If a girl has high expectations, is it a turn off for guys?

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Okay, so I am the kind of person that has VERY high expectations from people, whether it’s a friend, a date, a boyfriend, or a business partner. I don’t expect people to be perfect, because no one is and I’m not either, but like if people don’t meet them, I get upset and it bothers me. I also assume things a lot and jump to conclusions based on what I see and observe from people. I have had friendships end and/or get ruined over this, and I hate it. It’s a bad trait I have, to assume things and jump to conclusions, and I know I need to fix it. But about the high expectations, do you think guys will get turned off and that it will scare them off, to have a girl like that? Honest answers please! I need constructive criticism, so if it is the case, I need to learn to improve myself and lower my expectations without getting bothered. Thank you! :)

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+1 y

Like if someone doesn’t meet my expectation on something and it bothers me, I don’t hide it. I tell them how it feels and that it bothers me.

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+1 y

But then they get all stressed about it and say I’m giving them a “guilt-trip” when in fact, that is not what I am trying to do.

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+1 y

I am just trying to tell them how I feel because there is nothing to hide or be ashamed of, especially if they are a close friend or boyfriend or something.

[AdamBH]

I think in a way it would be a short tern turn-on for me, because if we are insecure then we will feel like A, we are being told the truth and B we are being told how to better ourselves. However, if you are constantly nagging and complaining and we feel that you are expecting us to actually change who we are or do things we don't agree that we should do, then it's all bound to build up and build up and eventually explode back in your face and we'll leave.

I think the secret to this is to make sure you always express how much you love them for who they are at any given moment and don't nag. Just try to help them improve in a way like 'You are getting more amazing every day! I love you so much! Next, bla bla bla. Thank youf or being this amazing boyfriend!" And allow them to feel completely adequate and not as if they don't deserve to be with you. Above all, make sure you are always looking to improve as well.

If you feel like you don't need to improve as much as they do, then either you are sttling way too much or you have far too high an opinion of yourself and expect them to get to a league you could never actually date. In this case, you are being unrealistic. I'm not saying you are these things, because I don't know you, but just be warned - look at yourself and make sure it's not the case.

[MtnDewMan]

Well I have high standards too, and someone told me recently that if you have too high of a standard for someone then they may never reach it and you will miss out on a lot of good people for you. No one is perfect, I'm glad God made it that way because life would be so boring. I have expectations for girls and if they never met them I would be very hurt by it, I realized that they were unfair to the other person because they had no idea about my expectations and when I got mad it created more problems for me.

You have to realize that someone will never meet all our requirements standards and that is going to be hard for you. You should evaluate the standards which are most important to you and if they meet those then you can be happier. Lowering your standards isn't a good thing sometimes because then you get the creeps and weirdo's. But if they are too high it can prevent you from finding anyone great or anyone at all!

My advice is to really pick the most important standards you have and if the guy matches those then give him a shot. You can't have these unfair expectations for anyone and expect it to work. I really hope I helped you because I was in the same exact situation you were.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

God bless your soul!! Thank you so much for your in-depth answer and everything. I really appreciate it! :) Everything you said makes total sense. I am glad to not feel alone and know that others have gone through this too. It is hard on my as a person, to get annoyed when people don't fufill my every need/expectations, so for my own sake, I know I have to change, and improve, so it doesn't bother and annoy me anymore, plus it must annoy the other person as well.

[toulouse]

I personally think its great you recognize your tendencies & fantastic you admit it freely- its who you are,.

Like if someone doesn’t meet my expectation on something and it bothers me, I don’t hide it. I tell them how it feels and that it bothers me.

id love it fi more people were honest about what bothers them, most people lie. and anyone saying you are guilt tripping them s just too lazy to have an actual discussion. its irrational.

thing about jumping to conclusions.. just try asking about stuff . I mean we all jump to conclusions initially, but then hopefully we talk it over before cementing our view. We can jump but then e can verify so we land rationally, not fall into distorted impressions:)

[Anonymous]

Men respect women with standards. If a women just gives it out to any guy, then men don't respect that woman. Men do think there is a line where women require too much, but they expect you to have some requirements. I personally think every woman should expect to be treated with respect, but we all know some don't. That is why those women get treated like crap. You having standards sets you apart from these women, so feel free to have some requirments, just don't go overboard.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Yes, I agree that men respect women with standards, because they will know that we are not "easy" and men always love a challenge, especially if that includes a woman. I agree that too much will turn off a guy, so there needs to be a realistic balance in the requirements. I agree that every woman needs to expect to be treated with respect. But then again, many people have different definitions on what respect is. So one should make it clear to the other what they mean by respect.

