Everything I know about women

[OlderAndWiser]

I recently “celebrated” my 65th birthday, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, and this myTake will tell you everything I know about women. Absolutely everything!

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THE END

Seriously, there are three things that I know about women and I will share with you these few nuggets gleaned from approximately fifty years of dating, engagement, marriage, divorce, and my miscellaneous observations of the female species.

Things have changed just a bit!

1. When you take a woman to dinner, the waiter will eventually come to the table and ask if you are interested in dessert. Almost every woman I have ever met will quickly and reflexively say “no!” Don’t believe it!

Don't believe it

Women want that dessert that they read about when they were supposed to be reviewing the entree choices. BUT . . . they are afraid that if they admit they want dessert, it will lead you to conclude that they are a fat cow in disguise, unworthy of dating, and they will never see you again. So they say, “no,” but they damned sure want that dessert!

You can score major points by diplomatically saying, “Ya know, I’d kinda like some dessert,” and then you pause . . . for effect . . . and continue, “would you be willing to share a dessert with me?” With that simple statement, you have transformed this matter. Instead of her yielding to her secret cow temptations, she is now going to do you a favor – and only because you asked – and she will HELP you by eating some of YOUR dessert.

So, then, you coyly ask, “what on the dessert menu looks good to you?” She already knows the answer because she was reading about it and salivating thirty minutes ago, but she will pretend to review the dessert menu before telling you that the Triple Chocolate Brownie Chocolate Ice Cream Cake With Ganache, Served With A Chocolate Fork sounds “interesting.”

So you order it, she eats two-thirds of it, and she leaves the restaurant stuffed but happy . . . and you have established what a fun guy you are to have as a dinner companion.

2. If you are sending her flowers for any occasion, she will dig it, but... if you send those flowers to her place of employment, you will score many more points with her.

When she gets called on the intercom to come to the receptionist’s desk, and she sees those flowers, she will immediately consult the female onboard version of MapQuest. That is the version which tells her the route back to her desk which will allow her to be seen by the greatest number of her female co-workers. When she passes by them, carrying those flowers, she will have that look that says, “Oh girls! Look what my man sent ME!”

Later, when she hears those jealous hens at lunch saying, “Oh, she must have been very good last night!” and another hen interjects, “or she must have been very, very bad!” and they all giggle, she may pretend to be embarrassed but she knows she has increased her standing among the other ladies. And she is happy!

3. If she says, “everything is FINE!,” you need to grab your shit and git.

Run, OlderAndWiser, Run!

THE END. Really, I mean it this time!

[sparke328]

I agree with #1. We women love desert and it makes us feel better when the man asks us about it because we will let down our "Food makes us fat" wall and share the "we love food and sweets so much" mood with you

#2 has good points in saying that yes we love flowers but if you as a man were to BRING the flowers yourself to your lady's work or school along with food or a special note, that will make us feel even more special and better about ourselves and our relationship with you as the man.

Finally #3 I disagree. When a woman says "everything is fine" you can do 3 things. If she seems mad and frustrated like passive aggressive, DO NOT tell her to calm down. Instead ask her "What is bothering you" sincerely and listen to her problems. We love to rant! Second if she seems a little pissed off and annoyed at YOU, tell her that you are going to go for a quick walk to think about what you have done wrong and once you finish ask her how you can correct your mistake where she will most likely tell you what you did wrong and how to make her feel better. Finally if she says sarcastically "everything is fine" because her life is going all wrong and nothing is perfect/ going to plan, tell her "hey everything will turn out okay. I just know it will and I will help you with anything that you need." that will make her feel instantly better, comforted, and happy.

Thanks for reading!

[Ninjazzed]

Funny, that “fat wall” is something women only use around men because they’re afraid of being viewed as awkward or unattractive lol

Here’s a hint though, the fastest way to a man’s heart isn’t through his stomach.. it’s a little further down south lol women are usually won over with food though, if I’m being completely honest.

[OlderAndWiser]

#3 was primarily intended to be humorous.

[sparke328]

@OlderAndWiser. I know but if guys actually wanted to know, I'm just trying to help.

[OlderAndWiser]

No problemo!

[Insightfull]

@Ninjazzed yea, basically that's a good route haha. but it's not enough. you have to be good to our heart

[DutchGuy12]

@sparke328
Or if she is being a bitch
Just insult her and leave

[sparke328]

@DutchGuy12 okay lol if that's how you want to do it, just see how fast she also leaves.

