I have same experience via insta... We're friends now but he said still feel the same. When he is out he calls when I'm available too but we're talking about his day and my day. He doesn't talk about the thing he is asking before. I always uplift him regarding his exam because he continue his study and his football career... He wish me good luck in my job. When he watch game and eating outside he calls. But still I won't haha I'm firm with my decision. On the other hand, I try to get to know him as a person. We had a fight before haha I told him he is immature, not man enough... He became nice after few days but before he is way too arrogant saying he has choices if he want to. I said good for him hahaa. But now, it's different we're cool he talk to me where ever he is like he is not hiding me when he is outside. He told me before he can even call his mother to prove his intentions is good. Sometimes he call me while playing with his nephew. I can see her a different side. I started to like him as a person but still it won't happen. But not if he gave me assurance like if we meet I'm loyal I can wait for him.
Lol this is typical of guys online... they won't give it up, they are after the vjj :P lol so soon as they ask if you want to hook-up you know they are jsut after sex, so block them as soon as they ask, they will not hear you out and there is just no reasoning with them, they wanr what they want. These guys try to lead you into thinking you've won and that they are "honest" but then next day they are at it again... block and be done with them, don't waste your time.
He was just clear that he just wanted to hook-up, if you want a relationship with him i don't think your going to get it, mostly guys online act nice for a little while but then they ask to hook-up again... that's the only reason he would be talking to you because he wants to hook-up.
A couple reasons:
1) Because he is open (maybe not "interested", but definitely "open") to the idea of a relationship, if you two have good chemistry. So why stop the conversation just because you said you didn't want to hook up...
2) Because by talking to you there still is a chance that you might hook up eventually, (but he just won't be so direct about it anymore. but the desire is still in him) especially if he can get you to warm up to him. He knows that, if so, he can still get what he wants (a hookup) and maybe more if you turn out to like each other for more.
Thanks. I think you're exactly right.
"Why didn't he quit talking as soon as I turned him down?"
because not all guys are only ever interested in a "hook up"
if you walk into a bakery and they say they're out of muffins, but you stick around anyway, you are probably after something other than muffins.
would the bakery owners be as confused as you?
probably not, they'll see it as normal "guess he's after something other than muffins" they'd say, unaware that their voices were in fact written words making up part of a strange comment. .
I'm not really confused, just curious about the sort of mixed signals.
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Probably it didn't phase him and actually wouldn't mind being friends, if he is too close it might be that he is trying to put on a show for you and you can politely ask him to stop, if he is keeping his distance but keeps communication open sometimes he is just being , hell, an actual friend!
We don't really know each other in person.
if you want him to stop talking to you, you can ask him or tell just keep his distance because you are not sure how he feels, because it's an online thing the rejection just doesn't seem painful as in real life, (if you never met in person) so he probably is ok with it, if he doesn't understand your reasons then you have to be firm, tell him take some time to work on his emotions
I've met him, but we didn't really talk in person. He never made me uncomfortable at all and I'd actually like to get to know him better but he is giving offed mixed signals.
ohhhh, damn well you can say and hopefully he would understand "can we continue being friends and what ever happens happens" it's not really giving him false hope but it kinda indicates you want to see where the friendship goes but I am understanding the difficulty because you don't know what his intentions are, you just have to watch how often he interacts with you if he is too clingy he still can't let go, if he is too distant he is probably looking elsewhere, if in between he has feelings but he doesn't want to cross your boundaries and make you feel uncomfortable
but i completely understand what you are saying, nothing is wrong with getting to know someone as a friend and then moving on to the next level, just don't be too harsh he will come around and maybe understand what you are trying to do
He sort of quit talking, but still responds when I initiate. Should I just forget about him and assume he does not want a relationship?