[MoeMoe]

Yeah men like women with standards but as long as their standards don't go on and on and on and then they have that "princess syndrome". The "princess syndrome" will kill any ladies chances cause they have this (that false perception of that "guy" is going to fall out of the sky) and he's somehow going to be this "perfect". Nothing and know one is "perfect" and if ladies go around in life thinking if they say NO to every man this "perfect" guy is magically going to appear. Not happening!

[iceprincess777]

for me, I expect what I can give in a relationship, if I can't give that, then I won't expect it because there's got to be balance and fairness...

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Yeah, I agree. I'm the same way. Thanks for answering. :)

[Prof_Don]

I'm a person that doesn't just have high standards in dating, but high standards in just about everything. Maybe you're just like me; you "high standards" = consistent strive for self-improvement.

I ALWAYS want to be good @ everything I do, & I strive for improvement all the time in everything. Not just that, but I also tend to "flex my intelligence" on any subject. It is as if I want to demonstrate & share the knowledge & skill that I have in anything, w/o being boastful.

(I mean this in the humblest way possible)

I've learned that with me being the way I am, I tend to make people feel bad about themselves. I seem to portray myself as so intelligent, so ethically good, so focused, so positive...that some people that deep down that know they are unambitious, feel like they are "not on my intellectual level", are doing/have done things they know are unethical, etc...through insecurity, feel a sense of inferiority in comparison to me, as if these people put Prof_Don in a personified "halo".

Maybe people portray you as such, maybe they don't. Anyways, there's nothing wrong with having high standards in guys, as long as:

1) you hold yourself to the same (or higher) requirements that you want in a partner.

2) you're high standards are not focused on superficial things such as looks or $$$.

2) you don't intentionally try to be pressuring or condescending about it. I feel that you simply want someone that isn't complacent about themselves or their life. Nothing wrong with that. Do what I do, & lead these standards by personal example, & you shall attract some1 who isn't intimidated, while weeding out cancerous people :)

[Brando]

It depends on if your expectations are unrealistic. You said that you realize people, including yourself, aren't perfect so it seems like you might be realistic. But if you are expecting things from people that they can't deliver constantly and consistently, then you are going to feel very stressed towards life. I know personally I can't deal with incredibly stupid people, however I don't expect everyone to be critical thinking scholars either. I think it's perfectly fine to have standards in your life, just make sure you don't set the bar unrealistically high.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

What a wonderful, beautiful answer, lol! I love your answer and it makes perfect sense to me, 100%. :) I agree with everything you said. Yes, I believe my expectations ARE realistic. Yes, I would always feel stressed towards life and people in general, when I don't get all my expectations met from people, and that's not good. I shouldn't expect people to do everything my way because they might think I'm demanding or controlling or too much of a perfectionist.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

That is why I have chosen to change myself for my own sake so I don't get frustrated and for other people too, so they will feel better and get along with me better. Lol. They might not know all my expectations so it is unrealistic for me to expect them to meet all of them when they might not even know what my expectations are. Bottom line, I believe having super high expectations is bad and I am trying my best to lower them. Thanks for your awesome answer! :)

[Brando]

You and I both feel the need for change. I've found that while I'm in this "reorganization limbo", it's best for me to just be outright with what's on my mind. "I'm doing xx, and I'd like for you to do xx". You will be respected for being clear and firm. I don't care about people's emotions, so if someone feels offended by me being firm like that, go talk to someone else about it.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Yes, change is always a good thing, in my opinion, only if that change improves things and doesn't make things worse. Change is change. But change is only good when things get better not worse. Improvement is the key. It's good to recognize one's own faults and flaws and admit that there needs to be a change. So that is what I am doing. There are certain standards I have that I believe shows respect towards me and those are the ones that I feel are important for people to meet and know of.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

