Will a player chase a girl until he wins no matter how long it takes?

[Anonymous]

I've known this guy for two years now, and he has told me that he likes me, and he does act like he does, and there is a side of me quite likes him too, but i do have partner. He's at uni so he's not here much of the time, and me and this other guy do hang out a lot.
He is a huge player, everyone has told me this, and it's pretty obvious. He kind of ticks every box.

I can't get with him & I've told him this, but he does keep trying, and I thought that he would get bored eventually, but we've been spending more time together than ever lately and we do keep having the same conversation as to why nothing can happen, but he does push his luck when he can.
If things were different, I would have slept with him a long time ago, but I can't.
I don't think he is used to being told "no" . He does have serious game. It's impressive. It's very hard not to fall into that trap with him.
I'm very surprised that he is still in my life because I didn't think of players as people who played the long game. I mean there's the long game, and then there is the really long game.
I do think we're at a point where we are genuinely friends now, we text a lot, he spends a lot of time at mine, but he does try things on a lot. I do wonder if he is just going to keep going until he gets what he wants, but I can't give him what he wants and he knows it.

[lightbulb27]

Sure, it's a game for that mind, and it's sick. Not necessarily a "player", probably is... but a certain personality. Check out the narcissistic disorder, or borderline personality... see where he fits.

"You think you are genuinly friends". I'd bet you are genuinely deceived:) It's a game to him, you are likely to him as a bug is to a spider. My point is this... it isn't love is it? He doesn't really value you as a person, what is best for you... he values what he can get, the notches on his bed.. the thrill of the chase. That isn't Man, it is a type of defective personality. You are a piece of crap to him!! I suspect... Why would you want to be treated like that... sucked in and spit out like a deer discharged from the back of teh truck that just run over it? Getting the imagery?

Once you get the right vantage point, I think you'll feel better about putting him in his place, which is on block. But as it is, these people (male and female) so often win and get what they want because of their manipulatation and sales ability. As the Bible says, the adversary was a liar from the beginning.

[topur]

Yes, he can be playing for that long. Also, maybe he's had a few girls during that time or one night stands. My advise to lower his interest is to always talk about your boyfriend, how great he is and how much you like him. Even if it has nothing to do, if the subject is coming from that player always make sure to find a way to relate it with something your boyfriend is really good at or that you like about him.

Still, I got tell you that I think you should stop hanging around with him. What are you getting out from it?
You said it's very hard no to fall into a trap with him. Why are talking and spending so much time with him? Are hopping for the day you fall into a trap? And you can say "oh, I was trying really hard, I resisted for long but on that day I was so sad and/or had argument about whatever with whomever "? Snap out of it. You are endangering you relationship and if something like that happens it'll be your fault.

[bella4eva]

Nope he's not necessarily trying to get with you (altho he probably won't say 'no' if you're down for it). You're just friends. Ofc he's always gonna drop the hint but he's not trying as such, just saying its always on the table. I've worked in investment banking and know many of these guys. Don't think you're special bc he's dropping hints. It just for these guys it's always on the table. They're still out there sleeping around and having fun which I don't hate them for, just know actions speak louder than words. If he genuinely liked you, he'll stop playing or sleeping around, period. by the way I'm still friends with these guys, but long distance and they still dropping hints lol it's almost just a running joke between us now

[Asker]

I don't think I'm special, I know him. I know what he is like.

I know we're friends.

Thanks so much for taking the time to answer. xx

[bella4eva]

Don't mean offence with the 'special', comment just from a personal perspective I tell myself this bc these guys really do have real game & if I'm not careful I'll just be another notch. Some of these guys grow out of it and some don't, you can't tell or guess.

[Asker]

It's OK, don't worry. I wasn't offended. You were just saying what you saw.

I do know what you mean and you are right.

[PrimalInstinct]

He's a known player, you told him no. Soooo why are you hanging out with him? You might as well say yeah not today but maybe we'll have sex next week & that's exactly how he's reading it.

If you were serious about no, after all, given his reputation you wouldn't be hanging out with him.

More than likely you enjoy the attention - how'd you put it, he has an "impressive game" - and figure if you give him what he wants he'd stop paying you attention... so gotta try and string this out as long as you can.

