I have a friend, who is 27-years-old, and she is attractive. There are older men who give her gifts and do things for her. She never asks for anything and even tells these men that she has a boyfriend (even though she doesn't) but graciously accepts these gifts and dinners. My viewpoint is "Good For You!"
However, I have another friend, who is 19-years-old, and she is attractive. She also had older men give her gifts but her Mom made her give the gifts back. Her Mom said it's not right to accept gifts from these men because they have ulterior motives. When you accept these gifts it lets the man know that he has a chance.
What is your viewpoint?
Do You Think It's Wrong For An Woman To Accept Unsolicited Gifts From Older Men?
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
She is using the men, stringing them along, and likely even judging them and saying nasty things about how pathetic she thinks the older men are to her girlfriends.
In short, she’s being a typical piece of shit woman.
every guy thinks he has a chance; gifts or no gifts. As long as you respond to him, his hopes are alive
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Asker
+1 y
What if the woman tells the guy that she has a boyfriend? That should let the guy know she is taken and isn't available. So if he wants to buy her gifts then so be it.
From a legal perspective, it puts the woman in peril. Should the generous guy then attempt to sexually assault the woman, his attorney could argue that she led him on by accepting his gifts. I would not accept ANYTHING from him if I am not interested in him.
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Asker
+1 y
But what if you're not interested in him as a boyfriend, but you are interested in him as a friend? And you let him know you have a boyfriend so that he know you're not available. Would you then accept gifts from him?
I've always accepted gifts from men lol then again I don't think too deep into it. It's only when the gifts are REALLY expensive I think about first before accepting because if it's an expensive gift usually the guy asks for something in return.
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New+1 y
So from your experience if the gift isn't that expensive the guy doesn't have any ulterior motive but if it's expensive then he does?
I agree with the mom 100%. She has my full support. When you accept these gifts and stuff from those men eventually they will expect something else in return. Better to be safe than sorry.
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+1 y
I enjoyed reading your comment and gave it a "thumbs up." In the 27-year-old woman's case, she told these men that she has a boyfriend and isn't available. So if these men want to continue to give her gifts so be it. And if these men expect something in return, isn't it their own fault?
Logically speaking yes, but most men doing these things are not thinking logically. For example, when someone approaches me in a way to express interest in me I let them know I'm not interested. I don't use my partner as an excuse because to do so would be giving them the impression that should anything change they might have a chance. Some people handle rejection well and some don't. When years have passed of her recieving gifts and these men are spending moneynon her, I'm pretty sure their anticipation is growing. Some people will eventually walk away, but unfortunately somr people can become bitter, upset, possessive and list goes on. Then there is an increasing chance of being stalked, being harrassed or even being raped. Why would anyone want to increase the chances of that happening to them. Yes it sounds dramatic but it's a reality of the world we live in. Some men take words as nothing and action as everything, she's taking the gifts but telling them no... they may be seeing it as her saying yes but not right now. That's not a wise thing to do
You are making great points! So, what is your opinion, say of the 27-year-old woman, who is accepting gifts from these men? Naive and innocent? Manipulator? Or what?
Honestly it's not my place to judge her, I have no odea of what she's going through. Maybe accepting the gofts helps her to build herself in some way. But I can objectively say it isn't safe at all, and as long asbshe understands those implications it's up to her to decide if the risk is worth it.
It could be that she is young and naive. She doesn't realize these men have ulterior motives. She just thinks they are nice men doing nice things. But if that be the case, that these are just nice men, why aren't these men doing nice things for Judy, who is overweight, or Betty, who is ugly? Why are they only doing things for pretty women? I wonder why she doesn't ask herself these questions.
Yeah. Maybe you should point it out to her. People really only know what they are accustomed to. Maybe she hasn't seen or doesn't understand that side of humans, or if she does she doesn't think it could happen to her. But ignorance is only blissful until reality slaps you hard in the face... so maybe talking to her will help her gently get to reality before anything bad happens.
@SweedyPie I just talked to her today. I asked her why does she think these men are doing all these things for her? She said they are just being nice. I then pointed out that they aren't being nice to these other women who aren't attractive. She said that she is still young (27-years-old) and is still learning about herself and life. I wonder if she will stop accepting these gifts.
@SweedyPie I so agree w your comment: “I don't use my partner as an excuse because to do so would be giving them the impression that should anything change they might have a chance. Some people handle rejection well and some don't.”
Women need to understand that when a guy is interested in you and you’re not interested in the guy, if he asks you out and you reply with, “I’m sorry, I have a boyfriend”—either because you really do have a boyfriend, or because you’re trying to make him lose interest in you—then what most guys will hear is, “I’m sorry, if I didn’t have a boyfriend then I might go out with you.”
So: the best way to turn a guy down is to politely say, “I’m sorry, I’M NOT INTERESTED IN YOU” [of course, not in a yelling manner]; because most guys will NOT want to have anything to do w you if you “attack their ego” (because guys want to be “the king” w the woman they’re with).
It’s possible. Like my experience. He just wanted to make me happy, he’s got a lot of money but no one to spend it with. So he spend it on me, but i said if he does all this just to have sex w me, i said no. So all i do is just say thanks after receiving gifts. Ps; the funniest thing he gave to me was a Tempur lower back pillow LOL
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