As I would respect them too, in return of course. I respect everyone in general, unless they are bad people and treat me badly. You said you don't care about people's emotions. Well, I do. That is where we differ. But I understand that people are different so I accept you feel that way about that. You see, if I feel offended by something someone did or said to me, I tell them how I feel and that it offended me, especially if it was a friend.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

I just feel that friends should be open and honest with each other about everything and their feelings and such and shouldn't hide anything from each other. I feel that friends should trust each other and shouldn't feel ashamed or scared to tell each other how they feel and if something they did or said hurt them or offfended them or anything like that. I also feel that friends should listen to one another and hear each other out.

[Brando]

When I say I don't care about people's emotions, I mean in the sense of things like work or school. Places where we are required to cooperate. To me, it's no place for an emotional battle. "Leave your emotions at the door" is my philosophy. I guess I care about people in general, I just find a time and place to like them. Someplace where a goal is expected to be reached, is not one of those places.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

I also feel that friends shouldn't be scared or ashamed to ask each other ANYTHING if they have a question. Anyways, that's how I feel good healthy friendships should be and how I am with most of my close friends and best friend. Sorry for the long response. But yes, I care about people's emotions and feelings especially if they are a friend and I expect them to care about mine too. I understand you are different though and see it differently. But thanks again for your answer! :)

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Oh okay, thanks for the clarification. That makes sense. That's great and yes, I am the same. I care about people in general too, but not really if they don't show they care about me in return. I don't know. Again, thanks for your input. Take care! :)

[Mesonfielde]

Well if you think the expectations are realistic for a human, then you could keep them up. But if even you think they cannot be met, then obviously you should lower them. Expectations are necessary - we all need standards - but we shouldn't want to bite more than we can chew. They won't be turned off until they realize that you have a problem with them for whatever reason. Obviously the "turn off" part comes in with quantity, if you b***h too much about how imperfect the guy is, obviously he'll leave after a while...

[Mesonfielde]

Then they really have to learn how to handle negative criticism. Constructive criticism is useful. If you add something positive next to it, it won't hurt them nearly as bad, that's just a piece of advice.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Yeah, I know I need to lower them. Because some people do feel like I am bitching too much about how imperfect they are, when I am not trying to do that at all, but trying to say that it bothers me, but I SHOULD NOT let it bother me. I need to lower them and I will. Thanks! :)

[Anonymous]

Most guys these days are sick and tired of women having these la la "fantasy" expectations. So many women these days think there is this "perfect" of a god guy like (has money that never ever runs out, always has a job (can't ever be laid off), is perfectly 6' or much taller, perfect teeth, perfect eye color, perfect hair, perfect perfect perfect). NO ladies, SIMPLY NO! Single women these days need to completely size down their "fantasy wishes" and get into REALITY that he is not going to be "perfect". He will be good for you but know one is perfect including you ladies. When ladies quit expecting this ginormous "list" of "requirements" size down their "requirements to like the 5 to 7 most important things NOT 50 or 60 PAGES for "requirements" then ONLY then will you get in a serious relationship, get married and start the family. But I would say YES most men are turned off with women that have those stupid "fantasy" la la expectations and can't or won't get into "reality"/THE REAL WORLD!

[Reiki_Z]

Yes

you need to give the man some room to breath

you don't know what this person has been through

just like he doesn't know so

give the man more then one chance at least

i mean follow your heart and gut

intuition and all that

and you can't let things upset you

when someone doesn't come through for you

cause you can always look at the glass

half full

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Everything you said makes perfect sense. Thanks, I'll try to improve myself in that way. I know I need to fix this flaw. We all have imperfections, I know it's good to realize what they are and to work on them. Thank you so much. I agree to cut some people some slack and it's really my problem that it annoys me when people don't meet them. I need to learn to not let it bother me anymore. Thanks again!

[Reiki_Z]

I see what your saying

you just say honestly what's on your mind cause you see what there doing and you wanna understand why

or you wanna make them do better ?

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

I am glad you can understand what I am saying and look at things from my point of view. Yes, I say what's on my mind, if something they are doing is bothering me, because I want to know why they would do that. Like if they do something I feel is disrespectful and rude, I want to know why they did that. If it was intentional or not. So I say how I feel. They can do what they want. I am not forcing them to be a certain way. But when they don't meet some standards, it just bothers me.

