I can look at a guy and think “I want to date him”
That's because, as a woman, relationships are your highest priority. Men have different priorities. Men look at women and say "I want to have sex with her" because that reflects men's highest priority. But it also reflect the fact that men have a much lower bar for who they want to bang vs. who they want to be in a relationship with.
For most men, if he finds the girl sufficiently physically attractive, and she's willing, that's enough - for SEX. But dating someone and being in a relationship with them is a much bigger commitment, and you're going to spend a lot of time together outside the bedroom, so her personality and attitude and morals & values all matter a ton more than if you're just having casual sex with her twice a week. THAT is why guys want to get to know a girl a bit before they decide if they want to date her or not.
The guy may already know he has some feelings developing, but feelings alone aren't enough to sustain a relationship - compatibility is also important, so he's going to want to spend some quality time with her and get to know more about her before he commits himself to the next level.
And just as girls are on the lookout for guys who just want to use them for sex, guys are on the lookout for girls who just want to use him for meals, entertainment, attention, or favors. I don't blame men or women for being cautious, because there are selfish, entitled people on both sides who think nothing of using the opposite sex.
I break relationships up into dating, BF/GF, fiancee and marriage phases. Dating is the phase to get to know someone. This is the time to have fun and get to know a little about them, but nothing deep. You just feel each other out to see if you are compatible enough to risk moving on. What I consider the BF/GF phase is probably what most people mean by dating. This is where I get to know her extensively. During this time we might stay at each other's places, but do not move in together. However, if we are in this phase long enough, this is where we could even go as far as helping each other financially if needed, but nothing terribly serious. For example, if she has maybe a $1200 loan she wants off her hair to start saving, or maybe I do, we can lend a little assistance here and there but no expectations of this happening. BF/GF phase is where you really get to know someone's morals and money stances. This is also the time to meet the parents By the time I am ready to propose (which enters fiancee phase) I probably know everything important about her and view her as "the one". I know her very well and I am more focused on gaining the trust and approval of her family. This is the soonest I would consider moving in with her or her with me. I am saving sex until marriage, but this is the phase I MIGHT make that exception. Then marriage is obviously self-explanatory.
I'm not a guy, but I'm this way with guys. I'm currently on an indefinite hiatus from dating, but if I were to get back into it, I'd need to really get to know the guy first. I have no way of knowing if I'll be attracted to him without getting to know him, since I've only ever developed attraction after getting to know the guy.
I second what @raxx007 said below. I'm dating a guy now. Everything is going great, but we are getting to know each other well before we put a label on it. The dating phase is for getting to know someone, but some people may want to know someone very well before they call it a "relationship".
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I have to have that feeling but a single conversation can do it with sufficiently open types. I've had some very open women say to me on the first conversation that they feel like they've known me a lifetime, and the feeling is mutual on my part. That suffices for me to steer the conversation towards an invitation for a date.
And sometimes without so many words exchanged, I've danced with women and the few words we exchanged, and how we danced together, made it feel like we knew each other much longer than we did -- we were comfortable with each other and there was this feeling of mutual trust and comfort. That sufficed.
It's based more for me on the depth of the "communication" -- verbally, physically, a combination -- than the number of conversations.
Probably not. My criterias are intuitive to me and because I believe in them it's a turn off if she is otherwise so the process is relatively quick and I don't have to see her 3 months before realising that. But it depends really, sometimes if we are in an environment where her interests are fairly clear to see, you don't have to know everything about her but if that is not the case I can see the process taking some time. It's weird I think I search for people with qualities similar to mine or interests in things so we can talk about it too.
Dating is getting to know the girl. I do however try to know something about the girl before I ask her out, but she ask me out and I am available and I find her attractive I just say yes and take it from there. So not a requirement just give you an idea if it can work out.
It often leads to disappoint when you base who you date on appearances alone. After all, women in general are more attracted to a mans demeanor, rather than his appearance. Appearance is, and should be just the icing on the cake because appearances fade.
