So my friends with benefits/friend bday is coming up. Do I wish him a happy bday or no?

[Anonymous]

So, just last weekend or the weekend before last. My 8 year friends with benefits and I decided to strictly just stay friends. And if things are meant to be, later on then it will be. But the last thing, I said to him, that I needed some space and time away from him. And how I was trying to detach myself spiritually, emotionally and physically from him. And he said, how he understands. But said, we can text and still talk, and how he doesn't have a problem with communication. But he said, Ok do what you need. She also mentioned to me how he still loves me and how he isn't going anywhere. Right! but he also loves is into other girls and is a whore- and it shows that he isn't ready for no kind of commitment. And, I refuse to be his sex slave. So we both decided to just remain friends and go from there. But his bday is coming up soon, and I wanted to show him some respect like he did for me on my bday. Even tho, I had to remind him lol. But I do No that there is a consequence here and if I open up communication too soon. He could either a tell me thank you and don't say anything else, or B say thank you and want to communicate, with a hey how have you been. But I I'm not really ready to face him just yet. Like, if y'all knew me. Y'all would know just how much love that I have for him. Like, I love this man so much- it's crazy. But not enough to damage my heart again. I mean every now and then I do still think about him, by other times, it's this hate feeling that I start having towards him, then I get sad. So the feeling that I have now as I'm writing this is more sad. But anyways, do I write him on his bday or just hold off?

[MrCommodore]

No, he isn't interested.

I'm not a fan of Friends with Benefits situations, because in most cases the girl usually either
1. Likes the guy before entering this agreement and hopes friends with benefits will make him fall in love with her (This rarely happens).
2. Starts to develop feelings for the guy, and wants a proper committed relationship (A proper relationship also rarely happens afterwards).

I can understand two people hooking up once or twice no strings attached situation or just testing the water. But friends with benefits is not good, because its a false relationship which usually ends in heartbreak.

[Asker]

Well here is the thing...

[Asker]

SEX with hom, was NEVER suppose to happen with him... Like EVER. HE reached out to me, in the year of (2014) remind you guys he already had a relationship going on that I found out back in 2016-2017. Smh. He was looking for some ass, off of the internet from random girls, because he wasn't getting any at home from his girl, smh so desperate. And trust Me!! I most definitely didn't give it up too him once we got acquaintances. But when we did have sex. It was suppose to be only once! And I told him, don't start acting all CRAZY... Once I give you my body.. I said.. We are friends 1st before anything. And he agreed and said, Okay I want. But oops he did exactly what I asked him not to. And I knew it was wrong! but by the sex being so good! I kept it going, and going and going for years. We share a lot of history... Crazy history... OMG!! 😲. And also... I didn't start wanting a relationship with him until like 2018. Because truthfully I didn't even like this man something about him and when he approached me seemed suspicious and weird then. So it took some time for me, to know how I feel about it him. It's wasn't the type that I usually go after. Sooo.. I was interested in getting to know him. But sleeping with him was a No no. I felt pressured :(.

[Asker]

But anyways. There was a few slip ups where it felt like we was making love to each other and not just sex.. We use to make out in the beginning, so weird to think about kissing him nowadays. Anyways. I don't know what real love actually feels like.. But it was very passionate between him and I. And that's when I realized... I was developing feelings for him and each time, I reached my climax with him. He start making me and my body feel things that I haven't felt before. And it was also those moments when you got to leave, I felt sad. Because I was emotionally attached to him or started to become anyways. So I detach from the Physical Realm with him and became emotionally invested with him. And even when we didn't have SEX... I always thought about him and a very romantic way. And when we did hook up.. I was giving him my whole self. Ugh! And that's something I haven't done before with any guy I've dated or messed with. So I didn't just emotionally attached myself to him. I spiritually and physically did. Soul ties are real. But also dealing with him he made me feel special he make me feel wanted he told me all the right things that I felt for like an idiot but also he made me feel safe and secure with him. And I develop this amount of love for him that seems to never go away. :'(. But from the information that I discovered and found out on him he's not really trying to commit to anybody even those other women that he Sexing. So this year was the year I decided to finally walk away and if we were going to talk it was going to be casual and I was just being friends. 👍

[MrCommodore]

The problem is that once you have sex, you are no longer really friends, that boundary has been crossed.

