Coworker asked me out for a drink, what should I expect?

[Anonymous]

Yesterday I (M 29) was giving her (F30) a ride to the train station and between talking she said we should have a drink sometime, get to know each other outside of work. She's been really friendly until then but never suggested anything outside of work besides dropping her off at the station Since I've known her she's commented things such as you're the best and I really appreciate you but didn't give it much thought Today she pulls me aside and tells me she broke it off with her boyfriend I didn't even know she had. And a few hours later asks me if I want to go have that drink after work. Of course I said yes but, what should I expect here if she just broke up with someone? She said she is feeling better than ever if that matters

[OlderAndWiser]

Aside from a drink and conversation. . . either she is just wanting to get together to take her mind off of her breakup, and this will just be an innocent first date, OR

she is wanting to jump into another relationship to prove to herself that she is fine and perfectly capable of having a decedent relationship and, therefore, the breakup was her ex's fault, OR

she is horny and wants to jump your bones, OR

her previous relationship has been dead for awhile and she sincerely sees you as a prospect for a better relationship.

In other words, it's impossible to know what she wants. What do YOU want?

[Asker]

Good point. What do I want? Get to know her more and see what happens I guess. After that night I can tell something could be brewing so I definitely wanna see her more

and yeah her relationship had been dead awhile, her words

[OlderAndWiser]

If you see her as a serious prospect, remind yourself that rushing into sex is more likely to make this a short-term affair. Do you agree?

[Asker]

Oh yeah. She kinda seems like the type that would but I stick to my guns on that

[OlderAndWiser]

Good luck!

[PrettyPriya]

I view this as an attempt to rebound and "forget" her boyfriend. I would be careful with this. Breakups take time to get over. That is really the only thing that heals a failed relationship. Inserting a placeholder isn't a solution but a temporary fix.

The other thing I would be cautious about is the work dynamic that exists. You work together. Make sure your company even allows workplace relationships. Many do not and for good reason.

Still thinking along the lines of work, what if it goes further than you expected (totally possible)? Is it going to be awkward at work? What if it is just a rebound fling? Even more awkward.

This is why I would never date someone I work with. I know you are just going out for drinks but I think she has an ulterior motive for doing so. It is entirely up to you as an adult, but I advise against it. Too much could go wrong and create a very uneasy work environment. Just my opinion.

[Part2603]

Or she could have realized that she has developed feelings for him.

You say "What should I expect?" as if we can ever know what these crazy people are thinking in their heads.

I do know this though, when a girl specifically tells you that she no longer has a boyfriend, and then asks to spend time with you, it should be obvious that she's interested in you that way.

Maybe she's not in love with you, maybe she's tepidly interested in you, but she could have told you any number of reasons why she wanted to spend time with you. And she specifically chose to level with you about that, that she dumped her boyfriend.

However you feel and however you want to play it, you should take it as a mega compliment, she specifically wanted to let you know that she's attracted to you. As specific as the feminine mind can get anyway.

Don't listen to Priya, there's no such thing as "rebound" when it comes to women. They make up bullshit rules to desperately try to keep their stories straight, but they ALWAYS just do whatever the fuck they want anyway. Think about it, have you ever known women to take time off after a relationship and just sort of get to know themselves in the absence of a man? Me neither. They always have a runway lined up, they always follow their attraction wherever it leads. If they never stay single for long, "rebound" kinda becomes a meaningless term doncha think?

[PrettyPriya]

This is honestly the biggest load of rubbish I have read this week. That’s saying something.

[Nikki1989]

My thoughts exactly.

[Grania]

I'd say this is exactly what she asked you at this point: she wants to get to know you and see from there if you're just a fun and nice guy to hang out with or if there's chemistry when you hang out if you could be a guy she's interested in.

I don't think it has more meaning than that at this stage, except if you have been flirting for a while when at work/dropping her off.

[Asker]

Yeah we've been flirting for a while and always had a fun chemistry but she recently came out of a relationship so it wasn't until then that she actually ask me out for drinks, even mentioning how she could never be unfaithful

I'd say she had fun, she was happy to finally get to know me for real and we made other various plans. Still waiting on a text answer though..

[Vegasrunner]

Congratulations this is known as a layup and it proves that you're doing something right. The only way you mess this up is by overthinking this or turning into one of these modern day female males. The drink is a date and all a date is for a man is an opportunity to create an atmosphere for sex to happen. Under no circumstances discuss the boyfriend if she brings him up, use brief 2-3 word responses. "Sorry to hear that" "really" Do not say stupid shit like "he doesn't know what he's missing" "His loss" Your job is to make her "feel" like she can forget the boyfriend and if you do this she'll do whatever you want.