[DutchGuy12]

@sparke328
Some women deserve it
If they are fucked up

[sparke328]

@DutchGuy12 okay sure whatever you like but as a high schooler, I don't prefer that method...

[DutchGuy12]

@sparke328
Well
Sometimes people don't deserve respect

[MuffinBoi]

@DutchGuy12 Always that one guy that has to start a flame war...

[Tentia]

Thank you.

No really, this did help me a lot, and I'm very glad to have this community here for me. I think I understand now what it's all about here, and that is support.

[Ninjazzed]

@DutchGuy12 You seem a little fucked in the membrane yourself, pal.

[Ninjazzed]

@Insightfull That's true

[sparke328]

@MuffinBoi so true lol

[Ninjazzed]

@DutchGuy12 Your inherent creepiness and spiteful train of thought. Is that not obvious? How exactly am I retarded? For calling you out on your own bullshit?

[Ninjazzed]

@DutchGuy12 You seem to be the only one here with retard mentality.

[Massageman]

Congratulations on your birthday! Wish I could be that young again!

Good points to score points. Thanks for sharing.

Didn't know you were into cars - - - -

On a sidenote, I saw this sign and thought of you and GaG.

[OlderAndWiser]

Wow! Thanks for the photo. I just made it the new photo on my profile. :) :) :)

[Massageman]

It's actually a trackside photo of a nicely detailed and weathered structure on a model train layout!

[OlderAndWiser]

I found the same sign - not miniature - for sale online. Captured the picture at a mush higher resolution and substituted that on my profile.

[tallandsweet]

Dear @OlderAndWiser , once again I'm amazed, mostly because of your positive attitude towards women and your balanced approach to this.
I feel like these points are true for some women.

Since most of the 13 opinions coming from girls contained something along the lines of "I don't actually want dessert", here's mine: I love dessert. I can eat a lot, and before I go to a restaurant, I'll usually have a small snack but nothing else on that day so that I can enjoy the food more. However, because most restaurants serve very small portions, I always set something aside for when I come home for me to eat.
The thing with dessert is that it's uncomfortable to ask for it.
The strategy you outlined is great because the woman can still say no if she really doesn't want dessert. I prefer to split the check, it's common in Austria to pay for your own meal or for the guy to pay, and if I pay for my stuff, I'll get dessert if they have anything nice.

The thing with flowers is that I don't really like them and I would personally absolutely hate receiving any at work, just like @Izumiblu already pointed out. But I think that a decent amount of women enjoy receiving flowers.

If I say "everything is FINE", I'd like to be left alone for about 5mins, then quietly comforted for 5mins and then talked to and calmed down for as long as it takes. It's important that I get my space for a bit and that I then don't feel left alone, but I know that it's hard to find the balance between the two.

I do think that this take holds a lot of truth because for most women, this way they'll feel treated right. What you've written is loving and respectful, so I can't really disagree with anything :)

[OlderAndWiser]

I appreciate your very kind words. What you obviously understand, and what others have failed to understand, is that I am not insisting that these observations apply to all women. Of course not. But this does describe the behavior of many women.

[tallandsweet]

Yes. That's why I felt like adding my opinion, what you know is what you know and you didn't say anything that would justify causing a stir ;)

[CubsterShura]

1. I don't have much of a sweet tooth, but there are a few desserts that I LOVE and if I find it in the menu I'd definitely want it. But I'd be super hesitant, especially if he's paying. I really don't like the feeling of receiving everything all the time, it doesn't have much to do with being a fat cow. If we were splitting though, I'd be more likely to order it for myself. In fact, when I went to a makeup store with my boyfriend to buy some stuff for his mother, when he asked me if I wanted anything I said no even though I was running out of some essential/necessary products. I am just too shy to ask for anything.

2. I wouldn't really dig the flowers. I don't like showing off and as superstitious and funny as it sounds, I believe in the 'evil eye'. I am not even very public about my relationships, only opened up about it with a few friends and they were already slandering and gossiping. Guess who will never get anymore info about my relationships ever again?

3. True lol. I think it's just the agreeable nature of women that just makes us make this very lame attempt to avoid lashing out. Why we still do it despite knowing that it fails miserably everytime is a mystery.

