My boyfriend took another girl's side. What are your thoughts?

[Anonymous]

So, my boyfriend and I have been going out for almost four months now, but about a week ago we had arranged to go and see a movie in a group. When he asked the other people in the group whether or not I could tag along, everyone was okay with it except this one other girl. Now, me and this other girl have never had any problems before, I think I've spoken to her about two times? Anyway, she basically said that she didn't want me there, and if I did go, she was going to fight me. I didn't really care though, because I'm not scared of her. But my boyfriend actually ended up telling me that I straight up just shouldn't go. I'm not angry about it, just a little confused. When I told my friend, she said that he might have been taking this other girls side? What do you guys think?

[jgokgotit]

He was probably trying to come up with the best solution, both to prevent a scene and to not have his friend circle affected over petty female jealousy. He should have discussed the reasons better with you, but I agree he made the right decision here. I do not think he was "taking her side". He was probably seeing the bigger picture outside of that. Imagine if you had gone and you and this girl could not get along (although it probably would be on her). First, the two of you would ruin the fun everyone else is having. Second, with the right leverage she could have made you out to be the bad girl when you are not. Finally, if things did go sour, your boyfriend would be put in a situation to ultimately choose between you or his friends and that decision has no right answer and only wrong answers. If you think of it this way, he did it more so to defend your honor than anything else. When women hold grudges, they tend to do so far longer and with more psychological affects then men do.

[jgokgotit]

Let me also add that, if there ever is a situation where you are wrong and the other girl (s) are right, would you want your boyfriend to do the honorable thing and talk sense into you or do the wrong thing just to side with you? If he did that then his integrity would be shot and you could never trust him to be honest if honesty conflicted with your feelings.

[Amanda269]

The problem is with the female friend and there is no apparent reason for her hateful behavior against the girlfriend. The guy should find out why and if necessary talk with the friend or the group of friends. Removing the girlfriend doesn't solve this and future issues, since it originates from the female friend.

[Aethereal]

This is just my opinion based on what I consider relationship etiquette, but your boyfriend's choice was in poor taste. Either he should have:
- Brought you along anyway (f**k what the other girl thinks)
- Told you not to come, and left with you.

Unless you said, or did something that was clearly out of line, the girl's behaviour, and your boyfriend's was disappointing.

[BlackRoseFairy]

In my opinion he shouldn't have asked for their approval to start with.
But anyway since he did and she objected he should have taken your side or say that ok, you guys go watch the movie alone and I will go with my girlfriend.
What he did is basically immature and stupid. And so is the other girl's behaviour, but I guess it checks out with your age.
I would have been furious and I'd take a friend and go watch the movie anyway. At the same theatre and the same time. And if any of them said anything I would come back with something like "Oh. I didn't realise you would be here... what a coincidence!" And then just ignore them for the rest of the movie. Show him that you're independent and not hanging on his sleeve.

[jennifer_bloom]

He was trying to prevent you from getting in a situation that involved medical or corporal care - if you got arrested - you would get a criminal record - if you get beat up - you would end up in the hospital - if you beat her up and don't get arrested - she might want revenge and arrange for a whole crowd of people to fight you at a later date.

[loveslongnails]

Children... behave. Your boyfriend is a coward who would rather bow to many than stand up for the one he supposedly cares about... you. On the other hand, this other idiot girl saying she'd "fight you" if you did come, is ridiculous, as is your saying you'd engage her. There's no other way to say it, but this is stupid behavior.

[Fitness-Fanatic]

My loyalties will always lie with my boyfriend. If I was in this situation, I wouldn't have went along with them. I wouldn't even want to associate with anyone that said if my boyfriend came along they'd fight with him. If he's not welcome, I wouldn't go.

Ask your boyfriend why he thought you shouldn't go. And if he went along, ask him why he felt it was okay to go without you under the circumstances

[naijagurl]

That was really stupid of him. If the majority of the group wants you there, why would one girl change his mind? He should have brought you anyway, or ditched the group if his goal was to avoid a confrontation between you two. He is quite literally choosing another girl over you.

