Over the last two years or so, I’ve really noticed that it seems to be much more common for guys to catcall women, including myself, and/or make inappropriate sexual remarks when just walking past us, driving past us, etc. For example, I was walking home the other night, I was wearing a white dress, there was a 20-somethingish guy walking behind me, and then he comes up beside me and says “I like your dress,” I said thank you, then he says “yeah, and I like that I can see your panties through it!” I said “Excuse me?” He said “yeah, your panties are hot” then walked off! I’d like to say this doesn’t happen often to me, but it does! And honestly, I don’t like it. I mean, what do they think, we’re going to sleep with them or something?
Now before I get bombarded with angry men saying I’m making a huge generalization, I know that most men have much better manners than that and don’t do things like that, I even once had a guy come to my defence when some others were making loud kissing noises at me and tell them to knock it off. It’s also possible that because I was overweight until about two years ago guys weren’t taking any notice of me and now they are, but it just seems like overall the men that do catcall are much less inhibited about it, almost like being disrespectful to women is no big deal. What do you think!
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And when I respond negatively to being catcalled, they act like I’m a bitch, like I’M the one with a problem?
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Not that I care what losers like that think of me, but to me it just seems to indicate that there’s this feeling that women should enjoy being catcalled and just put up with it.
Has catcalling and making inappropriate comments to girls become socially acceptable?
oh hon, i asked a similar question and i got a few men whining about how it's their right or some shit. like it's their freedom of speech to harass women and make them feel scared and threatened. i think **some of them think it's no big deal, but it is, and i don't like this shit, especially when a guy is being a persistent jerk when i clearly don't need him in my face.
the only advice i can give you is to try and avoid being somewhere alone at night (because then you may have to deal with worse than just persistent jerks with big mouths). and when you are out and about during the day, just ignore them. that's what i do, and then they get all hurt and start whining. maybe if roles were reversed, some men wouldn't be as happy. honestly, if a man is harassed by a woman he has no interest in, will he be content when she comes up to him and starts commenting things like "hmmm, i like the colour of your panties."
Yeah, I hear you. A bunch of assholes on this thread are going on about how women actually love it and if we don’t then we’re uptight bitches, or we deserve it because of how we’re dressed, etc. Seriously!
To be fair-- there isn't a stigma around women like there is with men. When we think of rapists and sexual deviants, we hardly ever imagine a woman's face on them. So if a group of men sexually harassed you it'd still be a more frightening experience than if a group of women did I think. I just wanted to point that out since I agreed with most of what you said, but I want to direct some attention toward the fact that, catcalling is a rude and un-gentlemanly thing to do, because it may not be wanted, and you were never given express consent or even the signs to compliment said person: which makes it harassment. This is pretty complicated I guess, although I personally wouldn't be turned on by the scenario that you created clearly, I wouldn't feel intimidated or disrespected in said situation and probably laugh it off. I guess there's still a fundamental difference between men and women, which is why chivalry, tho it makes men seem pretentious at the same time, is still important.
It's not new. I think I was 11 the first time it happened. I couldn't even tell you how many times I've been catcalled and groped. I try to stay positive and not generalize but it's hard... this is one reason why I despise these whiny bitch guys who go on about how hard they have it and how women have no problems.
Totally! Did you see the comments some dude wrote on here about how catcalling and saying unbelievably inappropriate sexual things is “complimenting” them and that most women love it?
LOL these guys are delusional I bet every. single. one will say women are weaker than men. If so, they should recognize how fucking terrifying that is... walking by a bunch a strong men lusting after you or having some strong guy grab your tits or ass. All have happened to me as I know has happened to countless women. We have to endure this, they don't.
I know that it's tough, and it's hard to empathize but I sympathize. I think the system in place is hardly unfair to men, it's only reasonable, as man, to have to overcome the stigma that you are untrustworthy and filthy through your actions, be more respectful to women, try to treat them as they would like to be treated-- I suppose the same thing applies to anyone, although it's hard to close the mental gap everyone has when thinking of gender, race and etc so we create ideologies like "Chivalry" and "The Golden Rule" as separate things when they should just be a general application. Some guys just need lessons in respect, learning to treat people as people, and to not objectify- not just women- but people as a whole. Everyone is capable of objectifying others, even on a smaller level, I watch people play with my dog like he's a toy, but he's a separate entity that deserves his own space and respect, people do not have a right to be upset when he lashes back for how they treat him.
