month is really awkward even if it is a short one and crazy things happened between.

[mike5150]

Oh I forgot there was an option for unread lol. Good, just think of something that would be relevant to get his attention. Like about the restaurants.

[roxygirlskier]

hahahaha alright... Boys! My guy friend seems to think he's playing the game the way guys always do and that he's trying to make me work harder. I don't know about that...

[mike5150]

The game guys always do? I am not sure about that, most guys I know if they get a sense that a girl likes them then they want to find out.

[roxygirlskier]

oh my guy friend just said he thinks that this guy is trying to play hard to get or something...

[mike5150]

Usually guys don't play hard to get much. Because the hard truth is women could always find someone else if they wanted to lol.

[roxygirlskier]

hahaha oh. huh. I feel so screwed either way now :/

[mike5150]

How are you screwed lol?

[roxygirlskier]

hahaha because it has been almost a month! I practically don't even feel like writing him. Idk, I'm stubborn...and I already feel kinda rejected.

[mike5150]

Well if you don't write him, than you pretty much have to move on. Aww nobody likes that feeling of rejection

[roxygirlskier]

Wrote him for one last shot... still feeling pretty rejected

[mike5150]

Hope I am answering this right lol.

I think that you have done what you could. It's good you messaged him again, if he ignores you than yes it would appear he did reject you. But I do admire you for taking the risk, like they say is the risk worth the reward to you?

[roxygirlskier]

woah they re-did the page. Yeah, the benefits outweigh the risks. I wrote him again. He hasn't opened either one. I'm just kind of surprised. What does he have to lose?

[mike5150]

Yeah it's a little confusing at first. I don't know, I would think he would at least give you the opportunity to read what you wrote. I am not sure why he doesn't even try though.

[roxygirlskier]

I don't either... esp when the conversation was so good before. Still hasn't opened either message. Oh well, I tried, yanno? He's a nice guy from what I know... so I don't know why he wouldn't give it a try.

[roxygirlskier]

HE WROTE ME! I haven't opened it... I'm playing hard to get :) for like 1 hr hahaha. Starts w/ a HUGE apology

[roxygirlskier]

Finally opened it! He wrote a huge long response... and apologized a lot for not replying... said he's been busy at work and traveled... he liked all my suggestions for restaurants. He didn't answer my q about getting drinks! I think he overlooked it! I don't think he meant to say no... at least not really. I have to ask AGAIN. Insane. I'm leaving my number this time.

[mike5150]

Yeah, it was worth a chance to try though. And I am happy you tried, a lot of people get to nervous and don't try

Good. That's really good. See it was worth sending him the messages. Yes do leave him your number, I bet he will call.

[roxygirlskier]

Aw, you think so? I hope so! I don't think he's into me to be perfectly honest, but I think he's a nice enough guy to see where things go. If that makes sense..

[mike5150]

Yes, I think now that he has read your messages he will be quicker to check his messages now to see if you responded to him. Well maybe he is just shy and unable to express his feelings for you. I understand, just be careful to not invest your feelings to much into him if you are unsure weather or not he is into you.

[roxygirlskier]

Yeah, lets hope! I actually wrote two paragraphs in response to some things he had said to me. Then I ended it with this last third paragraph:

So much for my attempt at being concise. My number is xxx-xxx-xxxx. We should grab a drink sometime. Feel free to call or text.

Couldn't be more blunt than that! Right? How could he not think it's a date now? Why would he say no? I'm pretty average looking I'd say and he's got nothing to lose! I did the work by asking!

[mike5150]

Wow 3 paragraphs that is quite lengthy response.

I think you did good. He knows you want to spend time with him which is good. Your right, he has nothing to lose. The ball is in his court now. And I admire the fact you went after what you wanted.

[roxygirlskier]

Totally worth it even if I get shut down. I don't know, it feels different right now. It's worth losing every bit of dignity in trying. His message took up my entire phone screen. I bet mine did too. Hopefully it wasn't too long. At least now I know that he wasn't just ignoring me.

[mike5150]

See, putting yourself out there can be rewarding. Now hopefully he will read your new message and give you a call. By the way how old is the guy?

[roxygirlskier]

He just turned 30 a week ago. Hopefully he will! I don't think he has a gf. Now I'm not even worried if I have to wait. I know what he's up to, I know his job and I know his schedule lol. I have like... no worries haha. I'll be bummed if he has a gf, but I have no idea based on him or his fb.