Sounds like a road bump in communication, you can tell him exactly what you want but also say you are sorry for not fully understanding at first what he meant by hooking up, if it was for the sex and that is not what you want as yet just walk away, if he is open for a relationship then try it out, the worst case scenario is that he says no to the relationship but that is OK, either way if you are walking away it will hurt but don't let it get the best of you
oh and interesting semi anagram username by the way... but if my name represents a characteristic of me then... jesus fucking christ what they hell are you into?
sorry bout that
it was for the other guy lololo
I think there are two major possibilities
A) He thinks you're interesting and would like to keep talking to you as a friend.
B) He's hoping you will change your mind.
Alas, B tends to be the most common scenario.
Thanks :) He said he respected my decision, so he was going to keep flirting with no pressure. Haha so you're probably right.
Because its not as simple as you rejecting him as a person. He has his own will, his own beliefs, his own actions and who he is is not ultimately subject to your judgement. Rejection as a concept is fucking stupid. Whether or not i wanna hook up with you does not give you any right to stand in judgement of my worth. And im going to leave on my own terms, not on the terms of some arrogant bitch with a god complex
What do you mean? He was cool about the so-called "rejection". (Maybe I should have phrased that better.) I didn't decline his offer because I have a god complex, I did it because that is my sexual preference. I don't think that personal choice makes me a "bitch" but insinuating that it does sort of makes you an asshole. And it's not like I was stringing him along because I made it clear from the beginning of our conversation that I'd like to keep things "g-rated."
I think you're a bitch because you think in terms of reject rather than decline. And i call you a bitch because you think you can control how or when he talks to you, or when the conversation is over. And you think the only reason he could be talking to you is because he wants to fuck you, which is arrogant and disrespectful as fuck
I agree that decline is a better word than reject. However, that was simply poor word choice on my part not bitchiness. I'm not sure why you would get the impression that I was trying to control him. I was simply curious as to why he would continue talking to me after I DECLINED (not "rejected") his offer. Obviously, I wasn't arrogant/disprespectful/bitchy to him or he would have quit talking right away. And I never said I thought he just wanted to hook up; that's the entire reason I asked the question.
I gave you an answer. Its your presumptions that are rude and disrespectful. If you ask me he should have been the one rejecting you.
I didn't make any presumptions, I was just curious because I felt like I was getting mixed signals. I think you misinterpreted and twisted every single word I typed.
hey, I'm not against either of your opinions but she is kinda right, rejection, declining whatever you want to call it sometimes, isn't always clear cut, hell I was in he exact situation as the guy and she gave a legitimate reason but it still pained like hell, but it was really that she wanted to know me better, and maybe she wanted to see the real me when my emotions was in check, I'm telling you guys, people these days are so f**king deceiving you have to be careful who you are going after
Like i said before, rejection is just a shitty concept. Its not a womans place to decide if a man is good enough for her. A lot of times he deserves much better than her. You do not know what kind of woman she is simply on approach.
But if you have to ask why he is still talking to you after you insult a strangers self worth with rejection (YOU called it a rejection, not me. You only change your wording to save face) then you are asking all the wrong questions. Why is he still talking to you? Probably because he has enough self respect to leave on his own terms, not yours
But what happens when a guy rejects a girl? does the same apply?
You call it rejection because thats what you meant. If this was simply about declining his offer for sex then you'd fucking know better than to think that equates to declining any kind of conversation or interaction. The real issue here is you think you're too good to speak to him and you wonder why he doesn't feel the same.
ummm did you read the first post, she did say she wanted to get to know him better
Yes SomeHopeLeft, that's pretty much the exact situation. I actually DO like the guy, I gave him an exact reason as to why I don't hook up, and he was cool about it. I said I was open to dating and relationships, but he didn't take me up on that so I can only assume he wasn't interested. I hate turning people down and I obviously didn't want to hurt him, but I really don't think I did since he kept talking.