[PrimalInstinct]

As for your question will a player go for a "long game". Yeah, some will. As said you're making it obvious that the no isn't that serious so all he's gotta do is, to be blunt, wait you out.

[Asker]

It's not about wanting his attention. I enjoy his company as a person. As friends.
I was saying to somebody else that I have been surprised at how well we get along. We have a lot of fun, and when you have fun with someone, you hang out with them again.
I keep expecting this situation to fade itself out, that's what I keep expecting. I'm not sure if I said this is in the description, but I just thought he'd get bored eventually.
It's not that I'm purposefully avoiding cutting things off, I've just never thought to.

[PrimalInstinct]

Don't you have any other friends? It's *very* simple by hanging out with him you are more or less saying yeah we'll have sex at some point. When women (or men) say no to a player & aren't truly interested or liking the attention they cut off all contact. Why? Because then the player realizes it's not gonna happen... period.

[Asker]

Yes, I have other friends. He lives next door to my best friend. She's the one who introduced us. We've hung out a lot there.
We go to a lot of the same places.

He isn't on player mode every single second. Sometimes we're just two people who know each other getting along, and that's fine. That's ok. That's why I like hanging out with him.

I completely understand what you are saying, and I do appreciate you taking the time to say it.
I know where you are coming from, and I think it just wasn't an angle I'd looked at before.
Thanks :)

[PrimalInstinct]

You just said above that he is constantly trying. Sooo it may not be every minute but obviously it's enough times to be annoying or you wouldn't write about it. And he's not gonna stop. Players only stop when they realize the pursuit is pointless.

As said you most likely like the attention you get - if he was really such a grand guy you'd have mentioned that in your original post anyway instead of commenting you're surprised he's still hanging around - and that's why you hang around him. If it was truly something you wouldn't want there's no point in you hanging around him. He lives next door, so.. say hello & leave it at that.

[MrOracle]

There are different variants of players, but many players will be going after a bunch of different girls - some they get right away, and some they play the "long game" with. Now, not all players have the patience for the long game - they'll give up and look elsewhere if they don't succeed right away. But many enjoy the game, and enjoy the fact that they can turn a "no" into a "yes" eventually - it's a show of skill and endurance for them.

And the fact that you're hanging out with him and being his friend means that you're likely to weaken at some point and give in - and he knows it. If you really had no interest in him, you'd have broken off all contact with him, but you haven't done that...

[LEETSBEREAL]

If your spending so much time with him how much time do you get for your fella? Next time he makes a move get firm with him. Tell him you can try all you want but nothing will happen your happy to be friends and hang out with him every now and again but that's it. Note every now and again. Cut the amount of time with him in half less then this if you can and start spending more time with the man you are with. The reason this guy thinks he has a chance is coz your spending way to much time with him so he is certainly half way there your not going to be able to say no forever and your not helping yourself giving him priority what are you thinking get back the upper hand and put him where he belongs 2nd priority your fella comes first start behaving like it.

[Shamalien]

Bitch what makes you think he's playing the long game? He's playing the short game...50 TIMES A DAY and you are just one of those short games he has yet to beat yet. Has he been single, love stricken, pining after you with all his heart, not even so much as glancing at other women, just sniffin yo booty fumes and chasn that ass for 2 years?

FUCK NO just stop it with your stupid fuckin fantasies and your dumb thought trains. YOU MAKE A DECISION AND STICK TO IT, GET IT? I'm no idiot, not like you, I know what you are doing. In a very roundabout way that is hard to explain but that YOU KNOW TO BE TRUE, you are attempting to convince yourself into hooking up with this guy.

[Asker]

I'm not trying to hook up with him. I couldn't if I wanted to. It's about whether we can to a place of us hanging out without this in the middle.

You sound very angry. Maybe go take a walk , or hang out with some friends and have a laugh. Calm down.
It's not that big of a deal.

[Shamalien]

Rofl u ent foolin me

[sensible27]

Right or not I don't know why I am smiling, I guess you are just pretty funny...

[Asker]

@sensible27 I can't help it, I'm just a ray of sunshine!

