Is my friend afraid of me?

[Anonymous]

I've never really been a social or outgoing person and that caused me to misread some situations in the past but I need some help figuring this one out because it makes me uncomfortable.

I (33m) became friends with C (25F) about 1.5 years ago. We go to the same gym and we got to talk about music and games. I initiated our first talk but later she came over to my training spot asking me if I played game X and to share our online accounts. She's more invested in gaming than I am so i gave her my phone number because I didn't know my account name. 1.5 years later. We talk every day on chat and are ingame on voice chat a few times a week for a few hours.

We have fun, we talk about life etc. But when we meet in person, it's she is either afraid or ashamed of me. When we are at the gym, she will barely look at me or speak to me. I could be right beside her and shed just act like i was not there. Especially when there are others around.

We went to a concert twice. First time it was so awkward and weird that I deleted het info after i dropped her off at home. She kept texting me tho and eventually I asked her what het behaviour was about and she blamed het hurting knee. But literally the only time she started talking was when we were driving home again.

Second concert was a lot more fun but she was still very on edge. I touched her shoulder to hand het a drink and she almost got a heart attack. I figured she's just gonna be a gaming bud without real life friendship and kinda stopped asking her along.

She started asking me to go to shows. But when i say yes, she kinda ignores our agreement and goes with her mom to a different location than we discussed. She then kept asking/telling me to get a ticket to join them. I dont mind having her mom around but I already know im gonna spend most time talking with her mom. Because my friend will still act as if im not there

I do not understand why she wants me around yet acts like she doesn't.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo dude that does sound pretty weird. It's like she likes being friends with you online and stuff but doesn't wanna be seen with you in person. That must make you feel kinda bad man.

A couple thoughts - First, maybe she's just really shy in person or something. Sometimes people are more comfortable behind a screen. Or it could be she doesn't want other people to know you're friends? Not sure why though.

Second, I wouldn't take it too personal. She keeps asking you to hang so I don't think she's scared of you or anything. Girls can just be weird sometimes.

My advice would be to talk to her again. Ask what's up with how she acts different online vs in real life. And let her know it makes you feel left out when she ignores you. As long as you stay chill about it and don't accuse her of anything, maybe she'll open up.

Hope it works out man. Don't stress too much - at least you still got a gaming bud!

[BoopBoopBeep]

She sounds far too mental to be worth the time and effort of a relationship. Go find someone else.

[SueShe]

It looks like she feels uncomfortable in your company when no one is around. Although, the signals she gives seem conflicting. Personally, I think that she may have had a bad experience in the past and she is utmost cautious, mainly when you try to touch her.

I would slowly distance myself from this lady because it looks as if she has 2 distinctive personalities.

Now, the question that I am interested in is why do you keep interacting with her? Is it because you would like her to be more than just a friend? In this case, forget it and keep the relationship platonic and avoid getting too close to her.

[Asker]

Its not even that no one is around because there always other people around when we see each other in person. I dont think we have ever been just by ourselves.

I kept interacting because we do not see each other much in person and i figured she is just as an anti-social person as I am since otherwise we click very well. But its starting to bother me more

I do not want more than friendship. She has a boyfriend and I respect the dude. When I found out she was in a relationship i always made sure to extend any invitation to her boyfriend and to respect their time together.

I once made it clear that i didn't want to be on voice chat all night while he was there. She got very offended about that even though we already spend more time together online than they do on and offline alltogether.

[Asker]

I understand being cautios with touch but we were in second row, in the pit area of the concert and it was just a tab in the shoulder.

[Anonymous]

She has some issues with you.

[Asker]

Well I gave her plenty of chances to speak out or let the friendship die but she won't do either.

I even stopped texting and responding but she'll just continue sending random stuff or questions

I am not sure what else I can do.

[Anonymous]

Ask her

[Asker]

I once did and then she got offended because "thats just how she is"