How do you guys feel after standing someone up?

[undercoverirish]

I posted last night as I was stood up on a second date we had organised. The weird thing was he still messaged me on snapchat that night like nothing was up 🤷🏼‍♀️

But it got me thinking, if you’ve ever stood a girl up, how did you feel about it? Any guilt or remorse, or were you just a self-confessed d**khead?

[CallMeDave]

I've never stood anyone up so I can't tell you from experience how I felt. I don't make dates I don't intend to keep. If something serious ever did come up that required me to break a date (like a car breakdown or family emergency), I would contact her as soon as I knew I couldn't make it and apologize, explain the situation, and suggest another time. If whatever happened was so bad that I couldn't contact her in advance (like I was in the emergency room unconscious), then at the first chance I would apologize profusely, explain the situation, and suggest another time.

I would never just ignore it and pretend nothing happened.

All of what happened there in your case seems very inconsiderate and I think is a major red flag.

[undercoverirish]

Major major red flag

[lightbulb27]

I did twice.
First was a total mistake and I felt so bad, I had work interfere, I made it up and apologized. she was easy going about it but called me out on it appropriately.

The second.. I freaked out, called her up shortly before the date and said I wasn't gonna make it. never called her back. basically, I had an emotional reaction as she was going too fast for my comfort and I had deep flaws that took years to unravel, so I ran.

[undercoverirish]

At least you’re honest. I think that’s a perfectly normal reaction to have

[lightbulb27]

Thank you! I felt lot of guilt about that, in terms of hurting her. that's emotion, a lot of times it isn't you that is the issue, it is the other persons flaws.
Given your case, he expressed no awareness of... either it's mis communication, or there is something terribly wrong... like he can express no feelings, empathy, possibly medication issues. huge red flag if it is anything other than poor communication/planning.

[undercoverirish]

I just can't see that it was a misunderstanding. I've re-read the messages a number of times. We confirmed a time and everything. And he said "ok sounds good x" - so he'd acknowledged that was ok. I keep wondering if it was because I didn't message him back after that, did he think that maybe we weren't still on? But even then, just ask. If he wasn't able to even fire me a message to check if we were still on, then he isn't the type of man I'm after.

[lightbulb27]

I would have called him out and see what he said. sounds like you did that and he did not acknowledge anything. something wrong emotionally on his side.

[Daisy007]

It depends how well i know them I had a "friend" who i got along well with in high school but started slowly showing more & more obvious signs of flirtation which i had NO interest towards we got out of school, & he messaged me saying he wanted to hang out i told him i couldn't, then ge tried again & again & i agreed on the date, time, everything... last minute i just send him a message saying i couldn't make it. No regrets. We just didn't really have much to talk about & wasn't interested (later, i made it clear to him i just didn't want to hang out atm)

[redpanda_]

I've never done it, if I don't see anything happening between me and the other person. To save face, I'd maybe make an excuse like I'm not well or something so can't make it or I've been asked to work last minute. Never been on the receiving end thankfully, but must be awful!
I'd want to confront him since he thinks he can do it and with no consequences..🤨🤔

[almondcake]

The closest I came to standing someone up was when i met someone through a dating site. she had no picture. When I saw her waiting I wanted to run a mile but I couldnt do that. So I still bought her coffee and lunch and after 1/2 hour I politely said this isn't working is it? This guy sounds like an idiot if he stood you up

[undercoverirish]

That’s nice that you did that though

[almondcake]

Its just the right thing to do. Thank you

[SlimeC0RE]

I never planned a date and didn’t go, mainly because I never got a date, but I sometimes forget appointments, like with my doctor or my dentist. The thing is, when I realize, I feel bad for them, but until I realize, I don’t.

Sometimes I do feel like I’m forgetting something, though.

[hahahmm]

When I was 18 I stood a girl up. I didn’t set out to. i forgot about the date till way later. I said sorry in person but she never said 1 word to me. Ha. Just smiled. Gave me no 2nd chance. That lesson stuck with me & I never forgot a date again. I’m guessing the guy you’re talking about has never had that lesson

[Soft4u]

He stood you up then acted like nothing happened, that should tell you the guy is a jerk off, the type of guy to forget.

