"Missing" my ex, and hating myself for it...

[bigblueeyes1]

I'm sure you all have been there. You want to forget the ex, but they somehow still have a hold on you. It's been 4 mths since he broke up with me, 7 wks since the last time we talked. He made it clear there is no chance of reconciliation and I've been doing okay. (some of you know my earlier questions and story)

I've been talking to some guys, the problem is it just makes me "miss" my ex. And I put the word miss in quotes because I don't THINK I miss HIM, I miss how comfortable I was with him, I miss how he knew me and I knew him (likes and dislikes)...I'm sure you get the picture.

Even though I don't necessarily miss HIM, I'm finding I'm starting to get those urges of emailing him and trying to get him back just because it will be easier. I don't email because I know it will do no good. like I said, he is happier and with someone (I think). plus I should mention he lives 12 hrs away.

idk...i guess I just don't know what to do.my mind says not to contact him because I'll get more hurt and prob be back at square one, but my heart is saying another because it is familiar and we both truly thought we were going to get married and have a family. I'm just so scared of being with someone else. what do you all think? advice, stories, opinions...anything at all would be helpful. thanks ;)

[Anonymous]

My heart goes out to you... I can definitely empathize.

My most recent ex and I have been apart for over a month now, and some days are worse than the first.

One of the toughest things is that my brain knows it's over, but my heart won't just freaking let it go.

I know what you mean about not missing "him". You don't miss (just) the person...i'm sure you see his flaws, and you know logically that he wasn't the guy that is meant to make you happy forever. But you miss how important and special you felt when you were with him. You miss (for me this was the most true) the plans you made for you both.

Even if you didn't start to plan a wedding, etc... no doubt you had thoughts in your head about a future with him. And it's really tough to give up not only the person, but to also the hopes and dreams you had allowed yourself to make.

I would never tell anyone to never contact their ex... I know how much you want to rekindle what was there. But if you do, just be prepared for another possible rejection. There is nothing wrong with giving love another chance...but if you open yourself back up, you need to be ready to pick yourself back up again.

Don't ever blame yourself for missing him. (the physical "him", and the memory of 'him") Just remember that you were someone special to him once...and you can be someone special to another guy just as good, if not better, again.

But you have no need to rush into another relationship to prove your worth. You need to focus on you right now, and realize you are okay by yourself, so you can be ready when someone truly amazing comes along.

[bigblueeyes1]

wow! You hit the nail on the head with everything, but especially this sentence "u miss the plans you made for you both". It's true. He used to tell me how much he wanted to marry me, and to buy me a house etc...he was the first guy I ever felt could've been "the one". but your right, logically, he isn't right for me. He was, but then he changed (I did too). The person he was when we broke up wasn't the person I wanted to marry. Sigh...it's hard to imagine myself with anyone other than him.

[bigblueeyes1]

I think that's the hardest part. And knowing (if I believe what he told me) that he is happier without me hurts a lot. It's crazy how people can go from professing their undying love to you and saying how much they can't live without you, to never speaking and them saying they are glad your out of their life. I would've never given up on him or us, but I guess he just had enough and lost all faith in me and us :(

[Opinion Owner]

I still look at msgs she sent me a week before she dumped me..."i can't sleep w/o you, life means nothing without you, etc..." They're no longer the people we fell in love with. But please don't believe that he's happier now w/o you. My ex dropped me and moved on so easily... and rubs it in my face that she's sleeping with a lot of guys now. But generally, people only TELL us they're happier, because they're not...they're trying to convince themselves. He isn't right for you, but he does miss you.

[bigblueeyes1]

I do the same thing! I actually just re-read emails from him a few hours ago. He lives 12 hrs away so I do not have proof he is happier. All I have is what he told me. He claims he is in culinary school now (this was 7 wks ago he told me this). I'd like to think he misses me at least a little. We had a very intense relationship. I know he will never forget me, but I'd like to know he still thinks of me from time to time. he said he knows we will never be together again. No one knows the future

[coogikat]

Yea I was in the same situation me and my ex broke up and I couldn't go a day without thinking about her..it will take you a while to together about him..but wen you a find sum evidence that he move on and he got another girl your heart and your mind will stop having feelings about that person...so jus find evidence and listen to your heart

[Anonymous]

You miss him because you can't find anyone better. Also, you probably miss the guy you thought he was.

It's so common for us girls to do that. Actually I think everyone does that. The devil you know, is always better than the one you DON'T know.

Breaking up takes some serious time apart to completely heal. I too have fallen into similar patterns, but I'm always reminded of the reasons I broke up with him, and that nothing will change if we get back together. He will never change, and nor will I.

I always thought I could never find someone that could make me feel as good as he did, but I was wrong. The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side, and you break-up to date better.

I just try to think about the good times I've had with him, and how much I have grown and learned from my experience. You would be surprised how much easier it is to move on when you hang out with other people.

You just have to be strong and not contact him anymore. It's normal to miss him, but do you really want to take 10 steps back?

[primitive]

dont contact him and try to get him back it makes a girl seem desperate...

i still miss my ex A LOT I was with him for 6 years planning on getting married.[we broke uup 6 months ago]..but he had other feelings/so I left him cause I saw his heart wasn't in it anymore.. and I could tell..he proved me right by getting with some other girl and now he's living with her...

take it from me girl,you'll live...move on and just do you...wehn gusy see that you can do just fine without them they get curious and wonder what you're up to...i swear its not the last time you'll hear from him..

trust me...just do you. :)

hope this helped.

[primitive]

ALSO...

he contacted me after 6 months...asked me to hang out...and I REJECTED HIM...changed my number...

trust me...you'll get his attention more if you leave him ALONE

[bigblueeyes1]

Thanks :) yeah he always told me he wouldn't be with anyone for long time. Ha not even 2 mths later he said he was already interested in someone. I do have a gut feeling I haven't heard the last from him tho. I've been trying to take care of me, just sometimes hard. Do you think you will hear from your ex again?

[bigblueeyes1]

Lol, I just saw your comment that your ex contacted you so ignore that question. What made you reject him and were you no contact? My ex was very harsh with me. He seemed very very adamant that he will never talk or be with me again...so Idk.

[meesh1220]

My question is: if you pushed away your ex by periodically contacting him, then go NC, is there still a chance he'll come around? For me, I'm worried that the damage is done, and he'll never contact me again. I didn't go psycho ex on him, I just missed him so much I initiated contact hoping he would talk to me. He did reply recently, but has ignored me since.

[primitive]

im so sorry I got to your question so late;what made me reject my ex was the constant forgving I've done for him over the years...i couldn't take all the begging I was doing and just being repeatedly disappointed...at one point I was seriously interested in someone else but never acted on my feeelings...thats when I knew I wasn't getting what I wanted from my current boyfriend..i let those feelings for the other guy fade and found myself alone ultimately.