I don't cat call females. I never have. To me it's just fucking stupid. However, let me point out the hypocrisy of women. Women hate being cat called, yet they do it themselves. Women cat call at me on a fairly regular basis. You're no better. And in comparison to me, actually worse. Also, let's not leave out the fact that some women actually LOVE to be cat called, it is very flattering to them so as long as it is done in a respectable way. This movement needs to die, because it is a contradictory joke.
How about instead, we protest rude behavior that go outside of respect?
I don't think that it is socially acceptable, no, on the basis that I don't know anyone personally who does that, nor do I see it happening on anything but an extremely rare basis. So maybe it's a thing about where you live.
I honestly don't give a shit about some random person walking down the street, certainly not enough to want to pass comment. I might look but if I do it's brief and I'm on with my day. I would like to think that most guys are the same. We all have our own lives to live.
I'd find it creepy just hearing that kind of thing to be honest. I mean, I'm male and I can appreciate attractive or desirable women but I wouldn't be thinking that she would necessarily give a shit about my appreciation. I kind of imagine that she's going about her day as we all are. So if I look it's just brief and I'm back to what I'm doing.
I know I’m gonna get some backlash for this and I kinda hate saying this but in this particular case I feel the need to place blame on the feminist movement. Feminism is a great thing for women (and honestly most of the time men) but it has drawbacks. Like any movement there are moments that go to far and feminism being a movement that claims to support at least over half of the human population there are bound to be some pretty powerful and long lasting missteps. I personally think that the push towards “policing” male behavior is one of them. Most guys are raised by mothers and already taught not to do things like catcalling as a child and as a result the vast majority of men don’t do it. Or at least they didn’t in the past. However, looking at recent policy changes like netflix’s Eye contact rule (targeting most likely a small minority of men but effecting the majority) the barometer for what is and isn’t socially acceptable has been distorted and many men no longer have a frame of reference for what is and isn’t socially acceptable. It may seem straightforward to girls but when a guy is left knowing if he says nothing she’ll assume he’s uninterested and move on he’s forced into some kind of behavior. But what behavior? When even simply looking is a possible career ender everything is equally dangerous. So your options are do nothing and go be single forever or risk it all doing essentially whatever you want. There’s no guide book just an bottomless pit of often contradictory advice. I’m not providing an excuse for dudes nor do I think this is feminism’s burden to correct but this is the environment we live in today. And when there’s no clear direction more and more people will stumble into behaviors once seen as extremes.
Women want male attention, but only if it's from the right guys. This is why a lot of men don't approach or talk to women on the street at all anymore. Women have set the precedent that you have to be hot just to give them a compliment, otherwise, it's sexual harassment.
Women in the west are all entitled and men are demonized for everything. We can't even treat boys like they are boys anymore because women believe it's sexist to teach gender roles. Yet as soon as their maternal clock starts ticking they all go from being strong independent women to wannabe stay-at-home moms. You've heard it before, "Where have all the good men gone?"
As always, women are completely absolved of all responsibility for their actions. Even you seem to be unaware that if you dress as a sexual object by wearing a see-through dress, men are going to see you as such.
That's the thing though, isn't it? You're not stupid. You know this gives you power over men and because you're a typical narcissistic western female you enjoy exercising that power over men.
It's not trolling when you make a valid point based on perspective and experience. And he is not alone in his experience. I find it interesting that instead of having a conversation with him in a respectable way to find a common ground, you instantly lash out at him and accuse him of stalking. This is the VERY narcissistic behavior from women that he was talking about and you have just proven his point to him... and me, and anyone else who reads this. If you want to have a discussion, telling him to fuck off and calling him a stalker is NOT the way to go about it. Otherwise, nobody is going to take you seriously at all.
Ok, seriously, you're getting a bit annoying with blocking me.
I swear to you, I don't have an Instagram account. The only time I go to Instagram is when there's a link. Maybe someone is pretending to be me and harassing you? I don't know why they would do that though since I have no influence and try to keep a low profile online.
Or maybe you're just mistaken? The photo I'm using is the fedora nice guy. He's a bit of a meme if you didn't know.
