So since the start of last month I've been helping - or trying to - help a friend who is having some issues. To be clear they ASKED for my help initially, as I didn't know of the situation they were in until recently (had I known I'm the sort who'd have offered help).
They lost their job
They may need legal help
They will need finanical help / housing, etc.
All of these things I can assist with due to my career & various professional connections.
But I'll send this friend an email or a text message asking you know do you want this, do you want that. Do you want to talk and sort of voice your worries, concerns, etc. - as we've done and/or as will do whenever this friend gets it into their head that they want to talk.
They almost never respond to my questions, etc. They barely communicate - but expect me to help with serious issues (such as money or housing) - and when I text rarely text back.
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They say they appericate the help & all but those are just words. And I was always raised that words don't mean much without action. And a text when sitting at home jobless doing nothing - as they've admitted - beyond asking for money or help with housing isn't much.
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And it's getting to the point... I'm getting tired of trying. I am extremely patient by nature but it really is getting to the point of why am I even trying anymore.
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I'm asking for opinions cause I'm not actually a pushover. I'm not helping this person to earn their favour or something. I'm helping cause that's the sort I am. ... But on reverse if I decide enough is enough with anyone that I deal with I just cut them out of my life cold turkey
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1Opinion
Man, that situation really sucks. On one hand you want to help your friend out since they asked, but it doesn't seem like they're putting in any effort themselves or appreciating everything you're trying to do.
I've definitely been there before where a friend takes and takes your help and support but doesn't put any work in or return the favor. And it just drains you after a while trying to get through to someone who won't communicate or meet you halfway.
My advice would be to lay it all out there one more time - tell them how you've been feeling unappreciated and that the lack of communication is really wearing you down. Set some clear expectations that if things don't change, you're not going to be able to keep helping. They need to show they want to work on their stuff too.
After that, honestly, I'd probably cut them off if there's no improvement. You can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You gotta take care of your own mental health and move on from friendships that are too draining or one-sided. It sucks but sometimes you need to know when enough is enough. At least then you won't have any regrets about leaving it all on the table first.