Something happened to her boyfriend but no one will say anything?

[Anonymous]

to explain she's a mutual friend who works at our local watering hole and knows some of the other girls i talk to there.

around a week and a half ago on a Friday night she suddenly had to leave , she got a phone? call from? someone that was urgent and she left immediately. i asked her girlfriend why she left and she refused to explain

she's only been back at work once and i've yet to even talk to her , normally she'd be there like everyday so to not be in is odd. its starting to weird me out , i think something happened to her boyfriend but was nothing online about any accidents in our area that night so not sure what it was , but assume he must of required some sort of medical care after the accident? or whatever happened that night

what would be a sensitive way to ask? without trying to invade her privacy , but i'm pretty sure her girlfriend's know where she is and what happened to her friend? its just starting to weird me out , like what happened to this guy , i haven't seen him there in weeks

[Anonymous]

Not to sound rude but this just sounds like you’re a bargoer surveying other people’s experiences and trying to insert yourself into their situations, when it’s just not your place. If no one is saying anything then it’s for a reason, especially if you aren’t being told specifically.

[Asker]

we know her really well , i don't really know her boyfriend though , i'm not sure we've ever talked , he was sort of annoyed i had a connection with her at that place so i tried to avoid him most nights.

i talk to her best friend there all the time but she hasn't mentioned anything about her or him since the night she left

[Opinion Owner]

Knowing her very well and being enough of a friend to keep you in the loop is totally different. If you were meant to know — you’d know.

[Opinion Owner]

Then you say nothing was online but accident in your area, to me this says you aren’t even a friend on social media? Why’s this?

[Asker]

there is a local news site that posts things online even the most minor accidents and was nothing at the day/time she got the call.
i don't even have facebook , i use twitter but she doesn't use that site

[Asker]

i don't think it be a big deal to say something brief as to why she wasn't around anymore , if he had an accident that isn't a big deal and nothing she could do about that. it isn't her fault she was at work at the time doing her job

[Opinion Owner]

If he had an accident it isn’t a big deal? Really? So if you don’t really care about him then this is about his girlfriend and wanting to know why she’s around less? Sounds like maybe you are interested in her but I could be wrong here.

[Opinion Owner]

Like it’s weird all I see reading your comments and post is she does this, she does that, she’s here, she’s there, she she she. You don’t really care about the guy you just want to be in her business and life when it’s not your place man. Respect her relationship.

[Asker]

well true i care about her , i don't want to see her get hurt over whatever has occurred with him. but our connection there was limited to the pub itself , i'd never see her elsewhere and never made requests to. i talk to her best friend a lot and so i felt that i was friends with both of them when at the pub.
its not that i don't care about him , its that i'm more worried about whats going on with her rate now , she's also planning to go off to school in a couple weeks for a nursing program which will be time consuming and intense , she doesn't also need to be dealing with whatever is going on with him after this accident? or what

[Opinion Owner]

Being honest man you should stop. It’s not for you to be concerned and in her business that way, that’s what her boyfriend is there for. She has his support, her girlfriends and her family she doesn’t need to picking around like that. Let her be.

[Opinion Owner]

*doesn’t need you to be

[Opinion Owner]

“She doesn’t also need to be dealing with whatever is going on with him”, wow man. Don’t say it’s not that you don’t care about him, you don’t care about him at all he is just an obstacle in the way of getting to her. He is a burden to her in your eyes, god forbid you were in his shoes and there was a man at the bar who was trying to be dismissive of you like that. Have a bit of respect and mindfulness.

[Asker]

i tried to be respectful of there existing relationship but she just didn't seem to care that i went there and talked to her specifically and checked her out. she always seemed ok with it but didn't seem interested in taking things further with me.

she's suppose to start school in 2 weeks in a new city that she's never lived in before , so yes i'm worried about her , all the stress of dealing with him and then having to start school , yes i'm worried about her , she also needed the money which is why she worked there so much

[Opinion Owner]

You are not the only one checking her out, it’s normal so of course she won’t be offended by looking. The issue happens when you try to touch or say something inappropriate, but if you aren’t doing that then there’s no issue. Be honest with yourself dude you are not worrying as a friend, you are worrying because you have romantic feelings, and I only say that because you’re like she doesn’t seem interested in taking things further and etc, no friend will say such a thing, it wouldn’t even cross your mind if you only wanted friendship. You are crossing your boundaries as a bar goer by digging in her life and trying to support her like her boyfriend. That’s why I say stop. You aren’t meant to know these personal things otherwise you would.