She says these things to save face but she wouldn't be asking questions like this if she was happy with getting to know him better
If you do like the guy dont ask questions like this... Make it clear to him that you like him. Dont be so ungrateful when things work out your way
Probably the guy is inexperienced and came on too strong, that's kinda unattractive I mean look at it this way, couples fight, have disagreements, stay away from each other for awhile but you can always work things out, probably she just wants to work things out in an appropriate manner
But I think what you are getting at is you don't want her to pull him into the "friendzone" you think she is gonna string him along but honestly from experience when the girl rejects you she basically is telling you I don't wanna string you along, it's the guy to figure that out but if he wants to stay around he does it at his own risk, it's really how the girl handles it will judge her character
I didn't misinterpret shit. This guy is talking to you. You claim to want that. I know you're full of shit because you're still complaining. When your words make you look like a bad person thats when you change them. But i know you meant what you said the first time.
@somehopeleft why are you making excuses for her to feel better than him? So what if he's inexperienced? And are you really trying to make this seem like its HIS fault? Like somehow he has to better himself, change his behavior to get into her pants?
Conversation and sex. These are two separate things. Except not to her, because she things the world revolves around her pussy and her pussy revolves around her ego. Fucking white knights always swoop in to bullshit a girl when she needs to hear it like it is
And this has nothing to do with the friendzone this has to do with her being so fucking surprised that a guy actually thinks he's worthy enough to talk to her. When a girl says she's not interested but she's willing to get to know him better, what they really mean is try hard and one day you might be good enough for me but right now you're not worth my time
If I didn't care about him or want to get to know him better, I wouldn't have bothered asking a question, I would have just moved on with my life. I don't know his intentions and that's the main reason I was asking because I was wondering if any guys have been in the same situation and if they could provide some insight. Deciding whether or not he was good enough for me was never a factor; I clearly stated I don't hook up (for personal reasons, nothing to do with any guy in particular). I absolutely do not think I'm too good for him and if I didn't want to speak to him, I wouldn't have conversed with him for weeks. I don't really know how to let him know that I like him...
I don't think the friend zone is an issue because we aren't really friends. We've hardly met in person. That's why this is so tricky bc I can't judge his intentions, esp. since I barely know him.
THATS why she's so confused why he still talks to her. Why does he think he still has a chance with me? Why does he still pursue me? I've already told him i dont want him, why does he push on?
he's not pursuing you. And his actions dont revolve around your pussy or your ego. No matter how you try to reframe it like you're innocent or something
sounds like someone got rejected hard in the past
If you wanted to know what his intentions were, you would have asked that. You asked why he's still talking to you after you rejected him and i answered. Dont play it off like you meant something else you meant exactly what you said
The reason you are so paranoid about his intentions is because you're afraid men will treat you as badly as you treat them. which, shocker, is not the case. He wanted to fuck you because he wanted to fuck you, and he wants to talk to you because he wants to talk to you. Men aren't two faced and manipulative like you.
and what if she really is confused?
I know she's confused. Manipulative girls always are. She says one thing and means another, feels the way she says it and thinks something completely different. she's simultaneously egocentric enough to think she's too good for her and insecure enough to think his penis is just a weapon to hurt her. she's a goddamn mess and she doesn't know what the fuck she's thinking or saying, thats why the story keeps changing. This entire question is just a cluster fuck of hormones and insecurities and if i were that guy i would be running fast the other way
I mean look at her she's all over the place she can't even keep her story straight
anti feminist borderline narcissist with sociopath behavior- I'm no white knight, but I have some perception, you say you have perception based on what she is saying, well, in that respect I can assume you were treated like shit in the past by some girl which eventually leads you to a viscous tirade against her, maybe your right but that doesn't mean you are not wrong, such generalization with so much passion is respectable on some level but alas is rife with confusion, denial and desperation
I've been treated like shit by plenty of women and so have you. The difference is i dont idealize them or put them on a pedestal and i understand the way they work. Girls like her are walking contradictions. Guys like you love the treats you get when feminists pat you on the head and call you a good boy
Its not a generalization its a specific analysis of one girls behavior and one guy who wants desperately to believe that all women are good people and they have it all figured out.
