Is it "rude" not to congratulate someone who is having a baby?

Question

I mean, all she did was have sex. My co-worker says it was rude not to say congratulations.

Herbie_Otch · Accepted Answer

Why would the act of having sex even be what you're thinking about when someone says she's pregnant? It's not what she's thinking about when she tells you, I guarantee it. If it were, she'd come announce it to you every time she has sex. Immature high school or college dudes might go around soliciting high fives every time they get laid, but the rest of the world doesn't.

When someone becomes pregnant, especially for the first time, she is at a major turning point in her life. She's about to be living for someone besides herself, caring for and nurturing another human being and witnessing the growth of her own offspring. She's signed up to witness and participate in the miracle of human life, and will experience joy, pain, struggles and triumphs greater than anything she's been through before.

Sometimes congratulations aren't given as praise for an accomplishment already achieved. Sometimes they are celebratory and express that you are happy for someone else's happiness and acknowledge that they have reason to celebrate.

So no, you don't HAVE to congratulate someone, but the fact that you don't want to might be a good reason to stop and reflect. If you aren't capable of being happy for someone else who got news that makes them happy, and react with resentment because you think they didn't "earn" your congratulations, you might want to address where those feelings are coming from. Resentment and lack of empathy generally don't make people happy and well adjusted.

nightdrot · Accepted Answer

Yes, it is rude. It costs you nothing in time and energy to congratulate someone on their good fortune - even if to you it is not something you would want for yourself. To the contrary, it shows that you can share in someone's happiness and can wish them well.

Is it a thrashing offense like slamming a door in someone's face? Of course not, and context matters. If you see a stranger on the street, you are not obliged to go up to them and congratulate them. If you are introduced to someone who is expecting, it costs you nothing to say as an aside, "Congratulations," and what is more it shows a certain sense of common sympathy and fellow feeling for another human being. Perish the thought.

Should someone congratulate you on getting a promotion? Of course not. All you did was earn your way up the career ladder. Why should they care?

It has been well said that things like manners and etiquette are the things that grease the skids of civilization. They rub the rough edges off of daily life and give us a sense, in some small way, of fellow feeling with other human being. Empathizing with them in their sorrows while sharing in their joys.

As bad manners go, failing to congratulate someone on their pregnancy is by far not the worst thing, but let's just say that it does not say much for you. It just puts you another in the long line of dreary beings, mildly self-absorbed and adding nothing to the sum of human happiness.

Moonchild714 · Accepted Answer

I use to struggle congratulating women on their Pregnancy, I saw it as losing a Drinking Buddy. The Guys I congratulated without hesitation Never saw a difference in the Drinking/Partying Habits of the Daddy's during Pregnancy or after Pregnancy but all the Mommy's Drink and Partied a lot less and that bummed me out... Even in Sobriety Women I NEVER Drink with when they told me they were Preggers I couldn't be happy right away until I talked it over and over with my Sponsor and came to the conclusion it wasn't about losing Drinking Buddies but my NOT being able to have children knowing I would Miscarry every time. Once I dealt with that I was able to genuinely be joyful for my Family, Friends, and Colleagues... And now here I am Pregnant surprised as all Hell Husband's Swimmers got through an IUD and impregnated me with Triplets. Anyhow, it's nit about congratulating anyone fir having Sex or the condom broke you are wishing them a Happy Life with their Upcoming Addition if they are announcing they are probably happy and not ashamed of the pregnancy.

Prettygurl12 · Accepted Answer

I'm 26 and I still have to make a conscious decision to not say, "Oh no, I'm sorry; what are you going to do?" 😂😂😂😂

I'm well in the age-range where my friends are married and kids are expected but my husband and I a) don't want kids and b) haven't discussed if we'll ever revisit that topic lol

I'd only genuinely say congratulations to someone who I knew genuinely wants a child and who has struggled for a long time to conceive. My SIL has had fertility issues and she and her husband tried 7 years to conceive and all she's wanted is to be a mom, so when she announced they were expecting I was SO happy for them.