[Asker]

i didn't see that many other guys check her out , i seemed to be more obsessed over her than anyone else. i tried to date other people , was this girl i saw at gym who worked at another restaurant , really neat girl. but by Friday night i was still more interested in going to the pub and seeing other girl than trying to create something with someone else. i would agree now that might of been a mistake but you don't know if things would of actually went anywhere with the other girl or not.

i've obviously been open to moving on but tough when you don't have anything to move on to? in my city isn't many other pubs to go to and dating always been tough so its been a challenge to really come up with anything else to do

but either way genuinely concerned that she'll be ok and able to get through this and start new new life at nursing school. i have no clue what happened to her boyfriend , i hope that it isn't anything serious and that he recovers

[Opinion Owner]

You have to get over the obsession, truly. Because knowing she has a boyfriend now she can’t even really be your friend. My own boyfriend is against me having guy friends because he said they are only biding their time to see if I become single then make a move. I was in denial of that until a guy friend did too much and it’s super disappointing, but I cut him off. I don’t share too much with guys now, very private about my life even casual things, I don’t tell them any single thing about my life because getting chatty is disrespectful. They wanna know those things to get close to me and then think i am interested when I’m not. She may think the same way. Regardless tho you have to set a boundary and respect her relationship. Maybe one day you will find someone once you stop keeping tabs on this girl and always trying to run into her man it’s not healthy at all.

[Asker]

it wasn't a healthy obsession , she wasn't really private about her life until now , i'm not even sure if she's being private about this or if its the girls at work who didn't want to say anything about him or what exactly happened to him.
in my area i tend to meet a lot of girls who have boyfriend's as there never seems to be many singles around i find interesting , its just not a good area for dating most of the time , the single women tend to be in the big cities not my area
i really don't think she was that bothered if at all that i came to the pub to see her , i never expected her to leave the pub with me one night it wasn't like that. but i never put much effort into meeting anyone else , i'd never even buy girls drinks there or anything , so i wasn't really very likely to meet anyone else there

[Opinion Owner]

Whatever the case man, I think you should walk away, let her go. You can’t build a relationship with her or even a real friendship because she has a boyfriend. You’re being in denial and holding on tight as you can, don’t do that to yourself. As for other women I mean if you’re in a small town then yeah it’s slim pickings probably, I wouldn’t know I’m in a city and see lots of people. But doesn’t mean a match isn’t out there for you. Maybe love isn’t what you need right now anyway if you won’t give a girl a fair shot because she’s not your crush.

[Asker]

its tough to explain , you think it be easy for a guy to just move on and meet someone else. not that i didn't meet other girls. its tough to become interested in them on the same level i was her. its not that gym girl wasn't attractive and interesting , as you say she wasn't my crush and i was never truly obsessed with her although i did find her attractive.

i've been friends with girls who worked at restaurants before that had boyfriend's , sometimes they'd be open about it others not so much , i recall one girl i meet in 2018 and it wasn't until 2019 that she opened up about the boyfriend ( only saw her during summer though , second summer that he was revealed and not until very end ) it didn't go over very well ,

[Opinion Owner]

Even if it’s not easy to move on, you can’t make any progress if you don’t try, and I mean like really try. Maybe see if any speed dating or some such thing is happening around your area. Or dating site, invest some money into it for the best results. It’s better than pouring your money into the bar. Restaurants and bars are not the best place to find a girl IF Ashe is someone who’s working. You can’t tell who’s genuinely interested in knowing you because in those jobs they are expected to be kind and courteous to customers. It’s like falling in love with a stripper almost. She focuses on you, gives you all the attention and stuff but it’s for your money not for anything genuine.

[Opinion Owner]

*if she is someone who’s working

[Asker]

i've still meet girls who worked at restaurants before , i found it helped filter out the ones who were interested or not. if there was like a nearby bar or something they went to. usually if they talked to me there when off work it was a good sign they genuinely liked me on some level as they were no longer being paid to talk and not at the place they worked

but i agree trying to meet someone when there at work and being paid to be nice isn't perhaps the best idea as it can be tough to determine if they really like you or not

as for this girl never really seen her at another bar , saw her girlfriend's at one once back in May and they talked to me and i bought them a drink that night but i really only see them at that pub they work at , sometimes they go there when not working and i've talked to them when they were off work too. its weird despite living in the same area i never really see them anywhere else , i asked them about this but got no real explanation as to this

[Anonymous]

You don’t ask because it’s none of your business. You’ve already asked somebody who refused to tell you so just leave it at that.

[FilmGuy93]

Eh... maybe you could ask your girlfriend if there's anything she can say without breaking confidences. Truth be told, it's probably some extremely personal thing that is just not your business.