How should I respond when a guy says "I don't expect you to wait for me?

[Anonymous]

Updates

+1 y

We’ve been dating for almost two months then work became really stressful for him. Here was the conversation:
Me: Does it make me a dumbass for waiting for you? Haha🤦‍♀️

Him: I mean you don’t have to wait. I wouldn’t blame you

Me: I get that I don’t have to. I mean ya, I could get laid tonight if I wanted. that’s not what I want. I want us. Just mean I want to continue seeing where this goes.

Him: I understand and time will tell just need me to be less busy

[x8xDarkWolfx4x]

Well without more context to why he said that, as well as other factors. For example, if y'all are high school sweethearts, high school is over and you are going to different colleges, or he is joining the military, or you are. Or a million other scenarios, whichever or however. It comes down to was it said sarcastically... was he upset... was thier a fight. You know your guy friend, what does your feelings say. I can tell you are not sure how to reply. So... if waiting will in any way take away from your success or goals and there is nothing invested worth losing, counter with. Im sorry you feel that way but i think we should part ways now, but as friends, always being there... Or if vice versa tell him a seperation may be good... but not a final its over...

[jojo_smith473]

May you answer my question on my profile?

[Asker]

I updated with more context

[MrOracle]

I'd say he HOPES you'll stick around, but he also knows that he's not giving as much to this relationship as you might need right now, but there's not a lot he can do about that, and he doesn't want you to resent him because of it, and so he'd rather see you leave and be happy than "wait for him" and be miserable, or make HIM miserable because you constantly bother him about when he's going to have more time for you (I'm not saying you've done that YET, but if things continue this way for too long, eventually you will).

In other words, he's being selfless and trying to put your desires ahead of his own, which is a noble thing to do. The ball is in your court - you have to decide if he's worth waiting for.

[Asker]

Can I message you? I’d really like your advice...

[MrOracle]

Sure.

[btbc92]

Depends on how you feel about it, you just tell him. That's all. You do NOT have to wait for him. Move on. I say that to anybody. Because let's just be truly honest. 9 out of 10 times people are not going to wait for other people, and tend to be extremely selfish. Life is too short. This person is either worth it to you or not. You decide that. We cannot do it for you.

[Jennajay1719]

depends on the situation but I would leave him on read

[tony1984]

It's so easy to say you won't wait for him. Give him time because probably he is at the most stressed period of his work, just before the end of the year. Pray if you feel like this. If you can, do things for him to make him feel you care for him. Be patient and trust his words.

[jojo_smith473]

May you answer my question on my profile?

[Asker]

I updated— He is stressed at work and I feel like I fked up by looking like I was pressuring him or something. Will you look at the full context? Let me know if I Really messed up. Should in just ignore him now?

[WalterBlack]

Follow your instincts, I suppose. If it sounds like being in a relationship with this person is about to get really complicated, you should seriously consider parting ways.

[WalterBlack]

The guy's statement could be interpreted to mean "I don't want you to feel guilty if you think you should breakup with me." Or it could mean "I'm not ready to commit to a long distance relationship." Or, "I'm not really sure what I want right now." Or, "I don't have the courage to initiate a breakup, so maybe you should do it."

There are probably a few other hidden meanings in this statement. It could be completely innocent or subtlely manipulative. The way you respond should probably correspond to the way you interpret the message.

[Asker]

I updated the full conversation. I’ve Fallen for him and it sucks.

[WalterBlack]

Just read your update. I can relate to that. The guy might be thinking, "I'm sorry that I'm not emotionally available right now. I just want you to be happy. If this situation is not making you happy, I won't be angry if you decide to leave."

[Asker]

But I am happy. I just feel like I’m bothering him. Or that I’m pushing him and I don’t want to be like that. Should I just ignore him or what? He’s been hurt in the past- his ex wife cheated on him. So I don’t want to play games...

[WalterBlack]

I think it is reasonable to ask him for a timeline. Let's say he is tied up with a big project at work. When does he expect that the project will be completed? Understandably, he may not be able to pin down an exact date, but he should be able to give you a ballpark estimate. If there is relief in sight, then staying with him may be a reasonable course of action. But if he will not be available to pursue a relationship with you until some vaguely defined time "someday" in the future, that is unfair to you. Unfortunately when waiting for that "someday" to happen, the days and weeks can slip away and before you know it, months and years have passed. Time is a limited resource. We humans only have a certain limited number of years on this earth. You have to ask yourself how much time is reasonable to sacrifice while waiting for something to happen.

[WalterBlack]

https://youtu.be/QqhmZmE1YjQ

I suggest watching this Ted Talk. If the link doesn't work, search YouTube for "How Much Does It Cost You to Work" by Leonard Skinner. The reason I'm suggesting this is not work-related. I think you might appreciate his thoughts about the value of time.

