Guys, Why don’t attractive men approach/hit on me?

Question

Im 26 and work in the service industry. I dont consider myself super attractive and lack confidence. Ill have my “cute” days and that is about it. However, I am told by friends, coworkers, and family that I rank higher on the hot scale then I feel... so why is it that only either unattractive or much older (and usually crude) men approach and hit on me? I can honestly say only one guy that was pretty attractive made any moves... he was also 8 shots deep and would probably fuck tree if it blew in his direction. But it raises the question! Am I just really unappealing? Do I scare people away? Do I have angry eyebrows/resting bitch face? Im very easy to talk to... Im just not a conversation instigator. I have high anxiety but I can usually hide it. I fail to make eye contact and will do things like play with my hair/phone/jewelry when Im nervous. Would it be my body language? And if so... why do such scummy men feel confident enough to cross the line? Do I come off as desperate or vunerable? Or am I just so accustomed to the bluntness that I fail to notice? Its not for an ego boost or reassurance. I am genuinely curious on the thought process.

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

First-off, yes, your friends are right and you are a sufficiently beautiful girl to not have any problems attracting any heterosexual male.

You are suffering from two things:
1. You are not circulating around enough single men your age.
2. Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2.

"Beautiful Girl Syndrome" means that beautiful girls are often bitchier because they can get away with it.

"Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2" is a term I use for a corollary of that.
Some girls, like you, are beautiful enough that most single guys will not approach. These girls get stuck with only douchebag alphas or drunks approaching them.
The reasons that the normal guys don't approach are these:
1. All men only get emotionally involved in anything if they have a reasonable belief that they can win. Since you are so beautiful, they already assume that you have a boyfriend and are not available.
2. Furthermore, if they did approach, they expect to get shot down or don't want drama from the hypothetical boyfriend or #MeToo.
3. Even if they did succeed, since the girl is "out of his league", he fully expects her to dump him for the next stud muffin alpha that comes along.
4. Guys will expect you to suffer from Beautiful Girl Syndrome and be bitchy. Many guys just don't need that and don't believe that they can even afford or be capable of making you happy, so they don't bother.

Belgie · Accepted Answer

"why is it that only either unattractive or much older (and usually crude) men approach and hit on me?"

Lots of women complain that no guys hit on them - and then this turns out to be the real truth - so congrats of a sort, at least you're not fooling yourself. Guys do hit on you, but they aren't the guys you want to hit on you.

Here's the thing about guys hitting on girls - they tend to hit on the ones they have a shot with. That would normally make me think you're over estimating yourself in the looks department.

But you included a pic, and you said you work in the service industry, so I don't think that's it.

What I think now, is that older guys and guys who are not very good looking are more likely to hit on the girls who are nice to them for tips - waitresses, or people in the service industry. They mistake the nice smile and decent service (for tips) as being something other than what it is, and they flirt back.

A good looking guy knows this is ridiculous. He has more experience flirting, getting signs, body language, success. I think if you get out more to areas where you'll meet good looking guys, not work related, and flirt, you'll find good looking guys will hit on you.

Cursewords · Answer

"He was also 8 shots deep and would probably fuck tree if it blew in his direction."

Holy hell. I think that was the hardest I have laughed in about a week. Well in addition to above average looks you got a good sense of humour.

I can't help with the whole "hitting on part" to be honest but I do want to mention one thing. Why are you expecting decent men to approach you? Do you have a history of picking only losers or something, or do you not trust your own preferences or something? You know that it is possible for you to pick men yourself right and approach good looking men.

I mean a solid 50% of my relationships have been from women being brave enough to make the first move and talk to me first etc. Some men are just so bored of approaching women (see MGTOW) and also on top of that so many men are now terrified of approaching women due to all the feminist bullshit that basically slams men and crucifies them for anything under the sun.

