Yes, I am 63 years old and I am old enough to be the grandfather to most users on this site. I have been a user on G@G since April 10, 2015. Why am I here giving dating advice to young people who could be my grandchildren? What do I know about what happens in relationships in your generation?
Why am I here? I don’t have children or grandchildren. I really like working with young people between the ages of 13 and 25. I have mentored junior high and high school students as well as college students for the past 10 years. I enjoy the interactions and I like helping young people navigate the path to adulthood and responsible autonomy. I enjoy being on G@G and sometimes giving advice that is received, considered, and acted upon. It makes me feel good!
What do I know about anything? Actually, despite the hostile "jokes" which I sometimes encounter, I am not senile. My memory works very well. I remember being young and dating young girls. I remember thinking that I was very different from everyone who came before me. I just thought that I wasn’t like all the old people around me.
Once upon a time, I was young! Of course I was right! I wasn’t like those old folks! Obviously, I was young and I had discovered things that they could not possibly have discovered . . . like sex, GOOD music, fun, sex . . . you know. Actually, I was like what those old folks had been like when they were young but it didn't occur to me that they had once been young men and women. I had no inkling that, one day, I would be 50 or 60 years old and I would be very much like they were when they were older. And now . . . here I am, like those old folks were back then, and that‘s okay. One day, many years from now, YOU will be like the old folks that you know now (unless you die prematurely, and I pray that you will not.) Yes, once upon a time, I was like you. Once upon a time, your great-grandparents were like you! They weren’t ALWAYS 147 years old!
Human nature hasn’t changed. Despite your perception that you are vastly different from everything that preceded you, the fact is that human nature changes very slowly. VERY slowly! When my grandparents were youngsters – in the very early 1900’s – there were guys and girls who were assertive, bold, and confident, and there were guys and girls who were shy and timid. There were guys who only wanted sex and there were guys who wanted to find a mate for marriage. There were people who trusted their partners and there were people who were jealous and constantly afraid of being abandoned. There were girls who married a guy for his wealth and girls that married for love. Some girls married so that they could escape from their parents’ home. Some guys married a girl because she was a “trophy” wife and some guys married a girl because they thought she would be a good wife and a good mother.
Does any of this sound familiar? It sounds exactly like my generation and it sounds like everything that I know about your generation.
The differences don’t make a difference. Are there any differences? For my grandparents, an exciting date would be taking a girl to a “talking movie” on a Saturday afternoon. For those slightly older, they might go to a speakeasy to imbibe in illegal alcohol (remember Prohibition?) and listen to Dixieland jazz on a Saturday night. Many of your generation avoid things that sound like a formal date and you just invite someone to “chill” or hangout. However, my grandmother may have invited my grandfather to her house for dinner and, afterwards, they sat on the front porch and “chilled,” but they just didn’t call it “chillin.’” While you might send a text to your love interest, they would call him or her on the phone (if they had a phone in their home.) They lived in different times and of course there were differences in their lives, but their goals, dreams, and aspirations were very similar to yours.
Boy meets girl is the same old story! However, what people want in a relationship hasn’t changed. You want a partner who will love you, and only you. You want a partner who will stand by you when you are facing difficulties. You want a partner who you are proud to have by your side. You want a partner who will bear a share of the burdens and not simply sit on their throne while you do the work. You want a partner who you trust will be a good role model for your children when that time comes. You want a partner who knows how to have fun when it is time to have fun. When you strip away the technological changes, what transpires between men and women is unchanged.
I have learned from having had at least 150 first dates. I have had about 15 relationships which lasted at least a few months, and 10 which have lasted 6 months or longer. The lessons I learned are applicable today. Many of those lessons apply equally to women of all ages. Sixty year old women are just girls with older bodies. When I was young, I learned about young girls and what I learned about them still applies to young girls today.
“Go away, Grandpa!” If you want to reply and say “Go away, Grandpa,” you won’t be the first to tell me that. You certainly aren’t required to listen to my advice, just like you weren’t required to read this myTake . . . but I won’t go away. Many of you have thanked me for being here, for providing advice which you considered and incorporated as you made decisions about your relationships. That is the reward for me and it keeps me returning to this site.
“Go away perv!” If you want to accuse me of being a perv . . . I feel sorry for anyone who gets their kicks by making unfounded accusations; I know that I have never had any improper conversation with any user on this site. I date in my age range and I am currently living with my girlfriend - hopefully future wife - who is 57 years old.
I hope you will continue to listen to what I say on this site because, you may be going places, but I'm not going anywhere!