[undercoverirish]

Oh totally. I’ll never interact with him again, I’ve ignored his messages

Still would love to understand the bizarre behaviour though!

[Soft4u]

I'm sure you would like to know what went through his head, it's something you'll never understand since you'd never do something so inconsiderate to someone.

[GoodManDave]

Never stood anyone up for a date. I’ve been extremely late to a date... this was when I was a lot younger... and I was both pissed at my dad (he had blocked me in completely, then just went to a neighbors house to chat for an hour without telling anyone where he was). Then I hit some really bad construction that slowed it to a crawl.

I felt bad, but felt less so when I noticed she was habitually late to everything, (if she showed at all) and I’m usually early or on time to most things.

[Vesta]

I know if it was me, and I was an asshole and stood someone up, I wouldn't really care about her. He wouldn't have stood you up, if he cared about you

[undercoverirish]

Exactly

I think the thing that baffles me the most is he stood me up... and then sent me a snapchat a few hours later like nothing had happened 🤷🏼‍♀️ who does that?

[Vesta]

Someone who thinks he can have his cake and eat it too

[undercoverirish]

Yea, that doesn’t wash with me... he’s cute. But he’s not that cute

[Vesta]

Yeah?

[undercoverirish]

Yep. Maybe he thinks he’s too cute to get chucked for bad behaviour!

[Vesta]

Like he can do no wrong.. like trump thinks

[undercoverirish]

Yes exactly!! I’m not sure what world he lives in where he thought that was acceptable. I’m wondering if women maybe don’t stand up to him

[Vesta]

Likely not

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

I have never done that. Once I had to cancel one date that we where both looking foward to for a while and I felt horrible. I did make it up to her later.

An advice, screw that guy. He doesn't show and then talks like nothing has happen? Red flag!

[TheDevilsCat]

I hate it when people dont have the balls to just text and say. "Im sorry i can't come". Its very time wasting that person could be doing something else with their time. X

[Miristheiss]

I've never stood anyone up or been stood up.
I've had to cancel before. I called and let her know something happened and I ask for a rain check or try to re-schedule. I've never just not shown up.

[MrCommodore]

No, I never stood a woman up, but I've also never did online dating like Tinder, so maybe it's due to that.

Its a shitty thing to do, like a quick text was save a girls blushes, it's cowardly.

[Smoothing]

I have never stood a girl up. If I don't plan to go on a second date, let her know.

[yeeeeeeeet]

I stood up one cunt before and felt really good about it. I felt kind of guilty because it would have taken 3 seconds to tell her to fuck off in a text, but either way she deserved it.

[undercoverirish]

Why did you decide to stand her up?

[yeeeeeeeet]

She asked me on a study date but she really just wanted my old exams. She had been acting extremely condescendingly and said some fucked up things as well. Then she still tried to extort my old exams by threatening me, so I agreed to meet up with her and just never went.

[HereIbe]

You should have sent her the "YEEAAAAAAAAH!" scream from "Don't get fooled again".

[Nikki1096]

I have nothing to do with her. Though the last date i was on I walked out on the girl didn’t notice until 2 hours later.

[sasukeuchiha7]

Never been on a date so haven't had a chance or reason to stand someone up.

[Iron_Man]

I don't do that to people if something happens I would automatically call them but nothing's going to happen where I have to break a date unless I get some type of a double flat tire then that's a different ball game

[Anonymous]

Maybe he was out with the other lady he was lunching with.

[Opinion Owner]

*pursuing

[genericname85]

i wouldn't ever do that. at least not on purpose. if i forgot for some reason, i'd be so sorry...

[Gottabsavagee]

I wouldn’t respond to him if he stood me up.

He’s not worth shit. Lose him.

[Gottabsavagee]

But yeah usually they have issues with themselves if they do that. I stood up a fboy once to teach him a lesson, I felt no guilt. I felt like I succeed something.

And if I stood up anyone that ain’t a fboy I felt terribly guilty but I obviously didn’t care about them if I done that. Soo you shouldn’t either.

[Sambelfast34]

I've never stood a girl up and never would that's just mean

[Anonymous]

I thought this was actually normal for the most part. I usually stand up in bitches. Deeep.