[mike5150]

Alright, he should be able to be at least a little more outgoing and talkative at least I would think so at that age. Has he ever talked to you about his personal life? Lol you know his schedule? Well I guess you would know when he might contact you. See if any girls posted personal messages to him on his FB that could be a give away.

[roxygirlskier]

hahaha yeah, right? He should have it a bit more together I think! Nope, no one really posts on his fb. Not often and nothing big really. Mostly how are you's and whatnot. He hasn't told me much about his personal life per se. maybe? About where he's gone to school, how he likes his job and where he lives and where he's been? I'm on staff per diem there so I still get the schedule :)

[mike5150]

Yeah some people never really are that outgoing though, but after sometime they should know how to conversate. Oh well maybe he just logs on rare occasions to see what's up or talk to some friends. Oh just small talk. Oh you know quite a bit lol. It's good you know that though. That's good, you will know when he is working.

[roxygirlskier]

Yeah. I think he's just busy and doesn't really do fb. He's 30.. so maybe it wasn't much of a thing. I don't think he even uses fb to talk to friends. It's just... there. haha. I guess he has shared some personal stuff? Is that personal stuff?

[mike5150]

Yeah, likely isn't something he thinks about a lot since it's only been around a few years. Well that doesn't surprise me. I would say it is personal items about his life yes.

[roxygirlskier]

That's good. It has been a week and I'm already feeling inpatient haha

[mike5150]

Lol. I can only imagine it's been so long already.

[roxygirlskier]

Hahahaha this still very oddly feels worth it?

[mike5150]

As long as it is worth it to you, it shouldn't matter how long it takes or what others think. I hope everything works out for the best.

[roxygirlskier]

Thanks! Looks like he went on another trip. He updated his status from his phone, but he hasn't opened the message!!

[mike5150]

I swear FB can cause so much stress lol

[roxygirlskier]

hahaha yes! He still hasn't even read it!!! wow.

[mike5150]

Yeah see what I mean. I actually can live with that more than having the message say it was seen and never replied to lol.

[roxygirlskier]

well. my friend is trying to hook me up w/ her guy friend... I know some stuff about him. I already feel like if I heard back from this guy I'd probably blow this one off :/. Ah. Where do I draw the line of giving up?

[mike5150]

Well how much do you want to be with him? You can continue to try chasing after him, and maybe it will work. But you need to make sure your not wasting your time chasing after someone who isn't interested. The question I give you is, what will make you the happiest? Will you feel happier with the new guy, or will you feel like you settled?

[roxygirlskier]

Wow good question. I'll feel like I'm taking what's in front of me because it's there... but I'm not sure if I really want it yet... does that make sense?

[mike5150]

Yes it does make sense. I think for me I would always hold out hope for the person I really like. I know it might sound crazy not going for the person who is there, but it's a happiness thing. I know how good I would feel if there person I wanted to be with felt the same way.

[roxygirlskier]

I think you're right. Still says unread on his part. :/. No idea what to do or think

[mike5150]

Hate to say it, but it may be a lost cause if it is taking months for him just to read a message you send him.

[roxygirlskier]

I think you might be right :/. It has been a month since I sent the message with my number. Still an unread message. I bet he knows a way to read and unread messages.

[roxygirlskier]

Wow. Just wow. I got called in to work at my old job because the other person is sick. He was working too. It felt super awkward. We didn't talk to each other and I pretty much avoided eye contact. A friend on the floor mentioned that she heard through the loop that he is seeing someone. 4 months... and he never mentioned that!! He could have just said so!

[mike5150]

Sorry for taking so long to reply. I am sorry to hear that, sometimes people have problems telling people like that because they feel it will upset you. Sadly it causes a lot more problems though while you wonder if he still likes you.

[roxygirlskier]

Yeah, I actually heard through someone else that he is seeing someone... he still to this day hasn't replied to me. He replied to every other message except when I asked him if he wanted to grab a drink and gave him my number. Sheesh

[mike5150]

I guess it made him nervous to find out but he could have respectfully declined. It seems like he doesn't even want to be friends or talk to you again by ignoring you.

[roxygirlskier]

Right? How hard is it to just say no. Should I write him back and say that he could have at least said no?

[mike5150]

No I don't think that's good he would feel your mad at him and it would likely be very awkward if you meet in person again.

