How to get rid of a clingy guy?

[Anonymous]

So there is this guy who I have been talking to for a while. He does not go to my college but he does go to another college nearby. One day I had slept with him but I CLEARLY let him know this was a one time deal.

Anyways about a week later he has been calling me like crazy. 7 times in one night. One instance he called me during my class so I would ignore the calls. Later on that day he called me asking why didn't I answer. So I explained to him I was in class and that I don't understand why he is acting like this. He even shows up to my school. There are days where I can be with my friends and he joins our group trying to make me go away with him. He does not listen and rambles on when I try to explain myself.

Anyways yesterday he came to my school again and asked me to hug him. I said no and told him I had to meet up with my ride home which happen to be a very good male friend of mines. Later that night he called and asked me 21 questions about my friend and said he was gonna spread mean rumors about me. I said that is stupid and immature. Now he informed me about his plan about trying to talk to my friend.

Anyways how can I get rid of him? He visits my school frequently and knows the faces of the people I hang out with. What can I do? This is annoying I have tried being nice, said mean things, and ignored his calls. The ignoring calls thing did not work because he'll visit my school.

[DoggyDude]

This is why there's no such thing as casual sex (the most popular myth of our times).

Recriminations aside, my advice is that you need to get distance between you two. You can't be just friends, not after you've slept together (at least not at the moment, maybe in several years time). Talk to him one time, tell him that if he doesn't listen and listen good without interrupting until you tell him your finished this might be the last time you two ever talk. If he listens, tell him the following:

"We are not a couple, we are not dating, you are not my boyfriend. It was unfair of me to sleep with you because I don't see you that way and I am sorry I did because its obviously upset you. Your behaviour is unacceptable though. I would not accept this behavior from even my partner so I certainly won't from you. Now, you have a choice. You can stay away from me and not contact me for a month, after which you can contact me and see me occasionally as a friend or we can part company today forever."

If he did interrupt you with an objections or a reasons, for the first one, remind him that if he does it again before your finished your ending this... for the second one just leave.

If he listens and obeys, fine. If he does not:

1) Block his number on your phone (or never anwer his calls, send him to answer phone and never listen to his messages)

2) Don't ever respond to texts or even read them

3) If you ever see him, not only blank him but proceed to leave if you can

4) If your forced together for some reason, ignore him

If he comes to your school, and presumably he's not supposed to be there, have him ejected by the security people there. Tell all your friends not to speak to him.

If he keeps it up, go to the police and report a him as stalker. You would have to.

[Asker]

Thank you. Best respectful answer!

[DoggyDude]

Thanks :). I hope things go smoothly for you.

[Dubfire]

Go to the police tell them you have a stalker and get a restraining order... Works everytime...

[ivarei]

you need you tell him "back off" you can't be nice about it. you gotta be very very blunt. and if he doesn't listen, tell him that if he shows up again, you're going to file a restraining order. now that would be very drastic and you shouldn't do that unless he's hanging outside your dorm at night or trying to barge into your lecture hall. but he doesn't know that it's just a threat, so it will probably scare him off.

[jacquesvol]

Start with changing your phone number. This is clearly a case of harassment. You can get a court order banning him from your neigbourhood. (you'll have to file a complaint, of course)

[Anonymous]

This is why we don't sleep with random people. Lesson learned. Keep your pants on.

[DoggyDude]

Whilst that's a fair comment, its not helpful. Everyone makes mistakes.

[Asker]

He is not random. I've known him for years but I have never talked to him on a sex based level.

[paramedicalman]

You can stop being a slut, that's a good start :)

[Asker]

Im not a slut. He is a friend of mines that I have known for years. This was the first time I ever thought about doing such an act with him let along acted on it.