My husband and I may not want kids, but that doesn't mean that I hate kids or don't want them for others lol

Account · Answer

I never do. It would feel wrong if I did.

CubsterShura · Answer

Yes it's rude.

Yeah they just had sex, but it doesn't change the fact that they are expecting the arrival of a new addition to their family and they probably put a lot of plan and investment into it. It's a great news, and so you should be congratulating.

humanearth · Answer

I said this to someone and they got pissed.

So your going to bring another human to the world. What were you thinking? You just made it 1000 times easier for you give up your rights and freedom.

Because your going to be one of them stupid motherfuckers. That are going to let your kid have a tablet at 5 years old and put movies on for a babysitter.

Your kid is going to be fucked up in the head, because you. Thanks for ruining another kids life dumbass.

They were pissed, but guess what. That exactly what she is doing.

They kid is 8 and she did everything I said she would to. She don't spend time with the kid, the kid won't do nothing but sit there.

What a way to ruin a human life that way

Anonymous · Answer

I just want to correct you on something. Not all people “just had sex” to get pregnant. It took me a year and 3 months JUST to get pregnant. Some people have fertility issues. It wasn’t just having sex. I had to take fertility shots, which were pretty expensive. I had to change my entire diet, and workout routine. I tried other things before having to shoot myself up with hormones that were costly and took a lot of effort.

I don’t think people realize that it’s not just having sex to get pregnant. Sure, if you’re really fertile, good for you. But everyone is different. So because of what I went through, I always say congrats. And by the way, you’re also saying congrats because they’re going to be parents. And being a parent has nothing to do with just having sex. It’s actually having to raise a baby, that’s what the congrats is for as well.

HayleyMarie · Answer

You’re congratulating the fact that she is pregnant and is going to become a mother, not that she had sex. If you don’t want to say anything that’s fine. Just don’t say to her “all you did was have sex”

sejla · Answer

If she seemed happy about it I would congratulate her on it. It isn't so much about it being an accomplishment but a blessing. The work is taking care of the baby's development during the 9 months. Eating right and keeping a healthy lifestyle. You'd think that was a given but it isn't.

DorkVader · Answer

It's not rude unless you're going out of your way to be a dick to her because she's pregnant, like making abortion or baby killing jokes around her. If you are going about your normal life, then no. It's really not your business. Just don't be eating cake and ice cream at the office baby shower, hypocrite

morimeme1 · Answer

If she wanted to have a baby then it makes sense to congratulate her not on the fact that she had sex but on the fact that she is entering the world of motherhood willingly. It is rude to not say it but oh well, why would she need every singe person to say it anyways?

Flower7 · Answer

No, it's not rude to not say "Congratulations". That's your own personal choice whether you want to say that or not. And apparently, people who say it's rude are going around being fake and saying things they don't even mean just to be " polite ". I think that's much worse than what you did. I wouldn't even want to receive a fake *Congratulations" from anyone.

cicchis0 · Answer

I don't think so. I don't automatically congratulate pregnant women because I don't know their situation - it may be unwanted, they may be in an abusive relationship, etc. If they are boasting about it like a new car or holiday plans then they are obviously happy about it but I don't like to reward people that fish for compliments, so I would be more likely to wish them luck.

Adam1978 · Answer

No it's not rude unless you count as a very close person, family is expected to be supportive and congratulate on these events. Not doing so is like saying I don't care about you.

Personally I think it is better to wait until it is born before congratulate them.

Timelesswisdom · Answer

It is good to encourage people to view their children as blessings so that they will be more likely to treat them as blessings, plus people like to hear good tidings from their friends. But perhaps your blunt disinterest is part of the charm they love you for?

Substantialman · Answer

In my job you get a card going round to congratulate the co worker. They even have email quiz poll to guess if it will be a girl or boy. You really don't have to congratulate anybody if you don't want to. If babies and being a dad is not your thing then you probably see things differently and if your a male that had a crush on this co worker so could find it difficult to be happy for her. It's a lot things but don't tell someone that it's just sex that's not cool.