... Seriously though, It's good to be smiling!

[Shamalien]

he's talkn to me goof lol

[Asker]

I still meant what i said

I actually didn't notice a difference in the usernames. It's been a long day

[0112358]

Players will sometimes keep trying longer than non-players who aren’t inexperienced. Why? Because they’re fucking other girls and you’re just one of a bunch of prospects they have in the pipeline.

Monogamous guys who actually date, move on and find someone else to actually be with.

[bamesjond0069]

Exactly. They can try forever because they are doing it with other girls.

[Asker]

I think we are speaking at cross purposes.

My question was about how I can't get with him, and whether this is going phase out. I like hanging out with him, but nothing can happen, and I've told him that.
It wasn't about me wanting to be with him.

[prateekkashyap]

Guys who only wants to have sex most of the time they talk about sex only every other conversation ends with sex. Some plays very smooth and act like they are the nicest guy in the world.
Maybe he is a player but he sees something in you that he is getting addicted to, maybe he is falling in love with you or maybe he just wants to have good time and dont want to think about future, maybe he dont have anyone to talk with maybe he have many girls but not like qyou.
Maybe for him sex is a bonus with you but he is not getting it still its fine for him?

Players are like dogs if somebody can train them they can be a very nice companion 🙃

[Asker]

Hi, thanks for replying.

I don't know. It's hard, when you spend time with someone who has the reputation that he does, to really be able to tell what is real from them.
We do get along really well, and it has always been like that. We can banter with each other and tease each other and never run out of things to say.
I don't think it's about falling in love, I think it's just been surprising how much fun we have when we're together... but like I said, it's hard to know how much of it is genuine.
Even my friend, who knows him said "either he isn't trying to play you, or he's really fucking good at this"

I met him when he was going through a tough time and we talked about it throughout the whole time it was happening, and he was so brutally honest about that, and pretty much everything else that has gone on in his life, and sometimes I think if this is a game, why has he told me all that?

There is an elephant in the room, and it's hard to know what to think, I guess.

[peachyknees]

We tend to be more invested into relations/ situations like this one because of the uncertainty. The fact that things are unforseeable make you feel super invested emotionally - that's why you keep asking yourself what he actually wants.
In my opinion, I think he won't stop until he gets what he wants. Why? If he would have truly liked you, I believe he would have stopped teasing you and hitting on you OR he would have stated his feelings clearly, allowing you to take a decision.

[Gcoolguy]

players don't chase; they show some intent. if you're not into him, he goes for his other options and move on.

A man with game won't chase; they show some intent. if you're not into him, he goes for his other options and move on.

The difference between the two is the level of commitment each one is capable of. Players are only good for flings, Men with game are good for everything up to marriage.

That's for YOU to decide which one he is. It's a called the game for a reason, Shit test him back; test his meddle.

[liburnia]

I have a friend like that (we're both married) and the first time we talked alone, he said : "People tell me it's not ok to do that, but I like the game and see no harm in it". I know him for 5 years now, 3 of wich we're good friends and he still plays his game with me. He was building his game slowly, respecting my pace of comfort. But as the @asker said I enjoy his company and I let him play as long as he remains certain boundaries. I don't think he will ever try to cross them. But he also doesn't ease it up.

[ZELLxoxo]

'I thought that he would get bored eventually, but we've been spending more time together than ever lately and we do keep having the same conversation as to why nothing can happen, but he does push his luck when he can.'

What are you doing? You are hanging out with this guy and he keeps trying to get in your pants. This is clear as day.

A player will try as long as you keep giving him hope that he will get what he wants.

Your words say one thing but your actions say another

[sensible27]

I can't believe I am saying this (I can but you get the point), take the Danny Devito test. Think if he suddenly got transformed into Danny Devito would you still like and hangout with him? Are you with him (spend time with him) because you guys have smart and interesting conversations? If not it's my displeasure to inform the other guy is right, you are there for a hookup, testing your luck and using backwards justification method/system in trying to justify getting with him...