If you aren't happy with the amount of attention you have been getting the way to fix it is to put the odds in your favour by approaching men yourself. You can't expect a decent man to come to you if you are also afraid of rejection etc.

So the real question is. Why do you expect us to come to you, and why aren't you coming to us instead?

Novacane · Answer

First I want to say that they are your friends and family so of course naturally they will hype you up more than anyone. And you are a fairly attractive woman. You mentioned scummy men well you need to take into consideration that scummy men would approach anybody so that makes sense that those are the ones you are seeing. The main reason I would say is that we live in a time that even approaching a woman can go very bad for a man. Nowadays guys dont want to label a creep because a lot of women have made it very clear to not approach women. so it's a dangerous game for a guy. It is also possible that there are some average guys who are subtle hitting on you but since you dont really pay attention to them you might not realize it. Also, attractive guys tend to have more options than you average man so what would make you stand out from the rest.

QCpress · Answer

man I can't tell you useless I like see how you act in real life or something but I'll try. Attractive guys might want you to approach them. Or their way of flirting or approaching is very subtle that you just don't notice it. I'm an attractive guy and I don't approach girls I just talk to someone because I want too. ( I'm really carefree)

How are you when guys talk to you, are you very friendly or more neutral? Do you push to keep a conversation going or do you let it die? Do you ask questions about them to get to them to keep talking or do you just talk about yourself. Do you smile a lot or do you have a very stoic face ( Don't smile but you don't frown either). Do you try to be very friendly and push it. or are you very cautious to not overstep a boundary so you play it super safe. Do you give a lot of one word replies or give really detail response. Are you the type of person that is touchy or do you keep your distance.

Logorithim · Answer

Hard to say for sure without seeing you in person, but are you smiling when you talk to guys? How you carry yourself does get noticed- are you confident and comfortable with yourself and with others? Probably not, since you don't maintain eye contact and you play nervously with your smartphone. I don't think it is your looks- you're quite attractive.
I think you need to come to the realization that you would be a worthwhile partner. It's important that you believe this deep down, because when you do get a boyfriend, you want one who will respect you and treat you well.

N8Zett · Answer

Straight up, in my opinion anyway, society (mainly feminists) has made it so no guy wants to approach any girl for any reason, period.
A recent poll came out in which over 70% of women said that being asked to dinner could constitute sexual harassment.

Foxywizard · Answer

I think you're nice for sure. As said above, confifence is the real key + being yourself I too guess. And... I myself am shy and turn out to be serious when I see a girl I consider beautiful, but I learnt that smiling really opens doors to you, believe it!

Plus, just a personal feeling: looking at your photo I see you're nice for sure, but if I stare at you a little longer... I just have a feeling by your gaze that there's something thst makes you feel somehow uncomfortable, am I right? Just a personal feeling anyway. (I wish you good luck by the way!)

DodgersGM · Answer

Your looks aren't what's holding you back.

It's possible that your standards are set too high, but without knowing or meeting you I really have no clue.

Your lack of confidence might be what attracts 'scummy' dudes, but again, without knowing you it's difficult to say for sure.

Do you feel like you've got a warm, welcoming disposition?

Anonymous · Answer

There's a general correlation between assholes an confidence. Assholes don't care about a negative outcome so it should be no surprise that it translates to confidence. Confidence also comes with being older.

That said, there's the possibility that many of the guys that talk to you are perfectly fine but it's your attitude that's the problem and having silly expectations.

You're physically attractive. There's nothing wrong with your looks.

Do you understand the difficultly regular dudes face when you're sitting there expecting them to just turn up and make magic happen? Have you ever tried talking to a guy yourself?

bomotion · Answer

Scummy men just ask everyone. Nice guys wouldn't want to bother you while working. Hot guys probably looking for less attractive to have it easier.

owens97 · Answer

the only guys that will approach u in public 99% of the time they will be fuckbois, players, guys that u dont want just watch michael hussey

Guys, Why don’t attractive men approach/hit on me?

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