Does being an asshole really work?

[ValeriusDover]

I ask this because my philosophy in life is to avoid making my own mistakes by learning from others'. One thing I learned early on is that being an asshole is better than being a nice guy. I've been an asshole my entire life, and even that hasn't been enough to get even a single girl even the least bit interested.

The way I see it, either my looks are so bad that even my attitude can't mask that, or girls don't actually like assholes and they just get away with it because they're good looking. Either way, that puts me out of the running. What are your opinions on this?

[lightbulb27]

it works for people who are assh$@#s. being something you are not is unattractive because it's the wrong energy. as well, these aholes don't stay in relationships anybetter than anyone else.

it's more about being your best authentic self. You can be a super nice guy and walk old people across the street, but do it with confidence.

the problem is you are being dishonest and not clear... emotionally. Women read emotion. I seriously doubt it has anything to do wit your looks, they are not so important.

lastly if a girl wants an a-hole, you don't want her back. youdon'tneed that misery.

[ValeriusDover]

You make a good point there. I'm way too cynical to be nice to people, though. I feel it is in my nature to be harsh with people since I need to be seen as anything but a loser.

[lightbulb27]

you are operating from a broken heart. Been there done that. If you can honestly go back to a few days old and tell me you were cynical tough guy, then ok. But you weren't.
All this is learnedfrom being hurt in this world.
For me, I was afraid of people and ran from love, because I'd taken abuse... and it isn't just the abuse, it's how it is translated by your personality. Some people are more sensitive than others and that reflects in how they respond to the world. It's all trying to find meaning and control and security.
in my 30's I found Christ, on my own terms and way, and that opened my heart and I learned to love people and wanted connection. It took decades to repair and ya heal in layers.
But you find your way, I'm just a signpost on the way, there are options.

Doesn't take a genius to see you've been hurt by people and the solution to that is putting it into perspective so the inner child his healed, so you can grow into the man you are made to be, free of the "lies" you were fed and believed.
It's work... good work... and the woman honestly, are at least one source... of inspiration!

[ValeriusDover]

Thanks for the advice. You've given me some things to think about. This goes back way further than it should. Not a broken heart, per se, more like just feeling numb to everything. Thanks for providing perspective. I'll do what I can.

[lightbulb27]

Thank you. That numbness... that is a broken heart in my view, or how I'd view it.
Do what brings that heart alive, there you shall begin a new.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

I'm not sure, bro. I'm not the type of guy that gets women by being a jerk.
I'm the type of guy that gets no women and stays home alone all day and plays video games and jacks off

[ValeriusDover]

Everything except the last part sounds like me most of the time, but even I get out sometimes.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Lol!

[Molly1997]

Seems weird I wouldn’t like an asshole lol. I’m shy as it is and would want a guy to be as nice and gentle as possible ! If a guy gets a bunch of chicks by being asshole yea he is probably just good looking or something

[ValeriusDover]

Why would you want someone who acts like a total dork? It's not regarded as manly.

[Molly1997]

A total dork? No way. I man can be masculine and attractive and not be a asshole haha

[LazerBean]

Believe it or not, people don't like people with asshole personalities.

[ValeriusDover]

That makes sense logically, but the fact remains it does work for many people. It's pretty much universal that no one likes a doormat.

[LazerBean]

Doormats are as well likes as assholes. For people who make an average income, there are about as many doormats married as there are assholes.

[Billlewis]

It absolutely works... don't worry about it if it takes longer than you expected to be successful with attractive women, because if you're really an asshole, you'll always win in the end, sir.

[exitseven]

Being an asshole works in some respects. I have worked for a few assholes so it must be almost a prerequisite to being a boss but probably not so great if you want a girlfriend.

[ValeriusDover]

True that. Anyone in power tends to really enjoy it a little too much. But still, if being an asshole doesn't work and being nice doesn't work, what would work?

[Wise4myage]

Yes, it does for some women.

[ValeriusDover]

Ok, any idea why it hasn't worked for me?

[Wise4myage]

You might be trying too hard?

[ValeriusDover]

I've literally never asked anyone out, since nobody has liked me. I don't see how that could be trying too hard.

[Wise4myage]

Then start asking girls if they want to go out.

[ValeriusDover]

Why should I ask out someone who doesn't like me? I made it clear in my post that no one has ever liked me.