[Finchie40]

If you were my girlfriend I would back hand your ass for even hanging out with this kind of guy behind my back , he isn’t a friend considering he doesn’t give 2 shits about your relationship and yes he is just trying to bang you , if he ever gets that chance he will kick ya to the curb , don’t fall for this shit and stop hanging with him , how would you like if your boyfriend was hanging with a girl all the time behind your back? It’s disrespectful

[LordVarys]

I could be wrong but sounds like sound like he's just waiting, he may hang out and be your friend but he keeps trying to do stuff which keeps you from putting him in the friend zone you will probably end up sleeping with him and then wonder why he doesn't care.

[Pistolpete90]

I don't think you can generalise players, but with this guy, sounds like he just wants what he can't have. He gets a thrill out of testing your boundaries.
If you did cave and sleep with him, he'd probably vanish soon afterwards.

[TravisT2007]

Sounds like he's desperate. Guys don't typically chase after women they know they can't get. At least the respectful ones don't. If he's chasing after you despite knowing there's no chance, that's either desperation or obsession, either of which is dangerous. Cut him off.

[Asker]

This is the thing, it's not like he doesn't get with other girls. He does.

This why I've wondered in the past if it's because "no" isn't really on his radar. I'm sorry if that sounds completely ridiculous.

Or maybe it's that he sees no harm in going for it in the moment. He's not losing anything.

[TravisT2007]

You're better than that though. If he's getting with other girls, don't stick around and be a rebound. You need to have someone that treats you like the number one, and the only one. Don't settle for someone that isn't committed to you. Bc I guarantee you, if he's seeing other women, he won't hesitate to leave you for someone else. And if you're emotionally invested, that's gonna be devastating. Let him go. Find someone that puts you in first place. But that's just my opinion.

[Asker]

This isn't about me trying to get with him. I have a relationship.

My question was about whether we can get to a place where we can hang out the way we do, because i do like hanging out with him, and have it be where he isn't trying something.

He's respectful enough. If i tell him knock it off, he does. We sleep int the same bed sometimes afterwards and just chat. More often than not, the conversation comes around to him saying that he knows I like him and me telling him that I do but nothing can happen.

You could say that he is just a guy being a guy, and if he's hanging out with a girl, that's what he is going to do, and it makes complete sense.

I just wonder if we can get to hanging out without the sex thing coming up, because there is nothing more i can say to him about it.

[TravisT2007]

If he wants it, he wants it. There's nothing you can do to stop that. Honest truth. And you telling him it can't go past where it is now and then allowing him to sleep next to you and be that close to you all the time... that's not gonna make things better. He's gonna continue to want it and want it no matter what you say, that's why he's still around. Sorry if you don't like what I'm saying but I happen to have a dick too, so I have an idea how men think. He's gonna come after you and come after you and come after you until he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that it won't happen. He's gonna stalk you eventually. You can believe it or not, but like I said, I know how men think. He's not gonna stop. You'll be a year or two ahead in the future and he'll still be there. Cut... him... off... he's not gonna stop. Ever. But what do I know... I'm just a guy. (Just personal advice).

[Asker]

I don't think he's going to get that intense, but I hear you, and I do appreciate you giving me your opinion.

It would just be a shame to cut things off with someone I have so much fun with, but I know what you are saying.
Thanks :)

[hellacray]

No... A player would go for quantity. It's a numbers game so why waste all your energy with one girl when it's so much easier to try other girls until one of them say yes.

[Asker]

He does still get with others girls. I tease him about it sometimes.
He knows what he's doing.

He's always saying to me "I'm not a player though" ... he is.

[hellacray]

Well ok then.

[gagsucs]

a true play will always play the game until he wins,
and doesn't give up,
if he's a player that plays the game halfway through and then gives up... he's a amateur

[arabgoddess]

That's sad that you're spending a lot of time with him when you should be spending it with your boyfriend

[lucas262]

A player won't put the time in unless his ego is involved.

When 1 says no they move on and keep going short and simple like a shallow transparent dance

[cheetahcub]

Ok players gonna play but they chase u for you to chase them and then they save you for a rainy day... They just repeat a little cycle of theirs

[Plitty-Tank]

No. There is a point in which he'll eventually give up.

[Mindwipe]

Players don't chase you, they get you to chase them.