No kiss by date 3. Is this going nowhere?

Question

I met a great guy and we have been on 3 dates now. I figured that by date 3 it would be "normal" for him to at the very least, try to hold my hand or something but I was so wrong. The most I got was a hug that lasted longer than a normal hug and I drove away feeling like this guy is not attracted to me and doesn't like me. Yesterday I was with him the entire day including 4 hours at his place where we were ALONE.

Conversation wise we can talk for hours on end which is a good thing but the fact that he hasn't tried anything physical worries me. He did seem very eager to see me again and mentioned another date but then I am worried that I am wasting my time. I feel gross and like he isn't attracted to me.

I was really excited for yesterday and today I just feel sad about everything. Last night when I got home from him I told him I find it hard to read him and he just replied "That is the idea with a winky emoji" ? Is he playing games?

Also worth mentioning, he's quite a religious guy but he has been in a serious relationship before. He is a very shy, nerdy type and definitely not a party or jock type. Very introverted. I am not sure if this is just his personality or a attraction problem :( EIther way, I am close to just giving up. I have tried my best.. including driving a hour to just see him.

nachosaresexy · Accepted Answer

Just to put a positive spin on it, I'd say it's better that there's conversation & spending time together happening without the physical advances (so far) than the other way around. Meaning, if he had kissed you on the first date but y'all couldn't have a natural conversation that would be worse right?

But I get what you're saying... it's a little odd he hasn't tried to initiate anything physical by the 3rd date, especially since like you said there was perfect opportunity being at his apartment alone. My best guess is that his religious background/beliefs are the main thing holding him back... he's probably conservative sexually and might feel like it's inappropriate to try to kiss you yet. And even once the first kiss happens, he might not want to go any further than that. I think you should give it a little more time, and hopefully the kiss happens next time, and then eventually you might just have to bring up the general topic of sexual expectations (if he isn't taking more of a lead by then).

TripleAce · Accepted Answer

Just saying though
We already do so much when it comes to the average date

The last thing we need is us making a move and her getting pissed off about it --> I also prefer to let her take that step lol
Ill wait as long as it takes hahaha. But the good news is when she does make a move. She wants it so bad

You should make the move though since you might want a kiss more than him maybe...

Rox95 · Accepted Answer

Our right tell him how you feel and ask him where he sees things going.

It sounds like he's just too shy and he's probably wondering why you haven't made any sexual moves just yet.

If he wants to hang out and is eager for you next date, I'm sure he does like you, but from what you've said, especially with that text, he sounds like he's keeping his guard up so he's not rejected or feels silly.

Maybe just try touching him a little more on dates, put your hand on his thigh, brush his arm, hold his hand.. so you can reassure him that physical stuff is okay, although I do think you should actually talk to him. :)

Good luck.

thedancingcookie20 · Accepted Answer

Maybe he likes you enough to take things slow. My current boyfriend didn't kiss me until five or six dates in... so slow lol this bothered me bc it made me feel like he wasn't attracted to me when he said he was and he's even slept with almost every girl on the first date before me and had serious relationships... so it kinda felt insulting that hed sleep with strangers and not even kiss me. Turns out, he had a great time on all our dates, he just didn't wanna rush things or potentially ruin things by making a wrong move bc he was falling for me. Be patient, things don't have to happen so soon all the time.

Poppykate · Accepted Answer

Some people are just shy! I dislike how society puts time limits on romance and relationships. E. g. You must kiss by end of date 1, have sex by date 3, pop the question by the end of year 1 etc. it's too much pressure! And it certainly doesn't give you any indication on how long a relationship will last, or how compatible you are. Most shy people, when comfortable, are very loyal and open with those close to them. Just give him time! Good luck!

coachTanthony · Answer

Life is too short. I would give up. We want what we want in this life and I can tell this is something you don't want. Talking for hours is great but everything else has to also come together or it's really just a nice connection not a love connection.

freakyzeaky · Answer

He is really shy for sure. It is best to flirt and break the touch barrier a bit. Touch his arm lightly. Get closer to him. Look him deeply in the eyes and just smile as he is talking as if you aren't listening to him when he is talking. Do the triangle gaze (shift your eyes from one of his eyes to the other, and then to his mouth, and then back to his eyes). It should show him the hint that you want him to kiss you.