If you decided to walk awY, then walk away, don't come back to wish him happy birthday as a "friend". If he hasn't fallen in live by now, it won't happen, he will just at best probably use you and break your heart.

I don't want to be hurtful, but no good will come out of this for you.

[Asker]

Right I agree. And he is a fuck boy for sure.. From the last time we hooked up.. It wasn't the same... 🤔😑. From his energy, I can definitely feel that he has been with more then just two girls. Like he said if things are meant to be later on, then it will be. And breaking my heart is not something that he can no longer do. Frfr. He didn't have to say much. The how he talks and what comes out of his mouth he's really not trying to commit to anyone. And frfr.. my real reasons why I am walking away... Bc let's say... That this guy does finally come out the closet and asked me to be his girlfriend or want some type of commitment. I would tell him No.

[MrCommodore]

Thats good that you would say no, but its unlikely that he would come asking you or the other girls to be his girlfriend, he sounds like a player.

You seem like a smart girl, you already seem to know what his character is. Just protect yourself from more hurt, you don't need him as a friend.

[Asker]

So all these different emotions that I'm feeling right now. Obviously, God is working on me and healing me through the past pain and hurt from him. My love for him... Won't ever go away. But I feel like everything is going back to the beginning when we first met. Because I'm trying to fight off my feelings for him so much. That, it's becoming to the point of me feeling weird or even the thought about sleeping with him. Because of the simple fact I held on for so long, and he didn't make things with us then. So I'm not looking for anything nor or later with him. 🤘😎

[MrCommodore]

Cool. You can still find a great guy, a guy who will make you feel the same, but who will actually commit to you. Although meeting people is never eas, it can be frustrating, varies Country to Country. But you seem nice, things will work out.

[Asker]

Well really I don't even know how I should feel at this point with him. It's like I want to be mad, but I understand that him and I are different and we want different things. He can never truly give me what I'm looking for. And truthfully it feels good to not have to worry about when he's going to message me, back. That's another thing he did, he was leaving my messages on red I'm like he usually responds back to me within a few minutes or at least an hour. Your reaching back out to me, like hours, hours later. That says a lot right there. And the major thing is, what really made me pull away. He was, for the very first time rejecting my sex offer. This was like 3 days ago.. I was horny and wanted sex. But he was actually turning me down after 7 fucking Years!! Like WTF!!. It made me feel some type of way.. But it also made me happy in ways too. And for him to agree for him to be just friends... WOW that's the 1st.. he used to get mad anytime I refuse or told him no or say let's be friends but now you got a different face. You got someone else, so you don't want my body now... Haha... Will please be reassuring, don't ask me later. And I'm telling you.. Once I clip things with him sexually and emotionally he really won't be able to get that back. That's good that he still wants to stay in touch and still be cool and friends. But it makes me mad and giving me excuses, to why he can't bone with me. Always trying use his son and work as an excuse. If he wants to be with someone else.. Then he did.. Trust me... Things aren't the same. So if I'm not the girl that he wants to get off too anymore with. Then I'm not that girl.. He should come back too, when he is in the need of pu$$y. Like he said.. We are friends and he's cool with that. Okay! 😎🤘👍

[Asker]

Thank You. I don't know dealing with him just makes me not want to be with anybody else. So lately I just been trying to focus on myself and he'll through this process and really seriously move on. When the time is right for me to meet someone I'll let God do that. 🤘🙏

[Asker]

Heal not he'll

[MrCommodore]

Most men would struggle not to accept that kind of offer, don't see many girls in Ireland doing that. He wants to play around, probably date different girls and have no strings fun.

