Dangle the carrot then take it away?

[Anonymous]

Ok why dangle the carrot then take it away? So here goes. A guy at work and I have been talking a lot at work and conveniently ending up in each other’s office to flirt etc. One day he comes in my office and says “I almost, ALMOST asked you out for a drink the other day, but I hate to be turned down and I thought you may have been involved with someone else. (I have never gave any hint that I was). So I went with my second choice, but you were my first. So instead I asked so and so out for a drink. “ He caught me off guard by even mentioning this. So I didn’t say anything I was speechless. Now he tells me about them going out to dinner etc. and says well I’m okay if people here at work think we are dating cause you were my first and I would be okay with us dating but I already asked the other girl for drink and she doesn’t deserve me changing tongo for drink with you. So now when I walk by his area I do stop to say hi and be like normal but I know my heart has been crushed and he is dating someone else. We still talk like normal but just not flirt as much. So how to react. I’m lost.

[spartan55]

Wow, what an absolute jackass. He handled it VERY poorly. Not your fault at all.

[Asker]

I don’t even know what to think or do. Any suggestions? Still act the same around him at work or distance myself and if he comes back around when he’s done with his fling then what

[spartan55]

Why would you even bother after he treated you like that? Have some self respect.

[Asker]

So I guess you’re saying to just keep it professional at work and don’t stop and be with him like I always did before I even knew he was interested in me.

[spartan55]

That's what I recommend, what he did was very disrespectful, and shows a lack of self awareness. I'm pretty surprised you were wiling to wait for him. He is not a good guy.

[Asker]

I hear that. So very hard cause he comes right in my office and sits down and visits like he did twice today and then saw me in the hall and asked about my weekend plans.

[spartan55]

By doing that he is saying he thinks you are stupid, do you not see that?

[Asker]

I guess not. Stupid how?

[spartan55]

He told you that he chose another woman over you, directly. Then he presumes he can just carry on and keep flirting, and you accept that? Amazing.

[Asker]

I understand. What shall I do then tell him not come in my office? He comes in there for work related stuff then spins it around to this.

[spartan55]

Uh, don't let him spin around to it? Shut it down. Unless you like him toying with your feelings.

[Asker]

No I don’t like it cause it does hurt. But partly my fault for allowing this to get to this point. I should have shut him down as soon as he made the original comment.