Let's call him "Abe" . he's got a restraining order from text-message harassing a girl who broke up with him after a couple months, and this behavior was the norm, he even did it to one of my friends, until the RO--then he changed his ways. He's always insulting me, my boyfriend knows it, and last year he randomly, without my doing anything other than smiling and listening to his story, verbally attacked me and drunkenly claimed that I was always insulting him and that he never liked me. My boyfriend immediately backed me up saying this was a lie, that "Abe" was the one always insulting me. I said that I couldn't believe he was saying this, that He was averaging 3-7 personal insults at me nightly. He demanded I provide examples, so when I began listing off examples, he interrupted me, sticking out his hand in a "truce" saying he hoped I could resolve whatever issues I had, that in the future he hoped we could get along. He was so drunk and loud, and I was so unprepared to handle this kind of behavior, I just shook his hand to get him out of my face. my boyfriend, our friends, witness that his accusations were totally false. SO after that blow up, we cooled off from him quite a bit. His response was to be cheerful and fake nice towards me, and he acted like the whole thing ever happened. After a year, he's succeeded worming his was back into hanging out on "good behavior", so of course, he's started up on the insults again. Last night, I showed up to meet him and the boyfriend, and the first thing abe said was "i think you really need to go to a spa, you look really tense, I can tell by your body language. For your boyfriends sake, please go. Cause you know, girls are just so emotionally unstable and they need that sort of thing." He was saying this all because I was mashing a lime in my drink with a straw because I love lime juice-- and this wasn't just a one time jokey comment, which I can enjoy and banter with a lot of guys--this was like, him going on for paragraphs trying to dig into me. I just played it off casually, joking that I was actually an amateur mixologist and what I was doing with the lime is referred to as "muddling"--and that actually there are russian bath houses where guys go to relax etc.--anything to get him to stop trying to dig in to me. later he's like "You would benefit from hanging out, like, with people in your industry. Like going out, like, alone to bars and stuff where people who do what you do hang out."--We hang out with all different people, have both separate and mutual friends-and abe's "subtly" criticizing me for having no life because I meet my boyfriend at a bar on a Friday night? these are just examples of many insults-age, weight, looks, intelligence--I'm good in these categories, plus abe is ten years older! I handled it cooly while we were out, but when we got back , I cried myself to sleep. Didn't plan that. I don't often have outbursts or cry to get what I want. Feeling pathetic and lost and alienated.
we haven't seen this guy for over 2 years except in unavoidable passing. my boyfriend came to see that even his friends and extended circle of friends immediately reacted to "Abe's" negative influence. I guess I acted so weakly because I just did not want to fulfil that stereotype of the girlfriend who badmouths the best friend but in this case it was warranted. thx for helping.