1) Complete sociopathic scumbags. These guys don’t make up excuses or justification for their crap they just do it. They feel little remorse for their actions. They might get caught (they never confess) and get called every name in the book but they don’t care. They rarely feel regret.
2.) Otherwise decent guys who cave to temptation. When they get caught they are guilt-stricken and make zero excuses for what they did. They often confess out of guilt.
These guys are usually have one or two lifetime screw ups (unless they are sex addicts but those are more #1). They might be sexually frustrated with their wives/gfs. They might be losing physical attraction. However they almost never seek out other women. Usually some scandalous (yet attractive) home wrecker comes along and puts it right in front of him. The disgusting irony is she probably wouldn’t even hook up with him if he was single (she likes the drama). But still he makes no excuses for what he did.
However more often then not I notice that women usually make up excuses and want to be considered “justified” for their cheating bs.
Her boyfriend/husband might not be giving her attention or treating her poorly (no proof he’s cheating though). She gets “upset” with him and considers cheating getting even. These women do mental gymnastics to make themselves feel better. They want someone to tell them that her decision was “okay”. She has to protect her ego by demonizing her boyfriend/husbands. She doesn’t want people to label her a cheating whore but that is exactly what she is unless she OWNS up to being completely wrong. However she still clings to excuses to protect her ego and considers herself a “victim”.
If you’re a cheater there are two options: own up to your crap & make zero excuses for your bs OR just admit your scumbag & you don’t care. No 3rd door.
The irony is you just made up excuses and justifications as to why men cheat (especially number 2 reason for men) meanwhile complaining about why women justify their cheating lol you are being emotionally hateful towards women
No don’t put words in my fucking mouth and twist this. Guy #2 doesn’t try self justify what he did. He knows his girlfriend or wife will likely leave him. He accepts the consequences. He doesn’t fixate on what she did wrong to make himself “feel better” (assuming she didn’t cheat).
@asker you need to calm down. The fact that you sprinkled “decent guy” in the mix of cheating pretty much says it all. A decent guy isn’t going to cave into temptation
I have seen multiple women say this crap on GaG. I honestly would respect them more if they just said “yeah I cheated on my boyfriend/husband. Call me a cheating whore but I don’t care what you think.” Vs “oh I was angry so I did this”.
When you cheat you surrender any claim to any moral high ground. Stop trying to do mental gymnastics to pretend it was “okay”. It’s not.
I agree but making excuses is not a one gender thing. My ex literally relied on excuses to treat me like shit meanwhile stayed with me anyways. It’s manipulation and it’s abuse.
@kylee2437 he was a decent guy up until he cheated. But he was a scumbag for doing that and feels remorse for being a dbag. However he doesn’t point the finger at his wife/girlfriend and try blaming her to feel better. He accepts the consequences. He doesn’t want her to leave but he knows she will very likely do that and it’s on him.
@kylee2437 did your ex cheat on you?
@asker but if he was a decent guy, he wouldn’t have cheated. Calling someone decent because they own up is justifying the bad that they have to own up to. Cheating is literally a form of lying so just because he’s honest after lying doesn’t mean he didn’t lie.
Secondly, I will never know if my ex cheated on me. The day I broke up with him he lied to me about being home napping when in reality him and his car were not located at his house. He was mentally abusive and used my past to justify treating me like trash
@kylee2437 I don’t doubt your ex was a dbag. But we are talking about cheating here and that’s fundamental issue that is NOT the equivalent to someone doing what your ex did. It’s on another level (did you cheat on him?).
I noticed you are hung up on the “decent guy” verbiage I used earlier. Maybe a more accurate description would be “a guy with a conscious”. Guy #2 understands what it means to own up to something. It means making zero excuses for your behavior, recognizing how much pain you caused someone, a willingness to make amends and accepting the consequences for your decisions.
I’ve rarely heard women say the following when they get caught or confess to cheating:
“hey John although I was upset with you there was no excuse for what I did earlier. I completely crossed the line there and I’ll understand if you leave me. However I want you to know that I own up to being wrong. I could of handled this better but instead I made a shitty and horrible mistake. Whatever you chose to do with me I’ll understand. But I am honestly sorry”.
That is how you own up to being wrong above. But more often than not I see women making up excuses for what they did.