I think it is a male "Logical" trait maybe their intuition says I want to date her but his brain goes I want to make sure it works. I want it to be perfect, for her to be the one.
I can understand the thinking behind of I will only go there if it has a high degree of success. It is probably a male/female thing like the voice in a man's head is going you wouldn't buy a house or a car without a thorough check first.
Yes I think it's instinctual and primal on a level most people do not even recognize it.. like in pheramones.. sure it's safer if we could get to know a lady before screwing up our courage and asking out.. but that's not the old college try I am used to.. nothing ventured nothing gained and besides who's got time for screening like that on enmass? Where's the thrill of the hu t? They'll never taste victory in success like they could've had.. lots of wasted oppurtunity in my opinion
When I was younger, now I can read personality traits fast, generally know what to target if I spot red flags, and verify accuracy quickly, specially watch how she treats those who have nothing to offer, or how much focus she puts to her wants, needs, and frustrated if she doesn't get her way, versus empathetic, thinks about others, etc.
Date is getting to know the person. I think now days date you all think is like girlfriend and boyfriend. A date is like a hang out buddy to visit places, spend time talking, go out random restaurants or even go shopping. Just be normal you, just don't expect right of way an answer to be girlfriend or boyfriend. Let time flow. When you rush things may not turn so right between y'all.
if you're talking about just sleeping with them you know bending you over and fucking you then yes that's on tuition for a guy but if you're talking about dating you which means bringing you home to meet my mom to meet my sister to be my girl like morning only then yes no fucking way are you meeting my mom unless I know you're 100% not fucking crazy it comes to just fucking getting late I don't give a fuk it your wackadoodle batshit long as you're fucking hot
At first it's more of a "Would I have sex with her" type of thing. If yes, then I might try to get to know her. If I don't like her then I won't ask her out. In my opinion, asking someone out is what you do when considering making that person your boyfriend/girlfriend. A lot of people say dating is for getting to know the person, but I think that part is done before dating and you want to date to get some one on one time insetad of talking at whatever place you always see each other.
Ya pretty much. I have a difficult time rationalizing wanting to date a girl who I don't know. Like, what if she turns out to be crazy or boring or completely incompatible with me? Then I would've wasted my time on her and would have the unpleasant experience of breaking up with her. Best to do your research before you ask her out. That way, you know what you're getting into.
I like to getting to know someone somewhat before dating them. I think a lot of people are quick to go into dating/dates without knowing if there's a vibe.
There's also the fact that nowadays a lot of people are hesitant to date if they don't see themselves with someone long term or they don't want a number of exes/past loves.
Yes and no.
I want to know SOMETHING about her that will make me interested. A hobby or interest is a good one.
I don't need to know their life story. Most of the time, I'm looking for red flags and reasons NOT to date someone.
I answered yes but it's both like I don't consider it dating till around the fourth date... After that I either know and like her character and want to be exclusive or I don't like her character and tell her. I hope that makes since
It helps but the thing is like Van Wilder said "1st dates are interviews" which is correct. you can meet a girl, get her number and after a bit of texting ask her out. So I mean, you don't know her at all but you're now "dating".
Whereas in other situations you'd maybe be friends first.
Just depends
No, the process of getting to know her will take quite some time, and by that point she'd no doubt have met someone else, so you need to make a decision based on what information you can gather and analyze.
I've come to learn the hard way from two experiences now that yes, you have to take the time to get to know someone deeply before committing to anything. There's never any wisdom in rushing into a relationship.
you get to know the person extensively BY dating the person. there's no harm in trying. you never know, you may have just met the love of your life. lol.
I think a coffee shop meeting can happen same day in a coffee shop as a first date. Dating to me is not a big deal now the word relationship, that is a big deal
Better to get to know them BEFORE you date them, then date a mistake and now you have baggage and so do they. Everybody deserves respect. I don't believe in dating strangers.
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