[Asker]

I no.. but that hurt my soul. Not just the sex.. But I felt rejected! I relied on him emotionally. :( and I was being very desperate and I kept asking never have I actually had to do that. So it was weird! Even with me being flirtatious and being sexy with him. He looked over that- like damn.. 😐😐👀😩😭. You just shit on my face lol. So like I said him saying oh he's cool with being friends like I said. I'm going to remember that! 🤘😊😊😊. I just wish he would be honest and open with me like I did with him. I told him that I that I was getting ready to get myself involved in a relationship with somebody. But he's a free man he can do what he wishes and wants. So no need to trip! 😎😎😎

[Crissy_J]

Don’t wish this guy a happy birthday. I had something similar with a guy years ago and I feel for you. I had to block him, delete all the memories, and walk away. Just realize he hasn’t committed to you, and only you, for this long so don’t ever count on it happening. I reached out to an ex on his birthday years ago once and it opened a can of worms. My ex immediately called me after I sent the bday text saying he realized he loved me and wanted to fix things, like a fool I gave him another chance. All because of that bday text. He said he saw it as a sign and had been wanting to contact me. It doesn’t sound like this guy would do exactly that to you, but who knows what that innocent text can bring. As far as him turning you down for sex, see that as a blessing in disguise. The Universes rejection is the universes protection.

[Asker]

Facts! And big facts. I agree with you 100%.. That would open can of worms of communication! like I try to be patient and to NOT block him, AND being just his friend. But... Ugh I don't feel or think it's best.

[Asker]

And I'm sorry that you had to deal with that BS from your ex. Smh. Some of these man... Are so full of shit... And they know it.

[Crissy_J]

You know what helped me is not being his friend. Be honest with yourself and put your needs first. Being his friend only hurts more in my opinion. Take a break and reassess your relationship. Hope that helped and good luck. Just remember it’s going to hurt for a while, but once he’s gone from your life it will leave room for a better man to step in when you’re ready.

[Asker]

Yes girl! he is in love with someone else. Or likes someone else?😩😟😭😭

[Emii_Urashima]

I think a Happy Birthday text would be ok, but I would leave it at that. Some guys have a hard time being friends-with-benefits without becoming posessive, especially guys in western countries like the USA, because it is not so common there. I know how they think. They want you to be exclusive with them while they, of course, have other girls on the side.

[Asker]

Well I still have time to think about it. But, if I do wish him a happy bday- that's going to open up a can of worms of communication and I don't think I'm ready for that right now.

[Yourfriend2021]

This whole thing sounds crazy. You love him but don't want to get hurt, but you hurt yourself by being only friends with benefits. If you can't be in a relationship with him, find someone else. You are already hurt by this whole scenario.

[Asker]

Yeah pretty much! And I don't think contacting him would be a good thing because that's just going to open up a can of worms. Plus (Laughs) I really don't think he would care.. If I did or didn't.. Like he's going to he 31.. And still doing the same shit... So one of us has to grow up.

[Anonymous]

I get the impression it's going to be best for you to make a clean break from him so I wouldn't wish him a happy bday.

[Asker]

Okay. I'm trying my best not to cry 😢 😢 😢. Bc I held on to this man for so long, and for the 1st time. .. I'm walking away. Like, I have cut him off and all. But my heart always keeps wanting him. Like he said, he's like if things are meant to be later then it will be. But the info that I found out about him. He wants to keep being a whore... RN.. And I DON'T think I need someone like that, bc I know that I will never be able to commit myself to him. 😑😩

[Opinion Owner]

It always hurts to end a relationship with someone you care about, but you have to put yourself first.

[Asker]

Exactly 8 years is a long time. He's a fuck boy.. Lord I wish open up my eyes back then... Woah! I mean. DON'T get me wrong! he means well and all... He's so kind and helpful to me with other things none sexually. 😊😊😊😊❤. But I can't allow myself to keep going anymore-

[Opinion Owner]

No, you need to do what's best for you even if it hurts in the beginning.

[Asker]

Facts 100% . And Thank You!

[Asker]

😊😊😊

[Wise4myage]

I don't see why not. Too bad you can't do a strip tease for him.

[Asker]

Hahaha. Nawl No more sex or sexy talk with him. I'm good

[Truthist1]

Sure but dont buy a gift. Even male friends say happy birthday to each other