Seriously though, if what you said is true then I'm as creeped out as you. And you really have no reason to block me. I'm not harassing you, just trying to defend myself from your allegations. #METOO
I believe based on my observations that younger generations seem to show less respect to everyone, especially women. I think it is sad, and I hope to raise my children in a more respectful manner. I know not all younger people are disrespectful, but I have encountered a high percentage of disrespectful young people. Don't get me wrong, compliments to a woman are absolutely ok. But lewd comments and random dick pics (a trend I really don't understand) is disrespectful, and I wish people (young or old) would show more class.
But unfortunately, in today's society it has become acceptable. And frankly, some girls are asking for it. I mean you can't go out half naked and expect thirsty guys to not call you out. But some boys dish it out to every girl, and neither should happen. It's a mutual problem, and it ought to stop.
But as long as some girls dressing like sluts to be "beautiful" is "appropriate" Some boys behaving like assholes to be "cool" is "appropriate"
And I have a feeling it's only going to get worse.
Yep... Girls are barely wearing anything these days. They're walking around half naked all the time and as each generation passes, less clothing is being worn and very immodest clothes are the norm. Because of that, catcalling is quite common now.
But, no girl is going to admit that... they don't want to take responsibility for the things they wear.
To be fair, that example wasn't really cat calling. Just making a comment in passing. Kind of rude, but not catcalling. If he was yelling out to you saying "Hey ma! Come over here!" that'd be something else.
But yes it's always been around, to varying degrees. How acceptable it is depends on what's said, the area and time it occurs. Like if you're out on a certain side of town on the weekend it's more to be expected. I live in a beach town where that is somewhat commonplace. Girls will shout out to guys, guys will shout out to girls. It's just a thing. Some people can be creepy about it, just like anything else. But so is life.
What most guys dont understand is it isn't the fact of expressing to a woman she's beautiful and desireable that makes cat calling so disgusting and degrading, its the manner in which its done, i mean really though, shouting and whistling from across the street? Pleas the average dog gets more respectable afftection then that. The only good cat calling may do is be a blatent and obvious way for women to know just who and how high of a percentage of men are dirtbags, and to most definetly stay the hell away from them
The fact that most of the woman in the girl's section of the opinions are giving polite responses, and the men's are somewhat full of anger and insults tells me more about our society than our society itself. It truly does feel like a battle of the sexes. What has our world come to that the men cannot understand what the woman here wants is in good reason? Not to feel sexualized on the streets no matter what she wears. For all I know, her dress can be flowy and free instead of skin tight, and a solid white color.
so... what did he say? he complimented your dress and remarked that it is see through? i understand that being catcalled by horny 40 year olds that tell you how and where they want to fuck you is uncomfortable. Is it not censorship if they aren't allowed to speak their mind?
i think actually nowadays it is the opposite given that i got called out for holding the door open (for both men and women). i got called a sexist pig.
i do not mean to make less of what you say or anything. feel free to discuss with me if you want :)
These days? Not that I know of! You're not even allowed to LOOK AT one without risking a jail term or law suit!! As for the cartoon, in the first place, it's not done with marrying the girl as a short term prospect! it's only a roundabout way of giving her a compliment from a distance! What are the chances we'll EVER see her again so, what's the harm? BIG DEAL!! So, you spend who knows how much of the rest of your life dealing with the emotional trauma of knowing that SOME guy thinks you're incredibly attractive!! A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH!! What a TERRIBLE thing to say to someone!! HOW do you EVER put UP with it? The emotional scars MUST be HORRENDOUS!! Would you like it better if he called you an ugly, old whore? Just think of marrying him as revenge for him whistling at you! Secondly, guys have been doing it it for WELL OVER 100 years and I kinda doubt it'll ever stop.
Honestly that doesn’t happen around my area nor have I seen it in my country often. If a guy catcalled a girl here they’d be in for it if she didn’t like it😂 but I see plenty of videos online showing it as proof and I have friends from foreign country’s who deal with it and hate it. It does happen sometimes when girls go to clubs happened to me but that only happens around the club area and that’s to be expected. I do know that my friends catcall on guys when their in different towns or city😂 they usually seem flattered or joke around. Which would be my response if I got catcalled but I don’t have to deal with it all the time so I think I would have a different point of view if I was in your shoes.
Who the hell does this? I have never seen this other than some women giving me sht. I think that all of you attention deficit starved women are imagining this sht to get attention. Enough already with this bull$hit. If anything is changing, more and more men are just looking the other way.