He probably doesn't know how to flirt. You might have to ask his opinion on things. "How do you think these jeans look on me?" and shake your bottom a bit.

However, from what you claimed in the third paragraph, he does seem like he is either playing games for fucked up reasons or really thinks him playing hard to get is making you want him more and doesn't have a clue at all that it is turning you off from him.

I'd give him one more chance to make a move. Give him plenty of signs that you want to be kissed. He should at least tell you whether it is his religion that is making him take it slow, but honestly, it is just a kiss.

Most guys would have kissed you by the second date, at least just on the lips, then possibly tried to make out or get sexual by the 4th or 5th dates.

24lonewolf · Answer

Since he's religious and shy, I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't try anything physical until at least a few more dates. Its definitely uncommon in today's society but there are many people that still take their time getting to know someone. If the conversations are good and he's asking you out again I would think he's interested. If that's something that bothers you, then try talking to him about it or take the initiative and kiss him.

writeinconcrete · Answer

Odds are he feels like you aren't touching him enough to warrant a kiss. just touch his arm to get his attention and get close to his face when you say something. He sounds like the classic 'too nice' dude so he won't do anything unless you make it 100% clear that you want it. He's just being too respectful. Also don't text too much, it just cheapens the time you actually spend together and leads to both of you getting bored faster. how can you miss someone that is aaaalways hitting you up? He's obviously interested, don't let your anxiety get the better of you

deroy · Answer

Well every person has some good sides and down sides, I won't say bad sides here. You have identified the good sides. But having no physical intimacy cann't be judged as down side all the time. Every person has different parameters. If he had been a serious relationship before, it is possible that he hesitates becoming physical with you. Or any past relationship trauma, makes him uncomfortable to get physical again.
Shy or introvert guys don make moves to get physical soon. If he is not over with the memories of old relationship, then it does get more difficult.
I suggest doing some checks for the above. Talk to him about his old relationship and see how he responds. You may get a hint, how he is doing with the memories. Yes, one of your dates will get ruined. But you will get an ans.
Don expect to get under the sheet on the first shot. If he doesn hold the hand, why dont you make the first move? Perhaps he is freezing a bit n having the same hesitations in his mind, like you do.

Junior42 · Answer

Some of us guys are jus nervous and dont know how you'll react to us trying something so instead we try nothing but in this caae now how about u try making a move on him i hate how women feel they can't make th first move if women made the first move i swear things qould go so much smoother cuz we dont gotta worry about rejection so to make th first move on him try kissing him or something i guarantee u!! Things will move along smoothly from there he won't have th fear of rejection thats what this is

Anonymous · Answer

He likes you but is nervous about trying anything overtly sexual for some reason. Guys that are trying to play you aren’t subtle. They’re blatant and you’ll feel like he’s perfect and saying and doing all the right things until it all suddenly stops because that’s what getting played is really like. If you’re just unsure why this guy really wants you around him but isn’t trying to have sex with you it definitely isn’t because he’s using you for sex. and what else would he be using you for? Self validation? You don’t spend 4 hours alone just talking to a girl you don’t really like just to feel validated.

MaximisPryme · Answer

There is where YOU have have to put in the effort to signal to him that you want to get more physical with him... Men, like I, are NOT mind readers. If you meet him halfway, I am sure he will meet you there.

If you break up with him, just because you did not give him hints, and enough time to figure out that you want a more intimate realtionship, then that is NOT fair.

As for me, I am NOT religious at all, and I would never think that kissing on the third date is normal... Maybe my thoughts on normal, in terms of how fast people form relationships, might be misinterpreted. Hahaha.

