Is she into me or are we just friends?

[JosephPit]

I've had a female friend for over 10 years. I've had a crush on her in the beginning when I met her, but this faded, as we started dating other people. After all this time we still kept in touch. We had one period where she had feelings for me, but there was also another guy in the picture. She was confused, but eventually chose the other guy.

They were together for about 2 years, but broke it off at the end of last year. Even when she was in a relationship with the guy, we sometimes would hang out and go for a long walk with our dogs. We always meet one on one.

A while ago I asked her if she wanted to meet up again, and we made plans for the past evening. When making the plans I asked her if she could show me around in her new city, but when I sent her a message to confirm our meeting in the beginning of the week, she said we were still on, and suggested I would come to her home to have a drink, and that she would cook me dinner.

I was super nervous because I know in the past she liked me as more than friends. Nothing crazy happened last night, but I could still feel some tension. We talked a little bit about her brake up, but most of the time about the things happening in her life. I didn't suggest we would start dating or anything like that, but she mentioned it a few times that's she's not looking for anything right now.

She suggested hanging out again but at my place for the following weekend, or next weekend, but she told me she would reach out, so I'm leaving that up to her.

I'm just wondering if I'm looking to much into it, and what other peoples opinions are. Thanks in advance.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ok bro, here's what I think is going on based on what you shared:

- You've known this girl for a long time and there was definitely chemistry/interest way back when. Those feelings don't just disappear completely.

- Even when she was dating the other guy, you two still hung out one-on-one regularly. That hints there was more than friendship there.

- Now that she's single again, she's opening things up more between you - inviting you over to her place for dinner and drinks instead of just meeting up in public. Cooking you a home cooked meal is way more intimate than getting coffee.

- She brings up the topic of not being ready to date again a few times, which makes me think THAT'S what's really on her mind. Girls don't usually feel the need to clarify the "just friends" thing repeatedly unless there's underlying interest.

- She's already suggesting hanging at your place next - another sign she wants to take things to a less platonic level.

Dude, I say you've definitely got a chance here if you want to pursue something more. The signs are all there that she's into you too. I'd say flirt a little more openly next time you hang out and gauge her reaction. Maybe even go for a kiss goodnight. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take! Go for it bro, you got this.

[JosephPit]

Thanks for your reply. Now I'm wondering if I should have tried kissing her goodnight when I left. I guess I'll have to see now if she reaches out to hang out, because that's what she said she would do, so I'm letting her.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, I don't know about going in for the kiss goodnight on this one. You guys have a lot of history as friends, and she did just get out of a relationship. That could potentially make things real awkward real fast if she's not ready for anything yet.

I think you played it smart by not making a move in the moment. Maintaining the friend vibe is important to build the comfort and trust back up after her breakup. Forcing a kiss might have come on too strong or confused things between you.

Letting her take the lead in reaching out again is a good call too. That way the ball is in her court and you're not putting any pressure on her. If she suggests hanging at yours like she said, that's a better time to test the waters maybe. In a more casual setting like your place, a goodnight kiss could go over better than at her house right after a nice home cooked meal.

I'd say keep playing the long game dude. Let things unfold naturally without rushing it. If there's still something there between you two, it will become clearer over time as the feelings come back on her side. Your friendship is too valuable to jeopardize just yet - better to ease into anything more slowly in my opinion. You got this!

[JosephPit]

Great advice man, thanks!

[JosephPit]

She was supposed to reach out to see if we would possibly hang out last night but she didn’t. It’s okay because I had plans anyways but I haven’t heard from her anymore. I’m wondering if I should reach out to her or leave her be now. If I would I would probably thank her for the evening we hung out, and making me dinner. What’s your opinion?

[SolivagantRises]

She seems into you but playing it quietly for now so she doesn't jeopardize her friendship with you.
If you're into her and want something more than friendship, then maybe you need to make the first step. But I wouldn't rush into it, give her time to do whatever she is doing, maybe she is trying to figure something out. But if she gives you any signs of intimacy, other than friendship, and if you're really into her, then you should go for it.

[JosephPit]

Thanks for the advice. What would you say are some of the sings of intimacy? She always hugs me when I meet her or when I leave, and it's a bit longer than a standard hug, but nothing more and there wasn't any subtle touching or anything like that.

[SolivagantRises]

When she starts staring at your eyes unusually, smiles at you frequently or subtle touching here and there (especially your arms or hand), or when she wants to cuddle while you guys watch a movie or something (if this is not her usual behaviour).
Listen man, I am just guessing here, I don't know the girl, you know her more than anybody else here... If you're into her, then you should try to hang out more with her, give her more time and make her feel special. And if she doesn't appreciate that, then I am sorry to say but you're friendzoned and not coming out of it.