You have been treated like shit but have you ever been in a relationship? Feminist lap dog? no, as I said, her behavior will be her judge in the long run, this situation? Things aren't always black and white we have our opinions, and yes it's generalization, right off the bat you assumed and stated exactly what was on you mind
I didn't assume shit. I took her words at face value and when her story changed i called her out on it. I've been in plenty of relationships. I've never chased a woman who thought she could reject me like this and its kept me in relationships with women who didn't use me and loved and respected me for who i am. Thats actually what i love about the girl im with right now. And my thoughts and feelings about this girl have NOTHING to do with my relationships past, and everything to do with her behavior. And if you think thats the case, you are a fool. But i dont really give a damn what you think.
If you really need to call me out on my past relationships to negate my argument in the here and now then your baseless ad hominem appeals to emotion prove just how worthless your opinion actually is
but experience was the teacher in your case, that's why you are here trying to make a point, she can't be trusted; it's your opinion and I have mine, as I said my experience taught me whatever can happen will happen, that's what I'm imparting, there is no device to read her mind but hopefully she chooses the right path
Not sure at all where I "didn't keep my story straight" but feel free to point it out if you'd like. As for the rest of the comments, I'm not going to bother responding because you are clearly just projecting your personal issues onto the situation. Not only that, but you ignore the valid points I bring up, so I'm not going to waste any more time going in circles or repeating myself.
You think i think she can't be trusted because i believe she has malicious intention? No! I think she can't be trusted because she doesn't know herself, doesn't try to know him, is such a mess of insecurities that she actually thinks he's out to get her and doesn't even realize how disrespectful her actions are, because from her perspective, she is just being safe. And she will always hurt him and think she was always doing the safe thing, she will always shoot herself in the foot and blame the other person in the relationship and she will always take some kind of backhanded manipulative approach to relationships and even asking questions about relationships. she's so worried that he wants a relationship and bot just sex but based on her actions she doesn't really deserve either because the way she went about it wasn't just a polite decline while maintaining that she was interested--no, she straight up REJECTED the guy. And whether or not she meant to do something different is irrelevant.
And you can say she meant well but the truth is no she didn't, she meant to be afraid, she meant to hide her true feelings; either from him or from us, and she is egocentric. And she can point and say no look im actually just insecure, its not ego, its cautiousness--I KNOW what is underneath that ego, i KNOW what its covering up but i just plain dont care because its still there and whatever defense mechanism you choose isn't just something you can lightly dismiss, you're still responsible for your actions. NO ONE just plain feels like theyre better than people, there's always more to it but that doesn't mean its not there
Damn, you must have serious issues with the "R" word. LIKE I SAID BEFORE, obviously I was repsectful to him because a) he was cool about it and b) he kept talking to me. And which is it: I'm a devil out to get everyone or I'm an insecure mess?
As I also STATED BEFORE, I'm NOT scared or relationships, that is my preference.
Maybe you could give an example of a "polite decline" because apparently I don't know the difference (although you have no idea of the words I used, so I don't see how you could possibly judge that)
Well, that's what you call being human we don't have answers for every situation, we can't always give a straight answer all the time, not only women but men as well sometime don't know what they want but that's my belief if you are living in a world of yes and no then good for you, just remember the key words "maybe and probably" unless you see it and can scientifically prove it for yourself
Also if you have a girlfriend, then why is your status "crushing"? don't trust her as well?
You know what fuck it im speaking to a brick wall. Anonymous asker, dont come crying to me when this guy wants nothing to do with you. Somehopeleft: i can tell by your username you're exactly the guy you make me out to be only trying so hard not to be. And until you can accept that women have faults, mistaken beliefs, fears, and misplaced insecurity complexes, you will continue to be in for rude awakenings, and you will blame yourself for their mistakes.
I personally am going to put my advice where it is actually going to go to use instead of a neurotic woman who doesn't want to be helpe
ok go have fun with you "girlfriend"
oh and interesting semi anagram username by the way... but if my name represents a characteristic of me then... jesus fucking christ what they hell are you into?
Can only imagine he just enjoys talking to you if you'd rejected him as simple as that :)
He wants to talk to you, but he will eventually find another girl.
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