THIS IS SO DISRESPECTFUL... All men who do this should be ashamed and most men think that its acceptable but cat calling women is here in our society but its not here to stay since it just objectifies women to a lower degree and stupid men always do it all the time
I mean... is this really a big deal? So some jerk said something, so what? The world is filled with people who will say things we don't like.
I feel like society today is far too sensitive and dare I say, snowflake - there are no safe spaces in the world. Yes, you will hear things you don't like. And yes, you have to learn to shrug it off!
I get catcalled a bit at work, especially if I've just done a long shift and my top is sticking to my chest - I don't get offended by the unwanted attention I shrug it off
I think you should probably look in the plus side, take the interest as a compliment and ignore the crude delivery and carry on with your day. I highly doubt this is happening so much it actually affects your life
I can't remember anyone ever complaining about it before 2018. Sure it could get annoying, but women found it flattering when and where I grew up.
But when I was growing up, we had something called "modesty". if a woman was catcalled, she was ether dressed "slutty", or was naturally just drop dead gorgeous.
If you advertise, potential customers will ask how much. Showing skin is for attracting a mate.
Yes, because I as a 14 year old at a Catholic high school where the skirts had to be knee length and collarbones had to be covered wasn’t being modest enough.
I'm kinda glad someone other than a guy voiced this opinion as well. Catcalling is an issue without an immediate solution, but there are a variety of issues related to it. Somehow, searching for a cause or looking for fixes is dangerous because of the outrage and backlash you can get from it. Far from saying it is slutty, since men dress "slutty" too from time to time. Sometimes guys take their shirts off when at the beach, working out or playing sports, or wear clothes that reveal their abs and attractive parts, Men are not modest either. Although Men and Women are still treated differently in society. Women are still seen as weak and vulnerable. Although as a young man with very little muscular development and growth a few years back, I never once felt weak or vulnerable walking at night alone. It's that difference I think that is unfair of course, but as unfair as it is, until it's fixed, it's important to realize you are taking a risk by dressing yourself into a target.
@Danishkabby so wearing my school uniform (that I had to wear) I was dressing myself as a target? Buttoned up to the chin and covered to the knee, I was a target?
Sounds like men need to learn to control themselves and realize that school girl fantasies are gross.
@astoriana I'm sorry if my reply was misleading; I wasn't trying to imply that YOU dress immodestly, and I didn't realize earlier what you meant about having to wear that uniform.
I can understand now how you feel, because you didn't choose that outfit. That's a different story entirely. I'm sorry, I'm flaky sometimes.
It’s not, really. Women don’t choose to be catcalled. Men make that choice. You don’t have to be wearing anything revealing to be catcalled. You just have to have some suggestion of flesh.
@Astoriana I understand the example you're making here, that catcalling goes beyond how you dress, and that men will catcall regardless, like you said- the slightest hint of skin can be an "invitation" to men, but I also think there is a difference between being hit on regardless of dressing up to your neck and being picked out because you're the most visually appealing target to a bunch of horny guys. I understand your point, and I really don't think mine is in opposition of it in any way. We're just two people addressing two separate problems within the bigger issue. Also- from experience, I think there are perverts in both sexes, not just men. I think men end up openly showing it because they were conditioned to think they have to be aggressive and take the "lead" or else they're "beta". My earlier statement hardly had the connotation I liked it and believed it should stay, far from it, catcalling is idiotic and unbefitting of any self-respecting person.
@Danishkabby I think your view (and OP’s view) do men a great disservice. At best, making it “normal” for men to catcall women makes them seem like slathering beasts with no self-control. At worst, it makes them seem like predators who get off on frightening women. So there’s really no defense for the behaviour in my opinion. If you’re a good person, you won’t catcall and you’ll give people shit for doing so when you see it on the street.
@Astoriana I certainly would and will intervene if I saw something like that occur, I'm just saying in my experience, perhaps being in Canada has helped, I have seen no cases of catcalling to intervene. I've also spent little time in front of clubs bars and etc, so maybe that has something to do with it. The issue is as a man I'm talking about women wearing revealing clothes being targets for catcallers, not MEN as a whole, so I'd be doing a disservice to catcallers not MEN. I wanted to bring up my issues with what is being popularized as normal dress code for women these days, I think dressing scantly IS beautiful and sexy. Although it feels wrong to be able to show practically as much skin as you do wearing your underwear to people who AREN'T your SO without even a second thought. It's almost a separate issue, but I guess the OP wanted to bring attention to it, and so did I. Fashion design for women is sexualizing them, and yet they defend it with a fury.