Anonymous · Answer

The next time you two hang out alone, just look him in the eye, take his hand, and say:

"We need to add a physical component to our relationship. So... when are we going to start having sex? Right now I have condoms in my purse and -- hint, hint -- I like anal."

ONLY KIDDING.

He is just shy and doesn't know you want him to kiss you. When two you hang out you can play some music in the background like:

"Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer
"Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me" by Karen Chandler
"When You Kiss Me" by Shania Twain
"This Kiss" by Faith Hill

ricky_ok · Answer

Don't give up on him. C'mon, he's just being safe and legitimately respecting you. It's only the 3rd date, we already have a lot of the first initiations to begin with, how about you give a kiss, if he pushes than he's not into you, but clearly he is. Don't give up on the guy. Stuff like this gets me all depressed and shit. Good luck to him and yourself.

lumos · Answer

You could always initiate the kiss yourself. He might be taking things slow because he’s shy, or because he doesn’t want to go too fast and upset you. At least he’s excited to see you. Go on a couple more dates to see where things go. If nothing is still happening, even after you’ve tried initiating things, I’d say you have every right to break things off and let him know he’s not what you’re looking for.

Stoned_to · Answer

A shy introverted guy, he is likely very nervous. Attracted to you, but again nervous to possibly make you uncomfortable by thinking he may move too fast or do something you don't want him to that could affect your opinion of him. As guys are often seen as the ones to make the first move it could be difficult for him to tell the right time to advance.

I would say you could make the physical advances if you are okay with resorting to that. It would be much easier for him to gauge how intimate he could be if you demonstrate yourself what you are comfortable with.

dori1024 · Answer

I think it is a good idea to touch him a bit when you date, and see his reaction... there is nothing against that. If he acts cold, then you should ask him directly if he sees any future in this relationship. If he blushes etc. then you are on the right track :) Less text means nothing, if he works then it is understandable.

Hans222 · Answer

The word "shy" says it all I think - he's probably careful and you'll need to find a way to open the door if you want to kiss.
The big hug means he likes you a lot and the long discussions confirm there's a click.
So you're not wasting your time, you'll just have to help him overcome his shyness. Just asking if you can kiss him could be enough :D

Anonymous · Answer

Lean in for the kiss and even if it takes for you to go all the way to his lips... Do it. He just seems possibly shy otherwise I doubt he would attend after date 1. Good luck.

PreMalone · Answer

Make the first move. While it can take a little bit of courage, he'll know for sure that you like him. Maybe he's not exactly sure where you guys are standing at the moment.

DaManTj · Answer

Hey at least he isn't trying to get in your pants straight away like some desperates would

Anonymous · Answer

Women are funny. If a guy tries to kiss or fuck too soon, he is a creepy pervert. If a guy takes his time with a woman and really wants to get to know the girl before doing anything, he must not be interested.

If he is talking to yo, he is interested. Be happy he isn't trying to get into your pants right away. I took my time with my current girlfriend and we recently had sex after a year of dating.

Anonymous · Answer

Something similar happened to me twice.

With first guy... I just lost my patience and asked him (after 5th date without any touch) if he is not interested in me physically. He explained that is not the case. He actually had some other personal reasons. And after we cleared that up, things began moving forward. :)

With second guy, nothing happened till 6th date. He completely lost my interest (due to other stuff as well) and I stopped seeing/dating him.

Anonymous · Answer

He likes you he's just not a risk taker. He's not sure what to do... believe it or not. Also, you might think you can coax him to be more bold, he's likely to be a follower in this relationship even if he likes you tremendously he may not step out of this mode of operation. Waiting to do anything until he is 101% sure its right. Even you telling him he's hard to read he may take as a sign of uncertainty from you. You may need to be a bit more bold yourself to get him to move.

No kiss by date 3. Is this going nowhere?

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