[liburnia]

This is why bf/gf thing is not for people under 18. You all are not mature enough for making such bonds. You can like eachother and have crushes but not relationships.
He did wrong. If he is your boyfriend, he should have stayed with you and not go with that group. He showed utmost disrespect to you as his girlfriend

[Rain_mf]

Sounds to me like their must have been something between them before you. Perhaps just messing around he must’ve not wanted anything serious but she probably did. That’s fucked up he should have said well, if my girl can’t join neither will I. I don't know everyone was fine with you coming except one person & it’s a female psssshhh just NO!

[mrsconcerned]

That's your first red flag. I was with my last boyfriend for 3 months and we had nearly the exact situation happen except it was a party instead of movies. Long story short, the girl who's side he took was the girl he always wanted to be with and the girl he ended up cheating on me with. Watch for any other suspicious things.

[Alpha09]

Sounds like you need to dump him. From what your telling us he had no reason to take her side. Most of the time those girls are just bluffing and nothing would have happened, so I don't know if he was trying to avoid fight or what but he was way out of line. She should have been the one to not go.

[Emmalouise03]

Wow, is that girl jealous of your relationship? Maybe she likes him? What a fucking bitch, I think if your boyfriend agreed with her and didn’t want you to come anyways, he’s a piece of shit. But if he just wanted you to not go because he’s scared of her fighting you and shit, then he shouldn’t go either? He should spend time with you instead of making you feel left out, and going to hang out with other girls and shit that didn’t even like you, you both could drop the movie and do something else

[NineBreaker]

For a second there, I thought something was off with this story, until I realized you're under 18.

Simple explanation: peer pressure. That doesn't necessarily make him right, but it may explain his motivation.

[MannMitAntworten]

Personally as the boyfriend I would have just said I guess, "we" (my girlfriend and me), would just do somethimg else instead.

Regardless, this group thing, I would think if was implied you would go as a couple. Why did you have to ask? That part was odd to me.

[Miristheiss]

He went without you?
If so, just go find someone else.

[markscott]

Unless you have a tendency to get into arguments/fights, or tend to a pain in the butt to others, he should have taken your side.

[Asker]

The thing is, we never argue. We were best friends before we started dating, and get along really well.

[markscott]

Asker: Then she may be jealous, etc. He has no business leaving you, and going with the other people, particularly her. He was being disrespectful to you. This does not portend a good relationship between you and your guy.

[Asker]

That's fair I guess, but maybe he was just trying to reduce the chance of conflict? I don't know..

[AtramentalIvory]

I think your boyfriend was being polite when he asked the group if you could come along.

There would be no point in asking if everyone was expected to say yes.

Since he chose to give the group the option of saying no, it was polite to respect the answer they gave him. I wouldn't see it as a betrayal.

[Miristheiss]

The only problem I have (the group doesn't have to invite a tag along) is the boyfriend should have not gone and gone with his girl instead... not ditch his girl to hang with the group.

Did she say if he just left her?

[AtramentalIvory]

She did not say whether he left her or not, but I do agree with your idea.

[Twalli]

It may have been an issue with her because it would be a couple (you and him) and random friends. My girlfriend wants to go bowling and such with me and a friend and I keep telling her that nobody wants to be a third wheel. Maybe she felt like they would be third wheels to your relationship. I wouldn't get too upset about it unless you see it happening almost every single time.

[spartan55]

You should have been mad! Sounds like he took her side? Eh, yeah he did, and you did nothing but get confused? Wow, you just sent a message that you are a doormat.

[Dinklex3]

Lol.
He either likes her or is talking shit about you.. or both.
Im not very nice to my best friends girlfriend because I think she treats him like crap.
But yeah. I'd break up with him.

[mefink31]

Ever think maybe you are not always in the right? or maybe you and boyfriend just have a different opinion on a specific issue. couples may not always agree admitting you don't agree with your boyfriend or girlfriend shows a level of trust to be honest it may actually be a good sign if you and he can admit you don't agree shows a trust to be honest with eachother

[MsPinkUnicorn]

He was probably trying to protect you. If I was him I've wouldn't have gone and said with you and would've talk to the other girl about why she was so rude and if she didn't fix her attitude I wouldn't be friends with her

[smg99]

That's hurtful ok next time you go without him go out dressed sexy come back n if he asks. Oh just
Felt like it I think I might like this feeling going ahead.

[vgirlfrommo]

In my opinion if you have done nothing wrong, then he should say if she can’t come then neither can I. That shouldn’t even be a question. It’s called loyalty.