[Asker]

I just feel like giving up at this point... everyone says too. And it sucks because I truly care about him but he’d make an effort if he cared to. I annoyed him and pushed him away.

[HopelessRomantic2119]

Can you give some context? He doesn’t expect you to wait until he’s ready for a relationship? Until he’s got a better job? His own place? Lost 20 lbs? Lol

[Asker]

I updated!

[HopelessRomantic2119]

Honestly, if that’s the conversation that you two had verbatim, I would move on. He doesn’t seem to care if you move on or not, and that right there says you should just move on.

Had he said something along the lines of “I really want this too, I’m sorry I’ve been so busy with work, but this has been really important to me for awhile. I know it’s not fair to ask you to wait, so if you don’t want to, I don’t blame you, but I just need to get through this stuff at work..” Then I’d say, eh wait a little longer. But he very bluntly and without much concern said if you didn’t wait for him, he wouldn’t blame you.

He doesn’t seem to care very much, I’d just find someone else.

[Anonymous]

Is he going to be locked up in jail for 50 years?

Then F him you will be 80 when he will get out, if he get out at all...

Yes, there is early release and all that...

What is the situation he told you that?

Obviously, if you want to get rid of him, just tell him. K, thank you for understanding, nice knowing you, bye.

[jojo_smith473]

May you answer my question on my profile?

[Opinion Owner]

He could has other girlfriend in mean time and you only plan B, for him or he could be really busy with his work, it is very unlikely.

That is possible what he ment.

[Rundown]

@jojo_smith473

DO NOT SPAM ON OTHER PEOPLES QUESTIONS

ITS NOT COOL

[jojo_smith473]

SO IS OVERTHINKING EVERY LIFE SCENARIO. LIKE YOUVE DONE BC I JUST LOOKED AT YOUR QURESTIONS

[jojo_smith473]

Go get a life you creepy, old man

[Rundown]

You've no idea the questions i ask hun, most are anonymous
CREEP

[jojo_smith473]

Actually I do. They’re on your profile like everyone else’s...😂

[Rundown]

Yeah, some aren't anonymous. But, most of them ARE

GET OVER IT

[jojo_smith473]

Wow I can see why you’re single lol... and no I am not

[jojo_smith473]

😜😎

[Rundown]

I'm single because I choose to be

I don't want a girl, I don't want marriage, and I dont' want kids

[Rundown]

I think it's all a sham

[jojo_smith473]

Your questions were taking about girls like you were interested... soooo ya nice try. Say whatever you want. This conversation is over bud

[Rundown]

I ask questions anonymously and unanonymously, GET OVER IT

[Cocacolaaddict]

Its a test he wants to see if you really would stick around if times get tough to see if your faithfully or will just dash and give up when things don't go smoothly

[skyboy64]

He is going to go away for a few days and ay not come back he might die in the war. He asking her to get on without him , so she can have a life with someone else.

[jojo_smith473]

May you answer my question on my profile?

[skyboy64]

O. k. shoot.

[Guyvo]

Really just respond with "ok"
K him away with that crappy nonchalant sentence he sended you

[Anonymous]

The best response is NO response. Delete his number and find someone new.

[Datgurl00]

His one of those guys that if you say you want to break up hell say "Fine" instead of fighting for the relationship to work, honestly id drop him not worth it

[Kkaos]

Any self respecting guy would say "fine" in that situation. I'm not going to try and fight to keep a relationship alive if my girlfriend isn't prepared to do the same, as soon as she says she wants to breakup, that means she's given up and so will I then.

[Datgurl00]

@Kkaos well that's you, usually when a girl says that, well at least me say things like that I don't mean it & I actually wanna see if the guy would make an effort

[taken4granted]

Just text him a “✌️” and then you just never message him again

[akmgmer]

it depends whether you are truley ready to wait for him or not

[jojo_smith473]

May you answer my question on my profile?

[nerms123]

You say ok cool. And bounce.

[goopw]

What's the context of this?

[Asker]

I updated it

[MusicMayhem]

No need. That was his way of breaking up with you.

[jojo_smith473]

May you answer my question on my profile?

[Asker]

But why wouldn’t he just say that?

[MusicMayhem]

Cause he's a pussy and wants to avoid you getting emotional and making a scene desperately trying to win him back or blaming him for being an arsehole.

[MusicMayhem]

@jojo_smith473 the scar one?

[jojo_smith473]

Yes.

[Account]

"Okay. Ciao"

[lernulo]

It means that he acts as if you have cut.

[Eleni79]

Move on find better he’ll just break your heart.

[LoU_Hades]

Lets surprise

[Cherokeehp]

Don’t wait for him.

[Subacabbra]

Then fuck him... dont wait

[jojo_smith473]

May you answer my question on my profile?

[Subacabbra]

Where