[roxygirlskier]

true. it's already awkward though. so just... say nothing? do nothing?

[mike5150]

I think at this point let it go, he made the decision he did to ignore it, I think the best thing to do now is to ignore him.

[roxygirlskier]

after all those messages? It's like.. if I hadn't offered my number he never would have cared. We could have kept playing the get to know you game... just not in person :/

[mike5150]

Sadly that's the way it is. If he has someone else I don't think it's a good idea. While the game may have been fun it could have drawn out for a long time without anything in person ever happening.

[roxygirlskier]

Bummer... all around. I even had a good feeling about him

[mike5150]

I am sorry :(

[roxygirlskier]

More fish in the sea I suppose

[mike5150]

Yeah I guess that's the best way to look at it

[roxygirlskier]

pretty sure I won't be meeting one online though. I had an online dating page and idk... I never trust it

[mike5150]

I have tried that. Sometimes the people can be sketchy but I actually meet some pretty cool girls on there. The thing with online dating is good honest people are few and far between and even if you meet someone like that, it would be best to call them on the phone or something before meeting them.

[roxygirlskier]

huh that's interesting. never thought of doing that really.

[mike5150]

Yeah but like I said the good people are few and far between. You might have a hundred guys message you on there but only a handful could be serious.

[roxygirlskier]

I met a guy once and he wanted to buy season tickets to the theatre... after ONE date

[mike5150]

Oh boy. Lol I guess he enjoyed the date but after a first date I learned it best to just try and see if the other person is interested in a 2nd date before making any plans.

[roxygirlskier]

haha I got together 6 months later w/ him again... and he proceeded to make out with me after the date! We'd met each other twice ever!

[mike5150]

6 months later with the guy that wanted to buy season tickets to the theater? Lol he doesn't mess around.

[roxygirlskier]

hahaha yes! I have no idea how he could decide he was that into me after meeting me twice. I mean, right?

[mike5150]

He's a guy so I would say it's not that entirely out of the question. Just be careful if the guy starts becoming clingy.

[roxygirlskier]

Yeah.. I already ended it... just wasn't going to happen. I can't make myself like someone

[mike5150]

That is quite common the guy can be to forceful and it pushes someone away. There's plenty of guys out there trust me, just pick the one you mesh with the best :)

[roxygirlskier]

Sadly the one I meshed best with didn't really work out. I unfortunately still think he's a good match. We've come close to dating multiple times... but haven't actually dated

[mike5150]

I am sorry to hear that. Good thing you continue to keep contact that always leaves a slight possible chance you may one day.

I just realized I got played

[roxygirlskier]

We both do, yeah. It's almost weird that we both keep in such good contact and consider each other such great friends. Oh no! What happened?

[mike5150]

That's a good thing. How often would you say you two talk?
Her mother just called me and told me she has been dating 3 guys the whole time.

[roxygirlskier]

Not often... we try to keep it to not that often... Idk... like he's afraid I'll like him, but I also am afraid I'll like him again haha. The last time he kept doing that thing where he's stares at my mouth. Lately, we've been starting to talk a tad more frequent. He lives in another country so it's hard to talk all the time. When we do talk... it's like that never ending.. idk, we have so much to say and not enough time kind of talk where we're rushing to get to every subject that we want the other to hear.

I can't believe someone's mom called!! That's nuts!! Wow, I'm so sorry!

[mike5150]

Well if it's only on occasion that's fine as well. Lol well I guess he is trying to protect you. Oh my I do that if I want to kiss a girl lol. Another country? Did you meet him in person or has it always been long distance? That's a good way of knowing you two have a lot in common, if your ever struggling to think of things to say that's when you know it's bad.

She called because no one has heard from her in 3 days now

[roxygirlskier]

We have known each other for 10 years. We met in high school and we were best friends. We're not now... but we're working on our friendship. He screwed up big time and he's been trying to make it up to me since then. We do have a lot in common I think and we tend to be a lot a like in some weird ways that I'm just discovering.

Wow, is this girl okay? have you called her? talked to her?

[mike5150]

Then you must know one another pretty well. That's always tough, after high school it is common to drift away from people you knew from there, but try to find a way to keep them in your life if you really care about the. Oh he hurt you? I think now you two have both grown since high school, what ever it is he did to you, it is obvious he is sorry for it that he try's to make it up to you.