[Reiki_Z]

You just point out the obvious things or the little flaws

just as you see them

i used to do it a lot too but I've learned to not have standards so you can never be disapointed and always be pleased or supprised ha ha

its just nice to have someone take care of them selfs

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Yeah, I do. It's kind of a habit that I have to change, haha. Oh lol, I'm glad that I'm not alone. Yeah, I am learning the same thing. I will always end up disappointed if I have high expectations because not everyone will meet my expectations and not everyone is perfect and knows what I expect. I will lower them for sure. I agree with you 100% that having no standards or less standards will make one happier. :)

[igundownlemurs]

well, guys like to be who they are...

they don't like to change...

in my opinion it is...

this is ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS EVER!

GUYS MARRY WOMEN BECUZ THEY THINK THEY WONT CHANGE

...THEY DO.

GIRLS MARRY GUYS CUZ THEY THINK THEY CAN CHANGE THEM

...THEY CAN'T...

simple as that...

BTW : it will if you become the CRAZY girl that they are scared of..

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

I don't like to change them and I want them to stay true to who they are, of course. It's just that I have some standards and expectations for respect and such, that I feel I would like for them to meet, but if I lay it all out for them, they will think I'm too demanding. I don't know. Maybe I should be more easy-going and flexible. But thanks for your answer. :)

[igundownlemurs]

see I was like that about a year ago...

easily changeable

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Glad to know I'm not alone, lol, and that you can see things from my perspective since you've been there before yourself. Yes, I know it is easy to change, I agree. Anyways, thanks again for your input.

[Ether1627]

I personally hate it when girls pick petty little things about you that they don't like and make that the ruling for why they don't like you. Its childish, but I can understand where you're coming from. Just pick the things you like about someone or don't like about them the most (Make sure its of considerable weight). And then decide whether or not to see them again.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Thanks for your advice. Makes sense. Yeah, I know what you mean. It is childish and I don't really do that.. but I don't know... I know what you mean.. yeah. Thanks again.

[Camilus]

Judgmental people are a turn off for me, and it doesn't help the fact that most people I meet like this are either really shallow or have very low self-esteem.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

I'm a pretty confident person and have high self-esteem. I'm not shallow at all either. But I do judge a lot sometimes. I know that needs to change. Thanks for your honest input/answer.

[20Questions]

I would say it definitely needs to change. I'm only 24 yet some girls are asking me all kinds of career questions when we've only just met! Its a big turn-off...by all means judge a guy, but a least give him a chance because we're all flawed

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Yes, I agree it must change.. and I need to be less judgmental and lower my expectations for sure. I am trying hard to do that. I'm not perfect and am flawed myself, so I know I need to improve and change some negative aspects of my personality, lol. Yes, I agree it's a big turn-off. Yes, I will give him a chance, but not be too hard, because you are right, we are all flawed and have imperfections in one way or another. No one is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Hell, if a girl just went out an told me on the first date "I have high standards" then the date is done. You should be your own high standards, don't impose them on me or expect me to satisfy them. That's a lot of pressure.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Lol I wouldn't say that to any guy on the first date. Haha. Of course it would scare him off! Thanks for your input though.

[Anonymous]

well if its for sex then I don't think it would be a turn off but rather a mental stress and it could make him want to have less sex, for money I belive he would pretend to have a lot of money even if he dont

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Thanks for your input.

[Louisdel]

guys don't get scared off with women with high expectations, we see that as a challenge to conquer your heart that much more. we don't get turned off at all we just see it for what it is and what are we in the mood for.

Don't alway jump to conclusions about us men, were just as smart as you women but play the game so that we win in the end.

[FernandoS]

ofcourse its a turn off. you continiously doubt about yourself cause you need to be meeting your standards to be your boyfriend, duh.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Lol, thanks for your feedback. Yes, I know it's a turn-off and I'm trying hard to improve myself and fix this flaw in my personality. Lol, honestly, I am working hard to lower my standards and not let things bother me anymore when people don't meet them. In the past, it would annoy me when things didn't go my way and people couldn't meet my basic standards for respect, but I'm trying to not let it bother me anymore and lower them too, to make it easier for myself and them too. Thanx 4 answering.