[yucychan]

For me, the first two are already wrong.
If I go out on a dinner date, and if I want that dessert, I will say yes immediately. I will not go about pretending I don't want it but really want it. If my date thinks I am a fat cow because I love chocolate ice-cream, then go ahead. Who cares what he thinks.
For the second point, I like flowers but not to be sent to my workplace. The flowers should be for me to admire only and not for anyone else to make wild guesses about my relationships.
Thirdly, probably true half of the time. I try to speak my mind. If I don't agree with something, I'll prefer to say it out instead of pretending and say I'm fine.

[OlderAndWiser]

I never suggested that these observations apply to all women. Obviously, you are different from other women. . . just like all the other women who made the same point. :) :) :)

[Izumiblu]

You always somehow manage to make me feel like I’m... different

im really not down for dessert. I love dessert I just don’t ever eat it at restaurants cuz I usually just ate dinner and I don’t feel like dessert usually. Dessert for me usually substitutes for meals. and if you insist on dessert I’ll play along and be polite unless I’m just not enjoying myself in which case I’ll just be like... nahhhh I need to go home and work or something

flowers at work is a big no for me. You wanna irritate me, Send me flowers to work. When I was first dating my now husband. I dropped hints like.. yeah I don’t understand why people wanna get flowers at work. That’s freaking dumb and irritating I did that just so on the chance the thought ever occurred to him I wouldn’t have to get mad at him. Charming I know. But I liked him so I figured I was helping him along I Can live just fine without flowers ever. Instead of flowers uber over that dessert I didn’t want at dinner.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, you are an exceptional woman!

[Insightfull]

@Izumiblu don't worry, you're not different for not fitting this very limited and inaccurate definition

[Izumiblu]

@Insightfull I’m not worried. I’m just having a conversation with a gag friend

[Insightfull]

@Izumiblu sorry, worried was the wrong word. Sounded like your self-esteem had taken a hit because you felt different, so I was trying to make you feel better. And @OlderAndWiser seems fun. Sorry if I offended you. I didn't mean to

[Izumiblu]

@Insightfull no worries not offended.

[ghostfacesoldier]

I agree on the most part. Though for desert I usually am full and say no because I don’t want to feel sick from eating too much. But maybe just an “are you sure?” Or “maybe we can get it to takeaway?” is a nice to hear and is a little thing that shows they care.

For the flowers, personally I don’t like gestures like that in front of others but that may just be biased because of my work place.

And for the “I’m fine” it honestly depends. For me 80% of the time, when I say I’m fine. I mean it but when others keep questioning my statement like I’m lying about being fine - when I am. Is when I start to get angry and annoyed by being doubted.

[OlderAndWiser]

When a woman says everything is fine, that should probably be accepted at face value, but if she says, “everything is FINE!,” and there is a tiny pause between "is" and "FINE!,” that is when a guy needs to grab his shit and git.

[Insightfull]

Well, if you won't tell me why, you're not allowed to be mad at me :)

[Insightfull]

Another good reason to take 0 guesses. @ghostfacesoldier means it when she says nothing's wrong

[Anonymous]

I read this on a forum

"A guy was asking for advice on how to get better at talking to women, and people used the word practice

It bothers me, enrages me a lot when people use the word practice, because for women, there is no such thing as practicing talking to men because women's lives are on autopilot when it comes to talking to men since puberty, due to all of the constant attention they've been getting since then, women are forced to, have no choice but to learn how to talk to men, and they gain it right away by doing nothing since they don't have to open their mouth first."

This basically changed my perspective, mindset, on human or man and woman interactions, communication, etc. Women are basically forced to, have no choice but to learn or improve their conversation ability with guys, men, from the moment they hit puberty, guys, men, can easily still have the training wheels on metaphorically well into adulthood or even senior citizen years since shyness or awkwardness, anxiety can easily prevent guys from mastering that area in life, women are forced to or have no choice since the burden of opening their mouth first doesn't fall on their shoulders.

[Hurlyburly]

Umm.. Not true for me 😅 I only say no to dessert when I'm already full or when nothing of them sounds good enough. I have about zero interest for flowers and when I say that everything is fine then it either really is or it's something really minor and I want to deal with it myself so there's no reason to panic.
In conclusion, what a surprise, people are individuals 😅

[OlderAndWiser]

"Never forget that you are absolutely unique. . . just like everyone else." -- Margaret Mead

[Hurlyburly]

Well, yes.