I don't know I am kind of worried. I called her phone and her mom answered and said she left her phone, wallet and all belongings behind. It doesn't make any sense but the last time I spoke to her she was very angry with her parents. She left her phone and laptop there, and her mother has had to look through it to find if she can figure out where she went but she noticed she was talking and meeting other guys and even told another guy she loved him. As mad as I am about it I am still scared for her safety.

[roxygirlskier]

Wow, that's interesting. Your story sounds like something out of a movie. I hope she's okay.

He and I do know each other well. I just talked to him on the phone tonight. He asked me when the last time was that I got laid and then recommended that as a stress relief! How awkward is that? I feel like he just wanted me to know that he's having sex with people. We both hurt each other in the past... I dumped him in high school, he pretended (?) to like me and said he was using (?) me even though we didn't date or do anything different than we usually do... so we stopped being friends for a while after that... and he continually begged to have me in his life. Wrote me nice letters, sent me songs.

[mike5150]

I hope so to. Right now it's kind of a wait and see predicament.

That's good how did things go? Lol well that is an interesting conversation, I know what you mean. I think that might have been his intent and to let you know it's alright if you have sex with someone else. I see, if it was his first love I kind of know where he is going with the letters and songs, but I feel like he may have moved past that part of his life now.

[roxygirlskier]

hmmm maybe yeah... but I just feel like we have this connection where we might come back around in each other's life. Idk, is that silly of me?

[mike5150]

I think your always going to have him in your life to some degree, but if he is living out of country I am not sure how well he will take to wanting to pursue that kind of relationship again. Not silly but I think looking at it realistically, he has moved and you two would consider yourselves pretty good friends right now wouldn't you? He asked when the last time you got laid I am thinking as a way for you to maybe find someone different without coming right out and telling you that he wants to be with you. He is trying to get you to open up to someone else and maybe even develop close feelings for them.

[roxygirlskier]

idk... he's always asked for reasons... like to show that he's having sex. I think he wanted to hear my reaction to be honest. He does stuff like that. Like when he told me about some amazing date he had.. he wanted to hear what I had to say. He'll be in my life, probably. I think he's just testing the water b/c he feels safe sharing w/ me.

[mike5150]

He probably wants to see if your ok with that. He may have also wanted to know how you felt about it. That's a good way to put it.

[roxygirlskier]

I think he wanted the attention to tell someone he's done it... maybe see what I think. He used to say things like that to elicit a response from me... or get me to do things like kiss him etc. He's an interesting one.

[mike5150]

So you think he does it to try and get you to want him more. Does that actually work?

[roxygirlskier]

I don't know if it's to get me to want him... or just b/c he wants the attention. Idk. I think he's proud of himself and wants other people to know about it... if that makes sense. It used to work w/ me... but it doesn't really anymore. idk.

[mike5150]

Maybe both? I was going to say, that sounds kind of like something people do in high school

[roxygirlskier]

hahaha well I think he's kind of an immature guy from what I understand.

[mike5150]

Well that would make a lot of sense. How was he when you were with him before? Was he immature?

[roxygirlskier]

With me? Hm. Depends. When we first dated he was cute and innocent... and awkward haha. and a bad kisser... the 2nd time around he was a lot more aggressive and I held back b/c I thought he was just playing me... and then w/ his several other attempts I felt the same. He slapped my butt once which made me mad. He played with my underwear line which I didn't mind, but when he tried to kiss me I pushed him away b/c I thought he just wanted a hookup. idk, I'd say he was kind of immature... and I never knew what to think.

[mike5150]

Lol I think pretty much every teenage guy is awkward lol. I see. Hmm well looking back now do you think he is more mature now than before? Do you think he can tell you how he feel about you and make you trust him?

[roxygirlskier]

I think he's less mature! haha at least then he was looking for something serious... now he's messing around anywhere and with anyone he can find... or so it seems!! Maybe? Or maybe he's realized he needs that kind of relationship with people so he's going for it more now?

[mike5150]

Lol didn't think that could be possible. Well you know how sometimes people don't realize how good something is until they experienced it for themselves. I think it's one of those. Has he ever had like a serious relationship?

[roxygirlskier]

He hasn't as far as I know.

[mike5150]

That could be an issue. I think that if that is all he knows that's what he feels a relationship should be like.