Xylem1992 · Answer

you're looking at this all wrong. Its about the fact that she is going to be a mother. Sometimes getting pregnant is planned, sometimes unplanned. Either way we all think about becoming a parent one day, at least a little bit, and when it happens it IS a big deal.
Its a milestone and rite of passage

kingofthellamas · Answer

Hmmm. I think what you are congratulating is not having a baby per se, but more about recognising it's an important and brave new chapter they are starting on. But, before I had kids myself I didn't really understand this and would not congrats people.

Thatsamazing · Answer

No, because like you said, all she did was get cumdumpstered, which requires literally zero effort other than laying on one's back and spreading one's legs (though I suppose she could have taken it from behind too). I've never understood why the congratulatory message exists as the palatable response to "I'm pregnant" or whatever.

Also why did you put "rude" in quotes.

loveslongnails · Answer

It's one of those things called "courtesy" because the presumption is she wanted to get pregnant and she's pleased about it. It's one of those things where she won't remember everybody who congratulates her, but might remember anyone who didn't! LOL. PS> If you can't bring yourself to utter the single word "congratulations", you could be a funny guy and say "cool, do we know who the mother is?"

btbc92 · Answer

If you have nothing nice to say don't say it. That's what I always say. It was your opinion, but that is rude.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

It takes no effort to have sex but carrying a baby and getting pregnant and nursing a child and protecting and providing for them and teaching morals is a lot of work so yes pregnant woman deserve to be respected for what they are sacrificing.

PondyPand · Answer

Nah. It's sort of weird.
I guess the congrats is more about them growing a baby for 9 months and their body giving everything to grow the child to it's best ability. But of course a guy would just say about the sex.

AdmiralSirJohn · Answer

I don't use the word "congratulations". Instead, despite not being Jewish, i use the Hebrew term "Mazel Tov", which means "I celebrate your good fortune."

Yes, she had sex, but that alone does not guarantee conception and implantation. Plenty of viable zygotes end up in toilets or cloths because it never found a place in its mother's uterus.

It's not so much rude as inconsiderate. (Rude, to me, is deliberate.)

Cynicaldreamer · Answer

🤣 I mean he does have a point you guys. Unless she's been struggling to have children, it's not that big of a deal.

Personally I don't congratulate anyone for getting knocked up either. I just keep my mouth shut.

SydneySentinel · Answer

🤣🤣🤣 I laughed so hard at this. You don't have to congratulate anyone if you don't want to. I don't know why that's a nicety anyway. The people that know and care about her will congratulate her (for the baby, not for having sex).

Poppymarie · Answer

I don’t think it’s a big deal if you don’t congratulate her. Having a baby is definitely exciting news, but if you’re not that close to her it’s not important to you.

BrexitAteMyLobster · Answer

I think it's personal choice. You're not congratulating the act of conception, you're congratulating the fortune of getting pregnant which is far from guaranteed.

BradFlipK · Answer

I believe there is a relativity to this question. Example: Is this your 1st child with your new husband? I would say a congrats is in order. However, is this your 4th child with your 4th Babydaddy? See my point?

Mamaganja · Answer

I don’t think it’s rude in any way but she’s doing a lot more than just having sex... she’s creating a whole person..

Chaipa · Answer

Haha dude that is funny topic. I think it is socialy expected that you formulate some kind of "satisfaction" or "congratulation" for her. it is not understood if you don't express some hapiness. but this botheers me so much as you haha

ecfresh · Answer

It’s only one of the most major accomplishments in their life, of course you should say congratulations.

GOOSEBOY78 · Answer

its called EMPATHY. it doesn't matter if you care or not its like, if your grandma gives you a itchy sweater.

you dont say: this seater sucks granny. you say thank you, because good manners cost nothing.

Anonymous · Answer

Big deal she will have another bastard, to leech on welfare, big deal.

All world own her nothing for doing it...

In the end she does not know how to do it, so ended up pregnant... Obviously now she will say she wanted it from begining...

Luwyd · Answer

Why not !! Why would it hurt to just sayin congratulations?