[ladsin]

seems to me there's a fine line btwn. thaat and being a bitch, you don't wanna cross it

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Hahahaah, LOL I 100% agree. Thanks for your answer!

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Oh, and I'm not a bitch.. definitely not one!

[ladsin]

haha, kk

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Lol. :)

[Riverrunner]

Men respect standards. It's women who don't have standards that men don't respect & treat poorly.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Lol, I 100% agree.

[TC123]

If your "standards" are hurting your life then they are a problem.

[TC123]

From your comments it sounds like you are overly-critical and probably a nag. You need to understand that everyone is different, with different qualities, strengths and weaknesses and some of us don't want to constantly hear your 2 cents on the subject.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Yes, some people do think I'm overly critical... I know it's bad. I know I have to lower my expectations from people. Thank you VERY much for your constructive criticism... I really appreciate your honest answer! It reall helps a lot. I will try to improve myself and not be so much of a perfectionist and expect too much from people. I know it's turn off. Only because I have been brought up this way.. my dad had VERY high expectations from me, as I grew up. I am used to it. :/

[TC123]

Well, then it's just a part of your personality. I know how hard it is to curb a negative aspect of your personality as I grew up with pretty much nothing but abuse and ridicule from my family so that's what I did to others. Understanding the source of the problem is the first step, the next one is catching yourself before you start to do it again.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Yeah, it's a part of my personality, but it's a bad part of my personality. It's an aspect of my personality that I need to change and work on improving, which I will do. I'm sorry about your family. I can relate to you though, as I grew up with abuse and ridicule from my parents too though, to be honest. I was NEVER "good enough" for my dad. All I wanted was to make him proud of me, but he always needed "more" from me. He put my down a lot. But that is besides the point.

[UglyGuy]

Wow. If the average girl is so demanding with high expectations from guys then your high expectations must be off the roof. I don't like shallow girls like that but then again almost every girl is shallow 1 way or the other.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

LOL, mine must be, I don't know.. but point is, I'm trying to lower them. So that's good and all that matters. I'm not shallow AT ALL. That's just how I've been brought up and raised by my parents... both my mom and dad have SUPER high expectations from me and everyone in general and sort of brought me up that way. I know I got to change it though and lower them, because it's not good to have high expectations and be so demanding.

[TheGoodTheBadTheHOT]

sorry but what do you mean "if" a girl has high expectations.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

I mean, "when a girl has high expectations....."

[TheGoodTheBadTheHOT]

I hope you realize the true meaning of my statement. Girls always have high expectations, there is no "if" in the equation.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

LOL, I didn't understand at first but I get it now. But I respectfully disagree with you. I know many girls that don't have high expectations. Not all girls are the same you know. Yes, we have the same gender, but we are not all the same like that. We have our own personalities and some have high expectations and some don't. Same with guys. My dad is a male and he has SUPER high expectations, but not all males are like my dad. We can't judge that based off of gender. It's a personality trait.

[Yeahhbro]

Hey how is it living high up there alone by yourself?.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

I'm not alone. I have many friends and such and I'm not alone at all, thank you very much.

[Yeahhbro]

By that I meant boyfriend. I mean if you are not really smoking hot, then you are alone with out a boyfriend. And even if you are really hot chances are you only attract ass wholes too. You have to have reasonable standards or else you will be alone by yourself, because 3% of the male population doesn't fit your standards. And trust me men that are like how you want them probably have high standards too, so if you are not the stereotypical chick that every guy wants you can forget it.

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

I understand what you are saying and agree, hence why I have chosen to lower my standards and expectations for my own sake and for the other person as well, because it leaves me frustrated when people don't meet my expectations, but I shouldn't let it frustrate me so that is why I am lowering them, so I don't get frustrated and it doesn't bother the other person as well. And I'm not an ass hole. You said "...even if you are, you only attract ass wholes too." Thanks for your input though.

[Yeahhbro]

lol I meant to called you attractive not an asswhole

[FunnyHunnyBunny10]

Oh lol I see. Kay, thanks for the clarification.