@Danishkabby I’m also Canadian and I also don’t spend time in clubs or bars. I still get catcalled in business attire.
Unless men are regularly intervening, then they’re also being portrayed badly. Silence signals assent. Unless you vocally disagree with something, you may as well be agreeing with them.
It’s like how Trump supporters are made ought to be racists unless they say “I think Trump is an asshole but I like xyz policy so I voted for him.” Those people are rather rare though, in my experience.
also-- a side note, I didn't mean women as in "all women" I meant women who endorse in skimpy fashion. They aren't the majority or representative of all girls, but it would complicate things if someone who wore clothes that made her sexually advertised was complaining about how sexualized she was.
It's actually the opposite. Nowadays catcalling is more frowned than ever. I don't agree with catcalling and making inappropriate comments, and I never have, but it's reached the point when even trying to flirt courteously with a woman is seen as harassment. To be honest, what I've noticed is women being more lewd towards men. I've experienced things myself that would be very frowned upon had the genders been reversed.
I don't know about it becoming socially acceptable or not, but it shouldn't. I lived my life in a modern capital city where young men were behaving this way, it is really uncomfortable and nasty, but there is nothing to do more than ignoring them. I'm afraid that it started to develop to things more than catcalling.
I personally have never met any woman who married a guy who catcalled her. When I was single I would go up to women I found attractive and start a conversation and make my interest known respectfully, and if I get turned down, oh well, on to the next one. I developed a thick skin in the process, and eventually I met my fiancee. You can't be crass, but you can't wait for one to come to you either. You have to take a chance.
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Anonymous
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Yo, a guy told you that he could see your panties through your dress... don’t you think you should be more embarrassed about how your panties are on display for everyone in the dress you wore? That’s definitely important info to consider.
Cat calling is harmless and irrelevant, just keep walking because 90% of the time the guys are all bark and no bite. Sexual assault or threats of sexual assault should be taken seriously.
Outside the bedroom, anything dripping sexual intent and need should only ever be whispered into the ear. There's no room for loud catcalling in public. Classless behaviour.
In the bedroom, every good girl needs to know exactly how badly she's wanted, how deep an effect she has, and how little control her man has over himself, when with her. Whispered, moaned or yelled, the time is there to say any raw, primal, hungry expressions that come to mind.
To make it more realistic if this is your view Chang the word marry to f*ck. I would hope no girl would want to marry anyone who was passing by in a car regardless of what they were doing. It would make more sense.
Cat calling is just a guy complimenting you. I don’t think girls should be mad about it. If a girl feels objectified as a sex object how many guys has she objectified as a handyman, human ATM, or sperm donor?
On the note of objectification most men would give their left nut to be objectified sexually. I personally would take that as a compliment not a dehumanization of me.
Bottom line is it’s just an obnoxious way of giving a compliment.
There is a huge difference between giving a girl a compliment and being inappropriate and disrespectful. A compliment is something like “I think you’re pretty” or “that’s a nice dress.” “Nice tits,” “sweet panties” or making kissing noises at a girl is NOT giving them a compliment! And no, despite what you think, we DON’T like it!
First of all speak for yourself. YOU don’t like it.
Nope “nice tits”, “sweet panties”, kissing noises, and to include “delicious ass” “sugar tush” and “dick sucking lips” are compliments too. They’re just not appropriate at all times and with all people.
Those are not insults. If a guy driving by whistling offends you, then you need to get over yourself, and frankly this is feminist bs and you’ve been indoctrinated.
The guy said he liked your panties. Big freaking deal. Would you rather have said “can see your vaginal blood fart through your dress?” Are you triggered yet? Guess what you can’t control other people. Control yourself not others.
Don’t care if you are or aren’t. That’s not my point. My point is a guy driving by whistling or saying you have nice panties isn’t going to end Western civilization as we know it. Being upset about a whistle is feminist bull.
Ever hear of pillow talk? Would it be better if I were balls deep in you and said “Your vagina is very pleasant to put my penis in?” Or “baby you got a snapping pussy I want fuck all night long.” Catch my drift?
I think the point the girl is making here is that there is always a better way to phrase your sentences in a manner that is more appropriate instead of one that sounds vulgar and perverted. You're right to say that those sentences are appropriate for someone HAVING SEX or IN A RELATIONSHIP AND HAVING SEX, but not to someone you don't know.
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