[roxygirlskier]

I think you're right.. his dad became an alcoholic when we were in hs/college. sometime. I forget. It was right when he and I were trying to get together. he has major trust issues now.

[mike5150]

Oh my, that like caused him a lot of problems.

[roxygirlskier]

yeah... I think it really did.. that and he's pretty overweight and seemed to never be able to get the girls he wanted.

[mike5150]

Hmm. How much does he weigh? I mean some women like that, my ex told me I was to skinny before lol.

[roxygirlskier]

ew yeah I've dated too skinny... not fun haha esp when their hip bones are so boney that they kill you in bed lol. I think his max weight was like 330? I'm not sure.

[mike5150]

Funny thing is I have tried gaining weight and I can't. Oh wow. How tall is he?

[roxygirlskier]

I don't know like 6 ft tall I think? somewhere around there.

[mike5150]

That's pretty big that's not bad.

[roxygirlskier]

Hm. Maybe he got to 430? I don't know. I accidentally drunk messaged him on fb on the 4th of july. lol woops.

[mike5150]

430 that is dangerous. Oh my what did you say to him?

[roxygirlskier]

hahaha just told him it was really awkward that he asked me about when I last had sex and w/ whom and when... and I told him I wished he knew there was more to it than just doing it w/ random people (aka w/ people you love!). It was bad... just bad haha. and I said that it's not like he'd ever ask how I'm doing so I'd just tell him haha

[mike5150]

Lol well that's good you put it to him that way. Lol what did he say to that?

[roxygirlskier]

He said he was sorry and didn't mean for it to be awkward... and that he knows there is more to sex than just having it with random people to relieve stress lol.

[mike5150]

Lol see you got inside his head you got him to apologize haha

[roxygirlskier]

lol we talked about sex and love for 2.5 hrs last night

[mike5150]

Oh damn lol. What was she saying?

[roxygirlskier]

he... my guy friend? wanted to know who I had it with last and seemed to be curious when.. b/c he stressed it as a reliever for stress.

[mike5150]

I meant he sorry. Oh I see, well it can be a stress reliever but some people like to enjoy it only with those they love or feel a special connection to

[roxygirlskier]

yeah, I think I am that way.

[mike5150]

So am I. It's quite common actually.

[roxygirlskier]

huh. what about those people who aren't? I don't know how they manage it lol. just not as fun, really.

[mike5150]

My best friend is like that. I think to them they enjoy the closeness they feel sexually but they don't like the commitment or feeling attached to that person.

[roxygirlskier]

wow and you're friends w/ him?

[mike5150]

I have been friends with him since I was 10. He is the kind of guy he always will tell you something you don't really want to hear but you just shake your head and laugh.

[roxygirlskier]

hahaha ohh.. okay.

[mike5150]

I guess that might be what you do with that guy when he mentions sex?

[roxygirlskier]

haha yeah maybe... you might be right!

[mike5150]

Lol see, that's really all you can do I guess haha

[roxygirlskier]

haha still super weird! I told my friend about it last night and she thought it was weird too

[mike5150]

Lol yeah, you spoken to him since?

[roxygirlskier]

not really… I made a vow not to talk to him b/c I know that I'll start to like him again.

[mike5150]

I see, and how is that going? Do you miss him?

[roxygirlskier]

Hmmm yes and no. Yes in the sense that I thought he was the one, but no in the sense that I am going through a crisis right now and he can't even make the effort to check up on me.

[mike5150]

Oh, does he even know what your going through? If he doesn't know you can't fully blame him, but if he does he should at least ask how you are doing.

[roxygirlskier]

He does know. We talked about it in depth for like an hour. :/ He said it's hard for him to remember to be in contact with people when they aren't in his immediate surroundings

[mike5150]

That's good you two spoke. Oh well that does tend to happen I am sorry. Maybe now he will be in contact with you more?

[roxygirlskier]

He hasn't since we talked for an hour to be honest.

[mike5150]

Hmm was he still bragging about other women?

[roxygirlskier]

We haven't talked at all. It was just that one time. I guess… his cat died and I said I was sorry to hear that. His mom is really upset. I talked to her too on fb. He offered to fly me out there to see her if I could find a place to stay. He said he'd pay for whatever he could in the ticket.

[mike5150]

I see that is rather sad. Oh that is sad. What is she upset about? That sounds very serious if he would offer to fly you there. Wow

[roxygirlskier]

Oh her cat died… that's why… and she'd love to see my friends and I… that's really all lol.

