A guy initiated a heavy make out session and stopped there?

[Anonymous]

Some background: This guy and I are friends, we've known each other for almost a year. Few months ago, he made out with my in front of the crowd at a party he invited me too while drunk. I got panicked and left, and afterwards just pretended nothing happened. Later he came up to me apologized, said he didn't plan to make move on me, he's normally a very shy person and stuff, and asked if we can stay friends.

After which, we hang out couple times more for drinks, brunch and stuff. And we would send few texts every now and then. During the process I started to feel like I kinda like him. He would compliment me on how I look and stuff, but overall just like friends, nothing flirty.

And here is the main course:

We were at a rave and got drunk again. We went out to smoke and he started kissing me. It was raining and we were soaked, so we moved the make out session to the backseat of my car. It was a pretty hot & intense make out, with heavy petting, dry humping and fingering involved. To a point I was pretty certain that we were gonna have sex.

But after making out for an hour or so, it was almost 3am, he suddenly stopped & put his shirt back on, asking if we should go to bed. And I got super confused. The rave was right by an hotel, and our hotel rooms are on the same floor (we both had roomates). He kissed me again in the elevator, drop me off in front of my room and went back to his. I got very confused and texted him "what the heck was that" and said he's super weird.

The next morning he texted me saying "sorry got super drunk yesterday" and later asked me if I got home ok. After I responded he just never texted me back.

So rn im just very confused about what's going on with this dude. Does he like me at all? Is he worried about underperforming? So far he has been posting pictures from the rave, being active in our group chat instead of talking to me. Should I talk to him about what's going on, or just pretend nothing happened and let it pass like last time?

[Anonymous]

You write you were "pretty certain" that the two of you "were gonna have sex" and appear not to have objected. Thus I conclude you actually wanted to have sex with him and were sort of disappointed it did not happen.
My question: Why did you not tell him you wanted sex? Open his pants, do something in order to make it happen?
You simply assumed he would walk all the walk and you could just sit back without taking initiative and things would work out your way. - Well, they did not. Learn from that!
Maybe he was too shy, did not know if you wanted to go as far as sex, was worried about your roommates (where would you have done it without a room for the two of you exclusively?), was too tired, too drunk... lots of possible reasons, how are we supposed to know - read his mind?
Nowadays one move to far can get a guy a sexual harassment allegation and the talk around that will likely ruin him socially and maybe destroy his career. If you women want something (sex?) from a guy, you need to learn to just go for it.

[Nawlins34]

He has to be drunk to make a serious move on you, are you okay with that? You sort of ran him off with "what the heck was that" and calling him super weird.

He's into you, but he's not going to initiate sober. You have to make the move. If you prefer the guys who initiate (sober) then have the difficult conversation with him and let him know you're moving on. It's in his best interests and self-esteem to end the friendship with you, but I doubt he will.

I understand you're confused because frankly, he's confused about your signals.

[Asker]

Yea i figured that too, so i texted him yesterday, asking him if everything is ok. But he just went back to all friendly mode, and told me he's busy with work at the moment and will catch up with me later.

I do like him and enjoyed our make out, so I want things keep going. It doesn't have to be anything serious tho. So I'm thinking how should I go about it. Should I just be straight up and ask him if he wants to talk about what happened?

[Nawlins34]

Straight up is the only way, lady. He'll squirm but he'll respect it later.

[Avicenna]

Could be any of those things, but what usually gives guys pause is if they don't get positive feedback from a girl.

[Asker]

so if he haven't talked to me yet, should i go bring this up？

[spartan55]

Possibly got too many "stop signs" from you, and thought you weren't down.

[Asker]

i thought i was pretty engaging and responded positively during the process tho.

[Nawlins34]

You didn't help calling him weird. He only initiates when he's drunk. He's not going to start things unless you give the signal.

I'm not saying you didn't respond positively, just saying you had to go further for him to be okay.

Do you want a guy like this though?

[Asker]

@Nawlins34 how far is further in your opinion?

[Nawlins34]

Well, that's the thing I don't get about this guy…most guys would've taken the "signal" in the backseat of your car. He comes off as a gentleman, but at some point, you're too damn passive, ya know?

That's besides the point, are you comfortable with that is the question.

[mich15smith]

he definatly likes you. he might be anxious about performance or he might feel like he was assaulting you especially if you were drunk

[Asker]

then how should i make him feel ok tho?

[mich15smith]

maybe try to initiate or something? I don't know

[codyccc]

When you really drunk sometimes the rocket can't get to the launch pad

[Iron_Man]

He changed his mind which is a good thing that all sounds just bad and immoral

[Anonymous]

sounds like he probably has a girlfriend or something.

[Asker]

im not aware of that but could be a possibility