[Insightfull]

@OlderAndWiser that quote is excellent :)

[blutwolfe]

good points, the dessert one kinda falls in line from my experience of sometimes she says the opposite of what she wants. Like if she says she's fine, she's not really she's got something bothering her.

kinda how guys and girls communicate different, guys say and take things at face value where as girls don't say things at face value.

and the flowers thing, I haven't met any girls that like flowers these days, but bringing them food or that starbucks would have the same affect I assume these days

[Meropatrick]

Hahhaha cool stuff bro😂
I learned in my humble 18 years that women love being admired She want to be the most beautiful girl in the room, and when another women is prettier than her then she deserves capital punishment. And this girl must be removed from her sight at any cost.
-there are things that are BIG deal for women that guys barely notice.. Women are very smart when it comes to social relationships they use it as a weapon.
-girls watch men from the side of their eyes, she acts as if she ignores me and that i dont exist. But when i stare at a girl who is much prettier than her in awe immediately she starts staring at the girl too ( guys, girls watches us as well but subtly )
she might even start dressing like that girl.

-girls are very aware of their surroundings, they know when the guys stares at them on a train. She heard that comment, catcall, and she keeps pretending that she is not aware of what happened

[kim45456]

What kind of whore are you? Is that an open relationship or why tf are you staring and givin attention to other women? If i was your girlfriend, i would dump you or go for hotter guys and flirts with them a matter of principle, because you do that too. Do also dress like other hotter men, your girlfriend like?

[GloriaMc]

Sorry number one is ridiculous, I myself don't need dessert during the night I normally have it in mid morning surely sugars are addictive but once in a blue moon won't hurt 😁, number 2 hahahaha flowers no but a flower plants yes so I can put in the garden especially if I like it number 3 oh no I say what I have to say we only live once so I guessed that woman you mentioned is in the movies.

[OlderAndWiser]

Actually, I have known many such women, including some who are much younger than me. And if you read the other responses to this myTake, you will see that this is not something I fabricated.

[GloriaMc]

Well I maybe strange or something else I don't know but I have to be me, anyway thanks

[OlderAndWiser]

Not strange. I never said that every one of these applied to every woman.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Wow i think i am late to this post but it was a joy ride to read the comments.
Learnt more about behaviour of girls. They are never satisfied and you missed out a point i guess girls are always right even if they are not right, and we must accept it. And also times have changed and I would like some traits to follow to impress the new age girls now days they aren't soft as they used to be and I really feel like I am an old soul..

[OlderAndWiser]

It is usually rather easy to tell the difference between Miss Right and Miss Always Right! :) :) :)

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Yes May be for you I guess because you are old and wiser, but I am still almost middle aged and no clue i guess😂😊

[devilish-cutie]

I mean:
1. I wouldn't pass on dessert if i want one
2. I dont actually like receving flowers like a romantic bouqet
3. I usually say how it is which ends in men running away anyways

[OlderAndWiser]

All women are not alike.

[devilman666]

@OlderAndWiser Then why make a guide for women that treats them like they're all the same?

[MissDawn7961]

you got that right and thanks

[OlderAndWiser]

@devilman666 Do you think there are any patterns of behavior that can be observed in large numbers of women? Or is everyone of them totally different and unique?

[devilman666]

@OlderAndWiser humans can find patterns just about anywhere, so while I think we can find patterns such as large percentages of women enjoying being given flowers, however I believe every human is different and unique despite the fact that we share many traits.

[OlderAndWiser]

@devilman666 "humans can find patterns just about anywhere" and that is what I did, so what is your point?

[Insightfull]

@devilish-cutie I would appreciate your saying what's wrong

[devilish-cutie]

My conclusions is that its more about personality than gender, yet we keep on trying to find differences by gender which only causes men and women to distance themselves from each other and have unrealistic expectations, above all we are all humans, gender differences are mostly just physical in my opinion (and socially influenced - which we can change by stopping dividing genders!)

[Anonymous]

*** GENERALLY*** If you want to know anything about women... study the minds of children.

- They can NOT take basic criticism and will become emotional.
- They think it's ok to hit but get upset when someone hits back.
- They dress in ridiculous outfits in public without any concept of responsibility or shame.
- They run to higher authority when they are losing a fight.
- Society needs to lower the bar to help them succeed.
- They need to constantly be patted on the back for nothing so they feel "special".
- They will reduce any argument to petty shaming tactics and name calling when they are losing.
- If they are told not to do something, they do it to spite you.
- They are not held responsible for their actions or words.
- They love to spend other peoples money.
- If they don't get their way they throw tantrums.
- They use emotional manipulation to get their way.

etc.