[mike5150]

Really he will pay to have you fly out there though?

[roxygirlskier]

yeah?

[mike5150]

That sounds pretty serious if he is willing to do that.

[roxygirlskier]

to see his mom?

[mike5150]

If he is going to pay for your plane ticket there I would say so

[roxygirlskier]

weird that he asked me not to tell his mom too huh?

[mike5150]

What? Why would he ask you not to tell her for?

[roxygirlskier]

idk, he just told me that he didn't want me to tell her if he did that.

[mike5150]

Hmm that is a bit strange

[roxygirlskier]

hahahaha I can't explain his ways...

[mike5150]

Lol that is very true

[roxygirlskier]

Maybe he's holding onto me and doesn't really know it, yanno?

[mike5150]

Yeah it certainly sounds like it

[roxygirlskier]

oh well I guess haha. I just have to move on I think

[mike5150]

That is likely for the best.

[roxygirlskier]

hahaha yeah... some things just need to end, yanno?

[Eiffelgirl21]

considering, everytime a guy asks me to go out for drinks... its always a date.. I am sure he will think it is a date...

[Eiffelgirl21]

even if he doesn't think it is a date, he will probably be hoping it is... or why else would he go

[roxygirlskier]

I hope!!!

[Metal189]

You don't believe guys and girls can be "just friends" can you

[Eiffelgirl21]

I don't believe that not really. from my own experience.. guys have always led on later for more than friends :)

[Kris85]

What about if a guy friend asks his friend (who is a girl) to meet him for a drink so they can talk. I have a guy friend that I met up with to talk about some issues I am having and we are both just friends as we are both taken lol. I think in some cases like this a guy and a girl can be just friends :)

[roxygirlskier]

Oh I'd definitely say that's a good friend. This is a guy I don't know well who I've never hung out with outside of work lol

[Eiffelgirl21]

yeah if you dont know him well... its a date!

[roxygirlskier]

ooh really, I almost thought the opposite! Oh well, I have no idea. I guess I should just see how it goes.

[Eiffelgirl21]

aww girl! just go out! and have a good time! xx

[roxygirlskier]

just waiting for a reply!

[Eiffelgirl21]

I hope he says yes! which I am sure he will! If not, take me! we will have a girls night. wait.. damn it... this is the internet haha

[Kris85]

Lol I am always down for a girls night! I am going out tonight but the old man is coming. If y'all fly up to Canada I will ditch him and meet up with you gals

[Eiffelgirl21]

hahaaa I shall book the flight now hahaa

[roxygirlskier]

hahaha I'm only 3-4 hrs from Canada !

[Eiffelgirl21]

haha me TOO! well.. more like 6 haha I can meet up though ;)

[Apope16]

Treat it like a friendly thing but it is likely a test trial for a first date. I kissed my ex girlfriend on the lips when I said goodbye on one of drink outings. Two days later we had sex and then a few weeks later we were dating.

She swore for 2 years that it was never meant to be a date. I dont believe her!

Now I've been seeing a new girl for a month. She asked if we wanted to meet for drinks. lol. THats a date. Now she is saying that she only wants a casual relationship... except she's only having sex with me. And in our dates we do non sex events and get togethers first before our night cap. lol. Now she admits we are dating but dating casually... lol. only a matter of time when she slips up and calls me her boyfriend... haha.

[Anonymous]

Hard to say... because it depends on how you state it. I might see it as a friendly thing... unless you made it clear it was a date.

This is why I as a guy LIKE it when I ask a girl out. Because, I make it VERY clear when I talk to her. I tell her she is attractive or what ever I feel about her maybe she looks pretty. I think that makes it clear enough to know what I am asking for...

So maybe make it clear with him. Tell him he's cute and you want to have drinks with him. That way he knows right off the bat, that this is going to be a date or more intimate. Then he can feel free to flirt and not make it a friendly chatter thing...

[roxygirlskier]

hmmm interesting insight. It might be a tad late for that, but maybe not?

[Anonymous]

I would definitely get the date vibe but I also wouldn't assume it to be the case until I saw how she was acting in person. I would feel like I need to get to know her a bit better to get an idea if she's just naturally very outgoing or if this was something particular to me. I don't really know her so I don't want to assume as there wasn't anything overly blatant in regards to the way she went about it.