@asker the only thing I can say I did wrong to him is I sent me in leggings to a guy for $$$$. It was literally pics I would post online anyways because they weren’t too inappropriate, however he would investigate people I have had relations with before (past sex partners) to use it against me. He used my past (before him) against me and basically punished me for having a past before him.
The reason why I am hung up on it is because it’s a justification. You think as long as someone owns up to cheating, then cheating is justified. That’s not how that works.
@kylee2437 well that wasn’t great but at least you didn’t hop in bed with some other guy for “revenge sex” or something.
Owning up to something (not just cheating or anything) means you accept the consequences to your actions. It’s knowing you are NOT justified for what you did. But out of principle you admit your wrong and make zero excuses. You don’t confess to garner sympathy either. Sure you hope to be forgiven but you are ready to face the music.
That’s the difference.
@kylee2437 people that revenge sex are petty and truly do not love the person that they are with. I truly loved him but he put me through hell and back with abuse and used my past to justify him not being a good boyfriend to me. “Oh I’m afraid You are going to turn into who you used to be, so that’s why I don’t want to put in effort”
Back to the convo though. Owning up is not a one gender thing however. I have owned up to what I’ve done wrong in my relationships and I honestly think most people have a reason for cheating. You can have a reason for cheating and still own up to it. Bottom line is you probably didn’t love them anyways
@kylee2437 alright I am sorry you went through that.
Do you want to know what I went through. I met a girl who was very deep in love with me a few years ago and I loved her as well. But she met me at a bad time in my life and I needed to figure things out my own.
I wanted a break but I didn’t know how to tell her that. She treated me very well. However I didn’t reciprocate the effort. I acted disconnected and douchey at times. I wasn’t as bad as how you described your ex above. But I wasn’t surprised when she wanted to break up either. Honestly I wanted to her to be happy and if that was without me then so be it. But I did love her very much as person. We agreed to have a sad but mutual respect for each other the day the split happened.
@asker all good. You live and you learn. I’ve learned a lot going through what I went through.
Anyways hopefully you are in a better place. What you went through is exactly why I am not dating right now at all because I simply feel like I have nothing to give after my last relationship
However we had to communicate for work reasons and a few other issues later. I didn’t expect it to be all happy. But she treated me like I was less than human. She couldn’t even say my f*cking name anymore (she would refer to me as “hey man”). Than something serious came up in my life and literally told me “tough luck your an ex”. I never predicted she would be that cruel and callus. Sure we were broken up but some of things she said to me were just heinous.
And I found a long time later is she f*cking cheated on me right before she broke up with me. She had to see me as less than human to make herself feel better about her bullshit.
@asker she sounds shitty she should’ve just broken up with you if she felt like you weren’t giving her enough. I guess the difference between me and her is I chose to stay absolutely loyal to a man that just really didn’t even care, and only wanted to be in a relationship to control me
No i think she cheated to give herself an excuse to break up with me. She never confessed it and I never asked because I completely trusted her at the time.
But she treated me like I was less than pond scum afterwards. Like I was the cheater.
I admit I did douchey and sometimes disrespectful things when we dated. I did check out other women and was borderline flirty. That was wrong and I make absolutely zero excuses for it. However I NEVER crossed the line with anybody. No kissing, contact, etc.
But I found out (years later through a mutual friend) she outright fucked her coworker a week before breaking up with me. I didn’t think she would ever do something like that.
That actually completely explains why she treated me as horribly as she did afterwards. She had to protect her ego by seeing me as scum as the earth to self justify her infidelity.
Honestly I am more pissed off and hurt but how she treated me back then vs the f*cking incident itself. If she would of confessed I would of been angry. But instead I wasted a very long time blaming myself for it not working out. If I would of known about this bs I would of moved on much faster.
@Rebecka33 I never said anything about women being upfront. Thats just something you're making up most likely because you can't refute my original point. Which again validates what I was saying. You have no issue w/ telling a blatant lie, because you've never had to face the reprecussions of being dishonest.
@Vegasrunner no you can't handle the fact that you men are to blame for not being there for your daughters and then turn around and play the victim
@Rebecka33 I'm sure that is a position you feel comfortable to hold, especially considering it allows you to deflect blame from your own life failures.