Ronald_25 · Answer

I think it's rude to say "we're having a baby" when the guy's role lasts for one night tops. Congratulate them but as the guy, I'd feel like I'm taking credit for her work if I'm congratulated too much 🤷🏽‍♂️

I-C3_ME · Answer

Nah i actually don't congratulate unless I'm 501% sure she's pregnant, but even if u know it's not a law so at the end of the day it's your choice. If it makes u feel uncomfortable then don't congratulate them. It's fine

Anonymous · Answer

My boss recently had a baby and posted the photos of the certificate all over the group chat.
I really wanted to just not answer it but ended up begrudgingly responding with my insincere congratulations.
If it was acceptable to write that I don't give a shit and would prefer he kept his personal life to himself, that's what I would have written.

Anonymous · Answer

She is going to carry a baby 9 months long. Going trough a pregnancy is not an easy thing and you are not going to die if you congratulate her. Dont your parents teach you basic manners? I am literally shocked how you are acting at that age.

R_ūshī · Answer

lmao 😂😂😂lol fr 😂😂😂 You can not do it if you don't like. I only do it because I don't know what else to say tbh.😂😂😂

beldath · Answer

It can be, but if you don't want to, it shouldn't be a big deal. Not everyone wants to have kids, or like you said, congratulate someone for having unprotected sex and getting knocked up.

whitehide · Answer

It IS rude! Make sure to pat the father's balls, too. I'm kidding, I mostly don't really care about babies, but if it's someone close, it's appropriate to congratulate them, if you can't do that, then don't do anything.

DanaeAdam5 · Answer

Ok. I would congratulate her for having sex but... a baby? Nope

sukiana · Answer

You give congrats if you want, if you dont want dont give.

BagoH · Answer

I can understand lol. I don't feel the need to say it either. Like wow congrats dude you just have birth to one more person. One more + to the billions of people we already have in here... 👏 👏 👏

Just_a_human · Answer

I don't think it's rude. I've never said that to anyone and probably never will. I don't view it as an accomplishment.

Sir_Flerrin · Answer

I believe it's rude to demand everyone to congratulate you on having a baby. Not everyone has the same interests. I personally would not.

TacocaT6969 · Answer

No... like you said, all they did was have sex.  “Congratulations on your predictable cream pie results!”

Justacatlady · Answer

Why would it be rude? It’s not like you’re saying ew gross. You’re just not saying hooray. I see no issue with it

Zweihander · Answer

Why does she care about your congratulations so much. That's weird for a coworker in my opinion. I never congratulate my coworkers on anything unless I'm somewhat involved in it.

Astarlessnightsky · Answer

I don't know 🤷‍♂️ Depends how close you are, how old they are, wether or not they've trying to get pregnant for a long time...

Bman4907 · Answer

Your coworker should mind her own damn business. It's not rude not to congratulate somebody for having sex and keeping it. It's rude as hell for people to demand you congratulate them or somebody else for having sex and keeping it.

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

I mean, even if you don't really care it takes two seconds to say congratulations

anametouse · Answer

Yeah you're not obligated to congratulate her, I think it depends on her situation. Like if she's made a blatant poor choice in a sexual partner and is gonna be a single mom then I would not congratulate her either

purplepoppy · Answer

I agree I don't see why people should be congratulated just because the condom burst

elite665 · Answer

😂”all she did was have sex” That’s kinda rude in itself

Applers64 · Answer

I don't think it is, if you don't care you don't care, its not rude at all.

whty8911 · Answer

You're not congratulating them to fulfill your own need. It's for them. You should congratulate them.

PDizzy · Answer

it shouldn't matter because its your own opinion. but if the tables were turned how would you feel?

SoMuchNut · Answer

hey congratulations! You've done with billions of people before you have done and what billions will do after you, that anyone can do!

Taylor_C · Answer

Nah, depends on who she is, if just a co-worker I wouldn't bother.

Anonymous · Answer

I agree with you, I’m not going to congratulate someone for having sex and getting pregnant which is the whole point of why sex exists. I don’t care if that makes me “rude”.

marc575 · Answer

Giving positive energy is never wrong, just don't plan to give those awnsers.

Is it "rude" not to congratulate someone who is having a baby?

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