[roxygirlskier]

well.. he never went for it... he's 31 and I'm 24... that might be why...

[HyperBro001]

It really depends on the girl. If she's a social individual I would sense that she's probably interested, but wants to start casual. If she's less than socially amiable, I'd probably ask if this was a date.

[roxygirlskier]

ah, well I'd be the second...

[HyperBro001]

I don't drink, but I would be down to hang out. I feel that all first dates should be a casual encounter. I don't think sex has a place in them, but rather they should be used to decide rather or not a relationship is worth pursuing.

On a first date, all I assume is that I and the other enjoy each others' company and want to get to know each other a bit better.

[roxygirlskier]

Yeah, I definitely agree with you on that one!

[TadCurious]

I voted B for it's a friendly thing. But --- it's also one of those things that can lead to something more. You know that and he knows that. It would be a great opportunity for him to ask you on a proper date.

[roxygirlskier]

I was hoping it would have haha

[MrAtticusLebowski]

I would think she might possibly interested or just being friendly. I'd base it on how the drink went...If there was any flirting.

[roxygirlskier]

He's new to the area so I DID want to get to know him better. Maybe I should have asked for a coffee date. Sheesh

[kheserthorpe]

If you're both single, and unless you have a pretty well established platonic relationship of some sort, you'd assume its a date.

[roxygirlskier]

Both single, don't know each other super well

[kheserthorpe]

Likely yes then.

[roxygirlskier]

Well, he's sure taking his time replying. I wonder if he has a gf and it's just not on fb.

[earnurboner]

If a girl ask me for a drink I would think that she might be interested, I would do it and find out if she

Is interested in something more or not.

[roxygirlskier]

He's 29. How do I make it clear that I'm interested when we go out, but that I'm not... overly interested or desperate?

[RaskolnikovRo]

It just means interest of knowing the other, so its basically a pre-date

[roxygirlskier]

yeah... just a get to know you kind of thing

[kambo_trick3y]

It would be in the back of my head, but I wouldn't automatically assume it was a date.

[roxygirlskier]

Ok, well maybe that's good? I think?

[SuitAndTie]

If it's the way you described in your question then I would think it's just a friendly invitation. If we have flirted before then I could take it as a sign of interest.

[roxygirlskier]

Hm well that's good. Not sure which one he thinks it is! He's never on fb. I finally asked if he wanted to grab a drink and he's never gotten back to me. :/. He didn't even open my message. We had been talking a lot and I finally said hey instead of writing a bunch here why don't we just grab a drink? No word... he still hasn't even opened it! :/

[Anonymous]

It might be just to hang out, if barely know the person, I'd want to get to know them first.

[roxygirlskier]

so you'd think it was just hanging out then?

[Opinion Owner]

By default a drink is casual to me.

[roxygirlskier]

hahaha okay. oh well. lots of conflicting answers, but at least I got some!

[medical2523]

It would recommend something else cause I don't drink

[Anonymous]

Until a girl is actualy on my dick i dont think she likes me that way

[phillyguy1]

yes drinks usually mean date i can't think of a instance otherwise

[roxygirlskier]

even if you don't know the person well?

[Anonymous]

Only way to truly know is being straightforward with it.

[Torchlight]

I would think she is just being friendly to me.

[Anonymous]

It's just a friendly thing

[roxygirlskier]

Hm okay. I guess that's good right? I don't want to scare him off right away lol. I do like him and I'd love if he turned it into a date... haha, but it's better that he doesn't go in thinking that I'm way into him, isn't it?

[Opinion Owner]

no he wont..if he is a a mature guy...he wont

[roxygirlskier]

29 year old guy? Hopefully mature? Seems pretty together from what I've gathered.

[Opinion Owner]

then fine :)

[earnurboner]

Either way you need to tell him, get it off your chest

[roxygirlskier]

Tell him flat out that I like him? Nah. I think that'd look kinda desperate, right? lol

[Metal189]

How did you say it?

[roxygirlskier]

I said something like hey our fb messages are getting pretty long, how about we just grab a drink instead. Then I left my number. lol

[Eiffelgirl21]

I don't believe that not really. from my own experience.. guys have always led on later for more than friends :)

[Metal189]

I'm just saying, guys and girls CAN be just friends, if they choose to be

[roxygirlskier]

not sure what I think, but from my experience someone always falls for the other at some point.

[Metal189]

Exactly