[Asker]

Overthinking is my specialty. Especially since she hasn't answered the one text I sent last night to confirm out get together today

The night went very well though. She was very happy and just mentioned her ex in passing mostly. I did initiate a flirtatious atmosphere but no sex, since we were way too drunk for that. At least from my perspective. She ended up throwing up at the end of the night before I left her house

[Vegasrunner]

@asker Lol, I dont know if you even realize this but you are doing everything right. You dont have to have sex on the date you just need to create the opportunity for it to happen and you did that. Assuming it was just you on the date if a women gets so drunk w/ you that she's throwing up that means she feels comfortable w/ you. Send her 1 text that says "Had a great time last night are you feeling ok" Then wait until she responds w/ 2 text. 1st one should be confirming she's ok, the next one should be a few days later to check in on you.

[Asker]

Thanks! It does feel from my perspective that I've done everything right, not really even doing much different from before going out when she (we) was showing signs of attraction. My biggest concern is why she's not answering, which at this point just hurts. She certainly seems comfortable with me, very. Maybe she wanted me to stay because she was sick? My head just keeps creating scenarios

So you're saying I really should send another text? Even if she ignored my text about Saturday plans?

I do feel like I should have told her more how much I enjoyed the evening, at the very least through text. She did it constantly but I don't think I did...

If there's no communication through tomorrow then Monday looks to be so awkward at work

[Vegasrunner]

NO! If you already sent one text just let it breathe till Monday. I dont know exactly what you said in the first text but what you should have said is "had a great time, are you feeling ok? Something to that effect. (Whenever you text a random female end it w/ a question). If she doesn't text back, dont make it awkward on Monday. If you see her and she hasn't responded just approach her and say. "OMG I'm so happy you're alive lol, had a great time w/ you, I would definitely do it again" and then tell her bye and walk away.

[Asker]

Hm good call on the "had a great time AND are you feeling ok?" I simply said are you doing ok and are we still going out tomorrow. Can't forget about that had a great time part

That line about Monday would have been awesome haha but she actually just (finally) answered, saying she's sorry for taking a while to get back to me but she's been so hungover since that night. Which I don't understand since it was two nights ago but whatever

I'll tell her I had a great time and I'm glad she's doing better now, and IF she answers will tell her we should move our plans for next Friday/Saturday. She didn't say anything about missing yesterday's plans other than she was so hungoveer

[bolverk]

Expect nothing but going for a drink, and watch yourself, she many not have broken up with the boyfriend and is using you to make him feel jealous. keep sex off the table if she pushes for it, tell her you want to take it slow, the watch her reactions, they will tell you more than what she is saying,
Be cautious my friend..

[Asker]

Oh she did, I'm certain of that. She even told me their relationship had been dead for about half a year. I did keep sex off the table especially since we ended up black out drunk. Haven't heard from her since that night though, we had made plans for today but hasn't answered the test I sent last night

[bolverk]

This is important - DO NOT CHASE HER - that one text is enough, if she wants to carry this on let her come to you.

[Asker]

I won't, don't worry. Just wished she said something, anything before Monday becomes awkward at work

[Nikki1989]

At the end of the day, it is up to you, but I would give this some serious thought before doing anything with this person.

[Asker]

Could you elaborate? For some context the night went very well, she ended up puking and then I went home at the end of the night, we spent like 19 hours together. Now I'm not getting a response text confirming our plans for today..

[Guy13]

Alcohol + break-up = Make-up sex EX wished he was getting...

[Guy13]

Make sense?

[Asker]

It does. But she was drunk, and everyone I read or friends tell me I should have done something but it's just wrong in my opinion, especially since we had made plans for today. Hasn't answered my text confirming about today though..

[Guy13]

Some women are odd in their attempts to get the guy to “man-up” as they see it. I have known more than one that do/did what she did and hoping that he moves to at least an “almost” sex. This was probably a test…
I would have done exactly what you did…especially the “I was drunk snd taken advantage of” rape charges of today,

[Asker]

Ugh I would think she knows me well enough that I wouldn't fall for something like that. I hope she does. I mean she literally opened up about past abuse she's had and how shitty it was

[Guy13]

I was just guessing and going off experience 🤷🏻‍♂️

[KrakenAttackin]

First, if you value your job you should not be alone in a car with her. Second, going out with her is really asking for an HR execution. Seriously, find a woman elsewhere.

[Asker]

Meh there's not even an HR in our tiny job. I've, and surely others, have gone out with a few people from there before

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... ok man, your call. Just a little voice of warning.

[Avicenna]

Sounds like a potential rebound situation