[Meropatrick]

Spot on man, you forgot to mention also jealousy. They are very jealous creatures

[Insightfull]

can't tag her. some women are defensive and closed 🤷‍♀️

[Opinion Owner]

@Insightfull petty school yard shaming tactics don’t make the truth untrue. It simply proves the points mentioned.

[sejla]

Too funny.
Sweet about the sweets. Sounds like a good plan. I've heard that men really like women who aren't afraid to eat in front of them.

When I say no to dessert it is usually because I can't eat any of the desserts. Give me a sliced apple and I'll be good.

I think the flower thing is genius.

The third I don't say anymore unless I really mean it because I've tried to leave my passive aggressive tendencies behind.

[whipitout]

Other than number 1, I totally agree 🤣 But number 1, I am 100% happy to acknowledge that I'd like dessert lol. Although, I'd usually prefer to leave the restaurant and go for a walk to get ice cream instead 😊

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, there is no generalization that applies to all women.

[whipitout]

I don’t have the will power to deny myself dessert 😜🤣

[Unit1]

Pretty good the first 2.

what i know about women:
social media is their equivalent of what video games are to us.
if you're a man and you're not on there, you basically don't exist for at least most of them. Until they somehow start seeing you by the 30s perhaps.

[ChiTown33]

Lol @ 2. This is so true! And come around special days like V Day. They get ultra competitive. This one woman i worked with got a bouquet of flowers from her man and she was loving all the admiration she was getting from her fellow female co workers... until! One of them got a bouquet almost twice that size from their man. She went from all smiles to " that cheap bastard" in nothing flat. Lmao

[Boredoftrivialshiiit]

hahaha the dessert one! except im the fat cow that orders dessert all the time😂

[OlderAndWiser]

You don't really look like a fat cow! :)

[Boredoftrivialshiiit]

aw thanks:)

[nelly83]

I disagree with number 1. I agree with number two and three.
But overall, I don't think all three points makes you anywhere close to being an expert on women

[OlderAndWiser]

1. Number 1 may not apply to you but that doesn't mean that it does not apply to many other women.

2. I agree with you; knowing these three points does not make me you anywhere close to being an expert on women. THAT is why I did not claim to be an expert on women. What I did say is "there are three things that I know about women and I will share with you these few nuggets." If I claimed elsewhere to be an expert on women, please let me know. Otherwise, we can all assume that you have slain a dragon which did not exist.

[nelly83]

Number 1 does not apply to most taken women in general. It doesn’t even apply to me.

[OlderAndWiser]

You have extensive experience dating women?

[nelly83]

You don’t have extensive experience dating women. I have tons of female friends who wouldn’t mind desert on a date.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. I was dating around the time your parents were born. You have NO idea how much I have dated, so why would you make such a ridiculous statement?

2. Believe it or not, the way that girls talk and act around you may not be the same way they act on a date.

[nelly83]

You need to realize times have changed. Increasingly less women are being objectified by our media. Men are being told to man up less than ever. Increasingly less women are only eating salads on dates. All these gender specific expectations are all now letting loose. It would be much more common during 2000s but not anymore now

[OlderAndWiser]

Okay. If you say so!

[Randomawkwardness]

Gender norms have absolutely nothing to do with whether someone asks for dessert or not. I don't eat in front of people, is that because I'm a woman? Or is it maybe because I just hate the sounds of eating and don't want to wind up with food in my teeth? If his experience is that his partners are more shy & don't order then thats fine; however, you have no right to imply he is a liar for speaking his truth.

[nelly83]

@Randomawkwardness That is not the truth because tons of my girlfriends have talked about having desert while on a date with a guy. Women no longer only eat salads on dates anymore. Its no longer 2009

[MissDawn7961]

all women are not alike and whoever thinks we are needs to grow up or go back to kindergarten ! Thanks

[OlderAndWiser]

Apparently, you have misinterpreted what I wrote. I NEVER said that all women are alike.

* * *

4. And many women will make a point of telling you that they are not like other women.

[honestGUY45]

Oh, that's just something women say!

[honestGUY45]

Yeah, they do misinterpret quite a bit don't they? 😉